Yet Another Childish Relationship Question from M.=)

You know, relationships are full of issues J. like this O..
Is the non-cuddling a deal breaker for you?
If not, then you'll need to do what most couples that love each other do regarding issues with which they are not on the same page: Compromise and toleration.

The important thing to remember is that love is not in any way defined by physical proximity on the couch. Now believing THAT would be childish! There's J. SO much more to a mutually loving relationship.

You are not a baby!! haha

This is the oppisite sides point of view... I myself am NOT a cuddler..and my husband is big time! I would say J. make sure youo are open with each other... You need to make sure you tell him what you need. I honestly am like a furnance and get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when my hubby tries to cuddle M.... I do have to find other ways to let him know I love him. Back rubs while watching TV are great I will rub him or he will rub M... I dont feel like I am getting smothered but yet there is that physical connection :)

Yes, you are being a baby :) But, seriously, I think it might help for you to snuggle up with a big, cuddly blanket. Let him watch tv in peace, and snuggle into a corner of the couch with your big blanket. Get plenty of cuddle time in with your daughter during the day.

Amazingly enough, even this can be negotiated. J. tell him you like to cuddle because it makes you feel loved and can you do it sometimes, but certainly not all of the time. And, tell him as part of the deal you will ask first if he feels like it or not and give him the choice.

I'm a quality time kind of girl and my husband is an acts of service kind of guy. I want his attention and he wants to feel taken care of. We have gotten very good at letting each other know what we need. Not is a "you aren't meeting my needs" kind of way, but more like "hey, do you think we can find time to spend alone when you get home?" or "do you think you could make the meatballs I really like?" That way even though we both express and interperet love in different ways, both our needs get met.

That's how we cope!

aw your a cuddler how cute! Well I'm a kisser. I always wanted to be kissing my husband. It will be 11 years in March of 2012. We dated almost 2 years then decided to move together. One day I went to kiss him before he went to work and he pulled away. We weren't mad or anything he J. pulled away and said I love you Bye. I was frustrated and thought my breath stunk or something. But we talked later and he said that he is not a big kisser. When we are intimate, he kisses A LOT! But our everyday life he says he's J. not a big fan of it. I don't know why but I let it go. I said if he doesn't like to kiss but he still says I love you and he's responsible and he's lovable and kind and the intimacy is awesome, I really cannot be mad or upset. Like I said, it will 11 years soon and now he asks M. for kisses out of the blue. It's so cute and I will tell him sometimes.....no I don't want to LOL! But he knows I'm playing. So maybe if he shows you in other ways that he loves you, then maybe you will be okay without all the cuddling. Good luck honey and you are not a baby. You are a woman who loves her man and he is lucky to have someone like you on his side!

First, you are not a baby. You are actually pretty mature and self-aware to know these things about yourself. So kudos to you!!
Second, I like to be touched and I like to snuggle up with my DH. He hates to be touched. Hates holding hands, hates snuggling on the couch, and refers to M. as his "furnace wife" (and he likes to be cold). The answer, like all things in serious relationships, is compromise. Most of the time we sit on either end of the couch, or J. by each other (not snuggling) when we are watching TV. Most of those times I have something in my hands that needed doing -- repair a child's coat, work on a project of mine, play SuDoKu on my phone -- that I do while we are watching TV. Add to that the fact that I am up and down getting drinks for kids or tossing them back in their rooms to get them to go to sleep, and snuggling is out of the question. But this is most of the time -- not ALL of the time.
And, like you, I was hesitant to initiate snuggling or holding hands because I thought he didn't want it or need it. After about 10 years of being hesitant, I figured out that he may not be aware that he needs it, but he does -- J. not all the time. That made M. more willing to initiate physical contact with him. So now, sometimes I snuggle up to him and he puts his arm around M. and we J. watch TV.
The other key to this is (another one of those things required in serious relationships) communication. I told him, without blaming him, that I need more physical contact than he does. And asked him if he could do that for M. -- that sometimes I J. need a hug, or to hold his hand, so when I reach out for it, that it would be very helpful for M. to not have him J. shrug it off. And in return, I wouldn't ask for it ALL the time, but when I needed it. And it works. Sometimes he still shrugs it off, but since he is responding most of the time, and even initiating it sometimes, that is ok.
So have a talk with your SO, and let him know what you need while also letting him know that you will be giving him what he needs too.

wow, kinda yeah a little bit babyish, but dont let that bother ya. It hurts my feelings when my husband does that stuff as well. I would much rather he J. say it nicely right away then let M. go on doing something he hates for a while, and then saying it. Usually mine puts it in not so nice terms. J. get ready for some answers on here that your insane, need therapy, dont communicate right, dont respect him, dont do enough for him, and that your in 7th grade.... I J. went through the ringer myself on a question!!! Its ok to feel a little bummed out, maybe try to do something he really likes one night to divert his attention away from the TV for some cuddling or something,

You're not a baby - you J. have a different love language. There's series of books about love languages (love language and kids, for spouse, etc)- for some it's acts of service, or touch, or gifts.

etc.http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-fiv...

My love language is acts of service. When I want to show that I care I want to do something for you. One year for Father's Day I spent an entire, hot, sweaty day cleaning out the shed thiking my DH would cherish this gorgeious clean shed as a valued gift. (We have a large, fully packed shed.) My husband was not even slightly impressed. His love language is gifts. On Christmas morning he counts how many gifts I've given him. As ift regard sthe kids he makes sure we've gotten them the exact same amount and value. He asks M., ahead of time, how much did I spend on him? He feels it must be kept even. I couldn't care less. By the way, he's 47, I'm 52 - we're together more than 20 years, sharing the same bank account for 17 - so the money things shouldn't matter - it's coming from the same wallet!

My DD's love language is physical touch. She needs to be hugged, to lounge on top of us on the couch, she'll come and sit on my lap (she's now 2 inches taller than M.). My son's love language is words of affirmation. He really responds when I tell him how proud I am of things he's done, work he's accomplished, etc.

Once you can identify yours and others' love language it's like you can suddenly speak their language and you realize you've lived in a foreign land all this time not fully understanding what they've been trying to say!

Check it out - see if your local library has the book - or buy it - it's well worth the investment!

I think you both need to compromise.

I'm the type of woman that will cuddle for a few but want to separate and not cuddle constantly. Thank goodness my husband is very similar that way. However, I've been in relationships where the guy is always wanting to cuddle... It feels smothering. If both of you can't compromise, then you'll probably be left feeling unhappy.

I J. wanted to thank you for posting this question! I was about to post the opposite point (I'm not a cuddler, hubby is). Reading the responses to your question helped feel better & that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I love my DH with all my heart but there are times (a lot lately) that I feel stifled and it doesn't help much in the bedroom either because I feel like he's been hanging on M. all evening & I J. want to wave my arms & scream for space! I try to be there for him & I've told him how I feel, it doesn't always stick but we try.

I would suggest some humor about it??? Give him part of the evening to unwind, maybe after the kids go to bed....say something like "ok! I need a bit of cuddle time!!!! I'm comin' in!!! dive in & get 30 min or so.

I know for M., I don't mind this as bad as being snuck up on for 2 hours & never feeling like I have my space.