I Am My 15 Month Olds Favorite Toy & Manners for 15 Month Old

First sounds like she needs to play with other little ones. Not so much
play with because they really do not play with each other at that age,
but just be around others.

Sounds like you are going to have to set some rules and stick to them.
Just simple ones, since she is young. She definitely needs to learn
how to entertain herself. Just be prepared for the tantrums. Good luck
and remember consistency works.

Well, not trying to be mean spirited at all ( I swear!) but you created this and it will take some time and a Whole lot of patience to sort this out. First of all is there any way at all you could get her in a few play group situations? She needs to start having a bit of independence from you. A great one for Mom and daughter would be MOPS. Also decide what you want to work on now and be consistent, kids are very smart they catch on quickly. A few times of saying all done and taking her food away if she throws it while in the high chair and she will quickly realize throwing food isn't a good idea ( she won't starve) IGNORE tantrums, I know it sounds hard, but a tantrum is a way to get attention and if you do not give her attention she will learn aha, this isn't working, this is NOT going to happen over night, and Everyone has to be on board. ALSO...Momma, you NEED you time. Maybe dad can step in and let you go run a few errands or even take a walk or take a bath, while it is normal for children to experience some separation anxiety, it is not good for her to be attached at your hip. Do not beat yourself up for this, sit down play with her and then let her get busy playing and go set the timer ( start slowly say 5 minutes at first, work up to 15) each time she tries to pull you away, tell her gently, calmly not right now mommy is doing______. Take her back to her play area once, tell her twice. Then quietly ignore her if she comes back. This will take a LONG time, but you need to do it for your sake as much as hers. It is Not being mean, it is Not being neglectful. I am telling you this from experience, my youngest used to not let me go to the bathroom without throwing a fit, I couldn't get dinner made, I couldn't do a load of laundry! So I went through it too, and these steps worked for me, and I swear it took a whole lot of commitment, patience, consistency and a whole lot of praying for even More patience...if you want it bad enough to follow through in time, you will have a sweet obedient Angel again. We don't mean to spoil our children, but what is done ( seems like over night sometimes) can take weeks to undo. You aren't a bad person, just a momma doing what us momma's do = )

I don't think it's manners. It's that her expectations are that you will be available to play with her 100% of the time and that it's ok to throw food. I don't want to sound mean, but you give her those expectations every time you give in and play with her or don't take away the food after she throws it.
The good news is that this is a learned behavior and it can be easily (though maybe not quickly) unlearned.
I would start telling her before you need to do something, "Mommy is going to _______ now". Then do it. If she throws a tantrum, ignore her. You can try to do a time out, but the less attention you pay to her the faster she will stop.
The not sitting still in restaurants is very common in most children her age. My kids (3 and 5) are just now able to go out to eat with us and sit quietly. We just went for take out or kid friendly places.
Throwing food is also a common thing. Look at her and tell her if she does it again, meal/snack time is over. Then follow through. Ignore any tantrum.
It will get better. I know it is probably making you feel exhausted and drained. Have you tried talking to her pediatrician about behavior expectations?

Many toddlers will throw food or toys, not listen when you say no. It doesn't mean she is willful, she is testing the waters and has no way of knowing that these are not acceptable behaviors unless you teach her. This happens to a lot of parents - you accept certain things when they are an infant because they are too young to learn that it's not okay to throw toys and food, but then suddenly before you realize it, your baby has become a toddler with bad habits. Many people think of discipline as punishment, but discipline also involves setting guidelines and teaching acceptable behaviors. If you throw food, eating time is over or high chair is turned to the wall for a minute. If you throw a toy, the toy is taken away and put out of reach so that she can see you do this. At this age, they do not understand reason, only cause and effect - if I throw the toy, mommy puts me in the timeout chair for a minute. If the consequence happens immediately and every time, they do learn that their actions are controlling the consequence. That's really not about manners, it's not that she doesn't have manners (she is too young for manners!) but that you haven't set any limits, rules or expectations. One year olds do need to run around a lot, and we didn't do a lot of restaurants when our oldest was a toddler due to her high activity level.

