Would You Have Another Child If It Would Risk Your Life?

You have one "healthy" child.. Leave it be..You don't want to have a 2nd child and have no mommy there for either one, do you? Stay with one :0)

I wouldn't. My family needs me too much to risk it. If I was set on having another child, I would start getting the ball rolling with adoption instead. Just my two cents ...

In a word, NO. I wouldn't do it. I understand your longing, I really do. However, what would you accomplish...if your existing child, a newborn baby, and husband are left without you? Yes, in a normal pregnancy things CAN happen. But, the truth is...normally things don't happen. You can be guaranteed to at the very LEAST, to not have a normal pregnancy. At age 44, the chance for birth defects are already very high, then you add your preexisting condition on top of that.To be quite honest, I seriously doubt your child is "desperate" for a sibling. He wants what everyone else has. That's what kids do, they beg and plead for what they don't have and think they really want. Perhaps, you're looking for a reason to convince yourself a baby is a very good idea. I think your son wanting a sibling might be your reason. It's not a good one. A 7 year old, doesn't know what he really wants. Do what you...the mother and adult... KNOW whats best, not what a child wants. Talk about adoption again, it's a wonderful way to have a child.

I was diagnosed with cancer the day before my son's second birthday and before my daughter turned 11 weeks old.

I have no guarantees my cancer won't come back any day, and I do want to have more kids. My oncologist has cleared me. But, it weighs heavily on me. If I have a recurrence, I have one more treatment option, a stem cell transplant that is successful in 50% of patients. I want my children to have a mother, but I also know it's quite possible anything can happen.

My first instinct in your case is not to have another child and to adopt or do foster parenting for your son to have a sibling. He needs his mother, and your situation is so gravely different from mine.

However, I'd advise you to see many cardiologists and neonatologists to help you with your decision as possible. There may be clinical trials on new medications being tested for your condition, experts you haven't had access to, etc.

Clinicaltrials.gov is a great site to be able to see if there's anything you may be able to participate in and make this decision more clear for you.

Good luck!

I just had the most horendous pregnancy with my third I landed in the hospital many times nearly on my death bed, I had to go in for IV treatments every other day at least, and to top that all off I ended up hospitalized 4 times after birth for high blood pressure issues and thickening of the heart muscle. Before that pregnancy I was as healthy as could be...well I'm by no means a marathon runner nor could I be...lol needless to say that was the deciding factor that NO we will not be making my body pregnant again! Way to risky. If we want more we will adopt. It was so h*** o* me and my family to go what we/I went through. I had a healthy body before hand and the pregnancy nearly killed me. I couldn't imagine putting myself through that again.

I completely understand your urg for another child but being half you age and having gone through "what could happen" I would say better be there for your sons graduation then risk not being there.

I would definitely not risk my life to have another baby. Your son needs you. As to him wanting a sibling, do you provide him with everything he wants? This is an adult decision and should be based on what is best for you and your family and not on providing for a wish. That includes your wish for another one. What is best for the family that you already have?!

If adoption isn't a possibility right now, I suggest becoming foster parents. At least investigate that possibility and see how that could help resolve the having another baby/child in the house. Also, doing this may help you and your husband decide about adoption.

Because you wouldn't know about the health of your own baby, perhaps you could accept taking in a baby with birth defects as a foster mother or a prospective adoptive parent. Babies with birth defects are easier to adopt.

I'm sorry, no. I'm expecting my second, so I'm obviously not in your shoes. But my biggest fear as my due date draws near is that something will go wrong and I will not be there for my beautiful son that is already in my life. It truly terrifies me - and I am in my late-20s and have no known health problems. I am afraid that, in my mind, the risks are too great in your situation, and you need to be a Mommy to the Blessing you already have in your life instead of worrying about bringing another life into the world. Adoption is a great opportunity if that is what you truly want, but your son will also be just fine as an only child, with the love and support of both of his doting parents. Good luck, and let us know what you decide.

AS for me....No. I am 39 and have 2 toddlers. I pray everyday that I will be here to see them graduate and get married and hopefully see my grandchildren. I work out 5 days a week and take my diet very seriously, for the same reason. I feel a little guilt at having them so late knowing that there is a greater chance that I won't be there with them when they need me. I feel a responsibility and a strong drive to stay with my babies until I'm sure they don't need me anymore. I wouldn't do anything that would possibly leave them motherless through those milestones. Of course, that's my guilt, not meant to be yours. But that's my honest answer. If it were me, maybe I'd could get a surrogate. Or revisit the adoption idea. Maybe foster for a while until we decided on something more permanent.

