What Is Happiness

you received some really good responses...All I could think of, was, "shut-up and GO!" I mean that in the nicest way, lol... :))) PS, I never use the term Shut-up, but it was the first thing that came to mind, haha... seriously, if you don't go, you will always think "what if??"

Happiness is not all or nothing, this or that. You can be happy in Singapore and you can be happy where you live now. That said, life is short and if you have the opportunity to live abroad, go for it. I doubt you will regret it, but you may regret not going and never getting the chance again.

I agree with the idea that experiences rather than money make us happier. If you go to Singapore, you can always come back. You'll never know if it will bring you joy until you try it.

Well... That's kind of the definition of what my family DOES.

My grandparents left the farm in CA for medschool in the US
One brother is in the UK
Another in Germany
A sister in Buenos Aires
Cousins in Boston, LA, & Toronto

And then there are all the military & State Dept. people (my dad left rural IL for the navy). I grew up all over the world.

My family is VERY tight knit/close/rambunctious. Even BEFORE Skype & phone calls that don't cost $10 a minute!!!

These days?

We talk all the time. I was just reading a recipe to my cousin in Boaton as she was shopping (Hey! What's that thing you made this summer with the fennel? I'm at the market!).

We call, skype, email, Facebook.

We loooove "new moves" because its an excuse to visit new places!

As a kid... I spent every summer vacation here for 8-12 weeks, with one set of grandparents.

LOL... Actually I chat my brothers up more NOW than when they were local (because of the time difference... I'm free when they're free... As opposed to here when I was only free during their work day).

Separation does NOT have to equal "distance".
People can be close, and have great support, from thousands of miles away.
People can be distant and uninvolved living a block down the street!

Its all a matter of attitude.

I don't "leave my family" when I move. My support network is still 100% in place.

Its not what they DO for me. I can hire that!
Its WHO they are.

The happiest people I know have next to nothing but they have enough.

In my experience the more you have the more you fear losing it.

The other thing I have noticed are those that move for greener pastures tend to focus only on the benefits of the move and not on the benefits they currently have. After they move they realize everything they gave up and are miserable

I think happiness is a sense of security. The 'emotion' of happiness is not static, it's very fleeting. To me, 'happiness' is more about feeling fulfilled, secure and content. I mean, when my husband brings me flowers, I feel 'happy', but beneath that it's the feeling of being loved (secure), appreciated (content that my efforts and person have been noticed) and fulfilled (that I have chosen an appreciative partner).

It's probably largely subjective, depending on a person's previous experiences and proclivities. A thrill-seeker might not value security as much as excitement and newness.

I also believe that happiness comes from accepting a situation/lot in life and appreciating what one has fully. (the line from a King Crimson song "Happy to have what you have to be happy with" always comes to mind.) It's about seeing what is in front of us instead of looking outside of our means/world for our satisfaction. This, however, is more again about state of mind as opposed to staying in one place.

In short-- go for it! It sounds like you know what you want.:)

It's your attitude. It will be a great experience if you decide it will be. If you don't want to do it and go anyway, you'll be miserable. You get out of things what you put into them.

It sounds like an amazing opportunity and an incredible experience for your family!

i'm a little surprised that your dad is so convinced that an opportunity to immerse yourself in a different culture only represents financial advantages. the move has potential to enrich your lives on levels above and beyond the financial security angle.
staying put for the 'support network' sounds like a fear-based decision to me.
i'm so glad you're going to take wing and go for it.
khairete
S.

GO FOR IT!!!!

You can always move back, if you decide you don't like it, or you've had enough.

You only live once - go see and experience the world!

I think your own words say it all: "truly exceptional experiences"...you clearly want to go! Skype and airlines make it possible to stay connected with whomever you want, where ever you are. What an amazing opportunity!

I can find joy anywhere. I had a crappy childhood, that included just about no material possessions. If I'm thankful for anything, it's that I learned that I can't rely on "something" to make me happy. I can't rely on going here, doing that, having that, looking like that, being that. Happiness is a FEELING. Joy is a way of LIVING. I don't just want feelings I want to live joyfully. For me, that means finding wonderful things in the midst of what I have/own/see/don't have/can't see/won't ever do...NOW. I have had joy in very dark times, but I've only had happiness in very easy times. Joy is not contingent on things. I don't say, "gardening brings me joy." No, it brings me happiness. Joy is not brought, it is lived.

