Wanting to Go Back to Work, Husband Says No.

Updated on August 24, 2010
M.L. asks from Spokane, WA
9 answers

I would prefer to work part time outside of the home. My husband disagrees with this and says if I truly loved my children and wanted what is best for them, I would want to stay home with them. Well, I just plain do not enjoy being a stay at home mom (about half the time!). I do have a home based business which keeps me online for a long time during the day, but that isn't good for me or the kids at this point.

I get tired, frustrated, agitated, I have a hard time implementing structure and schedules with them, and while I have high hopes of being successful, it just isn't. I feel they would actually be better off in a different setting. I planned on doing a mother's day out, but now we can't afford that. I worry that if I do get a part time job, it would only cover day care costs and nothing else, so basically I would be working just to work.

My husband says he would support my decision, but he would give me a lot of flack about it and not 'really' be supportive, instead just laying on guilt trips and sarcasm if I ever came home from work tired. Any words of advice here?

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answers from Anchorage on

I went through a phase like that, I had to get out. I took a part time job in the afternoons and some weekends so my husband would be home for the kids. Not only did I get to have some adult time, but it also forced my husband to take full responsibility for the kids while I was at work, which really opened his eyes too a lot of things!! I worked for a few months, than missed having all that time with my boys and quit my job. Once they are in school full time I will go back to my career, but until than, if it gets to be too much, I will find another part time job to clear my head.

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answers from Seattle on

ROFLMAO... So what your HUSBAND is saying is that HE does not truly love his children, because he doesn't stay home with them?

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Boise on

As a SAHM, I am always going crazy, but I stay home because I can afford to and I feel that my kids need me, not a perfect setting, but me. Little kids need their moms as much as possible. It is a proven fact. You need breaks and you need adult time. You can figure out how to do that without working, like work out at the gym and put your kids in the gym daycare for an hour a day. Or go out with your girlfriends once a week, or get together more often with your girlfriends and their kids for some mom chat while the kids play together.

Moms who love staying at home love to sacrifice and learn to love it because we know it is worth it and not all about us but about the kids. The time goes by so fast before they are all school age and you won't see them for over 6 hours a day. Can you wait until they are older. Time seems to go by so slowly when they are tiny and it is extremely taxing and difficult, but then those years are gone and you can't have them back again, ever.

I think it is about the struggle to be a great at home mom that builds your character, and the sacrifice that goes along with it. You can't take anything with you when you die, and at your deathbed, the thing you will care about most is how your kids turned out.
I think it is great that your husband wants you to be a stay at home mom and wants to provide for you. He is a stud! What a great guy that is willing to pay for everything you guys need and wants you home to nurture the kids. It shows how much he loves his kids and his family.

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answers from Las Vegas on

Everyone needs a break from their job, even stay at home mothers. No, let me rephrase that: ESPECIALLY stay at home mothers. When I worked, my job was hard but, for me at least, not as hard as being a SAHM has been. I think your husband should be thankful that you want to go out and work and earn some money (even if it does get eaten up by daycare expenses), instead of out spending all of his money because you are bored, lonely and feeling unfullfilled.

Being a SAHM is not for everyone, especially when you are the type of person who gets a lot out of having a job and possibly pursuing a career. I guess the point is to find a balance that works for everyone in the family, including you. If you feel that working part-time outside the home is something that you need to do for you, then I'm sure that you will be able to find a job that will fit what you and your family needs. You'll just have to look for it. And, no, this doesn't mean that you don't love your children. Your husband is quite the emotional manipulator, isn't he? ;o)

Hope that you are able to find the answer that works for you.

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answers from Washington DC on

I disagree with hubby. Sometimes what is best for kids is having a break from Mom. Would it be possible to find a part time job in the evenings so that Dad can cover the kids while you are working?

Even if having the kids is daycare just breaks even with what you make, as long as it doesn't lose you money, I say go for it. My kids learn much more at their daycare - she's an amazing teacher who is very crafty - then when they stay home with me.


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answers from Colorado Springs on

I love it that your husband desires for you to stay home with your children. (I may not like his method of communicating it, but I like what he is saying!) You have such a great opportunity for FREEDOM, and you are wanting to be enslaved by someone? I don't get that. You have such a great option to do whatever you want all day with your children. What do you think you would like to do? Do you have options? Can you go places, beautify your home, go on walks, read...? What do you think you hate about it? Do you hate the responsibility of them? Do you want to just do your own thing without having to think about anyone else? (I'm not judging, I'm just asking.) You can do this. You just need to rethink your priorities. Do you have a desired outcome with your children? What do you want for them? Where do you want them to end up in 5, 10, 20 years from now? How do you get there from here? Why did you have them? I would not like being a stay at home mom if I didn't have an end goal in mind. If we just went mindlessly from day to day without any direction, it would drive me crazy. But, we have purpose and goals in mind. We don't always meet those goals, but we're heading in the right direction. Rethink your plan with your children. See them as the gifts that they are. Cherish this time. I know that people say that the years fly by. It's true. The days can last forever, but the years are a flash. Blessings to you as your work through this.

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answers from Harrisburg on

Because you are a woman doesn't automatically make you a SAHM. A well rounded woman is a better person for their child, no matter what their choice is. The important thing is spending time with them. If you working will decrease the time you spend with your children while only focusing on you, then I could see hubby's point, however, if you are mentally getting frustrated, then being able to work would allow you to be a more fulfilled person for your children. Not everyone is cut out to stay at home full time. I would probably come up with a list of pros and cons for your husband to touch and feel and ultimately convince him WHY you working part time would be better for you and the family overall. It's not just about the work, it's about fulfillment. Not to offend anyone, but for example, someone staying at home might be on Mamasource all day while their screaming child is not getting his /her needs met, and on the other hand a working mom might spend 1/2 day at work, and the rest of her time completely on her kids and vice versa. So once again it is not about the role of SAHM vs work, it's about TIME, so pose that to your husband and see his response.

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answers from Kansas City on

Why not get a part time job during the hours your husband doesn't work, that way the kids will still be with a parent and not a day care facility. That's what we do and it works out great!

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answers from Shreveport on

My advice is to get a part time job and let him keep the kids at night. Work somewhere, like Bath and Body works, or Gymboree. You will not make much, but you will be around other adults and they start hiring around the fall for the Christmas season. MY husband doesn't mind me working, but does not like it when he has to watch the kids! Good luck.

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