What to Say About Christmas Question!

Hi,my husband and I have handled the Santa Clause issue like this.
My kids are now 7 and 10, from the beginning we have always been as honest as possible regarding Santa Clause while still allowing our children enjoy their childhood. We read them stories about both the myth and the true story of St. Nicholas while they were little. As they grew, we explained that the myth regarding Santa ex: climbing down chimneys, flying around the world on reindeer in one night, the workshop at the North Pole - has grown over time into the fairy tale we now know.

However, there once was a very kind man named Nicholas who has since enveloped the spirit of Christmas and giving.

To believe in Santa Clause is believing in Christmas! Both my children like this explanation very much. I hope it helps.

C.

Hi M.. What we have here is the forgotten story of Old Saint Nick. Who was a real guy. His story IS real. and that's what you can tell your son. When we celebrate Christmas we celebrate our Lords birthday and the man who did his work. So don't feel like your lying to your son. Your not. We might have to do the work now, but with that St.Nick lives on. The only fable about the story is the flying dear. And who doesn't need a little fantasy in their lives. Sometimes we adults read WAY to much into things. Don't you remember the joys of imaganation. Or how a good book could take you away. I don't know about you, but most of my unforgettable memories are of Christmas with my family and the excitement of what Santa brought me. All to soon he will find out on his own and then you might not see that little sparkle in his eyes. My son is almost 8 (in Jan.) and we still write Santa a letter and send it. As long as he believes I'll not stand in his way. I'm greedy I want to keep that sparkle in his eyes forever. Childhood is so short anyway, without us adults messing it up. So ENJOY and you too will have wonderful memories of your baby's Christmas.

When my dd was younger, we were dealing with the same thing. I know you just want to hear the Santa part, but we are Christians and really wanted her to know the real meaning behind Christmas. But, we didn't want her to just miss out on the Santa part either.

So we just didn't push Santa that much. We didn't come right out and tell her he doesn't exist. We had fun with the whole Santa thing by watching movies and seeing him at the mall. I didn't want to just avoid him. I wanted the holidays to still be fun. But, we just did a lot of talking about what Christmas really meant. So I soon saw that she considered Santa to be another "character" out there. She also loves seeing Mickey Mouse and Cinderella at Disney WOrld, but she knows they're not real. We just kind of let her draw her own conclusions on it and it seemed to work.

When she was 4, I asked her what she thought Santa was going to bring her. I wanted to see what her reaction would be. She laughed and said, "Mommy, you're Santa." So that was that. She's 6 now and knows the Tooth Fairy isn't real. She told me it's fun to pretend she is. She still writes letters and puts her tooth and letter under her pillow.

I do not believe obviously lying to your children is a good thing. But I do believe there is the exception to every rule. Children nowdays already grow up so fast and the level of innocence is not what it used to be. They already don't have the childhood that we once did. I promise you that there is no child that is going to look at you one day and be upset that you lied to him about Santa. Granted I will tell my son that Santa is not the reason for Christmas and make sure he knows the real reason for the holiday. But why do we feel the need to take away the fun memories of childhood. With no Santa tale, there is no leaving cookies and milk. There is no trying to fight sleep but the same time trying your hardest to go to sleep because you know Santa will only come once you are sleeping.And just out of curiousity whats next no tooth fairy,or Easter Bunny?

At the risk of sounding too goofy, who says Santa Claus is not real? I understand that there has been a huge bastardization of the original story, but St. Nicholas (who hardly resembles the Santa Claus of today) was very real, and his messages have stood the test of time... for 1700 years! I don't think anyone telling of religion or mythology would say that every story told is 100% true, without change and without innaccuracies. And besides, Santa Claus is FUN and teaches us to care about others for even one day. If you need more than that, I suggest The Autobiography of Santa Claus by Jeff Guinn. Maybe Santa's own story will teach you how to discuss the issue with your children... and maybe make you a little bit of a believer yourself. :-)
Good luck and best wishes!

We have never done Santa. We have four children. With my first I told her the story of Santa Claus and that he wasn't the reason for Christmas...but it's a nice make believe story. No one has ever felt slighted since then. At first I asked our family not to purchase things with Santa on them for the kids....but they thought we were crazy and weird.....so whatever. We just ignore it. We also don't do the Easter Bunny, daddy hides the eggs, the tooth fairy, or anything else like that! I too, don't feel like lying from the very start. I'll have enough chances to screw up some where else. lol..
Have a great Christmas!!!

N.

hi M. i cant say what to tell your kids i have told my son that santa was real a long time ago and he was so nice he gave toys to all the kids in an orfanige(sp)so they would not go with out he was so kind that his sprit lives on. Wich is the truth so that way you wont lie now my son is only three but the same story worked for me as a child and my nephews.In fact when they were old enough the completly understood and tried to do the same thing to kids down the road tha did not have a lot. Dont forget the true meaning of CHRISTmas and what he stands for love to others. take care and happy holidays

sincerly
S. R

We do tell our children about Santa, because it has always been apart of Christmas in my family. I, as a child, never felt a sense of trauma after discovering the truth.... actually the opposite. I was raised by a single mother, so as a child I would tell all of my friends that "of course Santa is real because my mommy can not afford all of that stuff". When I discovered the truth and reflected on the past, it made me realize how much my mom sacrificed, without credit, for my happiness. I know the whole Santa story is out-there...if you get really technical... but to kids it is the closest thing to magic that they will ever experience. We have done Santa for both of my children and I am dreading the day they find out the truth and the magic is lost. For me and my husband it does not get any better than seeing our boys amazement that "he" came again!!! As a side note... if you have not seen "The Polar Express", it is a great Christmas movie, that made even my husband and me question for a split second.

I think your child might end up being more upset when he is older that you took away the fun of Santa Clause for him. My husband has a very close family and they all tell each other everything and trust each other. My husband believed in Santa until he was 12 yrs old and it was not tramatic for him at all even though he was so old. I would say 98% of all children are fine with it when they end up finding out, only a small percent take it in a bad way.Believing in Santa Clause is such a great part of being a child and every child needs to be able to dream and have an imagination that is what this instills. I can't imagine what christmas would have been like as a child without believing in Santa. He makes the holidays so much more special and fun for a child. I would not take away the joy of Christmas for a child by telling him about Santa. If you do feel strongly then you can tell him at an earlier age like 7 or say but let him enjoy some of the joy of being a child around the holidays. When you do finally tell him just explain to him why you let him believe in Santa and that it was not because you were trying to deceive him or make fun of him. Children need to have an imagination. Are you going to consider having a tea party with your son and telling him the tea tastes great as lying to him because you really aren't drinking tea? My daughter pretends to make me food and I pretend to eat it and say it tastes great, that could be considered lying but its not its about being a child and letting them have an imagination. Don't let your child grow up too quickly or take away any of the joy of being a child because childhood is so short anyways. One of the best parts of being a parent is seeing your child around the holidays and how they react to everything and how excited they get. Enjoy this time because before you know it they will be too old.

The whole Santa Claus myth is center to some of the best memories I have of childhood. Most people I know feel the same way. Its an individual persons preference but I think not allow our children the same kind of memories would be selfish.
But each to there own.

The way your husbands sisters child has reacted, needing therapy, is not normal or the reaction of a well balanced child.

I was not raised to believe that Santa was real, and I plan to do the same with my daughter. The idea of Santa is nice, but it's no reason to lie to a child, and as you said, some children are very upset when they find out it isn't true. My parents told me it was just a story, and that made sense to me. Interestingly enough, my parents have always given us presents from "Santa", but it is more of a joke than anything. The "Santa" gifts are usually little gag gifts. If you don't feel that you can keep up the charade of Santa, don't feel pressured to do it. Kids appreciate honesty, and it will build the trust between you and your son as he gets older.

