Names for Grandparents - Denver,CO

I would talk to the grandparents and tell them that grandma and grandpa is what they requested and that is what it will be. Nana and papa are now taken - sorry that's just how it is.

i don't get why this is being blown up into such a big drama.
unlike most of the responders, i think it's okay for grandparents to have some say in what they're called. and it's not OMG@#$% if they have a change of heart down the line.
most kids are smart enough to cope with small changes in their world. and most kids aren't so dang delicate and sensitive that their little hearts will be broken and their worlds shattered by learning to call grandma and grandpa whatever grandma and grandpa want to be called.
don't the grandparents deserve that little bit of respect?
if the kids are genuinely so horribly discombobulated, talk to the grandparents and see if you can work it out.
but for heaven's sake, take all the angst out of this. in the overall scheme of life, this is small potatoes.
khairete
S.

I saw a similar question on this the other day. My take is the same, where in the world have grandparents gotten the idea that they get to choose/force their name onto their grandkids???!! I hope that there are some grandmas out there on this site that can explain.

That being said, they should be happy with whatever they are called. My MIL prefers Grammy, but then some of her grandkids call her grandma also, she never corrects them.

I would be soooo annoyed if any of my many grandmas (we have a lot, greats, adopted, step, etc) and if any of them put up a stink I think I would be honest with them and tell them that whatever the grandkids call them is good or they can be called by their first name only. :)

I'm with Jo on this. Let the children call the grandparents Grandma and Grandpa. If Grandma and Grandpa get upset, ask *THEM* to explain it to your son. If they still get upset, just say "well, he's been doing it for four years. And we did ask you way in advance about this. Could you just roll with it? YOU know who he's talking about."

Wow. Such confusion... Such egos.

No, absolutely do not make your kids change what they call their grandparents. I'd straighten the grandparents out in private as well.

Side note: I became a grand parent last year and I told my daughter that my husband and I were to be called "Lolli" and "Pops". I hope my granddaughter likes those names but I know I will answer to whatever mumbling works for her. I'd also be surprised if there is a mad rush on those names from her other grandparents. lol

I completely understand what you are saying. "Grandma and Grandpa" should have told your sil that they are to be called "Grandma and Grandpa" just to avoid confusion and any hurt feelings for others. Your SIL shouldn't have insisted they change their names at all. If your children want to continue calling them Grandma and Grandpa let them. Maybe explain to G&G that this is what they are used to since that's what they've been called up to recently and that's there's no sense in confusing the kids even further. Or have your children call them Grandma Nana and Grandpa Papa. A bit longer but it takes care of both. I'm a grandma and had a tough time figuring out what to be called. I didn't want to be called Grandma, granny, nana or any of that. Couldn't be called Meme or Ma since they were already taken. So I decided to let the kids decide what to call me. Guess what they came up with? Memaw. Yep, I'm Memaw. Am I crazy about it? Nope but that's what they decided so I'm stuck with it. Will I ever change it, NOPE. Not worth the confusion and it would be like saying, sorry kiddos, the name you came up for me out of love wasn't good enough. Sorry that they are causing stress for you. Tell them how it confuses your kids and stand your ground.

On a side note, I want to thank you for your husband's service to our country and for all the sacrifices that you have to go through. God Bless you and yours!

I haven't read all the responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating any advice already given. Your husband's parents need to be adults, recognize that they are causing needless anxiety for their four-year-old grandson (who is already going through a major adjustment), and be fine with any (respectable) name he wants to call them. If you haven't done so already, have a reasoned discussion with them about how much this is upsetting him and explain that trying to "convince" him to call them Nana and Papa doesn't benefit anyone.

As for who gets to pick the names - almost all of my grandparents had multiple names from their grandkids. My "Grandpa" was my cousin's "Papu." My brother and I called one grandmother "Gate," another set of grandkids called her "Grandma Hopie," and another called her "Meemaw." As far as I can tell, no one (not even Gate) got confused by it.

Holy Scha-moley!

Who is this SIL, this über control freak?

Your kids should be able to call their grandparents whatever they like to and whatever they are used to.

I am with you. So not fair to your kids and they should have never have
changed their names. Your kids are going thru enough they do not need
this. I mean they are Grandma and Grandpa; that is their identity. I just do
not get it! Jeeze. However, not really sure what you can do. Can you sit
them down and tell them how upsetting it is to the kids. I hope you can work
this out. Hugs your way!

