Wanting More Sleep!

Like the others have said, 9 months old is old enough to sleep through the night. I think that most of the time, it's more of a habit than a requirement to wake up to eat. I did the cry it out thing and within a few nights...no more wakies for milkies. :)

Have you tried co-cleeping? Many moms who co-sleep get a lot more sleep because they don't have to constantly get in and out out of bed. Also, maybe he is just teething and this will pass soon. Have you tried a dose of Tylenol before bed?

If you read the Baby Book by William and Martha Sears, they offer guidelines on how to tell if your child is genuinely hungry or simply following habit - every child is unique, some are ready and able to sleep through the night at three months, some need to be a year. They also discuss lovingly night weaning - my favorite was "honoring [my] husband with his share of nighttime parenting" - by having your husband go and comfort the baby when he wakes up, you send the firm message that "mom's all-night diner" is closed, but that he still has a loving parent to comfort him when he needs it. It's a great book - I highly recommend it. On a more personal note, I've found that mine need a late-night snack (usually some rice cereal, or something similarly stick-to-your-stomach) to sleep through the night; if they're hitting a growth spurt, especially, their little bodies digest the milk quite fast. Also, co-sleeping really has vastly improved the amount and quality of sleep I've gotten. Last of all, your milk supply at night is apparently higher in fat, which may be why he's wanting to nurse more at night if he's growing a lot right now. All the best!

I'd say it's a growth spurt. Also I agree with a previous post about co-sleeping. Yes, there are many different methods of parenting and "attachment parenting" is one of them. Depending on your parenting style and your child it's not always best for them to "cry it out."

We plan on using an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper until the little one is too big for it, then we have a crib that we plan on converting like this: http://groups.msn.com/SteveandLishsFamily/sidecarcrib.msnw

Here is another good resource. http://www.attachmentparenting.org

Just remember, baby knows what baby needs. Don't deny feeding just because it's a hassle waking up every 2-3 or 4-5 hours.

S.,
It sounds like your son is going through a growth spurt--typical of 9 month olds, especially boys. Please be careful about ignoring your son so that you get some sleep; I tried this with my son and realized (when he didn't stop crying and I went into his room) that his blood sugar had drastically dropped--like me, he got sick if he went too long without eating. He was so shaky that he could barely nurse. I felt horrible; and I admit that I was just being selfish and expecting my baby to live by my expectations. I know it's frustrating to lose sleep, but sometimes, flexibility is needed in order to meet our baby's needs. Do you take naps with the kids during the day? I have found this really helps with my sleep deprivation at night (my children are the same ages). When my daughter needs to nurse at night (all breastfed babies wake up more and need to nurse at night), I pull her in bed with me and fall back to sleep while nursing her. I also make sure that I go to bed earlier if I'm feeling super-tired, just to make sure I get more sleep. Honestly, I've learned that, as the adult, I need to make adjustments, not my baby.

My one year old boy still wakes up one or 2 times a night for the same thing. I can't let him cry cause I have 3 other kids. I just nurse him back to sleep and live with it. It won't last forever and I'll miss it when its gone. I know this isn't helpful other than you know you're not alone. I'm tired too.

S.,

<<hugs>> Not getting enough sleep is the worst. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I get a red flag when someone says that a baby "should" be able to do something just because of his/her age. Every baby is an individual, just like every adult is. Do you expect to be able to knit or sink a hole in one just because you are 25? Similarly, not every baby has the same needs. Keep in mind that it is totally normal for a baby to be waking up a couple times a night well into the first year. Despite the press you hear, it is NOT normal or desirable for babies to sleep 12 hours at 12 weeks.

1. Nursing - Breastfed babies are especially in need of at least one night feed. As you may know, breastmilk breaks down more fully and more quickly than formula. The "downside" is that baby needs to eat more often. The upside is that baby is not sleeping all night long with a gut full of formula that is literally curdling in their little stomachs.

