Postpartum 101: What to Delegate to Friends & Family
Wash the dishes. Shop for diapers. Do the laundry. Smile for guess. Shop for diapers. Prepare meals. Grocery shopping, including more diapers. Chauffeur older kids to school, lessons and activities. When you have a brand-new baby, all you want to do is snuggle with him and rest, but all the things that needed doing before baby are still there and waiting; life goes on, whether you’re ready or not. And, since you and your partner probably aren’t getting nearly enough sleep, those small things left undone seem huge.
So, how to you cope with getting things accomplished and not losing your sanity —or that precious time with your baby? Delegate, delegate, delegate — you can’t do it all, and it’s unrealistic to demand that of yourself. In fact, according to Marva Caldwell, a mental health expert, your ability to ask for help is key to strengthening your coping skills and cutting down on those feelings of being overwhelmed, which, in turn, reduces your anxiety levels and helps you relax. Dr. Deena Blanchard, pediatric and postpartum depression expert, points out, “Having a newborn is often exhausting. Aside from the physical exhaustion of having just given birth, you are likely not getting much sleep. These adorable little ones, need to eat very frequently (about every 2-3 hours) and have their days and nights mixed up which often leads to poor sleep for moms and dads and being super tired. There is also the challenge of dealing with a whole new person in your life and one who is totally dependent on you. By delegating some responsibilities, it will help decrease the stress load on the new parents.”
Delegating tasks begins before baby arrives. Make a list of everything that needs to be done on a daily and weekly basis — things like household cleaning (dishes, dusting, vacuuming, laundry, bathrooms, etc.), daily errands and activities, and even baby care. Create a calendar of weekly events that you can post on the refrigerator for volunteers to check. Alexandra Weinberger, certified labor and postpartum doula, suggests, “Keep a list of small tasks you need done — a load of baby laundry, dishes, some groceries — on the fridge. When family and friends come by, ask if they can help with a task or two.”
Are you expecting out-of-town guests to visit you and your new baby? Pick two or three of your most organized and efficient friends, and put them in charge of keeping those guests entertained and delivered to where they need to be. You can even work out a code phrase to let those gatekeepers know when you need for them to take everyone out of the house so you can bond with baby or take a short nap.
Dr. Paul DePomp, PsyD, ABPP and director of the PCIT Institute of South California/Newport Beach, offers this advice: “Get a family member or your partner to feed the baby during the nights to allow you to catch up with your deprived sleep.” In terms of food, he says, “Limit yourself to ‘administrative’ type tasks so you can focus on being healthy.” This might mean sending out an email to friends and family before baby arrives, asking them to set up a meal chain to deliver homemade meals every day or two.
“Ask friends or family to help you keep at least one room clean,” recommends DePomp. “Just like pre-baby, when your home was clean, it brought back a relaxed sense of positivity. Be flexible; you can target one room.” You can even switch to paper plates and disposable forks for a while!
Blanchard also points out, “Keep in mind your friends and family are not mind readers and may need to be told how you need them to help. The best thing to do is to ask directly for what you need.” She also points out that it can be difficult to let go and delegate, because we all have our own, specific ways to do things. Her advice is to “try to give specific instructions on how you would like the task done.”
In addition, Blanchard says, "You should not delegate anything you don’t feel comfortable with someone else doing. If you prefer to put your baby to sleep or to cook food, then don’t delegate those tasks.
Pam Martin has been writing professionally since the early 1980s, on a wide variety of topics. She brings 20 years of classroom teaching and tutoring experience to the party, including early elementary classes and courses in writing, reading and literature, history, geography and government at middle and high schools. She is also accomplished in crafting and in writing about projects, including her blogs, Roots and Wings From the Village, The Corner Classroom, and Sassy Scribbler, which encompass crafting, cooking, lesson plans, and professional writing advice.
