Parent as Coach Approach: Coach Your Teen in The Game of Life

A Message to Parents:

If you respect me, I will hear you.
If you listen to me, I will feel understood.
If you understand me, I will feel appreciated.
If you appreciate me, I will know your support.
If you support me as I try new things, I will become responsible.
When I am responsible, I will grow to be independent.
And in my independence, I will respect you and love you all of my life.

Thank you,

Your Teenager

In an earlier post, I discussed how fourteen years ago I rebuilt the parent/teen relationship with my son using tools and strategies from a successful career coaching business people how to live their best lives.

At that time, I asked over 100 teens what was missing from their lives, and how they wanted to be treated. Their answers shocked me! I then assembled their top seven responses, most popular first, in the poem above.

I realized to effectively respond to my teen’s needs, I would have to turn these ‘seven requests’ into ‘seven ways.’

In short, I gave up the “parent-as-cop” and “parent-as-military-general” approach, and started using the “Parent as Coach Approach,”® which put the seven ways into real-time, everyday action. To my surprise, it worked almost instantly!

Seven Action Items

1. RESPECT. Tell your teen, “ I respect you,” instead of, “I am proud of you.” Focus your respect on their qualities, not their accomplishments or behavior.

2. LISTEN. Listen to learn. Do not interrupt! Give them plenty of space while they are talking. Be actively curious, but not probing or prying.

3. UNDERSTAND. Try putting yourself in the shoes of a young person at this time in history. Tell them you cannot possibly understand what it is like to be a teen today, and then ask them to help you learn more about how it is.

4. APPRECIATE. Make a list of what you appreciate about your teen. Start using the word ‘appreciate’ with them, about them, and to them. While you are at it, learn to appreciate your own unique talents and skills.

5. SUPPORT. Find ways to support them, to help them learn – even from mistakes. Drop back from rescuing, hovering, managing, helicoptering, or supervising every move and decision they make.

6. RESPONSIBILITY. Encourage self-responsibility by asking them to be accountable to their word. Tell them that following through on their word is an honorable way to live.

7. INDEPENDENCE. Introduce the word and concept of ‘choice.’ Ask them to make age appropriate choices within the scope of safety, healthy boundaries, and respect for others.

Using this approach, I have successfully helped parents rebuild relationships with their children; restoring peace, communication, love and harmony to families around the world. I know that by using the Parent As Coach® tools, strategies and information, you can do it, too.

Start thinking about making this shift in your own life. Remember, it is never too late to start.

Onward!

Diana Sterling

Diana Sterling is the founder and author of ‘The Parent as Coach Approach.’ She is known as a messenger of hope for families and an advocate for healthy parents, teens and children around the world. Diana can be reached at www.dianasterling.com