2. Age - At nine months, babies are starting to get more interested in the world around them. They may simply be too busy to nurse (or bottlefeed) much during the day. As a result, they make up those calories at night, when it's boring anyway. Has he reduced the amount he is nusing during the day? You might make a point of offering to nurse every couple hours during the day and see if this helps.

3. Growth spurt - 6, 9 & 12 months are all really common times of growth spurts. He is nursing more to increase your milk supply because he needs more milk. Refusing nursings at this point will keep your milk supply from increasing, which may lead to premature weaning.

4. Teething - Tylenol before bed should rule out this one. Also, see how he reacts if you press on his gums. Does he bite down or press into it? Teething for sure! If it is teething, I would just nurse the poor baby and get him through the rough time. You also might leave some chewy toys in his crib, though I'm not sure how much help this would really be.

5. Habit - Some babies are ready to sleep longer stretches at night, but simply haven't learned to soothe themself back to sleep. Cry it out is one option, but probably not the best one. When children are in distress, their cortisol (stress hormone) levels rise, and flood their little bodies. Their heart rate accelerates, their breathing gets faster, and their blood pressure rises. There are now studies that suggest permant effects in the brain for children who are often exposed to high cortisol levels. "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley is a book that may help you. It gave us a lot of good ideas on encouraging our one-year-old to sleep more.

Overall, remember that crying is how your son expresses his needs to you. Meeting those needs as quickly and as best you can will help him grow up into a loving, trusting adult. As you know, this super-needy stage does not last long, and within the next year, he will get so independent that you may soon be missing these baby days. Hang tight, everything will work out for you guys.

Best of luck,
S.

At SIX months old a baby should be able to go 12 hours between dinner and breakfast. My pediatrician told me that when my oldest was 6 months old and I went through this. He told me she was eating from habit, confusion and the inability to fall asleep on her own. He told me to stop rocking her to sleep and to have her cry it out. I did. It was hard initially (mostly sad to stop rocking her to sleep) but it only took 3 nights and then she stopped waking up through the night at all. The problem for me was not that she was hungry but that she didn't know how to put herself to sleep. We all wake up at night, every night. But we've all learned how to put ourselves back to sleep quickly. We do it so fast we don't even know we've woken up. A kid who's been rocked or fed to sleep doesn't know how to fall asleep on his own and has to be taught. I know moms who lay beside their kids while they go to sleep, or pat them on the backs to reassure them, or whatever. I just don't think that is helping to reach the end goal though.

One thing I learned about the cry it out method is that going in to reassure the baby just doesn't work. It drags out the process and teaches the kid to cry harder and harder to get attention. It confuses the kid. Any time you change your routine a kid (or husband or co-worker) may resist extra hard at first. It's called an "extinction burst." And so you'll get extra hard crying the first night. Then each night it should get easier and easier. It doesn't sound nice but my babies always loved me just as much in the morning. Then we all got better sleep.

Perhaps your two year old needs to sleep somewhere else for a week. Or, since she's a part of his room and the end goal is for him to sleep in his room with her there then she will just suffer through it with him. (Which is what we did with our second though I stopped rocking her to sleep long before we reached the 6 month point and it was easier.) I know that doesn't sound fun. So you figure out what works best for you, but that's what worked for us. And (this is the part I love most) it worked in 3 nights flat!

Good luck.

Trying giving him a bottle of water instead of formula or whatever you are giving him. This was a recommendation from our pediatrician and it worked great. After 2 nights, my son realized he did not want to wake up to just get water.

A 9 month old should be sleeping thru the night, unless s/he is sick. Have you taken him to the dr. to rule out any medical issues? My son was prescribed reflux meds at 3 weeks of age. My husband and I took him off the meds at 9 months thinking it had resolved. It took us 7 long, sleepless, terrible months to figure out that the refulx was still a major problem. He would wake 2-5 times a night, screaming. As soon as we picked him up he would stop crying. In hindisght, he stopped crying because he was in an upright position that minimized the pain of the heartburn. Ugh!!!! It took 5 more months of being on the meds before he slept thru the night again. Other behavioral symptoms: he had a dry, non-productive cough and bad breath. We have a great pediatrician and he was seen frequently for other issues, but she didn't figure it out. We insisted that he been given a new script.

