To Have a Third or Not....

Girl, I may the wrong person to respond but I have 6 kids and pregnant with #7 all in 11 years. When you are feeling the way you do that usually means that you are suppose to do it. You are being "prompted" to have another one. You will never say oh man I should have never had more but you will regret it if you dont. Children are wonderful even tough they are work they are so worth the time. Good luck!!!!

My first thought is, children are a blessing from the Lord. So many people want children and cannot have them. If God sees fit to bless you with children, accept them gratefully, and raise them to know, love and serve Him. He will give you the grace to handle anything He sends you (including children). My husband and I have six children, ranging in age from 21 to 3 years old, and the youngest is in heaven (praying for us, I'm sure!). I wouldn't send any of them back. I love our big family, and my kids all love each other. One last word, tho. Your husband has to be in agreement with you on this, or it won't have a happy ending. Pray for him. I will, too.

hi i am a mother of 3 i just had my 3rd baby on the feb 1st and when i seen what u were saying i cant help but tell u that i thought it was gonna be harder too because i have a 3 yr old and a 16 month old but to be honest its not as hard as i thought its actually very nice to have a third child around so i say give it a chance its not as hard as u think

I agree that your husband should be in agreement with you to make your life happy with a third child! I want a big family and would be so excited to have them close in age. I'm sure having that many young ones running around may be tough. I am the baby of 7 kids. My sister is I think 39 and I just turned 24. So we are all pretty close and it was LOTS of fun growing up with all of them!!
Good luck in making your decision and I hope yall can agree- either way!

Having been in your shoes (you want a baby and DH doesn't) I can sympathize. DH and I stuggled with infertility and pregnancy losses for 6 years before we had our first baby in 2000. In 2003 we were blessed with another healthy baby and DH said no more children. My heart said I can't stop at just two so I began to scheme how I might become pregnant behind his back. The only birth control we used (and this was infrequent) was a diaphragm so I started poking it full of holes. I weaned child #2 at age two and got really serious about how to get pregnant before DH asked me to get my tube tied (I only have one after a ruptured ectopic pregnancy) or he volunteered to get clipped himself. What I wound up doing was keeping track of my cycles and "forgetting" to use protection. I did get pregnant fairly quickly for us and when DH asked two weeks later if I needed to use protection I stumbled around, "Ah, no...I haven't had a cycle in six weeks." He wondered if I was entering menopause and again he got the, "Uh, no," response.

The clincher is that eventually the baby proved to have Dandy-Walker Malformation which is where part of the cerebellum is missing. I tortured myself for nearly a year that I had brought God's wrath down on our little family for being deceitful. Would I lie to my husband again? No. I may not be content with only two children but neither would I like it to have a husband who couldn't trust me. Also, I am 40 and DH is 44 so there has to be an end sometime.

I know exactly where you are coming from. Even though my dh and I are finished, I sometimes have that longing for another child. I find it does get worse when I am around people with babies or who are pregnant.

You mentioned church in your question. I would definitely pray about it, 1, whether it's God's will for you and your husband to have a third child and 2, that God prepares your heart and your husbands, even if that means no more children.
Your children now are very close in age, give it some time. Why rush? Remember God's timing is never wrong.

I will say, that in our experience, it was a huge difference going from 2 to 3 kids. We joke that we went from man to man defense to zone defense. I love large families and yes sometimes wish my family was bigger than it is. I find my biggest challenge is finding one on one time with each kid consistently. Just my .02

You need to talk to your husband about your longing for a third child. You need to think about how that would effect your family financially. Even though you stay at home the extra cost is pretty significant when you are living on one income. Be open and honest with your husband. Maybe it will be a possibility, but having another child needs to be something you agree upon.

If your husband is saying no, then I would respect that. Having a child needs to be agreed upon between both the mother and the father and if your husband doesn't feel that he's in a position to be a father to another child then it wouldn't be fair to him, the child or you to have another one. Also if you do decide to have a third be sure that your middle doesn't feel like a middle child. I grew up as a middle child and my parents tried very hard to treat all of us the same. It's still hard though because middle children often feel like they get nothing of thier own. The oldest always gets to do everything first and the youngest tends to get babied and get everything they want. Personally I think that two is the magic number. That way one doesn't feel like it has to fight for attention. That's just my opinion though.

Really think about why you want another baby, think about the pros and cons. Talk to your husband and express how your feeling. Tell him exactly what you said here. Then give him a chance to explain why he doesn't want another baby. Listen to eachother and really hear one another. If he still doesn't want another baby, find a way to be completed with the family you already have.

Good Luck!

