16 answers

Celebrating My Moms Birthday

My wonderful mom & best friend passed away in Nov. '09. I miss her so bad i can barely stand it. especially this time of year...her birthday's in 2 wks. she was cremated & her ashes are at her house w/my stepdad. i was raised by mom & stepdad but still not close to him at all. we talk about 2x/every 6 months. mom's sister is still living but that's extent of my family. we are very close but she hates "mushy" things like this (celebrating a deceased loved one's bday)
my family consists of myself & 2 yr old DS. i wanna do something special, either alone or w/my family (my DS), whatever, to honor or rather celebrate her birthday. she was such a happy cheerful person like i am and we had so much fun together. i don't want her bday to pass each year w/o me doing anything for it. i'm not creative at all. it sounds weird, but if she were buried somewhere, i could take flowers out there & just 'talk' to her & idk, just be there. but w/her being cremated, i can't thing of anything to do! this isn't really a PROBLEM, but i know a lot of us have lost our moms way too soon, so i was just wondering if y'all could think of anything sweet i could do.
thanks so much! :)

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So What Happened?™

omg, you mamas are amazing...i teared up several times reading y'alls recommendations. thank you so much. i'll definitely be implementing SEVERAL of these on 4/23. thank you so much, i feel understood & cared for. :)

Featured Answers

I agree to try and do some of the things she loved to do and make her birthday about those things. On my dad's birthday I usually try and eat some of his favorite BBQ or chow down on some butter pecan ice cream, another one of his faves, and I always raise a cocktail in his honor. Do what feels right. It's really hard but I do understand. Hang in there!

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I agree to try and do some of the things she loved to do and make her birthday about those things. On my dad's birthday I usually try and eat some of his favorite BBQ or chow down on some butter pecan ice cream, another one of his faves, and I always raise a cocktail in his honor. Do what feels right. It's really hard but I do understand. Hang in there!

3 moms found this helpful

I am sorry about the loss of your mom. My brother, mother and father in law are both gone. My sister in law gives blood every year on their birthday. My husband spends time with someone that doesn't have someone on a daily basis.
We have a friend whose daughter passed away 2 years ago. She was 10 years old and full of life. Her mother asked that we do a random act of kindness on her daughters birthday to honor/remember her. It can be something as easy as opening a door for someone, taking the grocery cart back in the store or buying the coffee for the customer behind you. Our church has a childrens camp that Dianna loved to go to so we give a scholarship so that another child can go in her honor/memory.
All that really counts is that you remember them on their special day. I hope you are able to come up with something that will be very special to you and your son.

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even though my sister, brother, and i are all in different cities across the u.s., we each take our families out for mexican (mom's favorite--how she usually sent her birthday) and eat chocolate chip ice cream (also her favorite... she was tiny and not a big eater, but there were a lot of nights that choc chip ice cream was dinner for her, haha!).

mom's sister sends off balloons (but i don't because of the garbage/pollution/etc. factors) and buys extra flowers for around the house, to brighten it up.

you can go anywhere special to your mom or just anywhere beautiful and talk to her and remember her.

nothing too creative here--just what my family does. hope you find what's rght for you and your family to celebrate your mom. :)

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I'm sorry for your loss.

This past February was the first birthday since my dad passed away (he was young and not sick. His death was sudden). I reached out like you just did and received wonderful ideas as to what to do. My family (hubby and 2 kids) made a birthday cake for my dad. We lit the candles and set a place for him with a photo at the table. We sang happy birthday to him. Then we told our favorite stories about him. There were some laughter and tears. We made it through. If your mom had a special place she enjoyed to go, maybe you could take your daughter there. Sit and talk with your mom. She is with you always.

I will keep you in my prayers.

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I'd do any kind of activity that she enjoyed/ did with you, then go to a restaurant she liked/cooked what she liked with your son. It would be great if you could do something with him that you and your mother enjoyed when you were his age- or what she enjoyed when SHE was his age (if you are able). If you or your mom has a dear friend that would understand how you feel, and enjoy this with you, include them. I don't see a reason to include family that won't be on the same page with you on this. Most importantly, ENJOY that day! Sorry for your loss, it must be very tough but I think honoring her in a fun way would help.

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The memory of your mom is in your heart, so what ever you do to honor her memory on her birthday, Mother's Day and any day is a good thing. Her spirit is forever and you can pass on all the good things to your children and they will pass this on to theirs.

Where did she like to go to dinner? What was her favorite food, color, music, movie? What was her favorite CAKE? The way you live your life can honor your mother each day.


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When I was reading about your mom being so cheerful I was thinking you could buy a bright red balloon and tie a little note, a prayer, or a happy birthday wish to it and go somewhere with your son to let it go. That could be a tradition you start this year.

I have so much in common with you. My mother mother passed a a few years ago and it's hard. I dont get so down on her birthday. For me, it's more on Mothers Day. Her grave is 6 hours away, so , I dont go often. I dont get along with my step dad. I think it agggravates him when he knows I've been there. My mother loved Lilacs. They grew all along our alley. I used to bring them to her when I was little. So, now when I miss her I will buy myself some lilacs. I can't be at her grave to leave them, so, I just buy them and put them on my dinner table and make one of her signature dishes. Then I tell stories about my mom to my kids over dinner.