The thing about those sleepless nights: it's messes with your head - it's hard to think clearly during the day, your body starts to anticipate the wakings and then you're awake before the baby is and then you can't fall asleep again after he goes back to sleep because you're waiting for him to awaken again....
This may not be your situation, but I don't want anyone to experience what we did...

At 9 months old, your baby is more than capable of sleeping through the night - which at a minimum is 6 hours, but more like 8-10. He has learned to wake up at night to feed and I'm guessing he has learned to fall asleep after being fed. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. He needs to learn how to self-soothe after waking up at night. After his last feeding at night, he should be awake but drowsy when he is put to bed. If he wakes up, you should not pick him up but go in, rub his back and let him know it's time to go to sleep. Continue to do this if he wakes, but wait progressively longer before you go in. Your son should be sleeping through the night in a week's time or less. Goodluck

Have you tried just giving him a bottle of water. Sometimes they are just thirsty, not actually hungry. I do that with my daughter who also nurses. At 9 months she was up two times a night, between 1 and 2 and between 4 and 5. I started just offering her the water and she took it. She now only sometimes wakes up between 4 and 5 and she is now 15 months.

Hi S.-

I was told by my boy's pediatrician that by 5 months babies don't need to eat during the night anymore. I wish I could help you with your other concern, but I don't think I can.
My boy was also waking up often to feed. We let him just cry himself to sleep. It took three nights, but after that he slept through the night. He is now two and has slept through the night since he was 5 months. Although, we didn't have another child to worry about. Hope this helps a little.

Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child is a great book and should help you with some ideas. By 9 months old, I think your son should be sleeping longer stretches - and should physically be able to do so. Hopefully this book will give you some good advice to help your family get the sleep it needs.

My babies sleep through the night at 6 weeks old. All my mom's babies slept through the night at 6 weeks old, also. Here's the trick. Keep the baby awake for about 4-5 hours before you go to bed at night. I keep mine awake from around 5:30 - 10:00. It's not fun, they will cry. A lot. But it works and it doesn't hurt them. Quite frankly, to me it's worth 4-6 weeks of hard evenings to get them sleeping through the night permanently. My youngest just turned a year and I can't remember the last time she woke up in the middle of the night. Probably December when she had a bad cold. Good luck!

HI- your 9 month old is now ready to start on baby food. Starting him on baby food will fill him up and will help him sleep longer. This is about the time for another growth spurt so your milk will not be enough. Check with your pediatrician.
I'm excited for you. Another milestone!

Hi S.,

I'm a mom of four, and I've breastfed all of them for about a year. My youngest is almost 6 months. I've always weaned them at night (from about 10pm-6am) at about 10 months. By then, if they're eating enough during the day and nursing enough during the day, then they were always ready. But some days, if you're busy or they're busy, they don't eat enough and then want to nurse at night and you're in a vicious cycle because then they eat at night and aren't hungry during the day...so...long story short - once you decide to wean them at night, don't go back! The key to it working is consistency. Make sure they eat plenty and nurse plenty during the day - and I don't let them cry on their own. I hold them or have my husband hold them - it's a rough 3 nights or so when they wean, but then if you don't give in, you both should be getting more sleep! Hope that helps a little bit - Good luck...

J.

Since your son is at the age where he doesn't need night time feedings, he is probably just used to getting them and will, naturally protest if he doesn't get them. There are a few variations of helping him learn to sleep through the night.

