I have a 26 month old who we have recently transitioned from a crib to a bed. He has taken very well to it the first week, my only concern was that he was getting in and out of bed at his own free will. Originally, it didn't necessarily bother me because he was getting up at appropriate times, like 7am when we are all up, so I was OK with it. Now, what is happening is that he is waking up at 3:30 or 4:30 AM and coming into our room looking to get into our bed. I am able to take him back into his room, but he does not go willingly. When I do talk to some of my friends 9 times our of 10 they say that their kids were afraid to get out of the bed or were told that under no circumstance they can come out of bed without Mommy or Daddy coming to get them. I just know my son and that just won't fly. How can i explain to him that he can't get out of bed without us or if he wakes up and we are still sleeping he can stay in his room and play? any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you everyone for your great advice. Last night he woke up again at 3:30 and came into our room. I was able to take him back into his room w/o too much trouble but he was back up again in our room at 4:30 and essentially never went back to sleep. (It was back and forth b/w our room and his). I think we need to put a gate up and just deal with it and realize that it'll probably take him a couple of weeks to get adjusted. The most frustrating part of this whole thing is that the first week he was perfect, went down and never got up until the morning, I just don't know why this week it is so different for him. BTW - do you think maybe I should cut out his nap? He goes down fairly early around 7:30- 8, and if he wakes up at 3:30 then that's 8 hours of sleep, maybe the nap in the middle of the day is killing it? he usually naps b/w 1 to 2 hours.
Explain it in this way worked for me.
He is a bigger boy now and can play by himself in his room when he wakes. When you wake you will come and get him for breakfast.
Have you thought about putting a baby gate in his doorway. We only had to do this for my son for about a week and then he stopped even trying to come out of his room.
There is a book called The Family Bed by Tine Thevin that
saved my life.....I never prevented my children from
coming into my bed...infact my daughter slept with me until
she was 7 yrs. old much to everyone elses agahst. I
believed if she was free to come into my bed whenever
she wanted it would prevent her from looking for that bed
when she was 15 with some boy. It worked!!! My daughter
is 22 yrs. old, college graduate...her first boyfriend at
19 and a virgin til then and she is on a european trip
as we speak. My mother tells tales of my trying to get
into her bed as a toddler and her locking me out of her
room. We are the only society that doesn't sleep with
their children worldwide. Believe me he won't be little
forever!
My pediatrician told me when I was transitioning my daughter to a bed (she was only 19 months) that you have to treat their room like a giant crib. So obviously make sure his room is childproofed and hten put a gate in the doorway unless he can go out then you might have to put a latch on the door.
For the first two weeks my daughter fell asleep and cried her eyes out. but then she was fine! So you just have to be tough for a little bit now my kids never come in my bed.
Jenn Smith
www.stayinhomeandlovinit.com/jennsmith34
My oldest was great about staying in his bed. The youngest though was a totally different story. I ended up buying a gate and placing it over his doorway to his bedroom after he fell asleep. If he got up during the night, I would go to his room at first, console, then put him back to bed. After the first week or two, I would start letting him cry it out for a few minutes. Eventually he has started just walking up to the gate, looking out to see if we are there. (sometimes he can't see us, but we can see him around the corner). If he doesn't see us, he will just put himself back to bed. He has learned by now and things are great. If he does see us, he will try his luck and fuss, but I just tell him to go back to bed and usually he does.
P.S.>
I just noticed you already gave an update after I wrote the above. just to state, don't cut out the naps. My 3 year old still takes naps and sleeps from 8p-7a nightly. the naps are a lifesaver sometimes, especially if you are a SAHM. I think it went so well for you at first becuase it was what you were 'teaching' him to do. He did not know how to defy at first. after the first week, he realized he got a reaction out of your if he got out of bed, and therefore he will do it more. You're right, try the gate and let it go. He will learn.
My kids always stay in thier rooms. I just made sure there was nothing they could get into and the room was babyproofed. Then I but up a baby gate so if they tried to escape I would here them.
I agree with Marina, even though I didn't read the book about the "Family Bed", it is instinctively what we have practiced with our three boys. When the older two boys were toddlers/preschoolers, we always had an "open door policy" regarding their need to come to our bed, it's only just what came natural, although not the most comfortable at times, especially for 'daddy' who'd end up in one of their beds just to get some sleep...but that doesn't last forever, unless you have other young children. Now with our toddler, we have a toddler bed in our room and he can climb into our bed if he awakes at night,and often one of us will just put him back in his own bed, and GRADUALLY he's getting used to sleeping on his own. The key is, I believe, to do it naturally...why force or punish or lock toddlers up?? It really doesn't feel natural enough if I go with my instincts as a mother or just as a person...