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Did she have a favorite restaurant, meal, dessert? Enjoy that on her birthday either alone or with family.

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You could build a little memorial garden in a corner of your yard - then each year you could clean it up and/or plant something special.

OR, if you don't have a yard, you could make it a special son/mommy day. Take your son and do something special - like a craft or something. You could use the time to tell your son about his grandmother - he won't know about her now, but in just a couple of years, he will LOVE hearing stories about when you were a little girl.

Good luck!

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My heart goes out to you! I haven't lost my mother, but if i did and was in the same situation, I think following are things I might do - they are simple but can be so heartfelt:
-go do something that she loved to do or go somewhere she loved to go and spend time, in celebration of her
-do something that you two used to do together - if you baked cookies together, bake a batch of those cookies and share them with people - whether family or work and tell the story, keep it alive and going
-buy a beautiful bouquet of her favorite flowers and toast her with a glass of champagne or whatever you drink. The flowers will be beautiful for days and each time you see them you will smile
-if she had a favorite cake she liked for her birthday or other special occasion - if she liked a particular meal - bake or buy this (these) items and enjoy them for her in her memory
-if she liked a particular thing/object (i.e. if she liked a certain flower, favorite pet, etc.) buy a nice pin of that item and wear it that week in her memory, it's a small token, but every time you put it on or as you are wearing it and having a bad day, you will think of her and smile and each time you do that, you can just say a little "hello mom - I love and miss you!" and you will feel better. Kind of like the pink ribbons for breast cancer - ladies wear them to remember a loved one.

Always remember it doesn't matter where she is buried or where her ashes are, she is and always will be with you and in your heart and she loves you and will know you are thinking about her and how much you love her.
Big hugs!

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I know the first birthday of my dad's after he passed we planted a tree out front of my moms house that all of us kids bought. And that way if we miss him we can just go out there. I think something like that would be nice for you to do. That way when you miss her you can have a sanctuarey to go to and just be. If you live in an apartment just get a corner that you can decorate with plants or something. Just be crative. Then take your DS and your Aunt is she wants to go our to eat and just celebrate your moms life and love. But I understand my dad's birthday if coming up in 20 days from today. Luckly we usually have some sort of party on or around that day as my neice was born on his birthday.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

2 moms found this helpful

Write out one of your favorite memories of her and post it on Facebook in her honor, along with a photo. You will be surprised at how many people will connect with you on that level. My wonderful mother passed 2 years ago and each bday and on the anniversary of her passing I post something on FB. The outpouring of love and compassion is amazing, along with beautiful comments from people who simply appreciate the fact that you took the time to honor her on her bday.

1 mom found this helpful

Why don't you go somewhere you enjoyed together, museum, park, movie,church any place that was special to both of you.

1 mom found this helpful

A simple way to honor her is to go somewhere your mom enjoyed and share photos of her with your son. Tell him stories about his grandmother so that she lives on through him.

1 mom found this helpful

As to something neat to do on her birthday, I once bought tickets to a upbeat musical (Mama Mia) and invited my kids and my husband's friends one year to all go to it together on his birthday. They seemed to love it.

You can memorialize her by buying a "brick" with her name on it to something she might have liked (the renovation of her school, etc).

Create a memorial at your house in a little flower garden with perhaps a large piece of flagstone, surrounded by some evergreens. Place a heavy-enough statue of something that makes you smile (we did an chubby angel child with wings), and I put out a little living perennial plant in bloom on his birthday (and then plant it in the ground the next week so it will come up every year around that time. Callilillies are great I think)

You can plant a tree in your yard or dedicate one in a park you visit where the tree blooms around this time of year (like a Magnolia which blooms that time of year).

If those ashes aren't sealed yet, there are things that the internet (and funeral homes) sells that you can put a small bit of cremains in for yourself (a heart, a jewelry box, a picture frame).

In my closet on a shelf, I have a few fabric covered boxes that look nice together (from Hobby Lobby). You can save the greeting cards to/from her, something of her (sunglasses, ring, bookmark, watch). Perhaps you have a few of those things or could ask for some.

You might also ask your stepdad if he would will you the cremains down the road. The question becomes, how to do you plan what to do with cremains in the event of your death? You can't just think that every generation from here on will want that responsibility. Maybe if you talk to your stepdad about that, you can figure out a permanent place for the cremains down the line.

Other sweet things: Buy a bunch of fresh flowers for your table that will last that week. If she didn't have a favorite, use yours.

Buy a coffee cup for yourself that speaks lovingly or whimsically to you. (Look at the Hallmark store)

Or, have one of those photocups made online with her picture or one of the two of you. The more informal the better.

Make/order one of those photobooks online that have your favorite pictures of her and you and DS and anyone else near and dear to her and you.

Buy a locket for yourself, put her picture in it, and wear it on her birthday week.

Pay for a brief subscription to Ancestry.com long enough to add in whatever info you have for your mom and spend a bit of time looking for her ancestors. you can scan in official documents to formalize the chain (her birth certificate and death certificate, your and your DS birth certificate, your DS). I don't know if you can put in a scan of the obit posted, a picture of the urn, etc. You wouldn't want this info lost and it can be quite fun and interesting for others and your kids and theirs.

Plant a rose bush, tree or her favorite flower in your yard for her. You can buy stone markers and put it in your garden and have a place to mourn or celebrate!

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