What Do You Do in a Situation When You Face Horribly Rude Parents

That is SUCH a tough position to be in. I probably would have done the same thing you did. As much as I'd like to think I'd stand up and say something, I probably wouldn't. No, the language isn't acceptable, but a lot of people talk that way. I don't like the idea of her grabbing him, but at the same time, what are you really suppose to do? I don't know. I don't have an answer for you, just wanted to let you know that I'm kind of a whimp too!

There is nothing to handle. You cannot tell other people how to parent their kids.
I have witnessed people hit their kids in situations like that - just when it's an adult hitting a two year old it's called spanking and by some considered a legitimate form of discipline.
Sad, but nothing you can do about it.

This is such a tough call. I'm sure from the outside some parents would disapprove of my tone with my kids sometimes and I curse sometimes too. I don't consider dropping the F bomb as serious as some people do.

I know I am sympathizing with her. I've been there. Our daughter is VERY difficult to raise and she can quickly wear down our patience. If a parent stepped up to me because they saw a glimpse of something they didn't approve of without knowing me, my daughter, the whole story, or the whole day.. I would tell them to mind their own business. And I wouldn't say it nicely. I have two boys that are very easy to raise, and our daughter who isn't. I know sometimes people see the way a "spirited" child behaves and they think, proudly, MY son/daughter would NEVER act like that -- as if it's because they are super parent. I can say from experience some kids are just harder to raise then others.

She can't be ALL that bad. She's taking care of her child - taking him out to the park? Hopefully you just didn't see her in one of her finer moments. :)

I went through this not to long ago in a restaurant. A little boy around 3 lost his mom and was wandering the lobby. I was waiting by the door. The waitress picked him up and brought him to his mom. When the mom saw him she began to scream at him. I told you not to F##$king leave my side. She then hit him in the back of the head and told him when she gets him outside she is going to beat the you know what out of him. She was cursing at this child and dragged him by his hood through the lobby. Something just came over me and I stepped in front of her and told her she was not going to leave with the child and to let him go!!! As you can imagine it turned ugly so I called the police. Before the police arrived she took off so I took down her license plate and reported her. Not much else you could do. Next time get a license plate and report them. So many people tell me I was crazy and could have been hurt myself, but when I saw that poor child I didn't even think I reacted (not sure if it was a good idea or not.) I know how you feel when you see a child being mistreated, but none of us know how we are going to react when things happen. You did your best and now for future you may react differently. I don't think there is a right or wrong here I am sure you were in shock.

Oh honey I have been in this situation and I have approached the parent and reminded her that "I am sure "she "is not having a good day, but to please not ever speak to" her child "like that again."

One time I even asked a mom if she wanted to sit down and calm down while her child played with mine. This worked, of course she burst into tears. I told her "it was ok, but that we have to treat our children the way we expect others to treat our children." I also told her I had lost it before, but that I had to stop myself so that I would not scare my child and not teach her the bad habit of yelling like that..

At the grocery store, I have also said things to parents. The one that comes to mind was a mom who were slapping their child's legs and screaming at them to "sit the F down in the basket.". , because they would not sit down in the basket.. That did not turn out as well, but I was able to get the child to sit quietly in the basket for that mom. She told me to mind my own "f :^*+ing business." I told her "it is my business because NO Child should ever be treated that way, especially by the person they love the most." Then I told her "have a nice day."

So if you feel safe doing it, try to give them a way out.. Unlike the way I did at the grocery store. Usually just saying you "can understand they must be frustrated." Or "they must be upset.".

I don't think it's your place to step in. In no way do I think she should be cursing at her child, but she could have had a nightmare of a day and reached her limit just as she told her child is was time to go and he takes off to play a game of make mommy chase me, and all niceness and sanity just flew out the window. It doesn't make it right or acceptable, but it happens to most of us.

On the other hand, she could curse and scream at him every day. And although very heart wrenching, I don't know what you, as a random stranger, could have done to have any long term affect on that.