Talk to them, explain how this name change is causing your children stress and that they already call their other grandparents by those names. Tell them that your kids will be calling them by the names they have always used, and to please stop trying to change it on them.

Honestly, I'd be upset about it too. I don't think you're over-reacting. They can't just change their names to the children and expect them to be OK with it. I would put my foot down on this for sure. Off the top of my head, I would probably say something like, "Little Mikey has been calling you Grandma and Grandpa for four years, I don't think it's fair to change it on them now, I would appreciate it if you would let them call you what they already know."

My daughters decided they were going to call my Mom 'Namaw' so that's what she's always been. I think the kids should really decide. My MIL wanted to be 'Grams' but my kids decided to call her Grandma. She didn't like it at first and for a while tried to encourage my kids to say 'grams' but I told her to be happy that they love her enough to decide what they want to call her.

Yes, it would bother me, too. I am not sure what you can do, though. I can't imagine that your in-laws can't adjust to being called 2 names. It's like being called Mrs. Johnson by kids and Mary by peers. Can you take your in-laws aside and talk to them without causing a problem while your husband is gone? If they correct the kids while you are there, can you gently remind them that they have always called them Grandma and Grandpa and it is easier for your kids to call them that? This just seems pretty weird to me. The adults should be able to deal.

So, I would talk to your in-laws and say, "I would appreciate your help and understanding while the children are adjusting to a very difficult time for our family. Continuity is a big deal for them right now and we'd like to keep changes to a minimum. Could you please not push about changing your titled names right now?"

You have a very strange family, you know that right?

My kids call all their grandparents grandma and grandpa, except their great grandparents, they are great-grandma/grandpa. So I guess I don't understand why it would be confusing at all.

Maybe I just don't understand your story.

Let your kids call them whatever they want and just explain that people have many names and many titles....just go with it.

I think every child should call their grandparents whatever each child wants. My neice who is the 2nd born grandchild calles my mom "mi-mi". My children call her grandma Lindy. They call the rest of their grandparents by Grandma Holly, Grandpa Fred.
My supervisor is called "nee-Nee" and they call her husband "Wampa" Each child is differnt.

The grandparents should allow the grand parents to be called what they want. That seems a little controling on their part. Good luck.

Hang tough Marine Corp mom!!

I actually can understand how you feel on this one.
My daughter was my mom's first grandchild.
She came up with a name for my mother, not what my mom had intended to be called, and it just stuck. Literally everyone calls her Nannie. You'd think the poor woman didn't have a real first name. Anyway, many years later, my sister's step-son's wife got pregnant. My sister made a family announcement that from then on she would be known as Nannie and my mother was to be called Grand-Nannie.
I hate to say it really bugged me. I'm not one for splitting hairs when it comes to relatives. I consider them all my family, step or not, but it wasn't my sister's bio grandchild and she wanted to pull a name switcheroo.
My kids were like, "We're not calling her Nannie". My daughter especially didn't like it.
We didn't make a big stink about it but I did ask my sister one time why in the world she had done that. She just said, "Why wouldn't I? It makes sense since that's what mom's grandkids have called her". I'm sorry, but it made zero sense to me.
My daughter just had her first baby and guess who is all worried about what I'm going to be "called"? A little remark was made about how I'll just be Grandma and I said that I would wait and see what my grandson comes up with. After all, no one had ever even thought of Nannie until my daughter came up with it.
Like I said, I know this can be upsetting. My kids and I do not call my sister and my mom what my sister decided.
I think your kids should continue to say Grandma and Grandpa and if your in-laws push it I would just say, "Look....all their lives you have been Grandma and Grandpa. That is what you are to them. They already have a Nana and Papa and frankly, they don't understand why you are changing your names. It's confusing to them. Things can be confusing enough with their dad away. I hope you can understand it from their point of view."
My kids were older and they just flat said they weren't doing it. I've got news for my sister, my grandson isn't going to call her Nannie either.
It's not that big a deal, but then again it is. I'm surprised by how much it bugs me.
Try not to let it stress you out. Give your kids permission to continue to call them what they are used to calling them.
I actually like Riley's suggestion of just calling them by their first names if the situation gets too hectic.
If you speak to your in-laws, hopefully they will back off about it.

Hang in there. You've got a lot going on in your life right now.

Best wishes.