Attitude, yes. Moving and money can bring you happiness. The way you live and perceive life, is what will bring you joy. Easy (financially secure, pretty locations, experiences) is typically very happy. Joy can reside in any period of life. If you WANT to move, you should. Just make sure you don't take baggage that inhibits you from being joyful with you. Otherwise, you will be miserable with more money in a beautiful place.

i was actually going to say just like hazel - i think happiness lies in security. financial. emotional. physical. all that stuff. seriously, our instinct is to survive. if we feel secure, we're good. the rest is just gravy, and if someone thinks those things = happiness, they are wrong.

if you know that you and your little nuclear family are truly all you need then it will probably be an amazing experience. if you have a solid marriage, this move will bring financial peace, and you're not moving somewhere that you will have to worry about your family's safety - i see no reason it wouldn't be awe-inspiring. a dream come true.

my pastor gave a sermon once on "happiness" vs "joy". happiness is fleeting. things, events, people can cause it. but true joy is a state of being. it comes from within and circumstances have nothing to do with it.

What I can say, J., having done what you are looking to do, is that it was one of the best experiences of my life. And yes, you are right about the financial security, especially the part about being able to finance college for your children.

Our parents weren't nearly as willing in their day to live overseas, J.. Our generation is. We have a global economy now. Your father is thinking old school. I hope that you will remember that this is a small amount of time in your life to do this. Your husband's willingness to take a job overseas for his company will distinguish him amongst his coworkers, above those who are not willing to. He is "added value" to his company, and this is well worth spending 5 years abroad for the sake of his ongoing career. You are very lucky to be asked to go to a country where the "misery index" is low. You could be looking at some places in the Middle East, or in India, places that are very hard.

Another nice thing about living overseas is that in some ways, you can have your cake AND eat it too, J.. You can have experiences AND material possessions. When I say material possessions, I am not talking about a big house with expensive furniture and keeping up with the Joneses. In fact, most expats overseas don't have a tremendous amount of "stuff", because it's a pain in the rear to deal with and the company usually doesn't move more than can fit in a 40 foot container. (Some companies, 20...) The "eating it too" is more about not having to do "without", in any way. The "having the cake" at the same time as not having to do without, is being able to be part of a different culture, revel in the differences, be surprised about the similarities, and find out that you are not the same small town gal that you were before stepping out into this big wide world. And just the act of doing this with your children can make their lives richer than you could EVER afford to do otherwise.

My son wrote a college essay about an overseas experience he had when he was 13 years old. He is a very talented and smart young man, BUT, I am pretty sure that what he was able to get across about himself and how his overseas experiences expanded his horizons, is a good part of what got him a very handsome scholarship.

I do think the fact that you are planning on continuing to homeschool will give you and your children even MORE opportunities to broaden their horizons. The places you make plans to go will be part of your curriculum to study - indeed, your children can help you plan your trip to Beijing and The Great Wall of China, The Summer Palace, Tiananmen Square, The Forbidden City, and a short flight away to Xi'an to see the terracota warriors. A trip to Cambodia's Angkor Wat would amaze you AND your kids. The learning that they do to prepare for these trips would be more than they could ever learn stateside.

I hope you'll take a leap of faith and embrace the idea. Don't worry about your dad's reservations - he will not understand until he sees your happiness. A parent is supposed to want his children to be happy, J.. Don't let him keep your family from finding a happiness that is different from his. It is okay to have a different kind of happiness.

Perfect happiness, Joy and success can NOT have a price tag attached to it.

There is no some of monies that could forever make someone happy.

I spent too many years thinking that you could buy that feeling at Target on clearance.

The truth of it all though, I was happier totally broke with no sign of change. No one could touch me and I had the desire to make the best out of nothing.

I find when I have money the only feeling that changes is the idea of being able to obtain just about anything I may need.

We are a family that does not even live pay check to pay check. We live out a few paychecks at a time.

There a months where I panic about where Rent is going to come from. I stop that from stemming into fear by telling myself God wont leave us out. In the almost 3 years we have been here, he has eased my mind of this worry. There for I can live in totally happiness, because the faith in his power gives me that happiness.

We all have that honest yet very cliche list of things in life that bring total and complete joy....My kids, my husband, ,my nieces and nephew's, the fact that I have both my parents and all of my in laws(even though we can never be in the same room for too long). That I have siblings that love and support each other. That I get the title of ''Mommy'' and ''Auntie''.

