Would You Have Told the Truth to Your Friend?

I agree with the other moms that you did the right thing. However, my response would have been "why do you ask?" without giving an answer. I think finding out why she's asking will let you know the manner of support she was looking for. If she had said "well, some kids were making fun of him and I was wondering if other people thought he was chubby" then I would have known that she needed support in helping her son to cope with other people making fun of him. If she had said "because I was wondering if he needed to go on a diet" then I would know an honest answer would help his health.

You did the right thing! I'm just relating my response because I've found it has helped me give the right kind of support to my friends and not have to second-guess myself.

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yes, she asked....& as her friend...you told her the truth.

My rule of thumb: don't ask unless you want the truth.

Why not continue to be a good friend and go with her to Trader Joes and look at fast healthy pre-made meals she can pull from the freezer, stick in the microwave and have dinner ready as fast as you can order and pay at a fast food place that would be cheaper and healthier and at home. If you don't know which meals to choose ask someone on the helpful staff, they are great and the food is delicious (though occasionally salty so do check the sodium content before choosing). My kids love the turkey meat balls from the refrigerator section and the frozen plain pre-cooked pasta that you stick in the microwave for 3 minutes, I pull salad from a mixed bag, baby carrots and ranch dressing, put water into a pitcher, use paper plates, and honestly dinner is on the table in about 6 minutes.

Good luck to you and her. She is lucky to have a friend who cares enough both to be honest and to ask a follow-up question and take action.

Yes, as long as your tone was gentle and of concern and kindness, which I'm sure it was, you most definitely did the right thing.

I think that part of the job of being a true friend is having love and concern for your friends' and family's best interest. The fact that you had the courage to tell her the truth in a tactful manner and address your concerns for his health and lifelong habits says a lot about your integrity. Not to be too forthright, but if the thought of her child being chubby had not crossed her mind, she wouldn't have asked, and if she didn't want the truth, she shouldn't have asked the question. As long as you don't go around offering your friends a truth that they don't ask for, I don't think you are talking out of turn.

Yes, I would have told the truth, just as you did. She must have been thinking it or she wouldn't have asked you. Did she take it okay?

You gave her the truth and I don't think you did so in a mean way. I think that was nice of you to be honest.

If you guys are really good friends then I think she asked because she wanted your honest opinion. I'm glad you gave it to her - you were right to do so. I'd have done the same thing. It's not like you offered unsolicited advice (although in this case, it might have eventually been warranted!)

Yes I would have and think its great that you did. You did them both (mostly her son) a huge favor by being honest. And obviously she knew the truth already, or she wouldn't have asked. Good for you.

Yes. She asked for a reason, and I think it was to hear the truth.

Yes. She asked, you told. Too late to worry about it now. You probably did the child a favour. She needs Once-a-month cooking. She'll always have a home-cooked meal ready to heat up with no daily preparation. Works for me!

Since she asked, yes, I would have handled it exactly how you did. Using kind words and expressing your concerns, you answered her question directly. I wouldn't feel bad at all. Being a mom is hard. Being a really good mom is REALLY hard. Hopefully you gave her the push she needs to begin feeding her child, and her entire family, the right way.

Best wishes.

Truth and honesty are always the best answers. :)

Yes, i would've told her the truth...

I would have also told her I would be more than happy to show her some quick and easy meals that she can fix instead of spending money on fast - food......

I would tell her that I understand how tired she is being a single parent and that she is not alone....if there is something you can do - do it.

I would have told the truth. I hate to see kids overweight because of their parents. I know she is going through a tough time. I hope they start eating better! Its so important.

I think I would have told the truth. She is your friend, and you care about the child. As long as you responded in a kind way, she probably appreciates your honesty. We used to eat out a lot more than we should have because we were so busy all of the time and then I would be exhausted and didn't want to cook either. But this year my son asked me if I would help him eat healthier and of course I agreed. I couldn't tell you the last time we have been to a McDonald's or Taco Bell or any other fast food place. He has lot a lot of weight, and I have actually dropped almost 20 pounds without changing anything else. We try to plan ahead and have easy things to prepare on busy nights and favorites that take longer on slower nights.
Support your friend and maybe help her come up with easy options for nights when she is just too tired to cook. One day she, and her kids, will thank you.

Yeah I would've, especially if she asked. I've known my best friend for 13 years and I wouldn't hesitate to say anything, we are like that. In fact, she probably wouldn't have to ask, vice versa. Her son's endearing nick name (for me only) was my little keebler elf because he had big ears (he has grown into them now lol), she wasn't offended. I think it's great that you told her your concerns instead of just saying yea he's chubby... much more sensitive to the issue so she will think on it instead of getting defensive.

Honesty is the best policy. I don't think brutal honesty is necessary in most cases, but it sounds like you admitted it sincerely and genuinely. You are absolutely right. I worry about my own kids because we tend to do what is convenient too. We do try to have a variety of foods and eat healthfully, but it is easy to get in a rut with carryout, fast food and prepackaged items. I worry about sugar and salt intake! Ai Yi Yi!! I also know that at their ages, they will eat chicken and broccoli just as easily as if it were a burger and fries in front of them, so you are absolutely right that we, the adults, are our kids role models. They WILL eat what we eat. Hopefully, she will heed your advice and make some changes in eating habits for her kids. Hope this helps!
A.

