About to Lose My Mind!

Yes, we all have moments like that. I never had any help either. No extended family and hardly any money for sitters. But you get through it. I still get kid overload sometimes -- a couple of days ago I'd had too many kids sleeping over for too many days and I ranted and raved for a while - "Why do they have to be at MY house all the time? It's not fair!!" But my kids are teens.

One thing I would do differently is to try and do trade-off babysitting with friends more often. The main reason is that for me it was hard to really enjoy my kids because I never got away from them. If you have the money - pay someone to take them for a while. It's worth it.

mm..have any mommy friends you can do a baby-sitting swap with? Like a "drop off" play date? There are some mommy groups you could look into too. Sometimes kids get into less trouble if they are with other kids.

Also, there are some "mom's time out" programs out there, where you pay for childcare/preschool for only 1 day a week. Presbyterian Early Learning Center (PELC) is one that comes to mind. I don't know if you have the funds for that.

Also, while it's great to have family near by and the expectation or hope might be that they watch them every so often, sometimes you just have to speak up. Some people don't offer. I don't know what your relationship is like with your in-laws, but I know people who don't even *want* their in-laws to watch the kids. The in-laws and even parents might disrespect your rules and boundaries for the kids.

Good Lord, I feel your pain, sister! My son is nearly 3 and my daughter is 3.5 months. Your children are at such "busy" ages -- always getting into something. And you have TWO. I don't envy you. I've got my hands full with my one.

I wish I had good advice for you, but I don't. The past month or so I want to throttle my son half the time because of his tantrums. He used to be such a sweet child.

I do have in-laws nearby and if they ask to take him, I can't get him out the door fast enough. Do your in-laws want to spend time with their grandkids? Could you talk to your husband and ask him to drop some hints, sort of "prepare the ground," and get them to take them for a day? If worse comes to worse, I suppose you could stage an emergency and just drop them there for a few hours! LOL! I'm kidding...I think.

Lately I've been dealing with it by trying to remember all the good things he does. I notice I tend to focus on what's driving me crazy and he becomes this evil, needy, resource sucking creature in my mind. But when I take the time to remember how he used a baby wipe in an attempt to clean something for me, or how he got a medicine bottle for me of his own accord because he knew I'm sick, or how he rocks his sister when she cries so I can finish cooking dinner...the rage eases up and I melt a little bit. And then it comes back with his next tantrum :-D But it does help to pick out the best moments of the day and dwell on those.

I'm also telling myself that supposedly these are the most difficult ages and that he'll be "human" by four. If I can just wait it out long enough...

And I dwell on the fact that they are this young only once and I'll miss it when they are older. I can work myself into tears when I remember how little and sweet he was at 18 months. So maybe I'll feel the same about this time period when he's 5!

I wish you all the best and all the patience in the world (but leave some for me). You are most definitely not alone.

Ask them! Depending on how your relationship with them is, you can be blunt "I love these kids more than life, but good god I need a break!" or guilt: 'Your grandkids were missing you, it dawned on me that they don't see you enough, how about if I bring them by?" They may prefer to come to your house, if theirs is not kid-friendly, or you can tote over the necessities. If they are brave enough, feel out the idea of a sleepover! Maybe just one at a time if they would be overwhelmed with 2. Or you can have your husband broach the subject with them. It may just be that they don't realize how hard it can be without a break. (They will after one day with the kids, and they will have a much deeper appreciation for you, no doubt!) I am fortunate that my in-laws live in town, and are semi-retired! They have a weekly palydate, and usually keep my oldest one overnight a week. If you can set up 1 day a week that they go to grandma's, it will help so much!

W.,
When our kids were 7,4 and 2.5 years old, I had the flu,
my husband was at work, and they would not let him come home. My mom could not handle all three at once, so she was no help. (she lived 5 mins away) and my mother in law does not drive. I ended up with juice stains in the livingroom carpet, because one of them thought it was fun to watch it come out of the sippy cup drop by drop. there was food everywhere, and the kids looked like they had never been bathed. Yep, I know what you are going thru and can definetly sypathize. Have you thought of hiring a sitter for a few hours? Or even asking your inlaws to take them for a few hours? And dont go home and clean the house, go do something outside the house instead, otherwise you won't feel like you got a break at all.
W. M.

Have you tried taking a bubble bath yourself? That is what worked for me when i was extremely exhausted from the newborn. I have a very energetic 3 y.o girl too. I would wait for them to fall asleep, light a few candles, and take a bubble bath since I can't seem to slip a way to a spa...I have 4 kids, so yes, you'll get through it. The biggest thing that works for me and keeps me sane...prayer and reading a couple of proverbs from the bible.

Best regards..

Hi W.,
I don’t know how or if this issue has resolved it’s self. Hopefully you have found the perfect answer and my response will not be needed.

First before I go on, ask your husband’s family for help. They are your children’s family too and should want to help you.

Your children seem to be full of energy and creative creative, looking for outlets.

Also of note, your children know you’re exhausted, they know you are spent – and in that you will find your answer. Your children have more energy than you. I was a live-in nanny twice. Both times I had small active children to care for. I found that if I set tasks for them to go that would surely tire them out they slept much better. It won’t take much either. I assume they can both walk. Do you have a back yard? Obstacle courses might be fun – and yes, you can make one that is safe and fun for them. Also, running contests. Have them run back and forth a few times - the winner (both of them) gets an ice pop – or something of the sort. Wear them out. Make the times you play outside super fun – get finger paints and let them paint outside, let them paint each other. Tell them this is a special treat for being good and can only be done with you outside. Sidewalk chalk works. Food fights outside with tomato sauce are fun. I know you will have to clean up after, but once they are tired and take a nap you can rest too. Children are so happy making things up so you do not have to spend a great deal of money to find things to do. If it rolls, bounces, is shinny, makes any kind of sound it can be used for fun!
As for the mud, it’s not the end of the world if they get muddy. The bananas are another story – make your son clean it up. No, I’m sure it will not be perfect and you will have to go over it again – but make him clean it up. Tell him if he wants to be messy the outside is for that. Your baby girl just needs to have your makeup placed out of her reach.