Well, it's a shame she was saying that to her boy, but sometimes we all get pushed past the breaking point by a number of things and we wind up lashing out at our children or our spouses or a good friend. Hopefully this isn't her usual routine and hopefully she was just having a really, really bad day or week! The only time you can really do anything in a situation like that is IF you are very close by, say something calmly like, "Can I help you grab him? They just run away SO fast at that age!" You have to be very friendly and non-confrontational. If you see her again there and witness the same type of behavior, you could probably get away with kind of going over -and again, in a very friendly way -saying something along the lines of, "They just drive you nuts sometime, don't they?" In other words, strike up a conversation with her. Even then, you're walking a thin line and you have to be prepared for a less than warm reception. Unless she's getting physical and slapping the child, throwing him -something beyond a pop on the butt -you can't really do much. There's also the disgusted or shocked "stare" where you just stop and look at the person with surprise on your face in hopes they realize and are embarrassed at the way they're acting. It's passive aggressive, but sometimes it snaps people back to reality -others, they may look at you and say, "What's YOUR problem?!" Hopefully this was a rare and isolated incident. Always remember -if your child is with you -first and foremost you have to keep your attention on him and make sure he's safe. You honestly never know what a complete stranger is going to do -even one with a child.

It was not your place to interfere with the mother and her child, unless she was physically attacking/abusing him. You do not know why he was in trouble or why they were leaving the park. When I was with my sister once at a park with her kids we had to leave right a way because her son took candy from a stranger, something he knew was against the rules. You only saw a few minutes of this event, not enough to fully understand it or judge her.

I didn't look at all the answers so forgive me if this is a repeat. I had a similar situation in the grocery store. I just said to the mom, "Hey there, kids can sure be a handful can't they?" She was surprised I didn't attack her and just said some not so nice things about the boy. I said "Well, he is such a little cutie pie, I'm sure you get some good times with a blessing like that, it is tough to be a parent, though". I just engaged her, did not belittle her or even address her actions, but by the time we parted, she was calmed down and actually smiled. The woman was taking out her anger on the boy. It is never okay, but remember that 'hurt people, hurt people', sometimes if they are validated as a valuable person, it can help change their mood, if only for a little while. Take care and thank God you are a woman of compassion for an ugly situation. It horrifies me to see people cussing and screaming at kids too.

Take care,
D.

You did the right thing. If you'd said something the mother would be even angrier and would take it out even more on the son.

I'd have taken down her license number and called Child Protective Services. They could get her address and check the situation out, tho they may not do so. Just depends on the policies in your local office. I would call because there may be other calls and this bit of info may help them help the boy.

Your son may have been frightened and I'd have opened a conversation with him to let him know that that mother's behavior was unacceptable. Probably that just naturally happened for you.

This is part of our wiring, "Fight of Flight". I think the only thing you could have done safely for all in question (this is in hindsight) was try to get her license plate number and call the police. BUT, again this is in hindsight, please don't worry about not doing it. The only thing now is to file away responses that seem reasonable to you for future reference. Let's say you DID intervene, you could have been putting yourself and your child in jeopardy. You just don't know, if she was wacky enough to go off on her child in public it seems it could have turned very ugly pretty quick.

Wow-I can't imagine how bad you felt witnessing that! I feel kind of teary just reading your description. And I can imagine how it is haunting you too. To be honest though...and I am ALL for jumping in to tell off strangers when they are not doing right by kids...I get a feeling that it would not have been safe for you to do that. She sounds a little mental and if she is a big woman you never know what she might do to you and your first responsibility is to your child. Saying something to her may also have made her meaner to her child.

I'm not sure exactly what I'd do. I'd probably have to say something like "He's, what, two? Chill out." at the very least.
I'm, sure we all lose our cool now & then (hopefully not to the point of dropping the "f-bomb" to your kid, but the truth is that there are a LOT of morons out there. And you don't need to pass any "normal" test to pop out a kid.

