Is it just me or are kids meaner than I ever remember them ever being? And, if my son is at the receiving end of this meannes, it is as if I get kicked in the stomach. I can't stand it.
There is a boy in my son's class. My son thinks this kid is popular and all the kids like him better than him. Reality has it, this kid is a crybaby, a manipulator and unkind to many. I try to reason with my son, pointing out that birds of a feather.... that the kids who choose this boy over him are not the nicest kids either. He just doesn't see it. I can see this is changing him. To these kids situations like this can seem like an eternity. I know as an adult, it will pass and he will hardly every remember any of this as an adult. But I can't help but feel that albeit it is part of his life experience, it will negatively affect him in some way. I am trying to stay out of the dramas but every day it's something else. Fourth Grade Rats... comes to mind. I have spoken to the teacher, the assistant principal... they just don't hear the dialogue that goes on. They can say, no I didn't see anything going on... but it is the verbal assaults that are the problem. Certainly they are not being physical. Staying out of the drama, yes... unfeeling to his situation, by all means NO way.
My son has never had a problem before with any of this. I am constantly told what a good kid he is and I should perhaps leave it at that and pay no mind to these kids. But I don't understand why it is happening to him. I have asked good friends to tell me if they think something is up with his personality that warrants this nastiness from some kids... he is a jerk magnet. Anybody else have a good kid who seems to defy the good begets good rule? I have never said he was an angel either, and I am not soliciting this information, it is just that he gets into the car red faced and welled up eyes from frustration... any caring mother in their right mind would ask what was wrong and listen.
Ironically, my husband clearly remembers ( after being reminded by a former classmate recently whose daughter is in my son's class) that he changed in 4th grade. To him, it was like the kids just kept coming at him and he fought them off like a super hero. He remembers getting physical at that age. He ended up being the kid you didn't mess with, parents often came to him to let him know if their kid was being picked on, especially their girls! So... no one messed with him. My son hasn't gotten physical but he definitely is seeing that simple retaliation with words is not effective. It just doesn't stop.
Times have not changed when it comes to mean kids. I was bullied horribly in elementary school. Terrible things were said to me and I was threatened with being beat up after school. This was in the early 80s. I think there's just more dialogue about bullying today.
I dont think its necessiarly different or more mean now, I think it just hurts more to see your child going through something hard like this than it did to go through it yourself. 4th grade is about the time it starts too. I can remember coming home from school everyday and crying to my mother about the mean girls and clicks and all the awful social stuff that starts to happen at that age. BUT I somehow turned out to be a pretty well adjusted adult (most of the time, lol). Just be there for him, listen to him, give him advice when you can, but know that he will get through this. Hopefully he will find a nice kid or two that he can develop a great friendship with and then just ignore the mean kids. Sorry momma, I know your heart is hurting for him.... hugs.
Kids aren't meaner, parents are just more into putting their noses into their kids stuff. I guess they don't get they can't correct their childhood by meddling in their kids.
You say your trying to stay out of the drama but this post proves that isn't true.
I am not trying to be mean, just kind of hoping you see that your son is no angel either and needs to understand that if he wants to get into a kerfuffle he needs to get himself out, not go crying to mom. That is the only thing that will compel him to consider his actions before acting.
It's hard to know what to say to you because all you really say is that the other kids like this other boy better than your son. You don't say that the other boy or anyone else is bullying your son. So is it just that he wants to be the popular boy and is not?
If that's the case, he may be trying to hard which could be putting the other kids off. Does he have any friends at school? You don't mention that either. If he does, then he needs to just concentrate on being a good friend to his friends and not worry about the rest. If he doesn't have any friends, try signing him up for some outside activities where he can make friends.
If he's being bullied and the school staff is not paying attention, write them a letter and threaten legal action. That usually gets their attention.
Good luck to you and your son.
That sucks. I'm sorry. I guess for girls it's a little bit different. The girls are just as vicious (maybe more so - girls can be REALLY mean to each other), but with girls it's easy... she who wears the most designer clothes wins. When I was a kid, I was from a lower-middle class family, on scholarship at a fancy private school. Of course, my homemade clothes could in no way compare to the beautiful, expensive clothes my friends wore. Yes, they made fun of me. I lived through it, but for a long time believed I was ugly because of the mean things those girls said to me. Anyway, now that my girls are in school, they are always (ALWAYS) dressed in the first stare of fashion. And what do you know? Instant popularity. It's utterly bizarre.
I don't know what the equivalent is for boys? Sports, maybe? Does your son play Pop Warner football, or soccer, or anything? If nothing else, having an outside focus might give him an outlet, and remind him that no matter what those jerks at school are like, he's still got a bunch of friends from football/soccer/whatever. I don't know... but I can sympathize, and hope you find a solution.
My kids are much younger, my son is in K this year but already it has started. This one kid spat in his face, shoved him to the ground on more tan one occasion, and even gave him a black eye by throwing a water bottle at his face. None of the teachers saw this, and my son didn't tell. One thing hat helped a little was to tell him to yell loudly, "NO!" or "STOP!" or something similar. Shock the bully and also create a scene so that everyone will know what this kid is up to, and he won't want to pick on someone when everyone is looking. But, as you stated, he is learning the limited power of words. This kid keeps bullying. I would say really get on the school about it--ask them what will/would happen if your son were to physically defend himself. I've had many people suggest I put my son in martial arts--for confidence, self defense, etc. a friend who has her son in karate said the instructor tells the kids to use force as a last resort--to tell the perp "im warning you that if you don't stop, I will fight back." that makes sense to me. Good luck--I am with you, it is heartbreaking. At first, I wanted to grab the little SOB and punch him in the face!
The way they are raised!
My daughter and a boy in her class are "too nice" and "goody goodies" according to the kids. If someone is going to be targeted, it is them.
We have spent countless hours teaching her skills, but I HATE It.
I think kids are less mean now. Look at the "Ruby Bridges Story."
