What Would You Do?? How to Help My Child

You don't have to be friends with the parents for the kids to be friends with each other it is a neighborhood if you trust them dont worry so much about it. Most kids migrate from house to house in neighborhoods, moms dont follow them. If you know the neighbors and trust the neighbors let them play. My son plays with neighbor kids that I really dont like the parents but know they are good parents we dont "hang out" I/they call and check in or when it is time to come home.

Im more of a shy mom actually so I know what you are talking about. My daughter doesn’t know a stranger she loves everyone and wants to play with everyone. She is always meeting new friends and wanting “ play dates “

I had a hard time getting the courage to go and ask the moms “ hey my daughter really enjoys playing with your daughter and we’d love to make a playdate “

I have ended up doing so and now the lady is my best friend once I had the courage to ask. This isn’t always the case. I have been rejected by other moms who see the world in a different light or simply don’t have the time or simply don’t want to engage with me or my kiddo.

The best thing to do is say

Hi my daughter has been asking me for a while now to be able to set up a playdate with you and play with your child. I wanted to ask you and see if this is something you are comfortable with ect…. Or how every you want to word it.

Just be very kind, sweet and compassionate…. But at the same time be very straight forward and direct about wanting to get the kids together to play.

The worst she can say is NO or be a little closed minded to the idea. But that the end of the day atleast you know you tried for you and for your sweet kiddo.

Hope that helps!

I would find it really strange if a mom wanted to go on a play date with their kid. I have four kids, never happened. I would also not allow my child to go to a friend’s house if their mom expected me to hang out as well.

I love for my kids to have fun but I just don't have time to entertain an adult, I would be hard pressed to find anyone who does.

If your child is 4 or older I don't think you should be going on a play date with them. As another poster said I wouldn't want to have to entertain another mother. Nor would I want to sit in someones house for a play date...

Have you tried inviting JUST the child? Maybe the mother is avoiding you b/c she thinks an invitation from you involves her too and she doesn't have the time.

I also picked up on your use of the term 'enthusiastic' to describe your child! I too have an enthusiastic one and sometimes she's just too much for people to handle.... :)

How about this: "Hi M., Can Janie come over to play inside for about an hour?"

i can have the whole neighborhood of kids at my house, but i don't let my daughter or son go anywhere it's not family, and then sometimes not even there. i don't trust what can happen when i'm not around. not so much the parents but who they might have come over to their house, etc. plus, if they have dogs and things. i'm not an outgoing person, and i have to really force myself to talk to people, even after knowing you for awhile. i've been invited to a neighbor's child's birthday party for the last 3 yrs, but because we are only a say "hi" and wave neighbor and i would feel uncomfortable going, we've never gone. some people just aren't outgoing and have a hard time with things. other people just like to keep to themselves for whatever reason. you haven't said how old your child is, but i would try to explain that if you see them outside and the other little one wants to play that's fine, but you don't want to impose on your neighbors, and the little girl can't come over. and i'd leave it at that. i wouldn't talk to the neighbors anymore about it. just smile and wave when you see them, and see if they take the next step.

I hate awkard neighbor issues! It sounds like you have a good sense of boundaries and manners, and they just aren't super outgoing people. Who knows if they have a problem with you guys or just keep to themselves (my guess would be they just keep to themselves, you would probably have a clue if they didn't like you).

You have definitely extended invitations, and they have made it clear they aren't interested in socializing. You don't want your child to never be able to play, but you also don't want to seem overbearing. If it's playing outside in the front that you're talking about, and your child likes to go out when she hears the others playing, I would switch things up. Sometimes let her go out and if they ask if she wants to come over, let her. Just for a little while. But sometimes, when you hear them out there, do something else- like take a walk or go to the park, something where the other kids (and parents) see that you are doing something else. Mention "we're heading to the park if you all would like to go". This way they don't think you guys rush out every time you see them. And it shows that you are willing to reciprocate.

If you make sure your child sees a nice balance of activities, you're doing fine. I realize some people just prefer to keep to themselves, are shy, whatever. But if you live in a neighborhood with children and play out front, part of the package is that other children are around. If they are uncomfortable, then they need to own some of this issue- they can play in their backyard or inside. Don't take on all of the responsibility for this!!

If your neighbors really didn't want to play with your child, they probably wouldn't play in their front yard, right? They know that playing outside is a signal to your kid that they are available.

As far as leaving your kid, I think I would have thought an invitation to your child to come in would have also been an invitation to you as well. When similar things happen with my child, I always expect that I'm invited too. My son is 4, though. Not sure how old yours is.

