5-Year-old Difficult, More After-care?

I would try some different parenting and discipline techniques with him instead because keeping him out of the home for an extra day won't change his behavior on days he is home. You need to be able to help him shape his behaviors.

Dr. Sears is an expert in this field and has some excellent advice:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

Here is his advice on how parents can handle their anger:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/5-ways-p...

If it were me, and my husband would get on board (no guarantee), I'd institute a house rule about no TV before a certain time of day AND set a limit on how much each child could watch (1 hr?). He could choose whatever he wanted to watch during that time, or he could choose to watch TV when someone else is watching, but the time limit remains the same.

It will cause more fighting and tears to begin with, but should eventually teach him that he has to pick and choose when he'll spend time watching TV, and he should eventually calm down and quit fighting to watch it (assuming the rules are enforced consistently).

The other thing I would suggest, and I understand this will be difficult with multiple children, is to sit down with him more one on one and do things together. Don't let the other kids butt into your time with him - don't let them start to play with the blocks if ya'll are playing with legos together, for example.

I would guess (and that's all it is, of course) that he senses your frustration with him and not with his siblings and he's acting out because he doesn't know how to process those feelings.

Get all the kids outside and playing to help him burn off some of that energy, set limits on TV, and force yourself to have more one on one time with him so you can find additional neat things to admire about your son.

BTW - I have a nephew very much like this, and if someone (me, his uncle, his grandmother, etc.) just sits down with him and plays with something he can enjoy or tries to teach him something or works on reading or ANYTHING where he has our undivided attention, he's soooo much happier and easier to handle. It's also a nice reminder to us that he's just a kid who doesn't know how to express himself and get attention the socially proper way.

.

I can see why you're stressed! But sending him away isn't going to solve the problem. That's just a temporary fix, but doesn't help him be a happier boy. I would take away the television time for sure. Yes, it's hard, and yes, he may fight with his siblings, but that's pretty much what you signed on for when you had kids.
I think you need to work on not being so angry at him. Can you arrange for playing with friends and enriching activies at home? I would hate to think that he picks up on that you think home is so much more fun WITHOUT him there. He's your baby boy, you're stuck with him...might as well improve the situation, not sweep it under the rug with more after-care that is also cleaning out your wallet.

I think you need to invest that extra 80 in therepy to get to the root of your issues with your son. I would have him re evaluated. Is there something else going on that you do not know how to deal with? To me it sounds like you are trying to ditch your kid because it's just easier and that is just not ok. BTW I get it, my 5yo does have ADHD and there are days when I would like him to not be home due to his actions (like yesterday) but that just means we both have to work harder.

Hm, you realize that paying for more after school care won't actually solve your problem, right? It will just be convenient and make it so you don't have to deal with the issues you have with your child.

Me personally I would rather take that bull by the horns so to speak instead of delaying dealing with this. The older it gets the harder it will be to deal with disciplinary issues like this and unless you are planning on sending him to boarding school and have someone else raise him... you better get a handle on it soon.

First of all get to the root of the problem? Why is he misbehaving? Is he bored? Is it a cry for attention? Whatever it is you need to fix it. If he is bored make a plan how to keep him occupied without resorting to parking him in front of the TV, if he needs more of your attention make time to do something with him...

Next you set expectations for behavior. I don't know about your house, but tantrums have been unacceptable in my home since my DD was two. Yes, she goes through phases were she tries to get her way any way possible, but she realizes pretty fast that that gets her nowhere other than being sent to her room. YOU ARE THE PARENT. You say when the kids can watch TV and what. Stick to it. Turn it off, unplug it if you have to. You don't have to be harsh, you don't have to yell, you don't have to resort to hitting him. If he doesn't behave up to expectation send him to his room and tell him he can come out when he's ready to play by the rules. And do not forget to praise him for good behavior and sticking to giving him attention whenever he behaves well.

I know you don't mean it that way but your post basically says that you dislike spending time with your difficult child - and let me tell you he KNOWS it, no matter how hard you try to hide it. I would suggest that his acting out is a reaction to the rejection he is getting from you... kids work this way, even bad attention in the form of yelling is better than no attention at all. By getting him out of the house for additional days you may have a little more peace in quite in the short run, but you are just reinforcing his feeling of rejection and your relationship will continue to deteriorate.
I would suggest seeking professional help (ask you school counselor for help or a referral) and trying to fix it now rather than later.
Good luck.

I actually WOULD put him in more after-care.

TV is what kids watch who are bored or have no structure. If he's the oldest and your time and attention is diverted to the younger kids who are more dependent on you.... what does he have?

Lots of kids go to full day Kindergarten and flourish.

Unless you can tap into this "nurturing side" and have him be mommy's helper, but it sounds like that isn't something he would be excited about if there is already tension and fighting among the kids.

The solution is to transition him to his "big boy" life. Get him involved in activities. Get him friends his own age. Put him in a sport, where he is active and can forge his own path of what he's good at where he's not in trouble all the time.

I would say that's the best fix.

Good Luck!