I agreed with all the moms who said yes. If you showed you care about her and her kids, she would be glad to hear your advice. Encourage her to cook during the weekend and freeze some for the week. Another mom mentioned about Trader Joe's, which is an excellent suggestion.
You are a good and honest friend.

Yes, honesty - especially with a bluntly asked question - is usually best eventho it may not be what they want to hear.

I think you did the right thing. Even though I am sure she didn't want to hear that he was, she wanted you to validate her own feelings and reassure her that he isn't, but she knows the truth and so do you. You did a great service to her child for letting her know what you think. Maybe she will take the opportunity to speak to someone about his health and get him back on track. If you are true good friends, she will be hurt but so thankful that you told her and really admire you for it. If I were her friend, I would tell her without a doubt the truth. GL

M

You can do her a favor and invite her one night per week for dinner. Then cook as you do using healthy ingredients.
She is very likely exhausted as she says. I was too. This is what I did. Quesdilla's with olives, cheese, tomatoes salsa and vegetables that cook fast like spinach. I made as many as they could eat. Tortillas with cheese and a variety of ingredients. Pasta takes 10-12 minutes to cook. You make your sauce on Sunday and leave it in the frig until using it Monday or Tuesday. Make a big dish like lasagna or tomale pie. Freeze it and defrost as needed. Five meals five days and the food is homemade.
Help her out. SIngle motherhood is hard and as long as the children are young it is even harder. Once my kids were 11 years of age I taught them how to cook and they were responsible for a couple of meals. Our policy was whoever cooks does not clean up.

yes because she asked

I have to say....I think you did the right thing. Good for you! I know it can be hard to tell the truth in a situation like that but out of sheer concern for the wellbeing of that child you did the right thing. You are a good friend!

as long as the kids weren't there and she can tell you love her child I say you did the right thing.

Yep.
I would have done so too.

She asked you... thus, she is probably thinking the same thing.

Kids, can get Diabetes... very young. Already.
Poor Diet and lack of activity etc.
She can speak to her Pediatrician.... hopefully, she does take them to their annual well-child visits.

Yes, I would have told her the truth, you did the right thing.

I would have told her the truth, but I would have also told her that I was understanding of why her kids eat the way they do. The woman is doing the best with the situation that she was forced in to. I think it is easy for you to judge her seeing as how you have a husband to share the responsibility of raising your kids. You may think differently if you had to work full time, raise the kids all on your own, and have every other responsibility squarely on your shoulders 100%. I am married and a SAHM too. While I think your accessment of the quality of the meals is accurate, I don't think you took into consideration the whole situation. If you want to be a real friend then how about cooking some meals that can go into the fridge for her to pull out 2 or 3 nights a week? You shouldn't mind since you have the time to do that and aren't tired, right??

You already did tell her the truth... So how did she react?

Was she upset?
I have a friend whose kid is chubby. She knows it. She would never ask me if I think he's chubby because it's obvious that he is.
She too is divorced and her son goes back and forth between her and his father and he doesn't do anything but eat and play video games when he's with his dad. She tries to balance it out and keep him active and eating well when he's with her.
It's an ongoing issue.

Obviously you were comfortable being honest so I don't see a problem with that, but if she had lashed out, then I think I would have said you went beyond answering her specific question.

"Is he chubby?"
"Yes."

But if she complained about his weight then you would have been right on to tell her your opinion.

I understand her position about being tired, I am now a single mother and when the day comes to a close, I want to just call up Calgon.

I have been in this situation. The mom said "Can you believe how chubby X is getting?" (We were watching them play a sport.) I said, "Really, do you think so--has he gained a few pounds?" It was after winter-he was being a couch potato. She eliminated some before bedtime snacks & he slimmed down. So.....I guess I just kind of side-stepped it.

Hi J.,

Yes, I would've told her the same thing. Her son could end up with some serious health problems because of his weight. With eating out most of the time and having fast food or pizza, that puts on the weight. Your friend really needs to start giving him more healthier, nutrituous meals and fast food or pizza on occasion. I would really encourage this and maybe she can ask her pediatrician for some ideas on how he can lose some weight. Good luck!

I. K.
I. K.

If she asked for your opinion, by all means...give it. I do like the why do you ask question statement...for everything really. Since sometimes when most people ask questions like this, they really know the truth.

If we can't count on our true, life-long friends for the truth... who can we count on?

Yes. I also would have offered to help her with meal planning. For example, how to make things on the weekend and freeze them to reheat during the week. You could even go over and help her some weekends get some meals ready.

I think you were 100% right to be honest.

Yes! Maybe you helped instigate her to make some changes in her lifestyle that she knows deep down that she needs to make. If you had played denial along with her, nothing will change.

I would have told the truth too. My best friend and I crossed the be honest even when it hurts bridge decades ago (we have been friends 25+ years). I'd rather hear the truth from a friend whom I knows cares about me and my family.

The advice to look at healthy frozen options at Trader Joe's is a good idea. Amy's is also a healthy brand of frozen food in a lot of supermarkets near me. I bet she is having a hard time now. Would she be grateful or offended if you offered to make her a batch of one of your heathier family favorites for her freezer? Among my friends we have done that when someone has a new baby and it is a big help.