Regardless, I have a very similar situation with our neighbors, although mine do seem marginally friendlier than yours. But it's tough when all the invitations and overtures are one-sided. And, like your child, my son really likes this boy, but I feel awkward always being the one to knock on their door. Consequently, I've had to tell my son "no" several times when he says that he wants to play with this child, because I too don't always feel super-welcome.

All that being said, when we do get together with them, they are usually pretty friendly. They just kind of give off the vibe that they can take us or leave us, and it's not the most comfortable feeling. I'd say, be friendly, but encourage your child to find other friends, as well.

Try to find other friends for your DD so the girl across the street doesn't have as much importance emotionally for her.

I've always found it difficult for kids to make friends at playgrounds, because, in my experience, you don't consistently see the same kids- and you may or may not have an opportunity to get a chance to talk to the mom.

I think pre-school is a great place for kids to make friendships. We had no other children in our neighborhood, and it wasn't until pre-school that my son started developing friendships and having playdates. Usually moms get to know eachother while waiting to pick their kids up, so it's pretty easy to arrange playdates.

Lessons of some sort are also good- dance, gymnastics, karate. Or, some kind of sport like t-ball or soccer.

Best wishes :)

Since the last time you posted this same issue, have you sat down with the neighbor-mom to talk things out with her? If you haven't then you're just going to keep setting yourself and your daughter up for disappointment and nothing is going to get resolved.

But I do have to say... you're creating awkward situations and probably reading into things far too much at this point if they're inviting your daughter to play now. If they're inviting her inside while you're standing right there then that's an implicit invitation for you to go with her. But if you don't feel that there are clear expectations on either side then you need to go over there and talk to the woman.

You also need to make some effort to get to know her as a person, not just as the other little girl's mom. I'm betting you that if she's not comfortable sending her daughter to your home without her and vice verse it's because you don't know each other at all other than "that neighbor who has a daughter that's my daughter's age."

It sounds like the parents are too busy or not interested in coming over themselves or having you over. I know I have been in the same position many times and it is nothing personal against our neighbors or their children. I am fine with sending the kids outside to play with the neighbors in the yard, but I have stuff to do and would not want to have to entertain another adult or go over to a neighbor's house for a supervised play date unless we were already good friends. Sorry, too busy for that!
If you are uncomfortable with your child going inside their home without you, I think you can keep inviting their child over for playdates (and make it clear he is welcome with or without mom, if you are ok with that). Maybe they have just been really busy lately. Or if your child sees them outside, invite their child over to play in the yard while you watch them.

Just keep inviting the neighbor child over -dont feel insulted if she prefers to play at home she may not be as outgoing as your daughter. Let your child go there to play unless you have reason to believe it is not a safe environment. After and hour and a half call to check or ask her to come home.

I wish there was a neighbor kid for my son to play with. There was a girl a year older than him and she moved away last year. Her older brother played with him too sometimes. He loved to play football with him and stuff. Now there is no one. I feel bad for him and would like to invite kids from school but it's so hard when their parents aren't the ones picking them up. I'm kinda shy when it comes to calling. There is a boy around the block that I might try to get to come over. I heard him say where he lives when I was helping out one day. He is the shy one in the class and maybe it would help him too. Once again I've only seen the parents once and would feel shy calling them. I know I watch my kids very good but feel kind of worried to leave him at other people's houses so they may feel the same. Maybe your neighbor is shy and doesn't know what to say. I finally introduced myself to my new neighbors and told them I never approached them sooner because I'm shy and they had people over whenever I saw them. Not having kids they aren't outside much. I wave hi if I see them but really I am shy as they are new people without kids. Kids are my ice breaker.

In my last house - we had a similar issue. Daughter was 3-5 years old (we lived there 2 years) and neighbor was 5-7. My daughter ALWAYS wanted to play with her neighbor friend but it was rare - usually if we were both outside at the same time.

Now that we've moved and have been in our permanent home for almost a year, my daughter STILL talks about and wants to visit this little girl. I really don't know what to do either.

drop it and do what you can to have extra special inside play when this happens. I do not care for the way a neighborhood boy plays (our sons played together once) and I make sure they are not outside playing at the same time because of this, different cultures different play styles. So, being the parent that is not so inviting of the other family that may be some perspective for you it is nothing personal against the people they are, my son just does not play the same way (and I do not want him to play that way) so we keep the boy's outside play time separate.