Would You Take Your Kids to a Funeral at Arlington National Cemetery?

Updated on October 07, 2011
C.O. asks from Reston, VA
26 answers

My old boss from SHAPE, Gen. Shalikashvili, died and they are burying him today at Arlington...my boys are 9 and 11 so they NEVER met him. However, he's a 4-star general and very respected...

would you take your kids or not?

Okay - just got back!! Good thing I didn't take the kids...there were sooo many people they wouldn't have been able to see much of anything. All of the military bands were there...it was an incredible service...but my boys wouldn't have been able to see the flag being folded and given to Mrs. Shalikashvili - President Clinton was there - he gave such a WONDERFUL and touching eulogy...made us laugh too. Madeline Albright was there too and made us laugh too. So sitting in a church for a little over an hour listening to people talk about General Shali wouldn't have been too fun for them and they would've been disappointed that they weren't able to see the caisson going through the cemetery either.

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So What Happened?

well, this kinda sucks...my husband doesn't want them to go to this one...because they didn't know him and he thinks it might be tacky for me to show up with my kids who didn't know him...

I can't go behind his back on this one....but I do see what he says...also there should be a crowd..

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

I would normally say no, but given this is a respected general who will be remembered in history, I'd bring them. At the very least, they'll get to learn more about him and his accomplishments.

7 moms found this helpful

R.D.

answers from Richmond on

I think it's a great time to teach them about respect. It's better to do it this way, then to take them to a funeral for someone they knew and loved dearly, you know? As long as YOU'RE up for it, I think it would be wonderful to show them how respect doesn't go away because you're deceased. Things like this, there's usually a lot less grief as well... it's a great learning lesson.

I would totally take the girls... the baby, not so much ;)

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A.C.

answers from Washington DC on

honestly I would leave it up to the kids. they are old enough to decide if they want to go to the funeral or not.

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T.N.

answers from Albany on

Yes, I would take them. They'll remember the importance for the rest of their lives. Excellent learning op, and better still they never met the guy. Hell, I'D like to go! It must be a very impressive thing.

Sorry about your boss. Geez, big week for you.

:)

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Yes. I think being boys, they will enjoy (sorry, wrong word) all of the pomp and circumstance surrounding the burial.

Maybe you can take them over to see the eternal flame (which sounds so mysterious when you're a kid) and to the changing of the guard after the funeral.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Yes, I would. At age 9 and 11 they are old enough to understand that death is a natural part of life. Military funerals at Arlington are stunning and such a rare experience. My great uncle was a 4 star General. He is buried there and we all flew up for the funeral. I have to tell you that it was breath-taking and something your children should experience if they have the opportunity.

5 moms found this helpful

J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

I would have asked them but I would think my kids would love to go. Military funerals are so amazing. Heck my kids would want to see one even if they had no clue who the person is.

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R.K.

answers from Appleton on

I think it would be a great opportunity for them to learn some living history. Arlington goes back to the Civil War and was actually on Gen. Robert E. Lee's property. Pres. John and Jackie Kennedy are buried there. They might be a little young to have any history as part of their schooling yet but when they do it will have so much more impact if they see it or themselves.

Too bad the hubby said no.

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K.M.

answers from Memphis on

Yes, I think it would be a good learning experience about the traditions and history of our country as well as a chance to pay respects to someone who has served the country well. It could be a great starter for conversations about many things.

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

At that age, I might. When my DH's cousin was buried at Arlington, there were children in that age range there. They could behave, be respectful, and walk (we had a long, cold walk) along with the horse and carriage.

Since you and DH do not agree, why not leave it to the boys? I agree that a military funeral is different and in a way it's showing respect for the military and our fallen soldiers in general. It is hard to stand in the middle of Arlington and not feel moved.

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

I can't imagine why your husband would abject. Why shouldn't as many people as possible attend a respected General's funeral, I'm sure his family would be honored the more people that are there. When we drive by Golden Gate National Cemetary on our way to SF I always talk to my girls about what all those crosses represent. They are saddened and I'll admit curious. I want them to imagine all those souls lost, the sacrifices those people and their families made as well as the horrible cost of war. It's a lesson all Americans should learn, take your boys.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

At that age, I would, so they can see how much respect we give those who have served and sacrificed for their country and hopefully learn the same respect themselves. I would make sure that you let them know what your expectations are and that they will need to be on their best behavior. Not saying they wouldn't be, but I've found it helps to make your expectations known ahead of time.

ETA: Read your SWH - that's really too bad your husband feels that way. Maybe you should print off these answers and show them to him. If you really feel that strongly about it, maybe you should just say you are taking them and that's it. Feeling differently about something than your husband and doing what you feel is right isn't really "going behind his back" if he's aware of what you are doing, IMHO.

3 moms found this helpful

L.W.

answers from Dallas on

Yes I would. It would be an honor to go and they would always remember this and hopefully have the biggest respect for our military. Sorry to hear about the loss though.

3 moms found this helpful

R.A.

answers from Providence on

I would take my 7 year old boy. I think it is important for children to have respect for those who have served this country. Taking them to Arlington is a lesson in and of itself. It is a good lesson for them to never forget those who have served so honorably. Regardless of whether or not they knew him personally.

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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

Yes - it's never to young to teach respect to those who served our country. They'll learn a lot even if they didn't know him.

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S.L.

answers from St. Louis on

ABSOLUTELY! I know funerals are hard for everyone, but what an amazing experience to 1)be at the cemetary 2) get to honor such an outstanding military person and 3) teach them about honor and respect for our country.

They are old enough that I would do it!

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

If you think they can behave appropriately then yes. Explain to them what will happen and what behavior you expect from them.

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T.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I am so sorry for your loss. *HUG*
Can you give your boys the option to go or not go?

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Take them, take them. It is not tacky. It is showing great respect and this is historical. They may never get this opportunity again. It is a good social lesson for children to learn how to behave at a funeral and to not be afraid of funerals.

2 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I would take them. My 4 year old went in the spring (not to a funeral, but to pay respects to one of my brother's friends who died while they were in Iraq and my grandfather) and he loved it. We make sure our kids know who the people in the military are and what they do for us, and I think it'd be an honor for them :). Not tacky at all to bring them,

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☆.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Absolutely! I can't imagine why your husband would see this as anything other than respectful?

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D.H.

answers from Louisville on

I see that it all worked out well in the long run!

We were on a band trip and just came out from watching (and the kids actually sitting with) the Army band during a practice. Our kids were out near this little chapel while waiting before reboarding the bus - I noticed the caisson arrive ... only one kid made a comment about "we shouldn't have been there" (tho don't know where he thought we'd go - and do believe is in the that is still current military!) ... but just had those kids stand quietly and watch. Some stood at a semi-parade rest (middle school - they weren't a marching band). Told them after we got on the bus that they did fine - showed respect to the person and family by standing quietly - and that they sure showed up the bus(es) behind us full of kids yelling and screaming!

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

No...If he were a close relative, it would be a different case.

Blessings...

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M.B.

answers from Washington DC on

I have, but it was for my grandfather. Not sure if I'd bring them if it was a non-family member. And I DID bring ALL four girls (youngest was only 6 months old at the time). They were well-behaved, and understood the seriousness of the event (well, the six month old didn't understand, of course, but she didn't cry or anything). The others were 5, 4 and 2.

I'd take a 9 and 11 year old in your situation.

1 mom found this helpful

V.C.

answers from Dallas on

We had my FIL's funeral at the cemetery in AZ this year. For several reasons, they could not be there, but I wish they could have. Military funerals are very moving.
I think it would be a good thing for your children. It wouldn't be disrespectfuf for them to be there. But if your husband does not agree, it is not worth making a fuss over.

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E.M.

answers from Honolulu on

No, the only funerals I went to as a child were for either for friends of mine, parents of friends of mine, or relative.

1 mom found this helpful
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