What to Do When Toddler Says "No"?

tell them they better go ahead and do what you told them to do! because if you don't put a stop to this now she will just get bigger and still be telling you no. you are the mother and she is the child and she needs to associate that REAL QUICK.

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Hey barefoot mama, here it is, if you ask, it's a question your child can say no, so when you want your child to do something don't ask, tell your toddler lets pick the toys, tell your toddler it's bath time, you see what I mean. Now if you tell and your child say's no THEN it's talking back and there has to be consequences fit for your child's age, and I don't mean time out. punishment is different than discipline. You and your husband need to decide what kind of discipline you are going to use and then be consistant. Hope This helps J.

The word "no" is something they go through. When our now 15 yr old daughter was 2-3 she was in the "no" stage. We video taped her saying "no" when asked if she wanted us to pay for her college, "no" when asked if she wanted us to pay for her wedding", "no" when asked if she wanted dinner, etc.....

We laugh at the videos now...........BUT one thing we tried VERY hard to do was to not say "NO" to her. Instead, we re-directed her with a question instead of "NO don't do that".

I believe it helped in our case because she understood the concept of being a part of our family vs "no".

Your little helper is there, he/she just needs reassurance and redirection and does not need to hear the word "no".

Good luck

Yeah, good luck with getting your helper back! =0P Three was a really difficult age. Two was easy, easy, easy for me, but three, Lord have mercy!
She's getting independent and doing some of her own thinking. You're just going to have to be more creative in how you get her to be agreeable. You'll learn to choose your battles e.g. rubber boots instead of tennies--let it go! She may also see that her "naughty" behavior is netting more attention then her good behavior. It happens especially with a new born.
Congratulations on your new baby!
S.

Three is a rough age. I always had more problems with my kids in the threes than the twos. I always started out with "I need your help with ...." The kids start to be independent at this age and you need to figure out how to let them control the outcome but still do what you want.

I remind my 4 year old when he tells me No that just remember all the times he has asked me to do something for him and I did it. Like when he asks for a drink, does mommy get it for you... yes, she does. After a few scenarious of mommy reminding him of all the things she does for him he typically relents and says "fine... I'll go do it". And I always make sure to tell him Thank you sooo much for the extra help.

Good luck!

Giving a choice really works. for instance if my daughter won't hold my hand while walking I say, you can either hold my hand or I will carry you. Or you could say you will have to ride in cart/stroller if you can't be safe and walk by me. If she doesn't want to get dressed I say you can wear this dress or this outfit. You choose or mommy will choose. It always works better for us if we tell her what we want her to do rather than what not to do. Touch gentle rather than don't hit. Our Parents as teachers educator recommended Dr. Becky Bailey's book Easy to love difficult to discipline. I learned quite a bit from her book. we do a modified time out of sorts for major infractions such as biting or hitting. She has to sit and we tell her you are having to sit because you hit the dog. Hitting hurts. We are gentle. Sit quietly and you may get up when I tell you. She sits about 1-2 minutes and then I make her come over, tell her again why she had to sit, ask her if she is ready to be gentle and then tell her I love her and give her a kiss. I also don't believe in making children say they are sorry. You model saying sorry and they pick it up naturally. Otherwise if you force them to say it, they learn to just say it without meaning it. These techniques are not fast and easy. They take a lot of patience. It is mentally challenging and sometimes I just want to yell get your a** in your carseat before you get a spanking, but somehow manage to keep my cool during those frustrating moments. The few times I have yelled and lost my temper it did nothing to diffuse the tantrum and only escalated it. Good luck and remember this too shall pass!

he's 3.... this age in development is not easy.
Also, in light of his age and the fact that there is a new baby around... keep your "expectations" about him, age-appropriate. If not, there will be frustration on both sides for you and him.

Teach him how to express himself... teach him the names for feelings, good or bad. ie: happy, sad, grumpy, mad, frustrated etc. And teach him that he CAN say it.... and not be scolded for it.
Remember, he is a little kid. Only 3... he is not a big older child. He is 3.
Often, when a 2nd child comes on board... people "suddenly" expect the Eldest child to suddenly 'act' older... but they are not. They are the same... but their world/family has changed. AND, little kids, do not have "coping-skills" nor inherent skills for managing their emotions or abilities. They need guidance.

My daughter was about 3.5-4 when I had my 2nd child. I handled her per her age... warts and all. Imperfections and all. I did not expect her to 'be' older nor to even know what that meant or is. She even once told me, at this young age "Mommy, I'm just a little girl... not a grown up... I need more time..." And she just really taught ME something. So observe your child too... and their abilities or understanding. Do not just go by their numeric age... and 'expectations' based on that or that they are the 'eldest' child.

