Who Is Right?

I think you are right. If you ask your hosts and they certainly don't care if you throw away a diaper, then through it away.
On the other hand, if taking diapers home is the only thing you need to do to stay on your MIL's good side, take the darn diapers home!
I certainly don't think it is worth any contention in any case.

I have always taken it home as part of being polite, but I thought that was just me. It also depends on the gathering, in my opinion. I wouldn't go into some parties and ask, "Where do I put the dirty diapers?" In other homes - especially those with kids of similar age - I wouldn't hesitate to ask, or if they are close friends (mom and I share playdates, babysitting, etc.) I would already know where to put the dirty diapers. However, if the family or party doesn't have small children, they might be offput to find a diaper in their trash - even if it is stinky old trash kept outside!

But bottom line is, I always-always-always come prepared with a few old plastic bags in our diaper bag. That way I can bundle it up and dispose at home without causing a fuss to anyone.

I was always told (I have a 4 year old) that you always take your dirties with you when at a guests house. I think I also read it in a parenting magizine. My basic rule has always been, if I don't feel comfortable asking the person what I should do with the dirty diaper, then I should take it with me. Sometimes if I didn't have a bag with me, I would ask for a bag to put it in and they would either give me one or just say to put it in the trash. If I was at a house with other kids in diapers, I would always ask if it was okay to throw it in the trash. Some people don't want other kids' diapers in their trash because of possible bodily fluid things. I don't mind having friends put their kids diapers in my trash either, but I do know people who would freak out if someone did that to them. Doctors offices and retailers normally don't allow you to put diapers in their trash cans anymore either because they require special handling. All the doctor offices have signs that say you must take the dirties with you, as do some retailers. I guess when it's all said and done, you are both right. I wouldn't just leave one in the trash unless you REALLY know the person, but I do think it's okay to ask if you can put it in the trash (or where they would like it). Some people just handed me a bag and said nothing more, which I took to mean, I'd rather you didn't leave it in my trash can, but here's a bag so you don't get your stuff dirty.

Your MIL is not being horrible but considerate of the host. Many people do not have babies and dirty diapers are not on their radar so the last thing they need is a STINKER in the bathroom garbage can. I have two daughters so I understand the reality of changing diapers. If I went anywhere and used disposables, I would carry plastic bags with me and place the dirty diaper in the plastic bag and TIE it before putting it in the garbage. I would do this even in a public restroom. It is part of being responsible for baby waste. I see it as similar to "picking up after a pet". At the very least, I would ask the host where I should deposit the plastic bag with diaper in it if I didn't want to take it home with me.

H.

well, it sounds like you are a considerate person, and a MOTHER yourself, so your MIL needs to back off and let you be an adult. I'd tell your husband to stand-up to her. You are his wife. he made those little girls with YOU. YOU are his chosen one, not his mommy, so... go with your gut, it is just a diaper after all. :-) tell grandma at her house she make the rules... at yours you do, and when you are all out together, well you make the rules then too! (at least you and your husband do for your family!)

I have a little plastic zipper bag that came with our diaper bag for dirty clothes, we use it for dirty diapers (it is odor-proof). We always put dirty diapers in this bag when we are out and bring them home to put into our diaper pail. I do not put diapers in regular trashcans inside because I think they stink up the can. I have been to a couple houses where friends/family have seen me do this and they just say "you can just throw that in the trash if you want." I don't think I would do it unless they offer. The previous comment about asking for a plastic bag and see if they offer their trashcan is a good idea.

That's a difficult one. Is your mother-in-law making you take your diapers home when you are others house, but what about her house. If she's ok with it at her house, maybe someone said something to her about diapers in their garbage and she's just trying to prevent a dispute between you and the host.

When I'm at people's houses that aren't used to having babies, I grab a bag and wrap the diaper in the bag before I put it in their outside trash. I always ask where the best place with a dirty diaper would be. Most of my friends understand that it would be much better to put a dirty diaper in the outside garbage rather than bringing it back into a enclosed space like a car.

Your mother in law might have also been taught by her mother that you shouldn't leave a dirty diaper at a hosts house and she's trying to pass down what she learned to her son.

I would ask the host what they would like best (in front of mother-in-law in needed) to see where they would like the diapers or if they would prefer you took it home. Most hosts wouldn't expect you to carry the diaper back home.

She can't MAKE your husband do anything unless he's willing. If it isn't her home, then I say let the person who owns the problem (His mom) go get the diapers and put them in plastic and take them home with HER. This is totally HER problem, and you nor your husband need to respond or OBEY her. Tell her that you don't feel the need to do that (dig out diapers). End of story. If she continues, ignore her. On the other hand, if it's HER home, then I say respect her wishes and take the diapers home. I shutter to think that I would dare tell my grown son and daughter in law what to do when we go visit other folks in their homes. I only make those types of request on my own turf.

I agree with everyone on taking them with you or asking where to put them or for a plastic bag to use. Did she do this with your 4 year old and does she do this when you visit with her friends' or yours or both? Did you ever hear her complain about this in 14 years of marraige about any other people she knows or your husbands siblings? I don't know how old she is but if she used cloth diapers then of course you took them with you and she might not be realizing that you use disposable. Have either you or your husband said anything to her, in a tactful way, if it bothers you that much?