If it were up to me, we would remove the need for money. We would not need to compete for the basic's in life.

It is an attitude. A life style. And can set you free from all that distresses you.

You have not lived until you have learned to let all the superficial BS go. Being content with what you have and not yearning for more just to have more.

You can be "happy" but not necessarily fulfilled. Fulfillment comes from an innate satisfaction that all is well, and you are walking in your destiny despite the circumstances around you (bills, etc)

Having joy comes from a deep inner peace that even though you are unhappy, you know that things are going to get better.

If your move to Singapore is going to fulfill you and your family, then it is what will eventually make you content (as well as happy).

If your move to Singapore is happy for the moment and exciting, only after being there will you truly be able to determine if it was the best move.

Don't confuse money with contentment or happiness.
Lots of people with plenty of money are miserable.

That said, I think I'd have to logically write out pros and cons.
Sounds like leaving your family is the only con so far...

I know you didn't ask but just my two cents worth.Singapore is a awesome place to live.it's the best of both east and west .i wish i could move. If your parents don't visit you can always visit them.also no matter were you go you will be homesick and miss family but Singapore is awesome.
Good luck with your decision

All I can say is that travel brings me tremendous joy. My husband feels the same way, and we have been very lucky to travel quite a bit with our kids.
Being immersed in a foreign culture for a longer time would be intimidating and a little scary for sure, but given the chance we would do it. We have known families that have done this for both professional and personal reasons (with young children at the time) and in both cases they absolutely LOVED it. One family went to Japan, the other to Italy, and other than the husband who worked for a US/Japanese law firm NONE of the rest of them spoke anything but English. And of course being military my inlaws lived and gave birth to eight children all over the world. My MIL still tells me stories about those places, she said it was hard at times but she wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It's the kind of life most Americans never get to experience, that alone makes it worthwhile in my mind.
As far as "support" my husband and I were pretty much on our own anyway when the kids were little, so that wouldn't factor into it so much. And of course with email and skype it's easy to stay in touch nowadays.
The money is the icing on the cake, I say GO FOR IT!!!

Financial security is important for happiness. Worry can wear you down. Family is important, but you WILL be with your family, just not your extended family. But it will only be for a short time. You will be back with your extended family in time. Set everyone up with Skype - it's free and you can talk to family all the time. I have a friend in Guam and we talked a few times.

I love traveling to different cultures. I have only been to England, France and Hawaii. The key is to embrace the experience and the culture. It's a bit scary at first, but then it's amazing. People will feel that you are finding joy in new experiences and most will welcome your honest enjoyment of who they are. I am still in contact with a family I stayed with for a few weeks when I was an exchange student in England.

My husband was there for 2 weeks for a job. He doesn't speak the language. He LOVED it.

Many people speak english. Perhaps you can take a class before you go - at least learn please, thank you, how are you, etc. You'll be amazed at how far just trying to use those words will take you good-will wise. Be open to new things. Take walks, enjoy. Maybe there is something you can do that you can teach to moms there - a craft, etc.? Just engage.

My sister moved to Hawaii. She has always wanted to go and her husband requested a job transfer. They've been there for almost three years. She likes the weather, she likes her job, she likes her community.

She is still unhappy because of the things she doesn't have. Primarily, the rest of her family. Before any decisions were made it was discussed that it was unlikely that anyone would be able to go there to visit, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to come back to visit either.

It was the reality of the situation, but something she refused to acknowledge that she'd have to give up. So she pines for what she can not have.

A large part of Happiness comes from being able to find contentment in your current reality, whatever that happens to be.

If you want to go to Singapore, than do go! Enjoy the experience. Just realize that choices have to be made. Chances are good that no one will come visit you due to lack of time, money or simply not wanting to be in that location. You have to be okay with that and not take it personally.

Follow your gut. Follow your instinct. You seem to be looking to an awful lot of "research" to tell you what happiness is or what brings it. One thing's for sure, happiness can't be found in a research paper.

Our lives are ebbing and flowing, changing all the time. What might bring you happiness today might not 5 years from now. All you can do is operate with the knowledge you have of yourself today. Focus on becoming self-aware. Meditate. Reflect. Figure out who you are and what makes you tick. For me personally, I know I could never be happy if I was removed from my roots, no matter the financial security it might bring. But that's me. Find out who you are - she will give you the answer.