1) (My favorite), When he starts to cry, let him cry for 5 minutes. Go in and give him his binkie (don't talk to him or pick him up as this is reinforcing his waking up... he may continue to wake up just to get a little love from you). If he cries again, let him go 10 minutes and do the same thing, then 20 minutes, then 40 minutes, then 1 1/2 hours (set a timer for yourself so you can go to sleep in between (if you can sleep with him crying). My three children have all transitioned very quickly (in 3 days or less) with this method, I have allowed my 6 month old to regress and have one night time feeding when he was teething. It's so hard to listen to a baby cry, it will be tempting to not teach him to sleep through the night. But stick with it, his body and brain need uninterrupted rest. If your husband encourages you to just feed him, don't give in... it's not good for you or your baby. Two excellent books which provide more information about this are: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Mark Weissbluth and Sleeping Through the Night by Jodi Mindell

Another method is just to let him cry and cry... it will have the same results (I personally think the other method is a little more compassionate).

Good luck S.! If you have a pack and play, use it while doing the "sleep training" so your 2 year old won't be interrupted in her sleep... but a coupld of days of this won't hurt her if you have nowhere else to put the baby.

T. : )

I have three children and by 7 months every one of them could go 11 hours between feedings at night. By 9 months, unless there are other medical issues or issues with not being able to gain weight, if a child is still waking up to eat, it is out of habit rather than due to a real need for nutrition. If you want to wean a child at night, I recommend paying attention to how long he is nursing and then cut it down by 1 minute each night. He will gradually replace the lost calories during the day. When you're down to just a couple of minutes, you can be reassured that he is not waking up because he's hungry. Some kids will just stop waking up on their own because they're not getting enough to make it worth it. Some hang on to the routine. At that point you can do a partial cry-it-out where you just let them cry for 2 minutes, come back in & reassure them but DON'T pick them up. Then leave for 3 minutes & come back in. Repeat, increasing the time you're gone. For me, it has never taken more than a week, or having them cry past the 6 minute interval away from them to get them to sleep through the night & by that I mean from bed time at 7:00-8:00pm to morning at 6:00-8:00am. If these things don't work, I agree that there could be some other medical issue going on & I would talk to your pediatrician. Good luck!

Send your husband in to comfort him at night. He should be able to sleep at least 8 hours without eating. Although my daughter was the same....she was 10 months before she stopped waking up at night to nurse. Right now it's most likely a comfort thing rather than a hungry thing. But if you go in there, he can smell your milk and that will wake him more. But if your husband goes in, it might be easier to settle him back to sleep. Then he should start sleeping longer. The other thing you can do it put him to bed earlier. The earlier kids go to bed at night, the longer and better they sleep.

My daughter went 12 hours without feeding beginning at 8 weeks. Having said that, she's had trouble with weight gain. She's healthy, but in the .4percentile for her weight (almost 2 and hasn't broken 20lbs yet). Assuming your baby is growing well, my opinion is that he is capable of going all night, he just needs a little training. That's hard when he shares a room, I'm not sure how to help you there. Start small and be consistent. Maybe explain to your daughter (as best you can) and have her sleep in your room for a night or two? Keep at it, it gets better!

I have exactly the same problem! My son is 3 and slept through the night at 4 months and I read then that they are old enough at that age to go all night without. My daughter is almost 9 months and wakes all through the night wanting to nurse. I let her even though I know she is just trying to pacify herself and she really doesn't need the milk. She is a healthy baby. I have had her crib in our room because she will sleep in my sons room as soon as I feel comfortable she won't be keeping him up. So my dilemma is much like yours. Ask you Dr. to make sure there aren't any other issues, but if there aren't he should be able to go all night. I had to actually leave the house because I can't stand to hear her cry, but she actually didn't cry much and we are on day 4 of her sleep shaping. It was my Birthday so I got a hotel room and had dinner with a group of friends. Her Papa gave her a bottle of breast milk and put her to bed, he left her in the room alone and slept on the couch. He said she only woke up 2 times and cried for a short time before going back to sleep. Now we are doing that every night and she usually only cries for a very short time. It just feels like a very long time. Keep in mind though that she is not crying so hard she is getting all worked up she's actually winding down. I think they have us trained and will continue to wake up and cry as long as we give in. I have literally not slept more than 3 hours since she was born. That has made me very tired and stressed out easily irritated, etc. which is not good for the rest of the family. I've gotten a lot of different advice on this and you really just have to be ready to commit to keeping consistant. It may take 3 days or 3 weeks. A friend of mine coslept with her first 2 and loved it and then her 3rd did what ours do so she used a crib for the first time ever. He adjusted great and sleeps with his older brother. Our daughter is actually sleeping longer now that I am not getting her at night. I think it will be only a matter of time until we're all sleeping better. Good Luck!