The problem here is not necessarily the Grandparents... it is the SISTER-IN-LAW.
She is the one, like a Prima-Donna, who decided to change the names.
Then, the Paternal Grandparents, did... give in to her.
Now they will not go by any other name.
Previously, "Nana" and "Papa" was only for the GREAT Grandparents.

So NOW... what are the GREAT Grandparents called? Did their names change too? Because of your SIL????

This problem, is the creation of your SIL.

Now, your kids are having identity crises.

that is frustrating. I think that you children should call them what feels comformtable to them....
My dad did not want his grandkids to call him papa at all....and guess what, we always called him grandpa, but my daughter called him papa -her choice and you know what, he loves being called papa or grandpa, whichever the grandchild chooses.
I think the grandparents should just accept whatever the kids choose to call them. :-)

I would just explain nicely that it would be confusing to switch names now. I think it's perfectly fine for other grandkids to use a different name-totally their choice. In my own family, my daughter(2) says Nana and Papa while my older two say Grandma and Grandpa. My husband's mother pulled the switcheroo on my kids late in the game too. She insists on being Mama M**** instead of Grandma. It's annoying, but we just go along with her. It's not worth the battle to us.

Well...I have four siblings in my family and each calls my mom and dad something different. I don't think anyone of us has ever cared what they are called and I know they don't. My husband's family of 5 sibings is the same way-everyone uses a different name, no big deal at all. From this board though I am getting the picture that this is an important "naming right' in many families. What I would do if I were you if you haven't already is next time your MIL insists she get called Nana ask her why the switch? You guys had already agreed to Grandma and that is what your kids know. Say they are probably going to keep calling you that and I really can't stop them seeing that is what they have been told to call you. You can even kind of laugh about it to keep it light.

Borrow a page from my son:

He got TICKED when he was a toddler at the park and called out "Mom!" and several women looked up. Absolutely INCENSED at preschool that everyone else's mom was ALSO named "mom". So he started calling me by my first name in public. I'm still mom at home, or 'my mom' in conversation, but he calls me R. when there are other people about.

So how about instead of changing TITLES just call them by Fred & Ethel? (insert real names, obviously). Those names won't change, afterall.

Both sets of grandparents for my boys have multiple names the grandkids call them. They never have once told them they have to be called only by this name. Maybe you need to talk to the MIL and let her know your thoughts and feelings plus let her know how it is affecting your children. If she won't budge maybe you tell her NO the kids will still call by the names they have been accustomed to. Good luck, you really don't need something so petty bothering you it is not worth it.

Ok I like a few others didn't take the time to read through all the other wonderful posts but I felt compelled to tell my little story of how "our grandparents" got their names....

My daughter was the first born of 11 grandchildren and everyone knows that the first grandchild gets to "name " the grandparents! So to begin, my parents are divorced and remarried and my ex-husbands father had already passed away before Taylor was born....his mother already had a grandchild and she had already been deemed "Grandma Dean"..

Now to get back to my parents and step parents....my mother just cringed at the thought of being called grandma so she taught my daughter to call her Nana, and her husband was Papa Jim since she has 2 papa's.
Now this is where it gets interesting, my daughter was born on my father's birthday (not that this really matters, but thought it was interesting and wanted to mention it ! lol) so she calls my father just plain Papa, since he really is her only living Papa (blood papa anyway) . Okay I am getting to the cute part!

So my step-mother was talking to her one day and was trying to teach her the difference between "me" and "you" and this is when she is maybe 5months old , heck maybe even younger, she was an early bloomer and walking at 9 months...anyway, my daughter thought that she was telling her that her name was MiMi....so since then she has forever been known as MiMi to all the Grandkids...even her own grandkids call her that. She seems to love it and all because of a mistake and because we decided not to put lables on the grandparents and let Taylor decide what to call them. She is 12 yrs old now and still calls then Nana, Papa Jim, Mimi, and Papa

My son has 3 pawpaw's, one granny and 2 mawmaw's and he knows who is who. One niece calls pawpaw by a different name and she has tried to get my son to follow in her footsteps, but my son refuses (the two are one month apart in age). It drives my niece nuts, but my FIL has been pawpaw from day 1 and I have no idea why my niece calls him something else. It was my nieces choice so it is what it is. Now I find it odd that the grandparents after having been previously asked expect your children to call them by a different name. Why? I mean what is the big deal (to them)? I think they are just being a little silly, but adding the stress and confusion to your young children during this difficult time in their lives is unnecessary. I would just politely say when they correct them, that your kids are young and they have enough going on without having to learn new names for people they have known their whole lives and that you think it would be easier on your kids to keep the grandparents names as they were before to have less disruption/change in their lives.