No way! I understand your desire, but your condition sounds serious, and you are at an advanced age for a pregnancy -even in this day and time -even if you DIDN'T have any other complications. I grew up an only child before they were common, and I really wanted a sibling for a long time, but I got over it! It's just natural for children your son's age to want what other kids have. I think you and your husband should get serious about looking into adoption -or if you think it could be for you -possible surrogacy? Good luck, but don't endanger yourself -for your sake and your son and husband's sake!

I agree, I am not in your shoes but your son needs you and I don't think I could personally take that risk. Some people can't even have 1 child so I think I would feel lucky and like this is the path that was chosen for you. Revisit the adoption option and/or make sure your son has a great system of friends and support it. My husband was an only child but still has friends from his childhood that are like brothers to him.

There is no way on earth I would do this. I would hate to leave my living child motherless.

While a pregnancy happens to you physically, it also "happens" to everyone in your family: you, your son, your husband, your unborn child. All are effected. You need to make the best decision not just for you, but for your family. (I'm sure you already know this, but I think sometimes, we women think we "own" pregnancy...)

Me, though I would grieve the loss of a chance to have another child, I would say no. End of story (for me).

I think you should look at this from both perspectives:
Talk to the doc about the best case scenario(s) and how likely those are to happen. Then, talk worse case scenario(s), and about what the chances are for each option. Also, talk about possible long term issues that the may be with this. Have your husband at the appt, and let him ask questions about it. Make a separate appointment with your whole family & the doc, and let the doc know that you want to have your son be able to ask questions/learn about what it is (if you think this is appropriate). Talk to your son. Don't be overly dramatic, but explain to him in terms he can understand, about the risks to you, to the baby. Maybe even have him come to a separate appointment.

Then, if you do decide not to, maybe sit down with your DH and let him know how much your son wants a brother or sister, and how much you do want another baby, and let your son tell him, in his own words, about it, and inquire into adopting or fostering.

The ones that are here now need you more than the ones that are not yet.

These are just my thoughts, so please don't feel I'm judging you.....

I wish you grace in making this decision.

I think your son needs his mother more than he needs a sibling. And not that I'd present this possibility to a 7 year old, but I'm sure given the choice, if he had to give up his mom to have a brother or sister, my guess would be he'd keep his mom. Your family needs you too much to risk having another baby, as disappointing as that is. Yes, anything can happen with any pregnancy, but as your hubs says, you KNOW going in that it's very high risk. And your 44, which also increases chances for complications.

Personally, I couldn't take the risk of leaving my son. My humble opinion.

Personally I think you should leave well enough alone. What if something DOES happen to you? Your son would be left in this world without a mother! There are plenty of needy kids you could adopt if you want to give your son a sibling. I doubt your son would want you to risk leaving him forever just so he can have a brother or sister.

No I wouldn't. You have O. precious child needing you very much.

No. Don't risk leaving your child as an orphan. He's better off not having a sibling than not having a mommy. If you really want another kid look into adopting, or doing foster care. There are thousands of kids who can use love and support already out there.

I don't think I would. I know my mother in law had 2 after she had major health problems and almost died, but she was only 23 at the time. She considered having another, but she too had a blood clotting disorder and almost had a stroke, so she never had any more.

But, I would consider adoption for sure! My little brother is adopted since my dad had cancer so my parents couldn't have any more naturally. My little brother completed our family.

I think that you should reconsider adoption. A pregnancy at this point is high risk for both you and the baby, and honestly, your ability to conceive at 44 is diminished. I think that you could love an adopted child as much as you love your biological child, and it is the healthiest solution.

to answer your original question.........no, i personally could not take the chance of leaving my first born without a mother.

maybe- depending on the circumstances

If you are considering it I would schedule a pre-conception consultation with a MFM specializing in high risk pregnancies (since they know more about treating blood clotting disorders, etc.). They would be able to give you a better breakdown of your risks.

I'm considering having another, even with a past history of preeclampsia. However my risk of becoming injured in another pregnancy is about the same as the risk of an accident when biking several miles to work every day for a year.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My honest opinion is that it would not be a wise decision to go through another pregnancy. It sounds like the danger to your health and possibly to the new baby just aren't worth it. Your 7 year old needs you and you shouldn't do something that you know is very dangerous.

I would reconsider adoption. Maybe try having a foster child first to see if that works for you. There are so many children out there who need good homes. You can give your son a sibling without risking your life.

No, don't. My mom had many medical issues and I always wanted a sibling but that was not the case. As it turned out later she died when I was 9. So growing up with just dad and extended family is not a picnic. Many times she expressed the desire to have more but she was in her late 30s when I came along. If you were to succeed and have a healthy child do you know what your health would be like to care for two? Could you run and chase and play with both? So count your blessings for what you have and don't dwell on what you don't have.

The other S.

PS Adoption is a wonderful way to add to a family. I have one adopted and one natural and they are both loved.