How long will you be over there?
A few years?
It's not going to be for forever.
You'll move back eventually.
Do the move and have your adventure.
You have to do what makes YOU (your husband and kids) happy - not what makes your Dad happy.
The rest of the family can live vicariously through you!

I don't see the logic. Happiness doesn't come from money, experience, or material possessions. Happiness comes from God. If you want to go and God is calling you in that direction then you should go. If you are only going because you believe you will get worldly things then you won't be happy. One thing I know from experience is that anything can be taken away from you at any time. If tomorrow I lost everything and still had my family, I would be happy. If tomorrow I lost my family I would have the time I spent with them to carry me until I could be with them again. I can never go back and get time but I can always make more money.

You say it's possible security - how possible? How sure is this? This question seems part of the picture. Unfathomable experiences can mean a lot of things - I know you mean them as something wonderful, but they could end up terrible and still be called unfathomable experiences.

Joy is something that comes from deep within the heart, your heart of hearts. True Joy is something that withstands the test of time, financial security or lack of it, illness, health, dark times, light times. Joy is something that comes with enlightenment. But so saying you can have real joy and yet be brought down in despair, but because you have Joy you know where to be and what to do to renew it. You can brought down in one momnet and lifted in the next because you're in communication with the God within. Happiness is more of an earthly ego personality kind of thing, what makes one person happy may be nothing to someone else. It is a matter of perspective.

I understand your dad doesn't want you to leave, of course not, what kind of dad wants their daughter across the world not knowing when or maybe even if he'll see her again. And he's probably looking at this as seeing you making your decision based solely on money matters instead of the stability of family and familiar cultural life and calling that your happiness. And of course people are more happy when they're financially stable expect for the few. Who wants to worry about money all the time. That's a no brainer.

Have you researched the laws, culture, the every day living there? Do you think you can live with it? If you move there do it because it's right for you all, not on trying to covince yourself that it will be some fantastic new world full of everything nice and sweet and perfect. Watch out for "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"

For the most part happiness is really a state of mind. Some people always seem happy, I don't trust those kind of people, something wrong there. But it's all perspective, if you haven't eaten in a week you'd be damm happy to get a crust of bread. If you were imprisoned for a long time in the dark and told what to do and when to do it, you'd be elated to see the sunlight again and have a sense of happiness and freedom just to go to bed when you want or get a glass of water at your own will.

Don't get lost in the clouds, make this decision based on what you're really being guided to do. Take it to your dreams, meditate on it and ask with clear thinking.

They say the person who can enjoy the scenery along the way even when stuck in a traffic jam is a happy person

This article may help:
http://www.bettinagordon.com/happiness-dan-buettner-natio...

I have a friend who moved from the U.S. to Singapore. She's been there for about 5 years now. They like it and ironically moved there for a job that paid well. The kids were young when she moved so they are well adjusted and since being over there, they have done LOTS of traveling to China, Japan, Australia and many other places. She lives near other expatriates of people from all over the worlds, including the states..
So far, she likes it.. She doesn't know that they will stay on forever, they might move to London or back here.. However, so far, it's life and she is glad they are living internationally.... she believes it has broaden her horizons as well as her family's... Her family has visited as well as the husband's, but it might be somewhat limited in that it is a long trek for someone older and younger for that matter..

Oh and happiness to me knowing that I have choices in life... and if I make good ones, usually life is pretty happy..

good luck

I think every family is different. I live far away from family. We are all in the US but about an 18 hour drive from both sets of my son's grandparents, my siblings, niece etc. It works. We see each other a couple of times per year. I do wish my son had the opportunity to see them more often but I would not be happy living where they live.

We had to move to to Ohio for 1 1/2 years right after my son turned 3 and I was very happy to return to water and sunshine. I would love if we had to move to Europe for the same amount of time for the experience. I personally do not want to live in Singapore but that is just me and I think if you and your husband and children are excited about the adventure of it you should go. When we lived in Ohio, we rented a house instead of buying because we did not want to buy knowing it may be very short term. The home we rented was available because that family put all of their furniture etc into storage and moved to Singapore because of the husband's job. They were scheduled on that assignment for the three years. During one of their visits to family, they came over to meet us. They told us that they loved Singapore and were very happy there.

An old college friend recently moved to Japan with her husband and four children because of her husband's job and they all really seem to be enjoying the adventure of a new culture and surroundings as well.

I get the impression that you seem very excited about this move after reading your post and it sounds like it would be a good move for your family.