As for being over-possessive of mom, if you've made yourself available to her every moment of the day, then you've set up an expectation. Of course she expects you to always be available, if you haven't shown her that you have other priorities. Remember that if you are a SAHM, it doesn't mean that you must devote every moment to your child. We don't do kids a favor by not teaching them how to entertain themselves. This starts when they are a baby. While it's great to hold them a lot and physical contact is so important for them, it's also important for them to be left in their playpen with toys or in their bouncy seat with toys or their exersaucer while you do other things, so that they figure out how to entertain themselves. When my kids were toddler age, I would gate them in their rooms for short periods of time so that they'd learn to play by themselves. You don't need to give in to her if she screams, yes you'll have to listen to the tantrum, but otherwise, she will not learn. Do you ever leave her? If you don't use a sitter or go out on your own and leave her with daddy, this may be a good time to do that. It's also good for her to see you and daddy go out without her, but remember, she has no concept of you two being a married couple and having a relationship, she only sees her parents as her caregivers. It takes babies some time to realize that mom is not a part of their own body! FInd a safe spot where you can confine her with a baby gate while you do other things nearby. You can talk to her while she is playing, but do not give her 100% of your attention at every moment - we aren't helping kids by not teaching them how to keep themselves occupied without adult attention.
Good luck, the toddler years are often a challenging time!

There are some good answers here. I wanted to add a bit. You already know the answer to your problem. You said it in your post: Set boundaries and maintain them.

How you choose to do it is going to be based upon your child's personality. It sounds to me like she is in desperate need of consistent and firm rules and boundaries, as well as loving and patient guidance. If you remain consistent (NEVER give in, tantrum or not), she will quickly know her place in the house. Stop allowing her to run things. If your answer for not being able to use the bathroom, do laundry, cook a meal, have 20 minutes to de-stress is "I can't because Angel will flip out," things need to change.

The change has to start with you, not her. She is not, I'm sorry to say, the problem here. If you are consistent and firm with her boundaries the tantrums will stop because she'll know, no matter how hard she tries, you will not relent.

Since this is your first child, I have to say that you must not allow yourself to feel guilty for teaching her boundaries. You can't feel bad when she cries or embarrassed when she throws herself to the floor. Children are easily disarmed when they do not get the response they are looking for. Don't feel bad. Just smile, calmly say "okay, well, I'll be washing the dishes," and walk away. I've seen one mother who couldn't hold back her laughter (it is pretty amusing to watch some of these kids freak out sometimes)...that laugh embarrassed her SON into stopping his tantrum!

Don't feel bad about the higher pitched screams which follow you. Guilt is what stops many from being good parents. You aren't supposed to be her best friend, you are supposed to provide her stability. She'll get the picture eventually. If anything, what you should feel guilty for is each and every time you relent. When you are inconsistent, your child's little world is chaos. It's scary never knowing what is acceptable! Think about it for a second: If you were told one day that you were allowed to do something, and then the next you couldn't...you'd get upset. You might even protest or debate the issue. It's simply not fair to expect your child to adapt to different rules without protest.

So, enforce the rules It will make her feel secure and happy, minimize tantrums, teach her better manners, and make you feel like a better parent. Remember, we're not raising children to be self-serving, rude people; we're raising children to be adults we can be proud of. With every parenting decision you make, consider the long-term effects.

Good luck!

C

I commend you for recognizing this behavior is not healthy and that you are heading down a bad path. I have never understood the people who say, "She/He is just a baby" like because of that, you can't introduce them to proper behavior. That is not the case...what is different is what you EXPECT of them. Of course you can't expect a 15 month old to behave perfectly or have the best manners, but you can keep reminding her of them and eventually that becomes what she knows. If you don't introduce them from the beginning, then when are you supposed to? Age 2? Age 5? You're right; then you have those wild children people wonder about. We have 3 children (soon to be 4) and I think it is MUCH easier on the child to keep casually introducing them to the behavior you expect from the beginning than to let them behave like the rule the roost and suddenly have to yank that control away the parents gave them because now they aren't babies anymore.

