Mama's Mind Games

I’m not sure if I’m sharing helpful information here or just inviting you all to laugh at my neuroses, but either way I thought I’d take a moment to share a couple of mind games that help me cling to the shreds of my sanity.

Thankfully, we’ve ALMOST outgrown the first: the “snarky commentator” game. If you shop at the same Wal-Mart or Fareway as my son and I, you may have heard this one in action. When my son throws a HUGE public tantrum and I can’t haul him out of the store (NOT an option when you’re out of toilet paper!) and I’m TRYING not to lose it in public, I start in on the commentary.

“I’m SO sorry you have the World’s Meanest Mommy and she won’t let you stand up in the cart.”

“I KNOW you’re upset, but I don’t think the guys in the meat department heard you, can you scream LOUDER?”

It helps me keep my sanity and we get out of the store with the toilet paper. It also provides the occasional laugh for bystanders. An older lady had a giggle fit the other day when I told my son “You’re driving me crazy. I KNOW it’s a very short trip, but we’re getting there fast.” I don’t think it will scar him for life, and besides, I’d hate for him to show up for a therapy appointment and have nothing to talk about!

I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow the “how do I want to be wrong?” game. I find that it’s an awesome mental shortcut. The long mental path runs something like this:

“I don’t know what to do! If I decide to do THIS, those people over there will tell me I’m doing it wrong and judge me. If I decide to do THAT, these people over here will tell me I’m doing it wrong and judge me. But it’s my family and I have to decide SOMETHING…..”

Personally, I find asking “how do I want to be wrong?” is an empowering and liberating question. So many times there IS no right answer or decision. Right or wrong, I’m the one who’s responsible for making the choice, and MY family and I are the ones who’ll have to live with it—not those people sitting in self-appointed judgement.

It works whether the decision is big, little, or in-between.

Do I want to be wrong because my preschooler is screaming in the checkout line?

OR

Do I want to be wrong because I gave in and bought the M&Ms?

Trust me, there is no way to please everyone watching—and listening!—but it’s MY choice and I get to decide which is more important at that moment—teaching that the “I wants” don’t always work or getting out of the store without me melting down, too.

Do I want to get stared at and judged for the sound of my toddler’s screams?

OR

Do I want to get stared at and judged for nursing a two year-old in public?

I almost always went with nursing because very few people actually notice a nursing toddler, but a whole store could hear him scream!

Is it worse to raise a son without a father?

OR

Is it worse for my son to have a father who’s unwilling, and will be in and out of his life (mostly out)?

I voted in favor of stability, but many other moms have chosen otherwise. It all depends on what YOU can live with, and why.

Once you’ve reminded yourself that it’s YOUR choice, and that you can NOT make everyone happy (even if you want to) or be right all the time (pretty hard when most of the time there is no one right answer), then it becomes a lot easier to decide if you want to live with the consequences of choice A or choice B.

Do you have any Mama Mind Tricks you’d like to share? I know I at least can use all the help I can get to hang on to what’s left of my mind!

Sarah is a popular Mamapedia contributor and proud mother to son, Isaac.