We were having the same problems a couple months ago. I read somewhere to have Daddy be the nighttime soother because every time the baby sees you, he thinks about nursing. It may not be that he's waking because of hunger, but seeing you makes him want to nurse. It totally changed our boy's eating habits during the night and allowed me to finally get some sleep.

S.,

I realize most people are going to tell you he is perfectly capable of sleeping through the night, but my question to you is how hungry does he seem to be? If he is actually hungry and not comfort nursing during the night, then you should feed him. If he is just lightly suckling, he wants comfort, so I would try another method (CIO, paci, etc.).

I have a 10 month old son that I was in the same situation about 1-2 months ago. He was waking wanting to nurse every couple of hours and it was just so draining. It seemed like if I did what he wanted, he would want it or expect it even more. I tried co-sleeping, but felt like that is what got me into trouble in the first place, pulling him into the bed with me. He would latch on to nurse and stay latched on as long as I let him. I was sore and tired and frustrated. His bedroom is next to his 4 and 3 year old sisters and he could scream for a solid hour, sometimes more if I tried to let him cry it out. I decided to make sure he was awake when I put him down for naps and bed, instead of nursing him to sleep and then putting him down in his crib. I also, if he woke up and I wasn't planning to nurse him, would go in, NOT pick him up but just put his pacifier back in his mouth and lay him down again, then leave the room. I think especially during naps this helped and it affected his night time habits as well.
For about a month now he has been going to bed about 7:30pm, sleeping until sometime between 2-3am (when I nurse him ONE time in the night) and then he sleeps until after 6am. I am MUCH happier with this routine. I hope this helps a little, I just thought my experience seemed different than the ones already offered. GOOD LUCK!

Is he hungry or just need comforted? My guess is that he needs comforted and is using you as a lovey. Time to introduce a blankie or stuffed animal or something. Leave one of your dirty shirts in his crib. Your smell will be comforting. Have your picture near his crib. Seeing you will be comforting. Let him cry in 5-10-15-20-25-30 minute intervals. It will take time to break this bad habit. Make sure he's dry, doesn't have gas, is warm/cool enough, etc. He should be sleeping through the night. Sometimes with teething or growing pains or nightmares, sleep will be interrupted. There are lots of sleeping resources out there. Find an approach that fits your needs. Good luck.

I have found, with each of my four children, that I had to train them to sleep longer periods. My methods included the eat/wake/sleep pattern during the day, eating every 2.5-4 hours (some exceptions, as I was flexible with their eating needs and my milk production lagged in the afternoons). I, too,have a 6 month old who sleeps in the same room as my 3 year old, and he has taken longer. Yet, I was very persistent when he reached 4 months and was often already sleeping 8 hours at night himself. I was successful after 3-5 days of concerted effort, and then I had to be firm if he woke up at night, I would give him his pacifier, or cuddle him too, then put him back to bed. If my baby had caught the sniffles I would be more lenient as they needed the extra liquid. I encourage you to trust your mothering instincts, however, regardless of all our advice. You are the one who will know what is best for your child and be resolved to be the mommy he needs, to guide, nurture, and protect. Sometimes that protect is protection for themselves, as he will grow and thrive with more uninterrupted sleep.

Why not just give him a bottle to hold himself at night? Pump some extra and just have it ready for when he wakes up, I agree with the moms before children still need nutrition through the night, I know that some moms use CIO and say a child doesn't need to eat at night, but if he is waking there is a reason. I would rule out teeth and ears first, and then go from there i think someone mentioed a growth spurt and this is the perfect age for one.