M.,
You and your husband has put alot of thought in this; however, your son is smarter now than you think. I believe, he will remember what you tell him this year. My daughter does remember.
She knows that there are alot of Santa's helpers who dress up so that all the kids can be visited.
But our main focus - for our family- was the Christian reason for the season. So we don't drag out the whole Santa stuff. She was freaked out the first couple of years by the fake Santa's anyways!
Now, she just sits there and tells them a couple of things she wants and poses for the picture.
I believe that she is questioning the whole Santa thing anyways, but we never did tell her that he was Real, and neither do you. Besides when they get older like our daughter, they learn your handwriting!
Best of luck! You will do the right thing. Have a good holiday season with your little one! :) L.

I have read a lot of these responses and I appreciate the fact that everyone has their own opinion. However, I do not believe that letting our children believe in Santa is lying to them. I may be a little bit of a fruitcake here but honestly, in my head I know that he does not exist but in my heart there is always that little "what if...." I do not see any harm in believing in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Cupid, etc. Who are we to actually say that there really is not a Santa??? I know, now you all are thinking that I have fallen off my rocker.

I was brought up believing in Santa and always had my own little questions about the reality of Santa and yes I remember when I actually figured out that Santa was not coming to my house to drop off presents for me. I also remember when I figured out that it was my mom that was taking my teeth and leaving money and my mom and dad that were hiding the Easter Eggs and leaving a pretty basket filled with candy and little toys. However, I was not in anyway traumatized by any of these realizations and I have never felt that these "fairy tales" or "myths" were actual lies. Honestly I feel that the holidays are a little more special because of these stories and myths.

My daughter is 4 1/2. Her birthday is the day after Christmas. She knows that Christmas is when Santa comes. She also knows that we celebrate Christmas to celebrate Jesus's birthday and that she was born one day after Jesus. We are not what I would really consider a "religious" family but this is something that I want my daughter to know. My daughter also believes that the Santa's that she sees in the stores and the mall are Santa's helpers because there is no way for Santa to be at the North Pole getting ready for Christmas and visiting with all the children of the world at the same time.

Okay now I am rambling. Sorry. My point is in my opinion my holidays would not hold the same memories had it not been for the "myths" that went into the excitement of the individual holidays and truth be told...I have always and will always wait up at night just to see if I hear those little sleigh bells ringing over the top of my roof.

M.

Hi, you may have already made up your mind about whether you want to have your son believe in Santa Claus but I just wanted to suggest a really great children's book. I believe it is called "Daddy, Are You the Tooth Fairy". I do know it is by Jason Alexander (George off of Seinfield). It is a really great story about when his child came to him asking about the tooth fairy because some kids made fun of him at school for believing. The moral of the story is that you should believe what you want to believe no matter what anyone else says. It would even be a great story to read to your devistated niece. You could use the reference of the tooth fairy and associate it to Santa Clause. It really was a great book! Hope this helps.
K.

Dear M.,

I think as time passes with each year we are becoming more and more "robotic" like in our thoughts and the way that we handle things with our children. While I am a huge fan of "progress", sometimes that progress comes with a huge price tag.

Why do we seem to be heading for a world where we no longer will have children who simply believe just because....no more Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, or Easter Bunny?

I cherish and treasure those "magical" moments in my childhood putting the cookies and milk out for Santa on Christmas Eve and let's not forget the carrots for all those reindeer !! And the blessing of believing in the Tooth Fairy who would come and replace your baby tooth with a little gift of "Thanks", knowing that he was taking your little tooth to a new baby who hasn't been born yet. Then, the Easter bunny....how did the Easter bunny always know my favorite kind of candy and I would wake up and find it right there in my basket.

Childhood memories and traditions are like rites of passage...handed down through generation after generation after generation. Some variations, but still the same meaning.

My husband and I carried those memories and traditions into our daughter's life, shared them with her, and experienced the joy from the parents' perspective. We were usually on the receiving end until we had a child of our own. You see, as quoted in the movie, "Santa Clause",
"BELIEVING IS SEEING". You don't have to prove that Santa, or the Tooth fairy, or the Easter bunny exist only if you see them....you must always carry with you that "little child" within your heart and simply believe.

