Losing the Baby Weight

I ran into an acquaintance the other day who had recently delivered a baby. She looked phenomenal, with no remnants whatsoever of the baby weight lingering around.

“How the hell do you look like that?” I asked, not even attempting to mask my utter annoyance.

“Oh, you know,” she explained. “Since I had a baby plus a toddler, I just spend all of my time running after them so the weight fell off. Plus, I just never seem to remember to eat!”

That was not the response I wanted to hear.

I’ve seen countless celebrities singing the same tune and it always makes me crazy. I have three kids and I have never once found myself running after them. Maybe I’ll dash over if I hear a loud thud followed by silence, but certainly not often enough to break a sweat. Sure, I’m with them constantly, but my normal pace is more like a saunter. My heart rate is steady and you could never call gently pushing a kid on a swing an aerobic workout.

And, how does one forget how to eat? Like, ever? The only time I ever came remotely close to not eating three square meals plus snacks daily was when I was working in an office for ten hours a day, in a cubical all alone. But, babies eat regularly. Kids are constantly asking for snacks and meals and treats. Never mind, that their plated constantly need to be “cleaned.” As a mother you are surrounded by food– how on earth is it forgettable?!

If you’re rocking a post-baby body and I ask how you got it, please give me a response like:

“I’m starving and miserable, but I really wanted to get in these freaking jeans again”

“Breastfeeding. It’s the best diet ever.”

“I work my ass off at the gym 24/7.”

“Genetics. You should see my mom.”

“Honestly, I have no idea how the hell it came off so fast.”

Or, even the dreaded, “I’m eating less and moving more.”

Those I can understand. I can’t relate to them, but I can live with them.

But, please don’t give me the running around and forgetting to eat nonesense.

I’ve been there. I know better.

Jill Smokler (who blogs honestly about motherhood at Scary Mommy) is currently writing her first book, Confessions of a Scary Mommy, available Mother’s Day 2012 from Simon & Schuster. She lives in Baltimore, Maryland along with her husband and three nearly perfect children.