I would be quite about it for a while. The last thing you want is your hubby to fel push to have another one and not bond with him or her because of it. While I was being quite about it I would pray with a open mind asking God to change one of your minds about this child. Also when your hubby feels more like talking about ask him why he feels this way? Maybe he would love another one as much as but is worry about how to eat and rise another child.

This overwhelming feeling of wanting a third child is strong when you have kids under 3 at home. Once you get your older one to 4 then a whole new world opens up. Your longing for another child will lessen and you will ask yourself, "what was I thinking?" Two is a perfect number and oh, so manageable. Each parent can handle one of the kids. Having three (I've been told) is like having two more. If your husband is a firefighter, does he even make enough money to support three kids? I'm telling you I went through this and so does everyone when their kids are that age. Just let it pass, stop obsessing (if you are) and decide to think about the subject again after the older child is in kindergarten. You really have to devote a lot of time to them when they start school. Plus, there is that small problem of overpopulation......

I think you need to respect your husband's opinion.

M., When you used the word "complete", I had to tell you my story. I have two boys, 6 & 5. The second was a suprise. After he was born it was so different than having just one. I thought to myself that there was no way I could handle having a third. My husband & I decided that we would not have the third baby. However, I did not feel like our family was complete. That's the word that continued to pop up...we were not complete. I felt that someone was missing. I even wondered if maybe someday we would adopt. All I knew was we were missing someone and I didn't know where that someone would come from, but I knew God still had that someone out there waiting for us. I would ask my husband if he felt the same and he looked at me as if I was crazy! I would say that to our friends and family and they would say, "Maybe you should have another baby then." That was easy for them to say...it's not their body, their finances, their family! Or they would say, "Two is plenty, you don't need another baby!" Then I would think, "What do you know, I have a baby missing from my life!!!"
A year and a half ago, we had our third baby. She was another suprise and the entire time I was pregnant, I was in utter disbelief that this happened! I also knew it was God's plan and he had a purpose for her. When she was placed in my arms, I had an amazing feeling that came over me. She was here and our family was complete! I knew it the minute I saw her! I haven't felt that someone is missing since she was born. Those giddy feelings I would get when I saw a pregnant woman or a new baby are also gone. Is it harder with 3? There's no doubt about it! But...it is worth everything we go through, to have her here with us! Someone said something about logstics, yes, it's harder than with two. Hotels, vacations, sports, college, it's going to cost more. But if that third baby is meant to be, God will help you with that part of it too. I'm not saying it will be the same for you, but I do understand that feeling you are having and I know the feeling you have when the previous feeling goes away! I pray that you and your husband find the answer you are looking for!

Hi M., I have three children that are really close in age. First of all, let me tell you it was tough when I had a newborn, a 17 month old and a 3 yr. old. However we got through the tough ages and are having a blast with them now 8,5, and 4!! Secondly, let me also tell you I totally knew after the third I was done--those warm fuzzies when others were pregnant were NOT there, in fact my husband and I laugh because when someone tells us they are pregnant we feel sorry for them Ha Ha!! All that to say that if you dont feel your family is complete, there is something to that. A woman knows these things.
Third, what is the reason your husband doesnt want a third? Does he get attention from you? Does he feel you are overwhelmed with the 2 you have now? These are things that need to be discussed. Neither my husband nor I were planning on the third at the time we got pregnant, however we both knew we might want another. Maybe its a timing thing. Let the 2 you have get a bit older and it may be a better time. Hopefully this helps :)

Pray hard about this one. Because your husband disagrees with your request for another baby, it could be a sign that the decision is yours and not God's. Also be aware, babies are wonderful and fun, but they eventually become teenagers. Three teenagers so close together can be very trying and sometimes even financially devastating. You won't believe the expenses that even just one more baby can bring. Children are a blessing from God and I don't regret having them for one second, but as the mother of two children, one 17 and one 20, I thank God every day that I am not paying for three of them. Car insurance, college tuition, meals, laundry, etc. can really add up. At your stage in my marriage, I also wanted three children. My husband and I both come from families of three kids. We weren't able to have three kids. Thank God that he sees our future and knows what is best for us. I can't stress enough: PRAY UNCEASINGLY that God's will not yours or your husband's be done. Good luck and God bless!

