I had a bf years ago and regretably she had to move out of state. We have tried to keep in touch(thanks fo FB) over the years. Well in December her husband was killed in a horrible car accident. The day I found out I tried to call her but for obvious reasons didn't get through. Since then I have continuously sent her emails and messages. I don't know any of her friends/family where she lives now, but I messaged a few of her friends on FB to try get her address so I could send a care package especially since it was right before christmas. Finally today her sister replied to my email telling me she just now got her computer up and running and sorry for the delay and gave me her sister's address. Now that it has been so many months, I am not quite sure what to send. She is 31 yrs old with a 7yr old daughter and 5 yr old boy. I know I can send the kids a bunch of fun things to do...but Im at a loss as to what to send my firiend. She is doing ok. But is so lonely and missing her husband every day! Please help! I was thinking of a new outfit and some jewelry, make up, nail polish, bubble bath. I dunno..any advice would be helpful!
Is there a fresh meals maker in her area? A few nights of dinners to take the load off? What a nice friend you are. I can't imagine losing my husband, truly.
I have been there. My S/O passed when I was 31 and expecting our daughter. Anything material you send her is going to remind her of the day he died and her sorrow. Honestly the best thing you can send her is yourself. Even now she just needs to be able to talk. And maybe get a hug. If she hasn't cleared out his closet and drawers, she may need someone to help her. It's so hard to box up the remants of a loved ones life. Putting his clothes and other stuff in a box and sending it to Goodwill is like a final good-bye, I know your not coming back. She may only be able to do this in increments. I feel she should keep some of his stuff, his favorite sweatshirt for example, when she is feeling especially sad she can put it on and it's like he has his arms around her again. She should keep any jewelry he had for her children. His tools will be useful for her to use but things like golf clubs ect are going to be hard to look at but impossible to get rid of.
Mostly she needs you and the love you have for her.
This gets easier with time but never completely goes away. My S/O's b-day was May 5th and even though it been 24 years without him I am still sad on his b-day. And it's a big holiday for Mexicans Cinco-de-Mayo and I see posters and flyers all over all about the big celebration. I sometimes can't believe how hard it still is.
I would send her a card with a letter in it and tell her how much you care and miss her.
i would ask her sister if she has a babysitter in the area and if so then I would send her a gift certificate for a mani and a pedi or if you have more money to spend then a facial or a massage. good luck.
So Sad!
I still think it is appropriate and would be much appreciated to send food. Unless she loves to cook, every night must still be such a chore to figure out what to have for dinner especially if they ate as a family. Omaha Steaks have great dishes that you just have to heat up.
Sending money for the kids is also a nice thing to do.
What would you send her if her husband hadnt passed away? Send her a package of normal stuff. A couple of good novels, pictures of you and your kids. Don't analyze it too much. Write down a few great recipes of yours in your own writing and whimsy things that you see at the store that you think are cool but wouldnt buy for yourself. You sound like a great friend.
I agree with ReverandRuby that a care package might not be the best idea. Get her phone number and CALL her on the phone. TALK to her in person. Many people avoid this "in person" communication when someone's loved O. dies b/c they think they'll say the wrong thing, etc. She's your friend. This situation calls for actual personal communication, not emails or FB messages. I mean, what really is the supposed to say? Call her and listen. Good luck!
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's recent loss. It must be hard to re enter someone's life after such a tragedy. If it were me, I would do something like a La Bella Basket or an Edible Arrangement. They are both pretty consumable but I think she would appreciate it. After all, the old saying goes, it's the thought, not the gift. I also like the idea of a journal that someone else said. You could include that with any gift you send. I hope this helps.
R. D.
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WorkAtHomeLike.Us
I'm sorry for your friends loss.
Maybe a journal for her to write her feelings and memories down for herself and her kids - it's a good way to keep a loved one's spirit alive.
Maybe a gift certificate to a full body massage - or a day to herself...if you don't live too far away - maybe you can meet up with her and give her some "girl" time.
I lost my husband 12 years ago when I was 48. Not having any family in the area, I would have appreciated a visit from my good friends. She just needs to be able to talk about it and have someone there to hold her hand while she remembers the good times. She probably hasn't had much time to grieve since she has had to carry on with the day-to-day of taking care of small children. Some alone time with good friends would help her tremendously.
A local plant nursery can deliver a nice tree (fruit ones are especially symbolic) and you can send a nice note in his name for her and the kids to plant and remember him. My mom does this with all of us, and those of us not here anymore. It really helps to visit the trees and watch them grow and reflect.
It depends on what you're up for. If you just want to do something nice, I agree with the journal suggestion, or one of those Edible Arrangements things. The fruit is super fresh and nutritious.
If you'd like to do something really special, then ask her friends and family to send you pictures with her hubby in them. Just him, him and her, him and the kids, the whole family, whatever. Then, when you get all the files, you can go online and create a photo book. The website will let you format it, add captions, and order it, and then she gets a nice hardcover photo book as a keepsake, and she can look through it and remember all the good memories anytime she wants.
If you lived close, I'd say babysitting coupons, but... I just realized y'all live far away. Maybe you could go visit (budget permitting) and have some good girl time, and then babysit for a night or two while you're there so she can get some time to herself.
Good luck!
Send her a girls day out! Gift card for mani/pedi, dinner, movie, whatever you can afford. Some good books, lotions, girlie stuff! Something you would like to do together if you could be there. But get her number and CALL her! She would prob LOVE to hear from you!!! Sometimes just KNOWING you care is enough!!