Dear S.
We put our son into a bed when he was 2yrs and we had really no problems with him getting in and out at night, but the only advice I do have is we put a gate across his bedroom door so he can't come out of his bedroom and you then know he won't wonder around at night by himself. But good luck
R.
I tell my son that he can't get up until the sun wakes up...he comes in promptly at seven proclaiming that the sun has awoken...he is four. Perhaps a door-gate would help with his adventuring.
I see that you already updated but I am just going to mention something. Be as stern as possible but I let my 2 year old come into my room when she wakes up and I put her in bed with me. EVERYONE is against that but I do what makes me comfortable and what makes my daughter comfortable. I place my daughter in bed with me and she falls asleep. I would though consider the gate to see how that works for you. It seems like it has worked for other moms...I say do what you feel is right...Good luck hope your nights after you updated has gotten better
we're planning on putting our (almost) 2 yr old in a toddler bed in april (when she's 2) and we KNOW she'll wind up doing the same thing so we asked a bunch of friends what they did when their kids started wandering in the night while they themselves were sleeping. they ALL said to put a kiddie gate on the child's room this way they can still see out, but CAN'T get out. the ONLY friend that this didn't work for tried everything, starting with 1 gate, then had to put a 2nd gate above the 1st gate (they BOTH screwed into the wall for security) and then one day SOMEHOW her child climbed over BOTH gates and made it out into their bedroom, now they threaten punishment if he does it and that has worked. and the amazing part is that there was only about 6-10 inches between the top gate and the top of the doorway yet he managed to climb all the way up, and all the way down because he DIDN'T get hurt at all! i would suggest the 1 gate, and if that doesn't work, try taking things away, or some kind of punishment (unless of course he's going to your room because of nightmares...that's the ONLY thing i can think of. good luck, hope some of the suggestions you get help.
My oldest son didn't go for that reasoning thing either. He kept coming and coming and coming. I tried to be nice about it. I tried to not make eye contact, no conversation, I was consistant, and we talked about it every day in the afternoon. Nothing worked. So, out came the gate, when he defeated that the door knob cover went on, when he defeated that I duct taped the door knob cover to keep him from prying it open. But shortly after the duct tape he finally realized, as he was older, that he had to stay in bed.
The gate worked after 2 nights or so. But I needed it and the door knob cover primarily for nap time.
When he got to be about 2.5 to 3 he would sneak out at night to go play with his sister just after we'd tuck him in. So my husband would do 'sentry duty' & sit in hall until he was asleep.
I am now going through it with my youngest son who is 22 months. So far so good. I have only had to redirect him back to bed with a firm voice tone once or twice. It hasn't been even a week yet with him & if I do see him several nights at 2 or 3 a.m. I will put the gate up.
Good luck.
A.
A child that age is way too young to be wondering around the house unsupervised, At this point I am fully in favor of putting a gate up in front of their bedroom door while they are sleeping. That contains them in their bedroom safely and keeps them out of places such as the kitchen or bathroom which coudl be dangerous all alone in the dark. It also makes it so he can't get out of bed without your assistance. It may be hard to set one up now because it hasnt happened from the start but he will get use dto it.
Can you try putting a gate on the door?
Our Bedroom is across the hall from our 3 1/2 year old's. I put a gate up in the hall, so she could only come into our room. If she's cold, sick, had a bad dream, we've let her come to our room, and I either take her back and stay there until she falls back to sleep, or bring her into our bed for a while until she's asleep, and then move her back. If it
's just 'cause she's awake, she definately goes back to her room.
It's probably not the most strict routine ever. I just did not grow up with the door knob covers, closed doors etc...If she needs me I'm here for her, but there are limits. She doesn't come into our room too often, although last 'couple of nights she's had a lack of appetite for dinner, so she's woken up hungry. After some cereal and juice, her head hit the pillow, back to sleep. i would not encourage the play in your room if you wake up angle. That could backfire.
i had the same problem with my 2 1/2 year old. The first week he called for us to come get him and then he started just coming out at weird hours and we would have to bring him back into his room. Then when we started our bed routine (at 7:45) he started coming out.
So, we put 3 quarters outside his room. Each time he comes out he looses a quarter. Whatever is left there in the morning goes into his piggy bank. He loves bringing it to the bank. You can also say 2 quarters equals a ride at the store if that's something your child likes. The first day didn't work but since then it's been great.Good luck.
Hi S.,
I think the best way to get your 26 month old to stay in bed is to simply walk him back to his room whenever he comes to you. Quietly tell him it's sleeping time and put him back to bed. You'll probably have to do this for a week or two until he gets it. It's pretty frustrating work--but speaking from experience--it does work after a while!
Good luck--and hang in there!
