Walking to the Park Alone

Every community is different, but, in general, I think many middle-school aged children walk to school if they live close enough to do so. So, in general, I think that crossing the street safely is a skill that should be learned by age 11.

BUT, for people of any age, every town has those certain intersections that are just awful, blind spots etc. If this intersection you describe is like that, then I think it is worth thinking about whether there is another route the boys could take to walk to the park - even if it means "going the long way", that might be preferable to dealing with the bad intersection and also preferable to trying to forbid the park walk entirely.

I would have let them go. To be honest I had a similar situation recently with my 11 year old, after dropping with at a friends the mom ask if they could ride their bikes to the park. I assumed she meant a park in their neighborhood and said sure. Turns out she meant the park up by our house, which meant crossing the on and off ramps for the highway, which I would not have allowed, but it turns out it was something they were more then capable of doing. It helped me realize I was not allowing him to grow up and I have let him do many more things since then, all of which he has handled wonderfully. Since putting more trust in him I have also noticed his personality and self confidence has blossomed.

I don't know if I would have thought to ask, if I had been your cousin. I would have reminded your son to stop, look both ways and stay together. I also would have given them a time to be back. My so just turned 11 a couple of weeks ago. I probably would have asked him if he had his phone with him and then reminded him to call me if he needed anything.

At 11 years old, your son should be able to cross the street by himself, even a busy intersection. Remind him to look both ways before crossing. Help him understand how close is too close for cars. Remind him that just because a car is legally supposed to stop doesn't mean they will. Make sure they are really stopping and the driver sees you before crossing.

Many kids walk lots of places by themselves at this age. It's time. This is a life skill that he needs.

No, you were right. Like you said "you've seen too many children get hit at that intersection". When it comes to our kids, always err on the side of caution. You don't get a second chance at that. They are 10-11 and not 15. Plus what if someone abducted them or one of them like the 17 year old girl that was walking with her 6 year old brother. The 17 year old girl was taken while the little child stood on the sidewalk. So I am always cautious.

Would you have been ok with the walk to the park if there were no "major intersections?" At what point would you let him go with or without major intersections?

In our school district, 5th graders are considered old enough to walk to school by themselves. This is partly due to the fact that K-4 is in another town, but if you live in the same town as the school, no bus. You walk.

So 10 year olds are considered old enough to walk across major intersections, while buses, high school students, faculty and staff are all driving themselves to school.

I'm guessing that your son will soon be going to Middle School (either this year or in a year), so the real question is, what can you do to prepare him and prepare yourself for the fact that he is growing up, he will soon have more freedom and he needs to be responsible.

You called him your "little guy." He's 11. He's more than halfway to 18. I think it's time you stop thinking of him as your little guy.

Guess it depends on what you call a "major intersection." Are we talking Florida-style with two 8-lane highways crossing each other? A spot with a traffic light and cross walks? Or badly designed suburban 4-way stop with poor sightlines that people blow through?

I think unless it's clearly dangerous, I would probably not have a problem with it. My youngest is 11 and had free rein to get around our old neighborhood from about age 8 on. At our new house, things are more restricted but that's because I live at a poorly-designed intersection where a fairly busy side street crosses a very busy road that is a state highway and we average 2 car accidents a month in front of our house, with many of the cars landing in our driveway and front lawn. For a nightmare intersection like that, I can understand your hesitation.

Some of it depends on that intersection - why have so many kids been hit there? Is there no crosswalk, no signal with walk signs, or what? Is it a blind intersection? Too many lanes with right turns and so forth, where drivers are not looking or watching the lights? What has the town done in reaction to all these children being hit? Have they improved the sight lines, added new signage, or put a cop at the corner now and then?

Some of it depends on the kids. Will they pay attention to everything, or will they be talking to each other and getting so psyched up to cross that they don't take their time? Do they understand how to watch the traffic and not just cross because the sign says "walk"? Do they understand how to "go halfway" and look left for the first half of the cross and look right for the second half? Is there a median where they can stop safely at the halfway point? Do they know how to ignore a driver's blinker because sometimes it just means the person forgot to turn it off after a lane change 100 yards back, and not that they're turning now? Does it make sense for an adult to help them cross and then let them go the rest of the way by themselves?

We have a farmers market in town once a week, and they put big buckets at each end of the crosswalk with bright orange pennants in them (triangular flags on the end of a 2-foot pole). Everyone (adults and kids) takes a flag (or one flag per group of 2-3) and holds it up while crossing, then deposits it in the bucket on the other side. There isn't always an even number, but it balances out and there's always a flag on the side when you need it. Might be something a citizens' committee can lobby for. You could also ask the DPW for additional signs about kids crossing for the park. Might not solve the whole problem of course.

