Ex-pat Assignment to Singapore

Hi J.,I live away from my family & its hard. My mom had planned a move to another state & a week before she left I found out I was pregnant with my 1st child. She offered to stay in TX, but I told her not to change her plans for me. Now I wish I would have told her to stay! I would give anything for her to live in the same city as me & her grandson. My brother also moved 1500 miles away after my nephew was born. Now our whole family is spread out. Is there anyway you can bring your mom with you? I would seriously consider it before agreeing to go. I personally don't think I could do it, especially if my mom moved out here to be close to us. Or I would convince her to come with me. :) On the upside, my husband has been to Singapore for work & says its great. Let us know what you decide! Best wishes & congratulations on the new baby! ~ A.

J.,

What an exciting opportunity for you and your family! I don't have any advice either way that will help your decision. Where did your mom move from? How familiar and set is she at staying in Houston? I moved far away from family in college and thereafter. My mom ended up moving too when she left my dad and got a divorce which put us further apart. We always made time to get together but it was only a few times a year. My mom died unexpectedly in May of 07. If there are any regrets I have, it's that I didn't move closer to her and spend time with her. My son loved his Nana and has had a very hard time with her death as have I.

Of course, the opportunities to live abroad don't happen either. You need to discuss it with your husband at length with the pros/cons. Then invite your mom over and ask for her input. Is it possible that she could come spend an extended stay with you all in Singapore a couple times a year and that you all could take a vacation to spend some time with her here?

What a great opportunity! I have been to Singapore and trust me... you and your family will love it!

Wow! What an amazing opportunity. I have not had the chance to take an ex-pat opp but would love to. Is this a temporary move (for just a few years)? perhaps you can position it that way and buy tickets for your mom to visit a couple of times a year for several weeks (which will help you and your husband out!).

This is an amazing opportunity for your family. You HAVE to take it. I think that being exposed to other cultures and views is so important in this day and age. So many people grow up in the bubble that is Houston or Dallas!

Hi J.,
I had family that was so bummed that we moved overseas(London). Especially since we just had a baby...also my mom was quite elderly and couldn't travel. It was hard to leave the country knowing her condition. However, friends and family quickly adjusted and took advantage of the situation. We had guests almost every other month...many who would have never taken the trip. We also made plans to come back two or three times a year. As ex pats you will have such a wonderful opportunity for yourself and your children. Take advantage of it now while they are young. They'll meet friends from all over the world. My son still has buddies that are overseas and I hope to keep in touch with them as long as possible. Hopefully your mom can come visit and stay for several weeks.
Make it work...it won't last forever...and you will have such wonderful memories.
Schools are also great overseas..and you'll meet plenty of other Americans as well as other nationalities.
Also, the other advantage is your travel experience while over there. You'll be able to go to places that would have been really difficult to venture to if you were living here. So go for it...Life is an adventure. Hook up with other ex pats and you'll be fine.
Good luck
p.s. we moved back to the US before I was ready to give up International life....

I'm in a similiar situation with a move to London this fall and I just had my first baby in May. If your mother doesn't work or can take a bunch of time off this might help - I have already been talking to my mother about her taking long trips over (1+ month at a time) and that we are going to have great guest facilities for her. We also started planning her first trip over as she is also not wanting to loose touch with me or the baby.... I'm also playing up the travel we can do together around Eurpoe - you could try the same thing perhaps with Asia!

Also in Singapore domestic help is really really cheap and good quality (most expats have cleaners, cooks as well as nannies) so you could try talking about what a support system you will have? Good luck!

Dear J.
I have been in both positions - having my daughter move away from me and also having moved away from my mother.
Both situations are extremely stressful and painful and the sad thing is that they often end up as permanent.
All the short holidays I was able to afford to go to see them has not made up for the lack of that original family (which pains me still) and it also takes away your support system.
As for my daughter and I, every parting is so painful that we can hardly enjoy our time together and end up miserable days before we part yet again.
Sometimes family relationships are worth more than gold.
Just a thought
Jewel

First off--congrats! It is a fabulous opportunity!
Second off--no matter what you decide, your mom can be a part of your plans (many great suggestions below)

When I was 7, my family moved to Malaysia (penninsula that Singapore is below). We had a 3 year assignment, and we LOVED it! Most ex-pat assignments are temporary, so I would look at the length of assignment and travel allowances. How can your mom be a part of that (do they give you a certain $ ammount towards travel, or a certain # of tickets, etc). Have a plan in place that your mom helps to develop. THat way she can feel like she is a part of this.

The decision to take the assignment is your's & your husband's alone. Of course your mom is upset at the idea, she wants to be with you and your family. Are there any other factors that she is concerned about? Anything about Singapore or the assignment in particular that she doesn't feel is a good fit for you (other than it being so far away)?

Best of luck! All I can say is that living overseas was such an amazing part of my childhood. I would love to be able to give my own child that experience one day. It has helped me to appreciate so many things in life and to keep a world view.

Feel free to contact me about living over there...

Don't let your mom dominate your life. What did she give up to move closer to her grandchildren? Have her get a passport now so that she can come and visit. I'm told that airline tickets, if bought over there, are much cheaper than if bought here. This will be an excellent opportunity for her to see more of the world. Granted, she won't get to have daily contact with her grandchildren, but she'll adjust.