Vicarious Living?

Updated on August 26, 2011
A.C. asks from Keller, TX
7 answers

Ok. I have tried to be a good, "grown up" mom. I really do try! When it comes to loving, disciplining, and educating, I'm on it! And yeah, of course I try to give my children opportunities to explore when they show interests. My husband says "too much". I argue my point, but don't know if I win or not. We've done the tumbling, kindermusic, swim, soccer, awanas, kung fu, vbs, zoo camp stuff. Husband thinks that's good, and "whatever" (which that word gets on my nerves). But now: Tony Hawk is coming today, and I just found out. I'm beside myself with excitement! (Ok, stupidly so). The lemonades are in the freezer getting slushy, I've got the video camera, real camera, a sharpie, and my son's little skateboard all packed up, we're timing it to get there before all the kids get out of school (don't forget the games to keep the kids busy while we wait, yet keep our good seats). Jeremy didn't say anything but "Wow. I'm sure the boys can't wait to talk to him" and I'm like "Uh....yeah. They don't know who he is, though they'll like the show. Hmm." (You KNOW I'm going to be more excited about getting that skateboard signed than my son, even though he'll think it's cool when he's older). Perhaps hubby has a point on me living vicariously sometimes. Sheesh. Embarassing. But not so much so that I'll miss the show today. :P Anyone else do this, or am I just one big dweeb? :P

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

Bug--funny: you said a good phrase "use my son for fun" :) :) Yeah. Like I think I'm supposed to be a "grown up" now. But get really excited when the boys are my "excuse" to do something silly or fun. (I'm a good mother, see? I'm doing this "for them"). Yes, the boys like what we do and all, of course! We do what they're into. I just REALLY like it when I can be into it too. But I have been catching myself getting a little more childish energy again. Perhaps I've given myself permission to stop being "cool" and just have fun again.

More Answers



answers from Seattle on

I think of it less as "living vicariously" rather than "sharing my interests".

6 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

Ummm...if Tony Hawk were coming...I'd be doing the same thing!!! I remember watching him attempt the 900 over and over, until he finally got it. I would be beside myself with excitement. We're going to a model train thing in a few months. Sure my son likes trains...but it's for us!! I use my son for fun all the time!

I should add, I'd never drag my son to an event he would hate. I do know he LOVES being around people and any excitement, so for the time being we can petty much take him everywhere. He's easy like that.

4 moms found this helpful


answers from Boston on

If you are forcing your kids into things they hate to expose them, and then forcing them to continue with it even though it's not their thing, then I would say yes, too much, maybe back off. BUT, if your kids are not showing signs of stress, actually enjoy the things they are doing and getting something positive out of it than I say go for it. And as far as Tony Hawk, good for you to get excited. So many parents are so overworked and stressed that they have no energy to get excited. It's great for your kids to know that you love the things they love.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Dallas on

I think it all depends on how your children feel 'love' meaning what is their love language. My son's love language is Quality Time so we normally do something cool once a weekend (I'm divorced, so I only have him EOW). My ex's girlfriend says I spoil him with attention (b/c I like to plan 1 outing per weekend). I say I'm speaking his love language. If his love language were something else, I would adjust accordingly.

If you and your kids enjoy making those memories together (like my son and I do), go for it. My son and I normally find a no-cost or low-cost thing to do together and we really enjoy ourselves. No harm in that at all.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Houston on

I think it's great to expose your kids to a variety of things, especially if it's a family interest! What isn't great, is over scheduling them or pushing them to participate in something they don't like. (I don't mean letting them be lazy bums, of course.) Go, and have fun!

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbia on

I don't think it's too bad, just be sure to freely admit that you love it as much, if not more than they do. It's okay for you to have fun too...just because you had kids doesn't mean you don't get to live and enjoy life anymore!

P.S. Kids don't remember all the grown up, responsible, boring stuff you do. They DO remember you getting down on the floor or ground with them and being silly, taking them to do amazing things, playing silly games with them, doing special things (not even expensive ones) that they love. Responsibility is important...but our attention (not purchased) is even more so.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Columbus on

Well, I don't know about a dweeb (when was the last time I heard *that*??? :) but you are F-U-N-N-Y!! And regarding your follow up, maybe you HAVE given up on being cool, and are just having fun again.. don't we all wish we learned THAT little lesson as teenagers???!

I bet you're the funnest mom around :)

1 mom found this helpful
For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions