5 Year Old Daughter with Serious Tantrums

L., You've been given some great advice.

My 5 year old daughter, youngest of four, has been my most challanging. Tantrums have been an issue in the past. Mostly I agree that putting her in a boring room of the house alone until she chills out is the best way to go for starters.

I've also left a store, movie, church, mall, resturant, you name it when the fit starts. It only takes a time or two of doing it EVERY TIME a fit begins, for them to realize that fun stuff stops when the fits start.

I've even gone as far, one time, with an older child, to remove EVERYTHING from her room except 3 changes of clothes and her bedding for a week. It didn't take long for her to make a complete attitude change.

In a parenting class my husband and I took YEARS ago, one thing really stood out to me. He said "A tantrum needs an audience to be effective. No audience, the tantrum soon ends. THEN you can discipline effectively." That was some of the BEST advice I was EVER given and it has worked wonders on my little 5 year old "angel" ;)

Beth H...You're little angel sounds JUST like mine and you handle her JUST like I handel mine :) Nice to have someone to relate to :)

Obviously, your daughter is acting out to gain some control. She wants what SHE wants, not what you are telling her. It's a power struggle and you need to show her who is in charge before it gets any crazier.

I would suggest that AS SOON as she starts her rants, you place her somehwere she doesn't want to be. Be stern and have her sit in the most boring room of the house. (The hallway, guest room, near a closet - just somewhere that ISN'T fun!) But NOT her bedroom. Have her sit for 5 minutes - which is AN ETERNITY!!!!!

This can be very very hard when you are in public - but only take her if she can behave. Tell her if she acts up - you will leave IMMEDIATELY! None of this "I'm gonna count to three . . ." because kids that grow up with that type of threat will always push till you count to three and many times there is no consequence when you get to three. Really - you are out in public, what ARE you gonna do? It's a false threat and kids know it.

Tell her your rules (or whatever you want to call it) and as soon as she breaks the rules of behavior, she must pay the consequence. Don't say, "Honey - please don't do that. " Or "I'm giving you one more chance."

They act out, BOOM! They get their punishment.

She will learn very quickly that you aren't messing around. Of course she will test you - but be firm! You can WIN!!!!!

D.

My six year old daughter is the same way. Unfortunately my daighter has been diagnosed with anxiety and possible ADHD. I like al of the suggestions that you have been given thus far but if they don't work I would strongly advise you to speak with a child therapist because there could be an underlying issue that is out of your daughers control/

I'm dealing with this with my 5-year-old son too. Every day is a power struggle, and his 2-year-old brother is starting to copy him, so it needs to get under control quickly. I don't really have any new advice, but do appreciate reading other people's advice, and hearing that it's not JUST my kid that acts like that (even though it feels like it!!). :)

Recently there have been several parenting issue requests, so here are some of my favorite books from my class lending library, and web sites where you can learn more or buy the book...
(Early infancy)
Happiest Baby on the Block, Dr.Harvey Karp
http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/
The No Cry Sleep Solution, Elizabeth Pantley
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/content/sleepbooksummary...
Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children, and Discipline That Works:Promoting Self-Discipline in Children, both by Dr. Thomas Gordon
http://www.gordontraining.com/family.html
Setting Limits with y our Strong-Willed Child: Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm and Respectful Boundaries, Robert MacKenzie
All of these are excellent! I wish I would have had them when my daughter was little! I bought them when she got older though, and they still work when the techniques are used consistently. These all stress respectful, yet firm, parenting without spanking.

Ok we have a recently celebrated b-day 6 yr old. And when she gets mad, run for cover! She screams, throw things, pouts the whole works. When she is so out of control, nothing we say or do is gonna calm the storm, so I send her to her room till she chills. If need be we pick her up and put her there (where she ends up throwing all her toys, ect all over the place).
It helps her to get it out, and calms down and we don't feed into the tantrum, where we get upset.
Once she calms down, she still has consquences for her behavior, so she usually gets grounded off of something and we make her clean up her mess.
I think with maturity, and the right guidence, they grow out of it....I HOPE!!

You need to put your foot down, follow through and be consistant. My nephew went through the same thing at four, I had him everyweek day. If he started to throw a tantrum he went straight into the corner, if he made a fit out of going in the corner, he got three swift swats to the butt with the wooden spoon. I would warn him first about the spanking and he had from the time it took me to go get the spoon and come back to comply. I want to say I AM NOT BIG ON SPANKING, but for this child, it was the only thing I could do. I tried everything. I think it was only like a couple of days of butt whoopings and I never had the problem with him acting incorrectly in timeout. The tantrums still came, but only so often and they NEVER lasted longer than 15 seconds. While he was in time out, I made sure the other child and I had the BEST time. The fact that he was missing out on something was a horrible idea for him to handle.

There is a great Parenting Class called Love and Logic. It really is a method that works. ~~W.

#1 be consistant every time don't ever give in just to avoid a tantrum or because you don't feel like dealing with it

When my 5 year old get's mouthy or starts up it's a automatic to your room you go.. She immediately turns her behavior around.

My daughter is mean, crabby and has a horrible attitude almost daily when I pick her up from school. I have threatened several times I will make her walk home (about a mile) and follow in the car and she always stops her attitude because she KNOWS I'll do it. It drives me nuts that she doesn't appreciate me picking her up because really our district expects her to walk home I just can't imagine doing that but like I said if she's a snot when I do I will make her walk and watch as I drive slowly following her. I haven't had to actually do it yet... but sometimes you have to be really really strict kids these days have no respect.