Wanting Another Baby

I found that things change over time. I wouldn't press the issue until you get your way though but will offer some other advice. You are blessed with three children and he has a point about the cost and time involved in expanding the family. Men tend to think about the money part which is not a bad thing. My husband and I agreed to two kids and after our first we said if we had two girls then we'd for sure try for a boy. On our way home from the hospital after my most recent child I told my husband that I thought I was done and he agreed with me. I told him that I wasn't 100% sure if that's what I want so we agreed to discuss it in 6-9 months and I'll just keep asking every 3-6 months or so after. Maybe you can periodically keep evaluating it to see if he'll change his mind. I just wouldn't hound him on it. Just because he doesn't want another one doesn't me he rules or just because you want another one means you rule. One of you will have to bend. You can do a pro and con list. You each take a piece of paper divide into two columns and write in the pros and cons of having another baby and compare your notes. Hopefully this will help in the decision making. Good luck to you and I'm eager to hear what happens.

My man was the same way, he was so against having another child. I wanted another baby and he always said no that children cost to much money and he was struggling trying to figure out how we were going to put the ones we had through college. But I am 7 1/2 months pregnant now with the 4th child of the family and I am so excited. He wasn't really at first but now that it is coming to an end he is getting anxious. But with this baby the thing that I know has helped him feel more at ease is I have let him make alot of the decisions for the new baby. Like I wanted a new matching crib and changing table/dresser set. Well he thought we should get a bassinet/playpen set. I didn't really agree but I let him make that decision and just went with it. I would suggest you try to continue to talk to him about it and make him feel apart of the decision and not like you are making the decision without him.

A.,

Are we married to the same man?? I have a wonderful family and a great hubby, but I, too, don't feel complete. I have always wanted 4 children and now have 3. I understand that there is cost involved, but I am the one that does most of the child rearing. I try to bring it up here and ther, but I am met with the same response of NO WAY. We have had several arguements over it. I wish I knew what to say, but just know that you are not alone.

I definitely wouldn't argue with him about it because you'll end up ruining your marriage because it would show that you didn't respect his feelings. I would just wait it out. Guys have a hard time imagining having another baby when they have one already. My DH only wanted 2 and now we have our 2 plus 2 foster that we are hoping to adopt and now he's getting excited about getting another foster baby.
The best thing you can do is be good about managing the money and your home so that he will see that another child won't be putting you in the poor house or the nut house :o)
Best wishes,
J.

I TOTALLY sympathize with you. This has been an ongoing debate in our house since before we got married. My husband wants 2, I want 4. I thought we could compramise with 3, but he has something against an uneven number (he thinks one will always be left out). I do have to admit that recently he's been starting to see things my way. I told him to think about how financially ready we were for 1 (which is not at all) and how we made adjustments to make it work. We can just keep adjusting...and so what if the kids don't have every toy in the world, the relationships they will have will out-weigh that 10 fold.
I would have to say though, that if your hubby is 100% against it...I wouldn't ruin the relationship the two of you have over it. After all, when the kids eventually grow up and leave, you want to still be happy with the person who will be sharing the rest of his life with you.
Good luck in your battle (ha, ha).

Hi,
The vice versa is happin in our home. We have three children and I feel that I am done. My hubby wants a even four and has been talking about since the birth of our 2 yr old. I was sticking to my guns, No, Nope and No Way!
Then I started taking care of a infant part time, and started having baby fever. I thought about how badly my Hubby wants anouther one, so between the fever and his feelings I told him I would start trying for a 4th when he was ready....
AND GUESS WHAT....once I was in aggrement, now he says he's not sure he wants anouther one!!
I decided we are just gonna settle for a puppy, buying it this Xmas!
So my advice, is maybe bowwrow or have him around some babies, or even wait a couple years and then bring up the subject again.
Good Luck-
M.

My husband and I have one, and he has always said he doesn't want a lot of children (2 or 3) so that we can give our kids things we never had. He comes from a family of 4 and I from a family of 5. I LOVE the fact that when we get together for family functions it is loud and busy...I want that for my kids too! Granted I only have one and he's only 5 months, but I love kids and have been waiting my entire life to be a mom! I would love 4 kids at least (can't explain why, but I am the same with the odd numbers). My theory is as kids we didn't have the "stuff" that the rich kids got, and I think we are better for it. I keep telling my husband that giving our children another brother or sister is a way better "gift" than a 4-wheeler or a vacation to Disney Land. (sounds cheesey, but it's true!)

My advice would be to leave it be for a while (like 6 months or so) you are so young! I just had my first and I am 28 -Aaah!!! You could even give it 2 years until your 3 year old is in school then re-evaluate (less kids in daycare). I have a few friends that had a couple kids close together then waited a while for thier last so that thier lives slowed down a little, the other kids were a little more independent and they were able to really enjoy that last baby!

Good luck - can't wait to hear what happens!

I think having a baby is a big decition required by both. I am 25 and Have 3 boys all under the age of 4. I would truly love to have a girl, but my huband don't want kids after he turns 30 which is in a year and a half (we currently have a 5mo. old). I totally understand that not wanting kids at 30. I don't want kids when I am 30. Anyway, also we both agree that we don't want our kids over 2 years apart from the last one. With this said, kids are very expensive! You have to think about food, sports, college, cars, and everything else that comes with the future. I stay at home and money is tight for us. I won't be back to work full time for probly 5 yrs. from now when all kids are in school full time. So because of money, we chose not to try one last time. I am happy with what I have and really feel a loss for a girl I don't have. It will be hard because my husband is "getting fixed" in a couple of weeks here and it's going to be sad. At least I can say that I made the decition to be able to give the kids I do have a decent life without being horrable poor, and I look forward to the day I get to hold a beautiful grand-daughter:)

I hope this helped alittle....and good luck to you in the future.

Keep in mind that when your husband agreed to it, he was childless, and probably didn't realize how much time and money they were.

That being said.. maybe there are certain factors you could change that may make it easier for you to convince him.

He might feel a lot of pressure to provide for the family if he is the main income earner. So you could help by cutting spending or lowering your standard of living.

If you work full-time, he might be stressed that things aren't getting done around the house, and there is never time to relax. So I'd suggest cutting hours or working part time, so you can be more available to "housekeep".

I'm not sure of your exact situation, so it's hard to help you solve this problem. I know the 2 above ideas almost clash.. but depending on your situation, their might be a way to make them both work well together.

Instead of arguing back and forth about the issue, I would ask him questions about "under what circumstances would he consider another child?" or "what changes could you make to make it more appealing?"

Then I would ask yourself, why do you feel your family isn't complete with 3 beautiful children and a good husband? Maybe you should get a cat or dog. (ha ha)

YOu can't just manipulate your husband to get your way. He's part of the marriage equation, and his feelings and wishes matter too.