Save the money for summer camp or the summer will be toooo long! Sure, the other kids may not be challenging, but they need diaper changes or to be taken to the potty. they need to be dressed and fed. He sees this as attention they are getting while he goes to the bathroom alone, dresses and feeds himself. Make a time of the day for big boy time. Just you and him as soon after he gets home as possible, at least 20 minutes do the others nap? Dad also must have a time with his oldest one on one, unless he is deployed or gone, he needs to be part of this, maybe while you put others to bed. and Yes completely take away the TV for two or three months so he learns to entertain himself in other ways. It is part of the problem that he is not capable of entertaining himself and must be retrained. Good luck, if he has been evaluated then the problem is not within him it is the environment which needs a big change!

Sending him away isn't going to help you lay down the law at home. Which sounds like is what you need to do. My 5 year old would never act like this to me. I only have three but three is still a lot and this behavior is not o.k.

Take the tv away, Take privilages away, if you send him to a fun daycare where he can basically do as he pleases then he wins the battle and that is not what you want.

Work hard now to teach your kids right...

im sorry but iam against the extra day I think you and him need to find out why he acts like this at home. You may need to spend more time with him. Or it could be because something at home is not making him happy. Something is tell me your stressed with three other kids hes older you want him to do thinks and you maybe asking him wrong or demanding too much that he is acting out let alone not spending enough time with him. I think you need to talk with him and come to some type of schedule maybe he needs more of a stable routine at home at school and day care they have stable routines. They have play hr and time to read and time to do arts and time to go outside. Maybe you need to do that at home. Another thing get this book its an easy read book and it will help you its called 123 Magic it helps with discipline technique that works. If you can stick to it you will be happy not angry. Plus its not his fault you hve this so don't be blaming him for everything he five hes not 40. hes a kid!!! You have to always remmebr that too. Plus hes a boy not a girl most girls will help around the house want to be like mommy boys are complete oposite shish mine won't even say he loves me when i say i love you. cuz hes a boy!!!
I don't hold it against him in your going in your head as you read this shes not where i am shes doesn't understand oh boy do I !!!!!! I have been where you are grandma wants him have them I had only two or three and i was constantly shoving them here shoving them ther than one day i said whats wrong with you these are your kids!!! WAKE UP there yours!!! YOu had them you can do it. I have six kids I run and have since I had 2 kids a business out of my house and I cook clean do laundry and all of the things a wife is suppose to do. SO I DO UNDERSTAND!!! I been there! Keep up the good work but figure out whats ailing him.

I have to say, you gave a very big clue there in your post:
"after having had a great day playing with friends and doing enriching activities"

Have you had a conference with his teacher about how he's doing academically in Kindergarten? Does he do well there? If so, my thought is he's not challenged at home and is feeling lost in the shuffle of his siblings.

Sounds like mine (except about the sibs) - very intelligent, will find every little loophole in rules, will keep me honest at every chance. He needed a constructive hobby ... reading, puzzles, playing with cars/trains, etc. At 9, he still asks me for my undivided time more than I can give him, but I've tried to steer him away from "junk TV" and make an effort for more board games and building things out of paper towel tubes and foam shapes (by the way, "junk TV" is the way my son relaxes in much the way I use reading pre-teen books to detox from a stressful day - some people read trashy novels, I prefer to preview what my son will be reading soon).

Are there any free ( or low-cost) recreational teams that he could join in your area? Sports would be another way to let him develop and interact outside his home. Possibly more play dates with his friends would help as well.

As others have said, all kids are not the same...you seem to have some that fit into one mold, and another that doesn't.... keep your basic set of rules that everyone follows (civility, sharing and whatnot) and adjust the other rules as the personalities develop once exposed to the outside world.
And don't be surprised if the younger ones change as they get out in the world too. You're doing great, mom!

No I would not give in to paying more. Not in this economy. But this is something that needs to be addressed w/out $. He needs time out for inappropriate behavior. You're the adult, you're the parent. Are you going to allow this screaming? Put him in the time out area and explain that his screaming and bad behavior is not acceptible. Causing chaos is not acceptible. When he can talk calmly, and not disrespectfully, and quit calling the shots, then he can EARN his tv privileges. Reward for good behavior. He'll get the picture with consistent reward/lack of reward disciplining.
I'd talk to the day care personnel too about monitoring what he watches there on tv.

I do an after care at school one day a week to help with the errands and so that my girls can get some play/socialization without the academics involved. We also have a fight about the TV and it is hard not not give in but if you don't curb it now when he is a teenager then there will be worse problems. Use the time when he is at school and in the aftercare to get as much done as you can and on the other days do stuff with him/play with hime, read with him and make the time at home more than a time to watch TV. How does he play with him siblings, do they have things they can do together? Right now as I am typing my kids are in the other room watching Nick Jr and I am finishing up some things needed to be done today then we are going to read and play a game or go outside. I do have chaos at my house and sometimes (ok most times) I am frustrated beyond words but you still need to set the limit and the fact that he has such good days when he is at the aftercare without the TV and just playing should say something. Good luck