Hi,

I feel for you. I have unfortunately been in this situation a few times--way too many~First, you could have called the police, written down her license number and made a report. Or confronted her and told her to stop speaking to him that way or you would call the police. You could notify CPS as well with the info you saw and keep a notepad and pen in your purse/stroller at all times. The other option is come at it from a different approach- say to the mom, wow, I know just how it feels when they don't listen, its really frustrating-I can see your really upset- how about if we chat for a few minutes while the kids play. Sometimes it works for the parent to realize that they have messed up big time and need to get some self-control- other times it makes them more angry and most likely would storm off. Either way you give her something to think about. In my experience it works well. If you don't say anything, no one will protect that little boy.

molly

I didn't read your prior comments. I don't think you can "stop" someone from doing something to their kid unless they are seriously beating them. However, using curse words in public and in front of other kids (yours) does allow you to say something about that. I would have walked up to her and said something like "Apparently you think its ok for your child to hear those words, but I don't think its ok for my child to hear them and I'd appreciate it if you would choose diffent words when in public."

I think we've all witnessed similar situations.........very sad.......

I have no advice, as I KNOW how I would WANT to react, however, in the moment, I'm not sure I could react at all.........it's scary not knowing if you would put you and your child in danger by simply trying to help out another kid..........I probably would've left it alone, and if my son had been witness to it, I would've had to have a talk with him....

I just wanted to read all of the responses........I think everyone is right for the most part......what I DID learn after reading everyone's responses is to write down the license plate # and call the police.........it's true that there could be MORE complaints and this could be the one complaint to determine an investigation for a child's sake. I will try to be calm enough to do that the next time I witness a situation like that.

Thanks for your post......this is an everyday situation anymore :o(

~N. :O)

Just because people can breed doesn't mean all of them should.
Some people are just never meant to be parents. She might just have been having a very bad day, or maybe she's truly a horrible mother.
There's not much you can do. With some people, if you interfere, they will take out on the kid. If you take down the license number and call the police, I'm not sure they'd get involved.

No, you do not have the right to do anything. She would have probably turned her anger onto you, attacked you and claimed you were trying to kidnap the child.

You don't know the back story but obviously she was overreacting. I never use language like that to my kids but I can tell you that my 3 year old has gotten out in traffic because he got too far away from me. One of the times he has been in danger was at McDonalds. He got away from me in the playground area, ran full speed to the front door, and some kindly person opened the glass door and let him out into the parking lot. A mail carrier just barely missed running over him.

We live close to a main highway through our town and I have nightmares about him getting out at night and wandering into traffic. So I can tell you I am VERY diligent when outside that he stays within reach. Plus I am overweight and have staples in my knees from softball injuries in college and can't run fast.

If I feared he would get away and I had no one else with me that could catch him, such as another child, I would totally freak if he was getting away from me. I don't go to parks for this very reason. I think she was not being good to her child but if he was one of those who tend to run off and get in danger then she can't let up even if no cars are around,. Kids don't understand when rules ore one way at some places and then other ways somewhere else. On any other day there may be tons of cars there and she has to keep him on a short "leash" so to speak.

I feel your pain, and know it could have been me overreacting (without the bad language and rough handling) but I would probably scooped mine up and left too if he wasn't staying within the boundaries he was supposed to stay in. I would rather have a child having a temper tantrum than possible a hurt child that didn't listen when I said stop.

Hi Mama,

I has a similar situation a while back. I think the only thing you can do is tell the Mom she is being harsh and scaring her child.

Honestly though,there is little you can say that will change how this Mom reacts to her child. If you know who they are or if you see an officer near by, I would report the verbal assult.

It hurts me to see children yelled at, and I'm glad you feel strongly enough to do something about it.

R. Magby

While I do not like it when people use cuss words with their children, you have no idea what her day was like. What her son had done that day. How many times she had asked him to stop running away. Where they were going. There may have been some need to leave. You are lucky if you never spent 30 mins chasing your 3 yr old around the playground trying to get them to leave. Who cares if there weren't any cars... maybe she was just done. Yes yelling at little kids is not ok but it is really none of your business. Unless she was hitting him and even then you still have no business telling someone how to parent their child.
I am in now way saying what this woman did is ok but I am saying you have no right at all to tell her she is doing something wrong.