For the Kids: Dealing with a Serious Illness in the Family

If I had a nickle for every time I’ve heard how well I’m keeping things together lately, I’d be able to afford that vacation I so desperately need.

But the truth is, I don’t feel held together at all. I feel like my world has crumbled at my feet and the day to day life I’m living is actually some weird Twilight Zone episode. The reality of living day to day knowing that someone whom you love is very close to you is dying is very surreal.

Some days I am so busy carrying on the regular activities of my kids and our household that I barely feel like I’ve stopped to absorb the realness of what is undoubtedly coming. Some days I feel like I am the only one holding it together and that I have to be the strong one. Some days I feel like the only one who’s knees are going weak at the mere thought of it all.

But mostly, I think I keep it all together day in and day out, at least until the sun goes down, because of my kids. I have in no way of completely sheltering them from the reality of what is going on.

When my mom began treatment 2 years ago (her third go around with cancer) we told the boys that Gramma is sick and she’s taking some strong medicine to help her get better. We talked about how the medicine made her sick sometimes and made her very tired. They knew that the reason they began to see her much less was because she was so tired.

Then when it was decided recently that she would try no further treatment, I consulted some people, got some books and sat down to talk to them. I was sick to my stomach that whole day knowing that I would be talking to them that night at bed time. But I was amazed at how easy it was to talk to them. I was surprised at how much they seemed to have gathered long before I came out and told them. And while they recognize that they will miss her and that she is far too young to be taken from us, they handled it better than I could have even asked.

They’ve been down a similar path when MY Gramma passed away from Brain Cancer, but they were much younger. But even at their young age then (2 and 3) their wisdom was amazing. One day while we were driving in the car I began to cry a little as we reminisced about my grandmother. My then 3 year old, looked at me and simply asked me why I was crying, and reminded me I would see her again.

So maybe, it’s NOT that I am holding things together FOR my kids, maybe its BECAUSE of them. If you’re dealing with a serious illness in your family, the reality is, the children probably know and understand far more than we’re even capable of trying to explain to them. Tell them what you’re able and be sure to let them know they can come to you with any questions, but then be prepared to be surprised by how well they cope!

Lisa Noel, Office Manager and mom to boys, a first grader, kindergarten and one and a half year old. A self described “Jack of all trades, master of none,” Lisa enjoys spending time with her boys, watching them play sports, watching movies, listening to music, writing and taking photos.