My children knew basic manners at your daughter's age, please, thank you, welcome. We could also go out to eat whenever we wanted to. Yes, we had to have distractions but they were always okay with coloring or playing with some small toys I would bring. My youngest now is more into the Leapster which we keep on low but that is a "last stop" method because he's done with all the other things.

When you are home and it is just the two of you, LET HER throw a tantrum. What is she hurting? My youngest is the most headstrong...VERY smart for his age which I think makes him that much more headstrong. He worried me because he would throw a tantrum and I would get scared he was going to hurt himself. Our pediatrician said, "Let him. He isn't going to hurt himself." He also said that tantrums are a child's way of learning to work through their emotions and that for the longest time, parents have become so concerned with giving in and distracting them so that didn't happen. He said that in those children now, at 5 years old for instance, he is finding all sorts of WORSE behavior like those children smearing poop on the walls and breaking things because they were never given the chance to learn to work through their emotions. He told me to ignore him when he does it and walk away. I listened to him and it wasn't long after the tantrums stopped. My son just had to realize that I meant business and tantrums were not going to get him his way any more.

Your daughter needs to learn manners and independent playing as well as working through her emotions. This isn't going to be easy to fix but if you don't start doing age appropriate things now to help her down the right path, you are right. You are heading for trouble.

OH! Of the things you mentioned, personally I think the manners and tantrums to the point you can't go anywhere are the first things to focus on. You can't fix it all at once and throwing food is actually I think still in her age group. It's supposed to be a cause and effect lesson...if I throw the food...it ends up on the floor. The trick is not to pick it up while she's doing it because then it's a game to have you pick stuff up. Wait until she's done eating and make it part of the clean up. You can get those floor mats at Babies R Us and probably Target that you put under the high chair. When it comes to cleaning up, have her help you and try to make it fun. It will still be mostly you for now but again, this is how the "introducing" what you want happens. You make her part of it and while she may not clean up a lot now, eventually she will do it more and more because it becomes what she knows. :) Personally I don't think she is too young for manners as they simply become a habit. She may be too young to UNDERSTAND them, but she is almost at the age of getting, "When I say this, I get that" just like she understands crying gets her what she wants. Personally I think she is much too young for time outs...for a 15 month old? Really? People don't think she should understand to say certain things but she should understand why she has to sit in time out for a minute and actually do it? I can tell you, I have done all of the things I am telling you with my three children and they are 2 1/2, 6 1/2 and 9 1/2 now and I am CONSTANTLY told that I have some of the most polite, well behaved children people have ever seen. I would not be worrying about time outs right now at all.

I wish you the best and think you're a great mom for recognizing the healthy boundaries your child needs.

This is the age to be setting boundairies and rules , decide what they are/what works for your family and stick to them. Never give in to a tantrum as they learn VERY fast that you did it once and will do it again if they scream/kick/throw themselves around enough. Do you have any way to keep her out of the kitchen? For example I am able to put safety gates at both entrances to the kitchen , my 2 yr old screams but I ignore and she soon goes off and plays. Also when she has a tantrum ignore , walk away from her , yes she will follow but keep doing the same thing , once she calms down praise her for doing so. Some people don't like doing this , but if mine scream too much I put them in the crib and walk away , if you don't want to use the place of sleep as a timeout place then maybe use a pac & play instead.

Good luck

You are not the first parent to indulge their child so don't worry about it. Get on the program now and it is Definitely fixable.

I'm sure you've seen the "Love and Logic" books talked about here. Love and Logic makes sense and works. Go get the book and it will teach you how to transition your little girl. I really believe this will do the trick fairly quickly. It will tell you just how to respond when she throws food, etc... You will have a child not only with good manners but happy. She will understand the rules and feel safe.

Also, find yourself a mature babysitter that can handle things and start going out a bit. Start small, maybe only be gone an hour.