Biblically....no where in the Bible does God ask us to understand the word....He merely asks us to have faith in the word.

A little bit faith...you would be surprised how much believing helps you to grow a tremendous amount of brain cells, nurture those cells, and in the end we learn that imagination is a wonderful thing !!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT--THERE'S NO SANTA?!?!?!?! J/K!

I did the Santa thing for my daughter. She's 12 now and knows that there is no Santa. I am kind of on the fence with this one. It is basically lying to your children, which I don't think is a good thing. It seems like when they find out it's a myth they kind of feel like, "well if Santa's not real, what else have mom and dad been lying to me about?"

I can't imagine, though, not having those Christmas mornings when you see the surprise on their faces when they see "what Santa brought."

I think you and your husband should really talk about this and search your heart. If he feels strongly about not doing the Santa thing, maybe there is a compromise you can come to--like maybe teaching that Santa is really more about the spirit of the season than it is about a guy who comes into your house and leaves presents for you. Just a thought.

M. i'm new to this site but i just saw your post and i see it was before christmas but its more upcoming years your concerned about i have a 3 year and a 4 year old and with them i dont lie about it and im not to worry if they know mom and dad is santa i take them to the mall to see snta and everything but i have never directly said there is a santa and i never make gifts from myself and my boyfriend my mom makes santa gives as some one else stated there is a rel st. nick and his story is true with my girls i try to focus on the spirit of the season and how each of us play santa everytime we help make some elses holiday good we always go for them to pick a toy to donate to charity they each pick something and wrap it ive worked in nursing homes alot and we go visit nursing homes in their christmas dresses and briten peoples holidays my issuse isnt telling them the myth its the reasults of telling them the myth i mean times are alot differant now kids are so competive about they belongs and who has what i dont want y didnt to think one of their friends was bad because santa didnt bring them a gift and some families dont have money for food let alone christmas so i try to focus on the spirit of the holiday and the giving not the receiving but i hope you find the right fit for your child hehe im going for christmas in june lol atleast christmas advice

My husband and I are both pastors. We grew up with the Santa Myth and couldn't wait to play it with our children. Funny thing is, our kids grew up being totally surprised about what they would get. They never wanted to ask for anything special for Christmas. They actually said they wanted to be surprised. They had no problem asking for things at other times. But birthdays and Christmas they enjoyed being surprised. They know that as long as we are alive, Santa will bring sweet gifts. We still hide presents. This year our babies are 18. We had the privelege of serving in Germany when the children were 3-6 yrs old. There the children celebrate Santa bringing the toys on December 6. Then everybody waits to celebrate the birthday of Jesus on Christams Eve. The final touches on getting ready is part of the excitment and anticipation. They even give gifts just like a real birthday party. However, there was greater emphasis on Christian Worship and a grand meal. I was so glad to have this experience because about this time, here in the US there seemed to be this BIG LIE is bad, rather than celebrating the TRADITION, imagination, and thinking of others,and sharing the best in ourselves, anticipating the visits of loved ones far and near, thinking about where does LOVE and GOODNESS come from. We decided to make it a TRADITION in our family to tell as many versions of the Christmas story or Santa from other countries and cultures as we could find. We included exchanging how many ways to express our love for others and appreciate the people we normally take for granted in our society, the gargage man, the mailman, the folk in the nursing home, neighbors we don't see all year and the homeless. And if it wasn't for the cancer drive or diabeties campaign, we would not know addresses on our street because we never walk down that far. Celebrating the Santa Claus thing has made us more playful and relaxed. It's not a lie. Many people have played that role and still do so today. There is this genuine good giving spirit in every country and culture. We need more people willing to develop that love your neighbor as yourself spirit. The person who comes upon an accident and starts CPR and take life saving measure to rescue somebody is not a doctor. He is who he is a good sumartian. Well,he is not really the good Samaritian but he has the same spirit and acts in the same manner. We call such acts hero..ism. Let's bring it on with the Santa thing. Now tell your child that all this goodness was copied from the Real Super Hero. Jesus. Jesus still comes, he still watches, he still intervenes in our lives giving us the gifts of love and sharing. He shows up at weddings, births, on playground but lives in our hearts when we invite him in. Make a Big Deal of when your children ask Jesus to come into their hearts. Celebrate often. When its time to play Santa Claus they will do so with a pure heart and a giving spirit. Everyday. Christmas will just be the special time to share it with so many people at once. When you introduce Jesus as a way of life for you, your child will not be confused or traumatized that the sun and the moon will not rise because grandpa died. There will always be the spirit of the good grandpa. It does not make us not want to accept gifts that grandpa wanted us to have when we reach a certain age. Play Santa. He copied his stuff from Jesus. It's good stuff. He doesn't take the place of Jesus but he is a good dude. When they outgrow Santa they will know they can never outgrow Jesus. Jesus can make stuff happen that Santa couldn't even imagine. It helps us examine the meaning that we will never die. We live and leave this world straight into the arms of Jesus. Just think the kid that can believe in a Santa will probably not have problems believing in Jesus. I am sorry that the child was so traumatized. Maybe one day she will be able to explain her hurt. It certainly sounds like there is an element of confusion that's unusual. I will pray for her spirit to know the forgiveness and peace of Jesus.