Let them call the grandparents what they like. Growing up, I had 3 "Nannie's", and one Grandad. A little confusing, but it worked. I personally prefer the Nana or Nannie to Grandma, Grandma makes me feel old! (I am one! LOL) My step Dad, did a name change thing like this, he was Jesse, when I met him (at 10) and became James when I was about 13. If I called him Jesse, he ignored me. That was stupid & ridiculous, & I hope the grandparents dont take the name change thing that far & if they do, certainly say something...

How frustrating. I can relate on a much smaller scale. My in-laws are Italian, and they tried to get our daughter to switch and call them the Italian words for grandma and grandpa. Luckily, my husband is much more cut and dried than I am, I tried to make it too complicated and be too understanding. He told them flat out- "we get that it's your culture, but it's upsetting to our daughter, and her needs in this case trump yours". End of story. I wish I could be like that sometimes!

Your kids are dealing with enough right now. I'm sure they would eventually accept this change, but why should they? God bless your husband and your family for the military service, this is ALL you should worry about right now. And I would tell the in-laws that you adore them in your children's lives, but that you don't intend to make your kids change something that was already established. This is a problem for the grown ups (in-laws) not for the kids.

I know you said it was a small issue, but it is something that is affecting you guys, so it's an issue. I would let the kids call them by whatever names they are comfortable with - maybe down the road, they'd want to change it. I would encourage and support them in what they want to do as your kids!

You need to talk to your in-laws - explain that this name change is an unnecessary stressor for your children in light of their father's quick deployment - they need as much stability in their lives as possible right now.

If your children continue to call them Grandma and Grandpa - do they not answer or acknowledge your children? B'c that would be just hateful.

My Aunt is called MawMaw by my son - but he refers to her as Grandma in conversation. Her godchild's children call her Nanny. Her son's children call her Grandma, and Grammy. Her daughter's child calls her something different. I think, all told, she has about 5 different names that she answers to - she answers to them all.

I honestly don't understand why your niece can't call them one thing and your children another. I don't think you are over-reacting - it is upsetting your children. Please try talking to them - or try putting your concerns into a letter to them, if that is easier for you. Have you tried talking to your sister in law and finding out what caused the big name change?

You could teach your children to call them Grandma Nana and Grandpa Papa - LOL. That would drive your in-laws crazy.

Good Luck and Hugs
God Bless

Personally, I would have my children continue to call them by the names they have always known them. Tell your in-laws that this is how your children know them and are comfortable calling them. What are your in-laws going to do ignore the children when they refer to them as Grandma and Grandpa?

Ok, once names are established they need to change ...
My side: Grammy and Gampa (I dislike gampa personally)
His side: Grandma and Grandpa
This will not change as far as I see it.

I'm not reading all the responses, but I want to offer my opinion anyway. I think you should talk to the grandparents and just explain it to them. Having daddy go away and trying to change the names of people that are very close to them is a bad combination. Your kids need the stability right now and it's basically grandma and grandpa telling them they have to change in the midst of a huge trial. Explain to gdma and gdpa that your kids need that stability right now, they already have a nana and papa, and since they were the ones to request "grandma and grandpa" it's not fair to your children to expect this. Especially not now.

Yeah, some kids don't care that much about names. And many kids aren't that close to their grandparents and great-grandparents that they would even notice or care. But it's not your kids that are causing the trouble. It's the grandparents.

You may want to explain to your kids that "grandma and grandpa want to be just like nana and papa so they're hoping you can call them that too". But don't force it on them. Especially not right now.