First of all this is more common with the first child. Let her know you love spending time with her but you have to make dinner, clean whatever.
Set the timer for 1 hour or whatever time you come up with. Tell her when the timer goes off then mommy has to do work.
When she acts fresh you need to reprimand her other wise she is in control of the situation. I use time out for my children. 1 minute for a one yr, 3 min for a three yr old. The rule with time out no toys and they have to sit there quietly.
Be consistent. If you mean NO don't cower down when she freaks. Of course she doesn't want to hear it. Teach her to respond in a a better way.
Praise her when she shares and does good manners. I would repeat No firmly but kind hold both her hands make her look in your eyes.

I agree with some of the posts I read here. She needs (and wants) boundaries. She needs to know where it is or she'll be wild and "out of control". So, when she throws the tantrums, you can ignore her and see what she does when she notices that she is not getting an audience....you'll be surprised. Let her get upset and let her throw tantrums. Don't worry about her being "behind" "civilized" children...she will grow and mature when you put her with other children her age. Being around other children, she'll learn how to play with them and get along and what is right and what is wrong by interacting with them. She may hit and you be stern about hitting that it's not acceptable. You will have to teach her that she can't have it her way. By not playing with her ALL the time, is natural and okay for you to feel that way. By not playing with her ALL the time, she will eventually learn to entertain herself and you need to let her do that. I know and understand that she wants you there all the time playing ALL the time, but again, you say, "Mommy is doing (whatever it is), you play with (whatever you know she usually plays with)" and let her throw a tantrum and when she takes your hand, you say "I love you but not right now. Go and play." And what I did with my boys when they threw the food on the floor, I say the very first time "you do not throw food on the floor. (stern voice) and if you do, I will take your food away" and if she does it again, you take the food away. Yes she may throw tantrums, you can remove her from her chair if in booster seat and put her in time out. When your husband touches you or gives you a kiss or whatever, continue that. Don't stop because she says, "mine". Our oldest did that for a while and when he saw that we didn't stop for him and we kissed him afterwards and express our love then he understood. Now it's a rule in the house, as soon as Daddy comes in, Daddy kisses Mommy and then Daddy plays with them. Mommy gets the attention first and they all know that now. So, it's a tough time but as you will and probably hear "be consistent" and follow through with what you say you will do and she will push and push and will tire you out but I believe it tires them out and then she'll stop and realize you're not moving or changing your mind. I pray that God will continue giving you wisdom how to deal with this as time goes on...

Hi G.-

I didn't have the issue with my oldest needing my attention all day (he went to daycare) but we did have a problem with throwing food, not picking up toys and such mainly because with him being my first I didn't know what was appropriate to expect out of a toddler. I didn't give him enough credit and didn't really think he was capable of listening and following directions at that age. I now have 3 children (youngest is 2 1/2) and I know now that these little ones are capable of great things :-)!

As the others have said, this is going to take time to correct but you absolutely can do it! You have to be consistent and there absolutely will be temper tantrums that you will have to ignore, but it will work.

Food throwing: She throws it once, say "No!" She throws it twice say "No!" and take the food away. Ignore the tantrum!

Needing you: I'm home with my youngest son and I have some time that is completely undivided attention for him. Then I have some time when I am with him, talking to him, but he is playing with cars or puzzles and I am folding laundry or cleaning the room that he is in. Then there is time when I leave him in the playroom and I go to the bathroom, or go to talk on the phone or something else alone. My son is 2 1/2 but even at 15 months you should be able to do these things. Maybe try spending one on one time with her doing something then try to slowly remove yourself from the game but still stay close to her. Then try leaving the room to go to the bathroom. Ignore the tantrum! If you give in and go back to play with her everytime she throws a tantrum she is learning that she has to throw the tantrum to get what she wants. If/when she doesn't throw a tantrum when you leave make sure you come back to the room and play with her again before she starts getting upset. Show her that being patient actually gets her what she wants, not the tantrum.

Good luck it's going to be hard, but you can do it. Do start off slow though, be happy with small victories and grow from there!

K.