Your Thoughts?

I think that this is tough. I think the Mom should first try to sit down with the daycare and try to work out a solution first.

Also, the Mom should work with him at home to understand that while that is fun, some people might not understand. Try to channel it into other imaginative play. Or say that instead of sayign I'm going to fight you with my sword, maybe that he and the friend try to fight a pretend dragon.

I would also advise the Mom to switch to more age appropriate movie watching. Spider Man and Star Wars are not for a 3 year old, they are much too violet and scary for a child that age. Try Cars, or any of the Disney movies - they do have ones that are more boy oriented. There are also kid shows he might like - Thomas The Tank Engine (it has lots of crashes and my 3 year old likes it), Bob the Builder, Go Diego Go, Cailou, etc.

Unfortunately, even though it's creative, it's politically charged right now and considered violence. I would say for the mom to really reinforce to him (and have the teachers do so as well) GENTLY that there is a "no guns" rule at school. Or "We can't pretend to hurt people at school."
I taught daycare for several years and did school-aged afterschool care as well, and unless I felt like the child was really trying to be violent or act out with these creative stories, I would always just use the phrases above. I would even tell my own nephew that "we don't play guns at Aunt M.'s house." Usually a child will listen and then 10 minutes later you have to remind them again- just like for anything else!
After awhile, they begin to catch themselves!

I do think that watching violence is inappropriate, but it's hard to know where to draw the line. I mean, let's be real- we probably all enjoyed Tom & Jerry cartoons as a child but we never cut off a cat's tail, etc.

I would ask to speak with the administrator and the teachers involved and ask for solutions. If the daycare is not willing to cooperate and give suggestions (they should be educated and have ideas for how she can work with this at home) then definitely change daycares anyway. It's not worth it to fight with who is watching your children- you should both be on the SAME side.

My 2c!
Amanda

K.,

Well, this is an interesting one. I can see it both ways. These days (and in view of recent tragedies at VA Tech) I think schools have a very strict policy with regard to any sort of violence. That being said...HE'S THREE! Lol.

I don't think the daycare is being TOO overly sensitive, not enough to switch centers. As a mother of a child in daycare, the idea of another child running around saying he's going to "shoot" my son doesn't go over too well. I think that's the reason for the strict reaction from the center. There was a time when my son was coming home and saying "bad boy" whenever he did something he wasn't supposed to (like touch the TV). That bothered me as we choose not to tell Jacob HE'S a "bad boy". I asked the director if those were the terms they use when Jacob does something wrong and she said absolutely not. We found that he learned it from another child. Those things will happen. But, if kids go home and say something like, "I'm going to shoot you." or "I'm going to fight you with my sword." I think other parents are going to react to that.

The two-week suspension? That's a little harsh IMHO. Is your friend willing to modify her sons behavior? Has she sat down with the teachers/director to come to an agreeable way to help him stop saying these things? Unfortunately, I think that even if she changes centers this will be an issue there. If your friend is happy with everything else at the center then changing wouldn't be a good idea.

As the mom of a 22 month old, this post really makes me think (even more) about what is on our TV and what our son will watch.

This seems a bit overboard by the daycare. But I think another poster had it right stating how charged this whole topic is right now. Extreme times call for extreme measures, I suppose. It's unfortunate.

I have two girls actually but one of mine (4 yo also) is very into superheros and she 'play' fights with myself and her dad often. We explain to her over and over that she may only play 'fight' with us - not with anyone at school or friends in the neighborhood as someone may get hurt. Maybe your friend could tell her son this? I know there are things we say in our house that aren't allowed at school - sometimes the rules are different for behavior and words at school than at home - I figure it's time my daughter learned there are different rules in different places and this whole topic is a perfect example.

Hmmm... tough. I think in this day and age people have to take precaution. Hopefully the mom was able to work with the daycare and that the daycare was able to provide some suggestions as to how to cease the behavior. And did the Mom ask what the daycare has done when he has said these sorts of things? Or is there a "time and place" to play cops/robbers but for children not to use "sensitive" words and are those clearly defined? Two weeks is a little crazy... My guess is that if she just switches daycare she might run into the same issue and should definitely curb what he is watching. I know my DH and I get into arguments over what the kids view (and they are only 9.5 months). It's never too young.