M.,
I have a friend who has told her kids,ages 3&4, from the beginning that Santa Claus is NOT real. She doens't believe in lying to them for any reason at all. They also know that there is no such thing as the Easter Bunny or the tooth fairy as well. (Mommy and Daddy buy gifts and toys for those occasions) She also made it very clear to them, that many parents do tell their kids that Santa is real cuz it is fun to pretend, but that it is not her job or their job to ruin it for the other kids. She assured them that when the parents feel it is the right time (usually when they start school), they tell the kids the truth about Santa. We are very good friends and her kids have NOT said anything about any of the myths not being real, and the tooth fairy visits my house often lately, but I don't think I could ever do it myself. The only thing that I did do, is tell my kids that at our house, Santa only brings ONE present for each of them. So every year they get one thing from their list from Santa, everything else comes from mom and dad. I also usually make sure that whatever gift they really really really want comes from us anyway. That's about as close to 'honesty' as I could personally get. LOL Hope this helps.

M.

I feel your pain! Both my husband and I were concerned with the whole lying issue, but didn't want to take away from the fun of Santa. We just tell our 4-year old son that many people believe in a Santa, but some do not. That Santa is the spirit and love of Christmas. And we kind of let him draw his own conclusions. If he asks questions about Santa, I always say, "Well, some people believe..." If he asks me if I believe, I go to the whole spirit of Santa. If other people talk about Santa as real, he seems fine with it. We just don't go overboard with it. Some people think we're being silly, but I'm comfortable with our decisions. (FYI: we do similar thing with Easter Bunny, et al)

I have 3 kids 10,9, and 1 years old. My kids have been told both Christmas stories. They know that about Jesus and Santa. My daughter (the 10 year old) doesnt believe in Santa but my son (9year old) does. I let them choose what they wanna believe in. I dont believe there is any harm in letting your child believe in Santa. When I was a kid I didnt find out about Santa being a story I simply grew outta of it.

I have a son who will be 2 in Jan. We got his picture on Santa's lap last year. We are going to try for the "fun to pretend" angle. I don't know about ruining it for other kids. Maybe you can try to teach that pretend means not going around spouting "Santa isn't real." But I also know as a teacher you will have some kids in the classroom that don't believe in Santa and still some that do believe. I don't want my child to EVER lie to me so I am trying not to EVER lie to him. Telling him that Santa is real just seems wrong to me.

Okay, so now this is a REALLY old post, but I have a kind of fun thing to add. My grandpa (aka: "Papaw") wrote a poem that he used to recite to me and my brother when we were little. We both believed in Santa for quite a while, so I don't think he pulled out this poem until we were probably around 7 or 8, but I remember really loving it.

