Hello moms,
I am asking this question for a friend of mine. She is starting to plan the 1st birthday of her 3 surviving quadruplets and their angel baby girl who was still born. She wants a unique and memorable way to celebrate this special day but also remembering her 4th baby. It is very important the she keep the memory of this precious baby alive and active in her family and friends. They are strong in their Christian faith and God has done nothing but held them in his hands during the happy, fun and sad time. any suggestions would be wonderful!
I would suggest that after the children are sung to and open gifts that everyone go outside and send up balloons with messages written on them for the 4th baby and make it a tradition. Although the children are too young to understand at is point, as they get older it will be unfair to them to have their happy day over-shadowed by sadness. Balloons being sent to heaven would make it a fun way to remember the child that was lost.
for herself to remember is one thing but to force this on the other children is something else. they will grow up feeling like they are not as important, tell them yes they did have another brother or sister when they were born but that child is in heaven and will always be remembered in their hearts. keep the birthday for the living (party) and the memories in the heart. and prayers.
Is she wanting her friends to help honor her angel baby? My thought is that if she is, or if friends want to help with this, to go together to make a donation to some organization in her angel's name.... maybe a way to help others that might be in this situation, or an organization that helps hospitalized children or their families. Donations don't have to be big..... just something to help honor the love of that child.
Hello T.,
I have surviving twins from a triplet pregnancy. I did not feel the need to incorporate the lost triplet in any particuliar "outward" expression, so I can't speak to your friend about that. However, I did feel the need to honor that baby in another way. I bought a triangle shaped pendant in my babies birth stone. The triangle shape was significant because there was a point for each child and the birth stone was an obvious choice for the stone. I still wear it to this day and my twins are 9. Your friend could easily find a stone with four points and she could likely find it in her children's birth stone. I like the idea for a balloon send off as well. I believe our baby has grown up with his twin brothers and is still with us, only he is in his spiritual form. He is alive in my thoughts and prayers and my children know as much as there is to know about him, so he is alive to them as well. I just did not need more than that. Hope your friend finds the answer she is looking for. This journey we are on is different for all of us.
Well, I think that you could make part of the party special by making all of them mini cakes instead of one big cake and make a cake for your angel daughter and let the three of them blow it out. I don't know, that seems like a good idea, i hope it isn't stupid. I don't know what to say all the time.. Maybe even put a picture of an angel by the cake so it is not a "Lone" cake. It might give it some meaning. And if you named her you could write her name on the cake. I didn't read through the responses before I answered so hope this isn't already been suggested or slashed.
I have a friend who has an angel baby. She has family pictures on the wall with one of angel baby. She sends Christmas cards and always signs angel baby's name with everyone else's She keeps baby in the family memory in little ways.
You are so sweet to help your friend, what a heartbreaking situation.
She could consider setting balloons free to heaven as a memory. In Hospice this is one of the activities they do for children who have lost someone in their lives. They write a note or draw a photo and attach it to a balloon and then release it while saying or thinking of the person they have lost.. Very powerful.
I have one angel baby girl, she passed away at five months old. She was born on Christmas Day, so celebrating her birthday has always been a little tough for me. It is our custom to make a cake in her honor and take flowers and balloons out to the cemetary after we've had all of our Christmas activities for the day. We also raise funds for the hospital/research group looking to find a cure for the rare disease she had. We usually put that in our Christmas letter. One other thing we did was plant a tree we received from her memorial service.
I have two other daughters 4 and 2. They are aware that they had an older sister. It is important to my husband and I that our little girl not be forgotten, but not in such a way that our other girls are adversely affected by it. The best piece of advice I could give your friend is to do what feels right to her. Family and friends are very supportive, but can't relate to her situation like she can. I hope these suggestions help your friend.