Best of luck! You’re a good mommy for asking for help and ideas.
D.

I feel your pain as well. My husband travels for his work as well, but luckily he is not gone for more then about 2 weeks at a time. I really try to simplify things while he is gone. Dinners are simpler, my expectations of a clean house are lowered and the kids may watch a bit more tv when dad is gone. Your kids are at a really hard age right now. I have 5 year old twins and a 2 year old and I feel like things are getting a bit easier with the 5 year olds and a bit more difficult with the 2 year old. I have such vivid memories of picking my husband up at the airport one time after he had been gone for over 2 weeks....I started to cry as I saw him walk out. You get so tired and worn down.

Hopefully you can figure out a way to get a break from the kids for a couple of hours. That is what helps me. I too have in-laws who live close by who for some reason when my husband is gone never offer to take the kids. So I am now to the point where I just ask. I hate doing it because I feel they should offer, but if I get to the point of breaking, I just have to ask. And usually they are more then willing to do it. I have also had my husband talk with them before he leaves and tell them I will be on my own and it would be great if they could help give me a break. I also have a friend who doesn't have any children and she will take them for a few hours for me. I've also been known to hire a babysitter for a few hours as well.

Hopefully you will find some way to give yourself some time. It will get better, but I do know it is really hard and kids know how to push buttons when you are down. Hang in there!!!

Aaahhh!!!! I feel your pain!! I was standing in my driveway this morning with my daughter off to the side (in the sun) throwing an absolute fit because I wanted her to get into the car. I literally had my hands to my head and felt like crying! She turned 3 in February and we call her our Bi-Polar Bear because one minute she is sweet and calm then the next minute it's screaming and throwing a tantrum. I finally got a "me" day today and believe me you need it! If the in-laws are not offering then ask. I had to ask even my husband if I could just take a few hours this evening to myself. Maybe they don't realize how crazy it is for you but just ask and if they say "no" then get a babysitter! You need time for yourself to regroup and recenter. I literally felt like I was on edge and that I was going to loose my mind before this evening. It happens about every few months (and I only have 1 toddler).
I wish you the best and no...you're not alone! =)

I'd say from 15 months to about 3.5 are the hardest times because they are so very busy... getting into things, asserting their newfound independence, wandering, etc. And you've got TWO in that age range! You do need a break!

My husband travels a lot too and I found that keeping the kids busy and contained kept them out of trouble. We used the baby gates until they were almost 4, then I new that if I was downstairs, so were they. When I moved upstairs, they would come and were always close enough so I knew exactly where they were with little opportunity to get into things they shouldn't be touching. Food was always at the table only (even snacks) and it was confined to a booster chair, so they couldn't get down. The other thing that helped was having a schedule. The mornings we either ran errands or did something fun for the kids, the early afternoon a short show (Baby Einstein or Elmo), nap time, then play dough, coloring, toys, watercolors, etc., dinner, and bedtime routine.

I found that the busier I kept them the less trouble they could get in. And at that age, the solace I found was during the daily nap time, where I could get other things done, or just plop down on the couch. Your older one might be coming out of that routine and when that happened with us I still had them go to their room and have quiet playtime until I came and got them. This was a time to look through books, play with stuffed animals... anything that didn't cause a ruckus. My rule was to stay in the room, play quietly until Mommy comes to get you and if you start hollering to come out, the time gets extended.

So, all-in-all, having a schedule, keeping them busy and sticking to nap time or quiet play time worked well for me. My kids were far enough apart in age that it was a little easier, but I do watch my sister's twins and they are the same age as my youngest (now 4). Having all three from infancy to the present during the day was only bearable by sticking to the above.

Hang in there!

W.,
I feel your pain, girl!! I often tell my kids that being a mom is the hardest job in the world (most times I am yelling this when I am totally frustrated at them.) Your kids are at such a tough age and you are doing it all by yourself. My hat is off to you. It will get better!! Definitely ask for some help from your inlaws. You can even meet in the middle if they are willing to drive half-way to your house.

My 4 year old son challenges me every day...he is such a stinker. He is so stubborn and sometimes won't obey or listen to reason. I finally figured out that changing the scene can help. In the late afternoon-I call it the bewitching hour-giving a bath can really mellow him out. It took me a long time to realize that he doesn't ask for food in the afternoon, then gets cranky/angry/etc. So try to stay ahead of their growling stomaches (give them protein-cheese, lunchmeat, etc.) Definitely look for a Mommy's Group, so you can make some friends and at least gripe with on another about your kids-it really helps. Look for babysitting co-ops in your areas or teenagers who can be mommy helpers this summer. Perhaps you can join a gym that has child care so you can get your exercise and get a break at the same time. Maybe you can sign up for a mommy and me class at the local community center. (Too many suggestions, I know.)

Just be glad that you have the wisdom of 41 years to draw upon. I know I wouldn't be 1/2 as patient if I had my kids in my 20's. Just keep saying to yourself, "I am the adult." Then, of course, try to act like one (sometimes easier said than done, believe me!) Know that all the other mamasource mamas are routing for you. YOU WILL SURVIVE!

Hang in there, it's always better in the morning.