Advise with a Wild Child

I had a son just like that and now he is a teenager. It seems like you will never get there but you will. He still has an attention problem at 16. All I can suggest is be consistant. When its a rule its a rule dont waver. If you do just once they think they have won and don't have to do as you ask. It will get easier I promise.

I have three children -- one teen, one preteen,and one three year old -- and I teach. I have found that children generally do exactly what you allow them to.

If you do not allow them to be "wild" (ADHD or no), they won't be.

Sometimes the consequences need to be a little stronger than "Please honey don't do that." Personally I have always been in favor of the scoop and leave tactic with little ones. They don't behave -- scoop them up and take them home (and next time, you will go without them).

I also suspect that many of those parents of well behaved children favor a swat on the back-side occasionally -- I am not sure this is the best option, but it does seem to work.

I agree w/ he'll do what he'll get away with. His teacher needs to provide consequences for not following directions. And there needs to be consequences at home for not following rules and directions. We are huge fans of the "naughty square" a la Supernanny - but you have to follow her technique to the letter or it doesn't work. We use "square" because we have a tile floor and because there are squares everywhere you go - floor stores, sidewalks, etc.

As for the store - we do NOT scoop and go - as much as it inconveniences other shoppers. By leaving, you just gave control to the child and taught the child that they can interrupt important business of other family members. Your 1 year old may not understand this there's no question your 5 year old does. We go over the rules before we unbuckle car seats and then go inside. Then, if there is misbehaving, we give one warning and then carry them like a football - I can still just do this w/my 6-year old (I've had to do it at home - I haven't had to in public in years). We carry them around their waist in a horizontal position - they cannot hurt you this way and cannot hurt themselves but both my kids HATE it. It can be incredibly embarrassing but my kids are aware that my embarrassment will not allow them to break the rules. We also use postive reinforcement - if they're good throughout the grocery store, they get to ride the horsey - our King Soopers even provides the pennies. Good luck!

I agree with Deb K, I start "training" them from the moment they can walk, it takes a little longer to shop but pays off in the long run, I see you have a one year old also, once she is walking good teach her to hold on to the cart, you'll have to stop and redirect her a few times but they really do catch on, and then when she good at it and decides to wander put her in the cart and let her know that if she can't hold on she has to sit in the cart. This will work with your five year old it isn't to late to teach him he was just have a better verbal form of communication. Good luck, I have a 6 year old who sounds just like your son. We are actually getting him tested, we are looking into add/adhd, food allergies ect.

um. . . good luck. For a lot of children with issues like you have discribed there can be a lot of sensory input when you go to the store. It is physically overwellming causing him to act out even more. Are you seeing a therapist for his issues? Also, I see about getting him evaluated for occupational therapy.

Make him sit in the cart. Buckle him. If he tries to get up and out, promptly sit him back and say, "No, you will sit in the cart." If he screams to get out, tell him, "Sometimes the answer is no and today the answer is "no." Give him a consequence if he screams. Tell him he can cry quietly, but screaming is not acceptable and if he doesn't stop screaming "X" will happen.

We did swat when necessary, so I would tell my kids that if they didn't stop screaming, we would go visit the car outside...they knew that meant a swat on their bottom. It works.

I have a 4 year old who is all over the place too. We make it a game. He can run to the end of the asile I am in but he can't leave my field of vision or he ends up in the shopping cart. I tell him what I am looking for in a particular asile, like the blue box of macaroni and cheese and he needs to find it. Then once we are done with the asile I tell him which direction we need to go, left or right, and he has to determine which direction that is. He loves it and I have a child who listens to me because he is having fun. You may have to modify it to your sons educational level and ability but the concept should help out.

Let him know before getting out of the car the concenquence of not listening to you and follow through with it. Even if your cart is full of groceries and he is acting out, shuffle things around and make him sit in the cart!

I have a five year old son who cannot hold still-even when we are eating dinner he stands to the side of his chair, gets up and walks around etc. I don't think your kid needs more counseling-maybe just more structure and discipline. I found something he really really likes to do (nintendo DS) and set up a discipline system. He starts the day with three 30 minute turns on the DS if he hasn't misbehaved the day before. Usually all I have to say when he starts something is 'do you want to lose a DS turn?' (He only gets one warning) When we go to the store I make it clear before we get out of the car how I expect him to behave and what will happen if he doesn't. It is really hard work to be consistent but it is so worth it-after a while you will see a change in him. They actually like having some boundaries. Same with preschool-explain to him how you expect him to behave and the consequence if he doesn't, and then follow through. You don't have to be mean or raise your voice. Stay calm and in control but very clear about your expecation and the consequence. You do have to be one step ahead of him so he understands before the situation how he is expected to behave. My son also has to be dressed and do a chore before he can play the DS. Kids thrive on structure and knowing what to expect-it gives them a sense of security and direction. Make sure you do something WITH him each day (play a game, read a book etc) so he doesn't act out for attention. Good luck-and have fun! They don't stay little forever so enjoy while you can. :)

Oh-and he loves it when I engage him in the shopping when we are at the store. Let him pick out the apples, get things for you off the shelf etc. If my son is good when we are at Walmart I get them the free cookie at the bakery. Rewards help too.

I have some of the same issues with my daughter. I think that you should let him know that with every decision he makes there is a consiquince. So if he runs off in the store let him know that he will have to either sit in the cart or he will have to go home and won't go back to the store until he learns how to behave properly. The main thing is to be persistant and follow through. Maybe worth a try or maybe you have tried this already?? Hope it helps. Good Luck!

Put him in the grocery cart. Not an option and make him earn the priveledge to walk with you along side the cart. I do tha with my 6 year old an 3 year old, he needs very firm and clear boundaries. I am not sure if you do anything any different with a child with ADHD however, I would say it would even have to be firmer and providing him visuals to help him see the good behavior too. It is important too maybe he hears why it is bad to run off, the dangers (without scaring him). Also maybe getting his focus on something else, like reading off the list or helping you find certain things to keep him close to you and keep his mind occupied.

I have to agree. I have let him scream the whole time, when he doesn't get what he wanted it stopped. I could care about the enbarresment, (I did use my earphones for awhile though.

Then we would pass something he wanted & I would say I would have loved to get that but I can't because of how we are acting, so maybe if we can be really good the rest of the time & you can change your behavior we could come back & get it at the end.
We would stop by the horsey & point out what he could do if he was good. (as he gets older I started makeing him being his own pennies from the car ash tray & hold them for me so I "don't loose them")
I also ask him to help me "find" the things we need, but not riding in the cart was NEVER an option, till he earned the privilage of walking & helping me by getting things of the shelf.