A kid will say no.... he is speaking up. My son is 3.5 and he does that too... but I am proud of him because he speaks up. But if it is in retaliation... I manage him. Sometimes it is even the parent that is "rushing" a child... and they need more time to do something, not quick like an adult, for example. I also emphasize that we are "family" and we all do 'teamwork." My Son likes that. If he balks... then fine.... unless it is imperative. Or I tell him or my daughter "Redo that.... how can you do/say that better?" And I give them a chance to 'redo' it. Because, this teaches a child OVER TIME... about how to problem-solve and to think of things on their own.... and complete a task. It teaches them a "skill".... not just a punishment.
It is a rock collecting moss... it will not happen overnight... but if given the tools and a child is SHOWN options or alternatives... then they gain SKILLS in HOW to do things or how to think of things.
And often, my kids have taught ME.... other great ways of doing something. And I am proud of them. And I tell them. To me, creative problem solving and coping-skills... .teaches a kid a whole lot more.
Not just an 'absolute' thing.

And sometime too, if a kid is tired, they can't really be on point and perfect... and I don't expect my kids to clean a whole room at those times... I just teach them to help but "try your best".... not about being 'perfect.' And I get better cooperation that way.

Keep expectations age-appropriate.
Keep tasks you want him to do, manageable per his age.
Keep it, within his range of capability and understanding.
He is 3... not yet a 'big-boy' and still a 'baby'... this is a cusp age.... and they are going through TONS of changes.
Pick your battles.

all the best,
Susan

Hm. "When you ask for small favors".... what does that mean exactly? Are you ASKing for small favors? or are you telling her to do something in a polite way? If you really are ASKing her if she will do something, then you have to accept her answer, even if it is "no". You must retrain yourself to ONLY "ask" when her response is optional. If she must do whatever the favor is, then you should word it in such a way that she is being told, not asked...

THEN, if she is disobedient, what you do about it is very straightforward.

Little things like this become very important for some children. My youngest is a RULE FOLLOWER, so she will do what I tell her every time (almost). But BOTH my kids are sticklers for word play. If you word something where it actually means one thing, but the literal meaning is something you don't intend... they catch it EVERY TIME. And call me on it. Always have from early ages. So think carefully about how you are phrasing your "requests", and rethink what you actually mean. At her age, she won't distinguish between politely TELLing her to do something and actually ASKing her if she will do something. It is too nuanced.

My older agreeable child helped all the time, my 2nd one resists sometimes. I take different steps depending on what is going on...I either ignore, re-direct, distract or encourage, with what I want to get done or the favors I ask. So if I asked him to pick up his shoes and he says no, I would determine if he was trying to test independence, involved in his little world, or just repeating what he hear others say.

i guess since i only have one maybe i don't know what i'm talking about. but yes, there's a difference between asking for help (honey can you hand me that book?) and "asking" them to do chores or something, which should be told not asked, and which should have consequences if not obeyed. but if you're talking about the "hey can you hand me," variety, no i don't think you should discipline for that. this is more about teaching how to be a nice, compassionate, helpful person. your three year old, like other mamas mentioned, is in a really tough spot. not only is she in a rough stage herself, and yes the threes can be worse than the twos! but also she has had her whole existence uprooted, and about a month is not really time to adjust to a new sibling. not being the center of attention, having the focus of being the "cared for" shift to being a caregiver...these are difficult things to adjust to. she will definitely go through a rough stage, but that's all it is. she is still your sweet girl, she's just having a hard time. if you ask her to do something like i don't know, get the milk out of the fridge, and she gets snotty and says NO! i would just look at her sadly and say, well i guess if you aren't going to be a good helper to mommy i'll have to do it myself...or if daddy is around, make an example of him and say, well i guess if you aren't going to be mommy's good girl helper, daddy will have to help mommy. daddy would you get the milk out of the fridge please? and daddy then does it cheerfully, getting a kiss and a hug for his efforts...exaggerate the good feelings that her helping causes, as well as the bad feelings...kids are empathetic by nature you just have to bring those feelings out in them. she will see that being a "good big girl helper" is much more preferable to not. and as another plus, you can involve her in things you are doing so that she doesn't feel so usurped by new baby. good luck, just my thoughts...i know i said i only have one, but i am also the oldest of four, and yes, i helped. lol. i hope this stage passes quickly. she'll adjust, give her time.