If you haven't already, it might be time to give him more solids to eat before bed. Our little guy has a meal, then a bath or shower, a rub down with some lotion and then he has a bottle. Right now, he'll sleep from about 9:30 p.m. until about 6:00 a.m.

You might want to try moving the 2 year old into another room or the couch until you get him into a routine.

My daughter nursed for a long time and I was finally so exhausted with the nighttime feedings that I decided to give her a bottle of water instead of nursing (she was 10-months old) and after a few days she'd push the bottle away and after a week she was sleeping through the night. At 9-months, he could very easily be sleeping through the night without a feeding (a good 6-8 hrs), especially if he's eating solids during the day.

Good luck!

Is your son on solid foods yet? My brother did the same thing to my mother and her pediatrician told her to give him rice cereal at night to help him sleep longer and less frequent feedings. Every baby is different so I do not know exactly how long a baby "should" go without eating at night--my three month old usually goes about 6-7 hours at night, but then recently it has only been four. So hopefully it is only a phase--hang in there and if you haven't already talk to your pediatrician and see if he/she has any advice for you as well. Good luck!

You mentioned waiting 5 hours between feedings. Did you know the medical definition of sleeping through the night is a five hour increment? So, theoretically, if your baby goes for one five hour stretch, he is sleeping through the night. Babies under a year sometimes take 25% of their nutrition at night... so if you want to stop nursing at night, be sure he's nursed a ton during the day. Sometimes babies wake at night signifying they are ready for more solids, sometimes they wake because they are teething. With my babies, I have tried tylenol (or another pain reliever) at night before bed to rule out teeth.

A 9 month old does not need to eat in the middle of the night! Maybe feed some solids close to bed time and a last breast feed as well. That should get them 8 hours! At this point they should only be nursing three times a day, am, miday and night! Good luck!

If he is getting enough food during the day, he should be able to go 10-12 hours at night. My little girl is 5 months and she can go 11-12 hours at night without eating. When she wakes up earlier in the morning wanting to eat and she does this for a few days in a row, then I know she is going through a growth spurt and needs a little more food during the day. I bottle fed her though, so I just give her a half ounce more at each feeding and then she is back to sleeping longer. I'm not sure how that would work with breastfeeding, but if you are giving him solid food, maybe he needs a little more each time. Also, one of my friends has a 10 month old and he sleeps 12 hours at night. While she was on vacation, he kept waking up and wouldn't go back to sleep until he was fed. Her mom said to give him just water instead because it isn't so heavy in his stomach. She said that if a baby gets used to being fed formula or breast milk (which are heavier) at night then anytime the baby wakes up at night, they want that heaviness in their stomach. But if you give him water for a few days then he shouldn't have to have that feeling of heaviness in his stomach. If that all makes sense! Anyway she said that it worked and after a couple of nights giving him water, he didn't wake up anymore. Well, I hope this advice works for you.

Keep in mind, babies do have agrowth spirt at nine months so he could be going through that right now. is he teething? does he have an ear infection? ear infections can occur several weeks after a cold if fluid in the ear does not fully drain. also my boy always got ear infections while or just after getting teeth. also if he pulls himself up in his crib he may not be able to get back down and that could be keeping him up. if he is well, and nothing is hurting he should be able to go 6-8 hrs at night(if he is not having agrowth spirt)
you could let him cry abit and he should be able to settle down to sleep but if you are not willing to let him cry too long bc of your daughter you may have to think of a way to seperate them at night. i feel for you and hope you get sleep soon ! N.

Hi S.,

Your son should able not to feed at all if he is at least 15-16 lbs. It looks like he wakes up and has hard time going back to sleep wihtout you or food. We had the sam problem wiht our son, and did the cry out method. it worked and now he sleeps very long streches (6 -8) at time. Hope this helps.