A CHRISTMAS STORY
By Herb Ellison

IS THERE REALLY A SANTA CLAUSE
I OFTEN ASK MYSELF
SOME PEOPLE SAY THERE IS ONE
THOUGH HE IS NOTHING BUT AN ELF

MY FATHER SAID HE'S VERY REAL
AND WHAT HE SAYS IS TRUE
IF YOU LISTEN VERY CLOSELY
I WILL TELL YOU HOW HE KNEW

OLE SANTA IS A SPIRIT YOU SEE
THAT COVERS ALL THE EARTH
BUT ONLY LITTLE CHILDREN
CAN TRULY KNOW HIS WORTH

FOR WHEN SANTA SLIPS INTO YOUR HEART
HE HELPS YOU COME TO KNOW
THERE IS REALLY MORE TO CHRISTMAS
THAN JUST TREES AND FLUFFY SNOW

YOU SEE THE BLESSED SAVIOR
IN THE MANGER WHERE HE LAY
YOU SEE THE CROSS OF CALVERY
AND THE PRICE THAT HE MUST PAY

SO LET US BE MORE THOUGHTFUL
AS THE TIME IS DRAWING NEAR
WHEN OLE SANTA COMES TO YOUR HOUSE
TO BRING YOU JOY AND CHEER

M.,

He is too young now for there to be much discussion about Santa being real or not. To a 19month old, of course Santa ia real, you see him in all the stores! But as he gets old and maybe starts to wonder why Santa is at all the stores or how he can be in so many places at one time, just say that Santa is one of the spirits of Christmas. When my sisiter and I were younger as long as we said we believed in the spirit of Santa we always got "presents" from him, we still do! And that way if there are other family members or friends who dont want to tell their children that there is no Santa or what ever, you and you kids are not going to offend them by saying what you believe. Good luck and dont worry about this so much as with all things this to shall pass! A.

I completely agree with your inquire! (sp) I too wonder what i will do. My best friend of 13+ years was raised w/the whole religious aspect w/NO santa. She ruined it for a lot of kids from what i hear. But she now has a 7 and 3 year old. They are also getting the religious side, and told that the presents are from mommy and daddy to celebrate Jesus's bday. BUT at each Christmas there is one present from santa. They don't make a big deal about who he is...When the 7 year old found out last year that he didn't exist she just told him that a lot of kids still believe, not to ruin it for them and that a man "old st.nick" use to deliver presents to kids on Jesus's bday and they do it to remember him and the good things he use to do for needy kids.

Just another idea. Good luck!

I don't teach my children about Santa. They are four and three. I grew up not believing in him and knowing my parents bought the gifts. It NEVER ruined my siblings or my fun at Christmas time. We couldn't sleep X-mas Eve just like every other child that night. The biggest reason we don't teach it and I wasn't taught as a child becuase of the whole lie issue. My oldest brother believed in him, and when he found out he wanted to know why mommy and daddy lied to him. In a world of uncertainty and disappointments, if a child can't trust their mom and dad, then who can they trust? I also find if very hypocritical. Christmas is the time of year for unconditional giving, but all of a sudden the day after Thanksgiving children have to be good because Santa is watching. Where is Santa from January to November? Also, there will be times when money is tight. When you can't afford many or any presents, how do you explain to a child they were good but still got no gifts? Not telling my children about him has been liberating. I don't have to back track lies(why are there Santa's at every Wal-mart?, we don't have a chimney) I don't have to worry about when to tell them when they are older or wondering if they already know. As far as my children are concerned, we teach them that Santa is a man in a costume that isn't real but many boys and girls think he is. We tell them that when it is time for them to know the truth, then their mommies and daddies will tell them. It is not our job to do that. We focus on the true meaning of Christmas instead. So far it has worked. Good luck and I am glad to know that I may not be the only one with the same beliefs.