If you have reasons not to trust your kid and his cousin, then say no. If you think you are being overprotective and you have to give them some independence sometime, then work up to it. They don't magically become responsible at 18. And tweens and young teens learning about distracted drivers can benefit them when they are old enough to get behind the wheel. Instilling a sense of "you're not invincible" at an earlier age is a good thing.

I am firmly of the opinion that younger than 10 is inappropriate to cross an intersection. I read a study that detailed that a child's brain isn't developed enough under the age of 10 to be trusted to really understand and carry-through with looking both ways to cross a street. And if it's a big intersection where cars turn right on red and left at lights with and without arrows, that's just a frickin' recipe for disaster!!! I wouldn't let a child younger than 13 do that.

Only you know what kind of neighborhood you live in, if children are safe walking to the park and being in a park unaccompanied by an adult. I wouldn't let my kids do it and they were boys, much less a little girl...

At 5 years of age I had to cross a four lane road to get to kindergarten. By ten and eleven most school districts make kids walk up to a mile to school.

It's up to you, there is no right or wrong answer here, as you can see by the replies you're receiving from fellow parents. Would I allow it? No, but that is because I live in a large city with reckless drivers, constant hit-and-runs, and lots of traffic. I have almost been run over by cars who failed to yield to pedestrians as they turned at a red light. If I can almost get run over, imagine a kid who may be distracted with a cellphone or talking to their friend.

I see people walking onto incoming traffic while never lifting their head from their electronic devices, and these are adults. I would not want to take that risk with a child, heck, even a texting teen, unless it's in a residential area where there isn't going to be the danger of someone going 45 and blowing the stop sign.

Also, the fact I have a daughter makes me even more concerned about her being out alone (my daughter is 11, like your kiddo). She, unfortunately, is one of those kind, animal-loving kids who could easily be convinced to approach a car if told there's an injured puppy in there, and could be abducted. I wouldn't want to take a chance, especially if she is all alone. Maybe if it were a group of kids, and some of them had cellphones that they could use to call if there's danger or an accident, but even then, I'd have a hard time agreeing to this.

At 11 one of mine would bike and cross a major intersection to get to a park with his friends. I never heard of anyone being hit there, but there are frequent car accidents. The big thing we taught him was to wait when the light changed - in case someone was trying to make the light. Don't just rely on the cross walk.

It really does depend on the child. We seem to fall mid way - some of our friends allowed their kids to do things earlier, and some later (we have a friend whose child is in 9th grade and still not allowed to walk or bike to park). Personally - I find the kids who had more 'freedom' earlier, tend to be a bit more responsible. I'm just speaking from our experience. We have a little girl who comes here and gets nervous if I'm not watching her - and she's in 5th grade.

There's that balance - you have to ease up a bit and see what they can handle, otherwise you never really know. But if this is a terrible intersection and your cousin thought to call you - then it sounds like there may be reason to be cautious in that case.

It really depends how bad the traffic and intersection are.
We have a road near the beach where adults get run down on a regular basis.
It's not safe for ANYONE to try crossing it no matter what age they are.

I would not let them. But that's me. I wont let my 15 year old and his 13 year old cousin go to a park alone by my mom's house and they don't cross any major streets. There are too many sick people out there. Does not help that they are both dare devils and both competitive gymnasts. They would most definitely do something stupid they should not be doing.

My kids have been walking to school alone (together) since they were 5 and 8, but I made sure they were prepared to do so before I let them. I walked with them many times and taught them how to cross the street safely. When you say major intersection, how many lanes of traffic? Are there pedestrian crossing signals? Do the kids know how to use the crosswalk? Ten and eleven year olds should absolutely be able to walk to the park alone, but they do need to be taught how first if they have never done it themselves.

It depends on the kid and on the intersection (and the park, for that matter). Here, we live on a junction to two major roads - one heads in the state below us in just a few miles, the other is a major roadway to two other states in less than 2 hrs. In otherwords, a person who snatched a kid from this town could literally be in the next state in either 5 minutes or less than two hours - plus they are the major "travel" roads to many tourist destinations so much of the traffic is not local. The road itself isn't inherently dangerous, nor even that busy much of the time, but they couldn't cross it at 11.

Really, it is up to you. Don't let other's choices "bully" you into changing your mind on something.