4 1/2 Year Old Wanting to Sleep with Mom and Dad

I want to echo the comment about letting him sleep on the floor if he insists on sleeping with you. All my kids went through wanting to sleep with me. They would always go to sleep in their own bed, but would wake up and come into my room. I tried to let them crawl into bed with me, but I could not sleep with them there. I calmly explained to them that Mom didn't sleep well if they were in bed with her and I would be a grumpy mom if I didn't get my sleep. So I let them sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. That only lasted a little while before they realized they were much more comfortable in their own bed.

--Dear heart--- at 4 and a half- your boys is stretching his muscles- ( children this age are beginning to really 'test' what they can get away with).
You have ''taught'' him that you accept that he likes sleeping with you and Dad--- you accept it ( based on his experience) because - he DOES sleep with the 2 of you-- you have resisted- and HE WON!!!! - he gets to do what he wants in this situation. -

You cannot change this without SOME tears --- the quicker and simpler you accomplish this --the fewer tears there will be. My suggestion is--- make some nice calm statement ( that you and your husband both decide on--- and decide NOT to change your mind- however your little guy fusses--)this is YOUR decision- you're the parents - and you know and understand stuff he doesn't - discussion over-
You could say to him
''' Dad and I want you to sleep in YOUR bed- without coming in our room-- we decided that this new way starts TODAY. Here's your bed---'''' and STICK TO IT. The cleaner you make this break- the better for all 3 of you-- I promise.

My oldest is now 7 and her sister is 6, they are 14 months apart. My oldest had the habit of crawling into our bed in the middle of the night around age 3 and 4 and it would drive me crazy. I tried something that I made up to see if it would work, you are welcome to try it. The trick is to be consist ant with this and make comments during the day to boost esteem.

I told my daughter that she would stop growing if she didn't sleep in her bed all night. I told her that when she sleeps she is growing and if she crawls into my bed there is no room to grow. So if you ask her today why she is getting so big she says “Because I stay in my bed all night!" She gets really excited about it because she has control over it. During the week I make comments about how she has grown. You know the little things like hair or height. I told her she was getting "so tall" when I saw her standing next to the toilet and of course she responded with "because I stay in my own bed all night". It has worked great for me, if you have more questions let me know, but she is 7 now and has been in her own bed all night with the exception of having the flu 2 times since we started this. If she is sick she doesn't sleep in my bed either, she sleeps on one of those kids couches that turns into a futon. It keeps her in her own space that way even if I stay up a bit with her until she is settled down.

If you have any questions please let me know. After 3 kids and working in child care I have learned a lot. ____@____.com

Good Luck,

Rae

I had to ame problem with my daughter, she was about the same age as yours... Keep walking!!!!! That's the only advice I can give you.. It last maybe a week of me keeping putting her back to bed, some nights 4 times, some even 15 times,, but believe me, kids are tired also and eventualy they will stop coming. Once they realize that you are not joking about it, that you will alays take them back, they will stop trying...
good luck !

It really does depend on if you are willing to experience your child's unhappiness and tears over your decision. If you are not, then I guess he'll be in your bed until he decides he doesn't want to be there anymore. If you are -- then -- just tell him he needs to be in his bed and do whatever you do to achieve his cooperation on things.

Personally, I try to look past a child's immediate tears and unhappiness and remain firmly resolved on whatever is truly in the child's best interest in the long run. We never did co-sleeping because I knew I wouldn't sleep as well, and therefore would not be able to be the best mother to my children that they deserved. End of story.

Just an idea, but what about offering the family bed on the weekend? That might give him something to look forward to.

I went to my Parent Educator for advice for the same issue. Her advice was: "If everybody gets good sleep it doesn't matter where, when, how and with who.". Co-sleeping is really good for the bonding and the new parenting aproach is claming that pushing the kids to indipendency too early creates inmature adults. Sorry, forgot the name of the book. And about the bonding with your huby... get creative, you might bond more and bond better ;-) That was just my two cents. Wish you good luck with finding what works the best for you. In our family our 5 1/2 yo sleeps with us and he says that's why he has no more nightmares. Sometimes we will skip the book and we will watch a movie in the bed. My son calls it "Family fun night". It took me an year to surender. Before that it was a hard battle and many, many restless nights for all of us. Good luck!

My brother and I used to do this to our parents (we're a year apart) and finally, when I was in preschool (about 4 1/2 like your son) my parents said ENOUGH. We were told if we wanted to sleep in their room, we could bring our pillow and blanket and sleep on the floor. I vividly remember sleeping on the floor next to their bed and thinking, "I should just sleep in my bed now." I think it was about a two-week span between the new rule and me and my brother both deciding go sleep in our own rooms. Amazingly (sarcasm), my parents recall that the whole family dynamic shifted because we were all getting much better quality of sleep once we ended the four people in one bed co-sleeping habit!

I tend to disagree with the whole, "if they're happy and sleeping soundly in your bed, why disrupt it?" If you're not happy with it, why tolerate it--Why isn't the parents' comfort and quality of sleep (not to mention ability to be intimate together) important too? Kids will learn to adapt to change, like Judy mentioned--there will be tears involved, but you can do it.

My brother and I both are very happy, well-adjusted adults too ;o)

I have a sleeping bag under my bed that the kids know if they get scared or what not in the middle of the night they can get in the sleeping bag and sleep on my floor but not allowed in mom and dads be. With #9 baby on the way it has worked so far even when dad is deployed for a year long I still get my bed. Hope this helps.

A.