I have two boys, and one of them is DEFINITELY creative and imaginative. Even the one who's not, will do some of that. I honestly don't think that it's the fact that she let him see those movies.. boys just seem to pick up that stuff.. it's almost part of who they are. I think suspending a kid at 3 for imaginative play is a bit much. Now if he's actually ACTING aggressive, that's a different story. Usually the kids pick up on what's acceptable, and where. I think the daycare needs to just let him know that police games and sword fighting are better for AT HOME. I am not sure a three year old is going to learn anything from not being in daycare for a couple weeks. I would definitely make sure that the 'problem' is just his words, or the actions he's following thru with. Hope that helps... I would be willing to talk more, email if you like.

I have a 3 year old son who behaves practically the same way....only he's never seen Spiderman or Star Wars! He has seen Lion King (cartoon) and The Land Before Time cartoons. My son has a very vivid imagination, so I do let him play like that (he likes to "pretend" fight like they do in Lion King) but I also explain that "real" fighting is not nice, etc. This way, he learns the difference between real and fake, nice and not nice, acceptable and not acceptable.

My son's daycare hasn't mentioned a peep to me about his creative play being a problem, so maybe he doesn't do it there. But I find that kinda hard to believe. Anyway, if I were your friend, I'd tell the daycare to use his behavior as a teaching example.... Suspending him is the wrong way to handle behavior that really is pretty normal for little boys.

Although the daycare may be going overboard in this situation, given recent events related to violence and potential litigation they sometimes do not have a choice. A practical example - Everyone has to walk on eggshells because since "not enough was done" to try to keep the Va. Tech shooter from murdering 32 innocent victims and wounding several others, every little action or inaction is being called into question. I would guess that even if the daycare believes he means no harm by his statement or play styles, if they don't "do anything to curb it" and something does go wrong or he does become violent and hurts another child, it's their a$$ that will get in trouble. Let's say another child goes home and says to their parent "Billy said he was going to shoot me", you can just imagine the grief and hassle the daycare center might get, especially if Billy winds up hurting the kid.

And, I agree with many of the others who have responded about boys not being able to play as boys anymore. Sad.

As long as he isn't actually hitting other kids with a "sword" or being physically agressive in any way, I don't see the problem. That's what boys do for goodness sake. Are little boys not allowed to play Cowboys or Police anymore? I think the daycare is being overly sensitive based on what you have said.

My three-year-old has a big brother who has playdates over, so he doesn't have to see any movies to use phrases like that in play (and not even my 6yo has been allowed to see Spider Man, now that I think of it). Maybe she isn't giving you the whole story (is he actually attacking or scaring other children?) or maybe the daycare isn't the right one for them. If the daycare has rules about no superhero play or talk, a) I would leave and b) if she doesn't want to leave, they need to figure out how to come up with a way to teach the kids to follow the rules. What's the mother supposed to do, go to daycare with him to remind him?

Hi K.,

I have not read anyone's response so I am not sure if I am repeating myself but for Godsake he is only 3. It's normal that he has this behavior. Every child loves superheros. My son is the same exact way, he is such a loving boy but when it's time for him to play he mimicks the superheroes. He says when he grows up he wants to be Spiderman, I explain to him that Spiderman is a good person, that he helps good people just so he can understand that there is bad and good and the reason he fights the bad guys is because he is protecting the good people, just like the policemen. He ask if policemen are bad because they carry guns, so I kind of explain the same scenario. I personally think the daycare is exaggerating. Now if the child is going to school and hurting other kids then thats a whole different story and the daycare has a right to be concerned. Other than that, he is being a normal 3 year old with a vivid imagination.

My son too, plays guns and has pretend sword fights from watching peter pan and captain hook fight. Seems that little boys can't be little boys anymore. I am 41 and have a 2 and a half year old and a 10 month old. When we were young my brothers played guns and it was not even given a second thought.
Sad how society has become..

hi K. c
the teacher have every right to be concern because he to young in the first place to do thing like that. Their are so many thing for a 3 years old to watch on tv only for kids. And watching dose kind of movie it not right to see. Look what going on with the world now. Growing up to fast. We have to keep their mind busy in positive thing good thing. There are to many things for 3 year old to think like that. One thing the safety of the other kids is important. Please tell your friend their are good kids movie he will enjoy better stop stop
him watch dose movie