A Personal Question...

Holy cow, do I understand. I've been married 7 years and have 3 sons. I'm pretty sure I still love my husband. There certainly isn't anyone else I want to be with, unless Vin Diesel counts. I just can't stand it when he tries to touch me in an intimate way, and has caused a huge gap in our relationship. We tried counseling and that helped in some ways, but not with the intimacy. I live in New Gloucester, if you ever want to talk or anything just send me a message.
K.

L.,

I can totally feel your pain! I am in the exact same boat. I just turned 40, have two kids 9 and 11 and been married 20 years. I haven't really been interested in that for awhile now. I too feel bad for my hubby! I think he's given up on me in that respect! I am thinking maybe I should make more of an effort. Or maybe we need to get out of the house and go away (even just in town) to a nice hotel. Maybe just not being home would help. Worth a try!!

L. L

I'm right there with you...I feel guilty too but whenever I think he may be in the mood I start yawning and tell him I'm going to bed. With all the responses to this though I'm glad we're not the only ones!

Boy, do I relate to this....but bottom line is this,...you need to start to fit in "mommy and daddy" time. You deserve to be able to be intimate with your hubby, "date night" is what we have at my house....either the kids go to bed early, or they get to spend a night at their grandparents...so we can have some adult time...know what I mean? it's hard though,you feel like you're doing something wrong, by not spending ALL of your waking moments being mom,employee, and trying to toss in wife, well...you can't put your marriage on the back burner...kids do come first, but don't put yourself so far on the back burner....You'll do great!

I was releived to see this post and all the people who feel the same way as you and I. pheww....its reassuring to know that i'm not the only one out there. I too hate to cuddle. ugh!! the thought of being touched makes me cringe. Its been like this since my son was born 6 years ago. Most of the time I 'just go with it' because I just don't want to hear "is it me?"...its not, i love my husband i just "don't want to"....

Hi there! My son is 13 months old and I feel the same way! I have NO libido... I used to have a pretty high one now nothing. I mean nothing. There isn't ever a moment I am like yeah I want it.... I thought it was just me! I don't have any advice I just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!

I am the same exact way. I thought it was wierd too, I wish I could tell you more, sorry. pass along any good advice that you may get though.

I am there too. I have 3 kids 9,6,almost 3. He is a Iron worker and when he comes home I have supper made then clean while he just watches TV. He is in bed at 7:00 and the kids are up later than him. By the time I Cook,Clean,Homework,Pickup kids from playdates take them to CCD, Read Stories, change the baby put them all to sleep at different time. I am not really interested. Im just aggravated because I got no help. As I fly by him on the couch during his snoring time. The only thing I want to do is sit and relax. Never mind satisfing him. I want my own time. He actually wants me to wake him up to have it because he is sleeping while the kids are up.LOL isnt that funny

Hi L.,
I have been there as well..Here are some of the things that I have done and it worked!! Pick a night that the two of you can have a date yes I said date lol you do not need to go out for this..after the children are in bed make a very romantic dinner that you both will injoy..I had my bed in plastic and some warm baby oil on the stand..back to the dinner I had candles witch help to set the mood ;) low music going in the background after dinner we did some slow dancing with the feeling here and their:) took our time..When we did enter the room both not just one of use both were in the mood he was shocked to see the bed covered took the babyoil and had put some on the bed we had oil everywhere..Needless to say the date went off like a bomb now we sometimes just do this just because...

It seems to be after we all get married that we forget the little things that turned us on before the marriage,and need to find it and bring it back to our marriage..All those things that we did back then work well so why not not use the same tools in the marriage right...Most important is to have fun with it not treat it like a job!!! I could go on about different things to try but give it a try and see what happens ;) been married for 18yrs going strong GOOD LUCK to you hope this has giving you a little help of ideas...

S. :)

If I were you, I would have my thyroid checked. TSH levels. Good luck.

Tell your husband to hang in there you'll get it back .... promise. Your trying to balance it all. To much on your plate. If you don't have to work and can stay home that might work.

You are not alone!!!! I am going through the same thing. I even talked to my doctor about it and she said not to feel bad, that it is completely normal. By the time I work all day, get home to make dinner, clean up the dishes, do laundry, play with my 22 month old, and get her to bed- the last thing I feel like doing is being intimate with my husband. It has caused some stress in our relationship, he feels I am unhappy with him, I just try to explain that I am exhausted and I just want to be left alone!

I've been there and I know exactly what you are going through. With kids, your life goes through so many changes and the priorities get all shifted around. You have so many more responsibilities and people depending on you for different things, that intimacy is just one more thing robbing you of time for yourself (even if it is just time to sleep or even pee in peace!) Luckily I have a fabulous husband and great communication. That doesn't mean he necessarily LIKED waiting for me, but with open communication it was much better. I made it clear that he was not the reason and that I had no interest in other men. We tried to shift some stuff around so that I was able to feel more like my own person. I started my own home based business, started going to the gym and pilates classes and just making more time for me. It actually helped me appreciate the time I had with my kids and husband more, because it wasn't so abundant and less like work.

We also did a vacation, just the two of us. I stressed out so much in advance, thinking I wouldn't want to be intimate because nothing seemed to change yet for me. While we were gone, though, the day-to-day responsibilities melted away and we got right back into our intimacy. It was sooo reassuring! So be patient, talk to your husband, and don't expect it to turn on and off like a switch. Good luck!

Oh trust me, its not just you. ;)

I had my first child last August and this hasn't happend to me at all...so sorry I can't offer any advice. But when I read your post the first thing that popped in my head is that maybe you are suffering from a little depression. Have you thought of that/talked to a doctor? Good luck!!

L.,
You just described my life! After my first daughter it took 6 months to get over it, after my second daughter it has been almost a year . You are exhausted, stressed, and consistently putting yourself second, third and fourth on your own priority list. It is SO normal, however you might still want to talk to your doctor about post-partum depression (which I experienced when my girls stopped nursing at around 1 year) Sometimes just talking to a good Doctor or a group of moms is all you need to feel like yourself again.
good luck
K.

Hello, Hopefully things will get back to normal for you. It is hard with kids and work. Try things like date night or some out of the house alone time. That might help. Good luck. It is hard balancing home life and work life. You are not alone.