Good luck!

Would you be able to travel back to the States during summer vacations? My parents decided to pack us up and move overseas for four years while we were teenagers. Living abroad was the *best* decision ever. Financially it was beneficial, but aside from that, we returned to see our grandparents each summer and I wouldn't trade our experience for anything. It strengthened us as a family, and we had opportunities we never, ever would have had otherwise. For what it's worth, I say go for it. Have you asked your dad what he would do in your situation? I would hope he supports your choice no matter what. Good luck! (If you move to Singapore I will be insanely jealous. It's an amazing place. :)

To me, having such an international experience would be very exciting. Even though I am an introvert and have a hard time making close friends, I am very cosmopolitan-minded and can only dream of having such opportunities as living abroad would present. I am interested in world cultures and history, so something like that would make me happy. I already live away from my family and know that I do ok. My joy comes from seeing my marriage and my children thrive.

I'm much happier when I'm not stressing over money, LOL! But I don't believe money is the root of happiness.

As for moving to Singapore I think you need to consider what kind of family you are. Everyone and every family is different. I have a friend who moved to China for her husband's job. She and her family LOVE it! They love to travel, she is involved in the arts, her son is getting a great education and as expats in China, they are treated very well (they have the Chinese equivalent of a maid/chef). As for me, I've lived in the same town my whole life and I love it here. I love my life. I wouldn't move to another country for all the money in the world. I love routine and a schedule as do my children. So something that adventurous might not be a good fit for my family. You should consider those things as you make your decision.

Good luck in your decision. Just keep your financial options in the US open in case you decide to come back.

FInancial security is a big deal. I think money doens't buy happiness but it makes things easier. So for one, it's natural your parents don't want you to move so far away. It's selfishness but understandable. And I'm not sure how old they are. Secondly, I think it depends on the type of person you are. Some people never want to leave the comfort of their home town. That's where they're happy. Nothing wrong with that. Some people would love to live overseas. Just how they are. I always wanted to live in different places in my life but have plenty of friends who never did. Same time, I'm not very interested in living overseas. I could have moved to London a few years ago for work and I had no interest. Visiting it has been enough. I also have no interest in living in Asia. I'm not a homebody but just not into international. Having said that, I hear Singapore is fantastic for expats. So even I would consider it. And we're financially secure already so do'nt need a move like this. If it was Singapore AND likely financial security and not forever, I'd go for it. And it will be attitude to a degree. A mindsight of comparing everything to home all the time will make you miserable. A mindset of "hey, this isn't forever and how interesting is it that they do xyz this way..." will make it an adventure. I think knowing yourself though and if you're capable of the 2nd mindset is key.

None of that will matter... unless you like Singapore AND can acculturate and adapt. TO the culture. Not expecting... the culture to adapt, to you.

Also, like Jill K. says below.

Also... many people dream of moving to Hawaii and live here. BUT once they come here, they even hate it or dislike it.
Why?
Because, they cannot let go of where they came from AND they cannot.... ACCULTURATE to the culture here. It is not anything like the rest of the mainland USA.
One person, a transplant here, told me that she hates it.... because "Not everyone is white, here. And the minorities are weird."
Ahem.
But whatever, that is her take on it.
She could not adapt or acculturate to this State.
NOR was she even willing... to try.
So she mostly just stayed within her own comfort zone and ethnicity. Not even trying to learn, about the culture and the many cultures and people here. NOT even, trying the varied and wonderful cuisine here.
Really sad.

Ultimately, despite financial grandness... what will determine your happiness or despondency in Singapore... is your ability to acculturate. AND your willingness... to try.

It doesn't matter how much money there is there or not. Or that you will live like Kings there or not.
It will be about how you are able to acculturate.
If not, even with all that money, you will live cloistered... and still within your comfort zone. Even if in a foreign country.

You will have joy and happiness where ever you are but you will have grief and pain and worries and annoyances, also. I had all those several states away from family. I really missed them and worried about them. When I visited I absorbed all I could. When my dad died, my mom came and stayed and my kids had a blast with her.

I knew a friend who moved back to the state she was from. We both decided that if you didn't live next door, then it wasn't a big deal to live by family. Living next door got you ALL the good but much of the trouble too.

I went around the world to say, go. Maybe your parents will come, most likely they will. You will enjoy that experience together. I loved to show my parents things they would have never seen without me moving. It's not the same experience as being close but wow, I can be fun!