You may have a better chance at adopting if you opened your home for foster children with the option of adoption. Our church secretary married late in life and was told that it was too late for her to have children. She opened her home to foster children with option of adoption, and was placed pretty early in the game with a 3 month old child. The mothers rights were taken from her, in fact the judge said that he had already told her we have removed 3 children from your home already and I told you not to have anymore because they will be removed. Anyway, our church secretary has had her since she was 3 months and the adoption was final about 6 months ago. She has a choice to stop taking foster child or continuing. They have chose to continue. I think she was able to also specify that she want children in a certain bracket as well. This may be an quicker option for you. The younger the child, the less trauma they have been through, the better. An older child will have memories that they carry throughout their live and cannot get away from. This, of course, doesn't lessen the need for them to be put in a good home, but can make it more difficult to raise them. You just have to decide whether you want to deal the a child in that situation. Of course, a lot of older children get passed from foster home to foster home until they are of age. I would hate to be that child. I have went to school some. They become very insecure and feel so unwanted. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty, I just wanted you to know that there are other options. Don't think I am trying to talk you into taking an older child. They are a LOT of hard work and you have to be mental able to handle the job.

It is normal to want to have more children and normal to want your son to have a sibling, however if you are going to be in danger if you have another child, think about the effect that would have on your current child. Also, think about the emotional effect it could have on the child you have if you do die. Would he/she always think that you died because of him/her? Also, could your husband handle raising 2 children alone without you?
Why not consider adoption as a viable solution if you really do want to open your home to another child.

I've gone the ROUNDS on this one for several years. Especially over the past couple of years as divorce seems more and more likely... and being relatively young (31), remarrying would likely *really* bring this into the forefront.

Like you, being pregnant for me is rather like flipping a coin. AKA it's dangerous, very dangerous (it triggers a form of cancer in me, that while treatable during the pregnancy moves very quickly), but possible. So *theoretically* as long as I could keep going in for surgery and staying ahead of the cancer, I could have more children. It's not a risk my doc is sanguine about. Also, like your blood clotting, there are some other risks that come along with the *not just death* possibility, but the whole permanent physical or brain damage possibilities.

Written down in black and white it sounds rather nuts to TTC doesn't it?

But, like I said, I've gone rounds in my head over it for years.

Partly, it's that my now 8yo has *always* wanted a sib. I've put that one to rest by the simple fact that he is an *amazing* kid with other kids. There's no guarantee he would even LIKE his sibling, the toddlers at the playground, his friends' sibs... he not only has control over (as in, if one is being a jerk he doesn't play with them), but he also doesn't LIVE with them. So, because he loves littles so much, he'll probably be a fantastic daddy one day. But just because he's good with kids doesn't mean I'm going to have anymore for HIM. He can get married and have his own children in his own time. (Yay! Grandbabies!)

The 2 real problems *I've* run into are

1) That *I* always wanted a big family... which is why I go rounds, I LOVE kids, in every stage of development...

&

2) Hormones. Swear to god... every 2 years like clockwork... baby-lust kicks into full gear. It's ridiculous. And obviously hormonal, because I'm not longing for another PERSON, but a BABY. Which are very very different longings. So it's highly irritating. Come to find, a puppy satisfies both the urge, and the dealing with problems on a micro scale (since they grow up in 2-4 years... everything is on an accelerated timetable).

I have to say that I would not. i am not in your shoes though. It's got to be very difficult, but I would not risk making my one child motherless. Pregnancy is hard at any age, and the risks in general get greater as you get older. Maybe get a more detailed report from your doc on what the risks are and go from there...

My 2 children asked for a sibling when they were about that age. We had 2 perfect children just as we planned.

I told them if we had another then they wouldn't be the 1 and only boy/girl. Never head another word. I think that it is just a phase that they go through at that age.

From recent studies, only children do very well. I would not personally have just 1 if I could avoid it. You have no other choice. Besides, do you know what most 44 year old women have to go through to have a baby? Really, it's torture if it is even possible. Good luck to you and yours and be happy you have 1. Some women don't have even 1.

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through but I do have a story I want to tell you. With my last child I decided to have my tubes tied.....8 years later my husband and I decided we would like to adopt 1 maybe 2 children. I had a little boy in my SS class that I fell in love with who was a foster child and that is what got this whole thing started. We have now adopted 3 children (2 girls and 1 boy). I never knew that I could love a child as much as I do my own but I just want to tell you that I do - WE do! We do not know that they are not our own biological children. They have blessed our lives so much and we are so thankful for them. God works in mysterious ways and I am so thankful he chose us for these children. The first time one of them told someone that's my Mama......Wow, I almost cried. I am their mother and my husband is their father - my 2 girls are their sisters......we are in love! I am telling you so you know there IS HOPE. Best of luck!