With my husband's family all the grandchildren call the grandparents different names. We let the kids decide what they will call them. For example my daughter calls them Grammy & Pop-pop. My sister-in-law's kids call them Gigi (grandma) & family nickname (grandpa). My other sister-in-law's kids call them Mama-Mi (grandma) and family nickname (grandpa). Nobody has any issues and we all think it's great when the kids come up with new names. The grandparents think it's great too.
I do think it's a bit crazy that now years later they are trying to change their names. I definetely see why you are upset. I would talk with the grandparents and tell them that all of this is very upsetting to the children and see what they have to say. Maybe you can both come to some sort of compromise.

i vote for whatever the kids and grandparents want----tell sil to get alife as theysay!!! i'm grandma----i'm happy to be called-period!!! my grandchidren have 3 grandmothers----one with last name attached,one with first name attached---and me just grandma

I understand your frustration. We referred to and my son called my step-mom "MomMom Pam" since birth. He is the oldest grandchild. Fast forward 2 years, and my nephew was born and suddenly she is referring to herself as "Grammy". When my niece was born, she did what her brother did. Since then, there are other grandchildren and they all now call her "Grammy" except for my 19 year old son and my 4 year old daughter. The other day she called herself "Grammy" and my daughter said "you're MomMom Pam". She said "why don't you call me Grammy like the others?" and I told her "because you were MomMom Pam long before anyone called you Grammy so if anyone needs to change it is all the others". She said "I guess you're right, I was MomMom Pam first". My son was never confused even though this name change started when he was just two.

No, I would not force the new names on the kids.

If I were you, I would allow my kids to continue calling the grandparents what they have been calling them. When the kids ask "why?" tell them that your niece calls them something different but they are still their "xyz".

Then sit down and talk to your inlaws. Tell them that the kids are confused by switching names now. Remind them that they picked what they would be called when the oldest was born and all the kids have been calling them that until recently. State that if your SIL's children what to call them something different, that is between them and those children other than that it is confusing for your kids right now. Further explain that your kids will continue to call them the name they have known since birth. Be nice, not emotional, and to the point.

This is nuts. My sister's kids call my mom Papa. No way in hell am I letting my kids call her a man's name, so we call her Grandma.

Really, I still don't know what to call my father in law, so I just say , "Um, can you pass the butter?" or whatever. Maybe it's time to not call them names at all. I would just ask Nana and Papa to explain it to your kids. Tell your kids that they decided they like Nana and Papa better, and tell the grandparents that this is stressing them out. Come up with a compromise somehow.

I remember my mom wanted us to start calling her "mama" we were teens! It was weird and awkward. We did it for like 2 weeks and it never felt comfortable so we went back to calling her 'mom'.... no matter how much she hated it.

well I personally think that you are thinking too much into this. You are making it more of a problem than it is. I agree changing names in the middle of the game is a bit much, but I would tell them that your children will continue to call them what they have always called them, regardless of what the other grandchildren are calling them. Being the oldest grandchild and setting the stage for the name of the grandparent is a bit ridiculous. Why would you assume that just cause your child uses a particular name that all other kids should too? That is not fair to the others. They should be allowed to call them what they want and not have you guys be mad about it. I think you should just let it go. You have way more bigger things to worry about than this.

In my husband's family everyone called his father's parents something different - Grams, Nana, etc. It was confusing for me as an adult, especially when I first started dating him and the whole family got together! I actually thought there was another set of grandparents I hadn't met! LOL.

I can just imagine the confusion for a small child/children. Poor things.

Anyway, the best resolution is to talk to the gparents. I don't think multiple "titles" is an issue and the kids will get use to hearing their gparents spoken about using the other names. Tell their grandparents that while you respect and appreciate the SIL's desire to have her children call them Nana & Papa, that your children were introduced to you as Grandma and Grandpa and that you really would like for them to continue using those terms of endearment. In addition, you could tell them that the children already have a "Nana & Papa" and that at this age it is confusing for them have two sets. You will then need to respectfully ask them to refer to themselves as Gma and Gpa when talking to the kids.

Now, this being said, if you need to take this issue to the kids - say because the adults are being childish and unreasonable - then I would start using last names. This is how I did it with my grandmothers and how I am doing it now with my childrens' grandmothers. I had a Grandma Turoski and a Grandma Phillip and my kids now have a Grandma Phillip and a Grandma Trent. My daughter is 4YO and has never had any trouble with this. When speaking to one individually, she calls them Grandma but we be sure to specify which Gma we are talking about when discussing things like travel plans, etc.

As for telling your kids why there is a name change, just tell them that Nana and Papa are a way of showing someone older who is related to Daddy (or mommy) respect because you love them and that since they love Gma and Gpa so much it would be very nice and extra special if they could call them Nana and Papa too. The transition, if needed, will only go as smoothly as you make it (and I know that is hard as your Mama Bear signals are racing right now).

You also need to be sure that your husband is on board either now or when he gets back. No, need to rock the boat twice.

Good luck.
~C.