I'm not sure how old you are, but if you have age on your side, it could be to your advantage. Talk to your husband and find out what his fears are and validate them. He may feel like the children you already have are taking too much of your attention or that a third one might. Our men also need nurturing and reassurance that they will remain important in our lives. Are his reasons financial? Listen to his fears and you two can likely work through them. Spend some time letting him know that he and his needs are important to you. He also might feel blessed to have two healthy children and not want to tempt fate. That was my greatest fear when I got pregnant with my last child. I am one of four children - 2 1/2 years between the first two and 5 years between the next two. There are advantages to the close age span and the longer age span. I am very close to all of my siblings. I have three children, that are 2 years and 2 1/2 years apart. I likely would have had four if I had started in my twenties, but knew that so many, so close wasn't for us. My husband is an only child, so it was "baby steps" for him. He had to see how each child fit into our family before agreeing to another. If you have age on your side and can put off another child until (and unless) your husband agrees, just think of it as slowing down the process of the "empty nest" when they grow up. When they arrive in close succession, they leave in close succession. Good luck.

We have 3 boys, the 3rd being unexpected. But they are all a God's send now. It's really hard on the middle child, not old enough to be with older all the time, too old for the younger at times. Just sort of stuck at times. We've discussed many times, that we should have had another child so each would've had a buddy. We're a close family, but growing up there were problems for the middle child. He also says it would've been nice to have another child.
Been there, done that. Now I'm a young GGma.

My husband and I have always said that when we both say, "Yes" it is time to try for another child. We would go through moments where I would say "no" and he would say "yes" and then vice versa. When we both said "yes", we began to try for #2. Now, we agree to trying for #3. I thought he was hesitant until two nights ago when praying together before bed, he prayed about having another child. So, my advice is to pray and wait. Killer to do, I know, but as a mother, we can always use more patience.

Also, I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine. She had two children and asked her hubby for a third. She quoted to him the verse about a man's "quiver" being full of children and he told her, "Well, maybe my quiver is smaller than others." Maybe this is true for how your husband feels too. When the time is right, ask him why he doesn't want another child. It might be a very good reason. By the way, later, my friends became foster parents and adopted a little girl from China.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have another child. Children are a blessing from God! And there's never a "perfect" time to have another child. However, you seriously have to think about the motivations behind it. Because if your motives are wrong, you might end up resenting having another child so soon. But even if your motives are right, it would be best to consider your husband's feelings in all of this. I'm sure the last thing you would want is to make your husband feel trapped. You want him to be there emotionally for child #3.

If one of you wants a baby and the other doesn't, then the one who doesn't wins. If you deliberately (or accidentally-on-purpose) get pregnant, he's going to resnet both you and the baby. You don't wnat to bring a baby into a situation where one of its parents doesn't want it.

Because this will also affect your husband, it should be a mutual agreement to have another baby. I had a friend whose husband did not want a child and she did. She finally kept pushing him about it until he agreed, but it was only so she would quit. They divorced before she gave birth and she had to fight him on child support issues. He seemed to resent the child some because he was forced to accept him. He would interact with the child, but at times it was like he only did so in order to teach him ways to make his mom miserable once he got back in her care. Please wait until your husband is readily accepting of another baby. Maybe you could babysit for awhile for someone else who has an infant?

M.,
I always wanted 2 and ended up with 4. After our first, we wound up with twins when we went for our second. With 3 children we found it challenging because we were out numbered. When I went to public places it was more difficult because I only had 2 hands to try to hold on to 3 active little ones. I didn't regret having extra children but did run into logistical issues. When you have more than a family of 4 it's difficult to make hotel reservations and rent cars, that kind of thing. Later, we were awarded custody of my niece, which gave us 4. What we found then is we had even harder times getting hotel rooms and renting cars, but the kids were paired up now, someone always had a playmate. That relieved some stress in our family dynamics. However, as they are getting closer to college ages, it's extremely more expensive to have the 4 than if we had ever only had 2. Bottom line, stick with even numbers, if you're going to have more than 2, have 4. If you're happy enough with your 2, don't feel guilty about stopping. You can always dote on a friend's baby or relative to satisfy that "baby need." Advantage: they go home with someone else! Just make sure your decision is shared by your husband!

M., I remember that feeling. It was with our second though! We had a baby in April and I was ready to have another soon after and my husband couldn't see it happening. I followed what I thought was biblical. We had discussions for sure, which I believe is the great for you guys to do, but not to the point of arguing. My husband asked me to get back on birth control and I did out of submission to him. Then, I prayed a lot, that if this isn't what God wanted for my family, that he would bless our home with another baby and my husband with an accepting heart. I also had to pray, that if He chose not to bless us with a baby right then, that I would have an accepting heart-------------of HIS plans. Our first two are 13 1/2 mths apart if it shows you what God did for our family! Pray A LOT!!! Seek God's face for the understanding you need to communicate with your husband. We have a 3rd now and are very grateful. He's such a blessing to us, but he did come 2 1/2 years after our middle child!!! Seek the Lords will and find peace there.