Transition to Bed - Arlington,VA

I would put him back in a crib; kids need to feel safe and like they can't fall or get out I think. I personally dont' think kids should come out of the crib until they ask for it or climb/fall out.

Congrats on the adoption going through and finalizing, and I don't blame you for letting him stay with you. I have an almost 2 year old and he is up several times a night. The nutritionist at WIC said it is normal for them to wake up at least once or twice at this age. I was surprised, but it made me feel better. If he is having sepration anxiety, can you put him in in his crib in your room? This might be the security he needs. Its just an idea.

Good luck tired mama!

Do you have a bed rail put up on the toddler bed? If not, that might help him feel more enclosed- more criblike.
My daughter went straight to a twin bed at 18 mos (long story -she was chewing the wood off her crib and it became unsafe). We put up two bed rails, one at the end, and one on the side. The bed was pushed into the corner, so essentially she was enclosed on all sides. Then we put a large stuffed animal halfway down the bed to help her feel even more sheltered. She would still get up occasionally in her bed, but it really helped.

Is he actually ready to transition, or are you doing it beause he's 2? If he's not ready, put him back into the crib.

Just something to think about...and take it with a grain of salt. I am merely commenting on something I'm seeing here and am only trying to help, not offend:

My ex's son was "abandoned" and neglected by his mother at age 2. Since she left, every unhealthy, naughty, difficult, or disconcerting behavior exhibited by this boy is blamed (by his father and grandparents) on his experience with his mother. "Oh, N is this way because his mom abandoned and neglected him 8 years ago!" This is ridiculous. The problem is that they're treating the boy like GLASS instead of treating him like a normal kid. When I met the child, he was the most spoiled little brat I've ever come across. I immediately instituted a consistent schedule, rules with consistent consequences, and treated him just like my boys. He was no longer "special" or "needy" because of what happened to him, he was loved just for being HIM, and if he was naughty...it was because he CHOSE to behave in a naughty way, not because of something that happened to him that he couldn't control. His behavior changed quickly and he became a much more enjoyable kid to be around. His father and grandparents saw this change and began to realize that by treating the child like he was damaged goods, THEY were setting him up for failure and lack of resiliency in every situation.

You've had your son since he was 4 weeks old. I highly, highly doubt that his separation anxiety is related to his bio-mom at this point. Nor do I think that he even remembers those unhealthy visits. It's more than likely that his separation anxiety is related to the fact that you seem to think that he is needing and above-normal level of care because of his past. He doesn't. He's not glass. He needs to be treated like any other kiddo who needs sleep training, so he can learn to sleep like any other kiddo. Lots of 2 year olds have a hard time transitioning. It's normal. Stop treating the kid like glass and he'll stop acting like he's made of glass.

♥
C. Lee

ETA: I'm sorry your baby had a rough start. I'm so glad to hear that he's with parents who understand him. It sounds like you're doing a great job and I'm sure that as time goes by, his separation anxiety will lessen.

Good luck with sleep training. Once he's ready to transition to a regular bed, I recommend putting a twin mattress on the floor in a corner with a bed-rail on the open side. Also consider a "bed tent" for twin sized beds to give him a nice, cozy feel.

Is his toddler bed his crib with the side off or a totally different bed? If his crib converts, try that. If not, either go back to the crib or to a twin bed. If you go toddler to twin then you will have this transition AGAIN. Better to do it once IMO. Many kids have a period where they realize their new found freedom in a toddler/twin bed. "I can get up and down whenever I want!" This is obviously amplified when LO has separation anxiety. He thinks, "I can go to Mama whenever I want!" I would be cautious about laying down with him to get him to sleep - he will come to expect that every night and you will end up spending hours in the bed with him. He has to learn to self soothe, as hard as that is. Personally, I am not for CIO. I feel it's cruel but that's my own opinion and I know it works for some people. Every lifestyle and child is different so you have to figure out what works for you. If it were me, I would go back in and lay him down and reassure him you are there, you aren't going anywhere, he is safe, his room is his "safe space," etc. 3 ideas that might sound nuts: 1 - go to a toy store and let him pick out a stuffed animal that he thinks will safe guard him while he sleeps (maybe a monster stuffed animal - thinking Monsters, Inc. type thing) 2. give him a clean spray bottle filled with water to spray away whatever goes bump in the night - maybe even have fun making an "anti-scared" label for it. I know his problem isn't so much "monsters" but maybe if he can label his fears he can "fight" them. 3. buy a bed tent and see if that makes him feel more closed in/secure like a crib. Good luck. And remember, this too shall pass.

The best way to get some sleep AND maintain trust? Consistency. He needs to know that when he does something...THIS is what is going to happen (whatever 'this' may be). Repeat until the lesson has set in.

This doesn't just apply to discipline, but also to sleep! If he gets out of bed, he needs to know what is going to happen...everytime. Seems like right now it's "if I get out of bed, sometimes mom sleeps on the floor with me, sometimes I get to goto her bed, sometimes etc". Seems a bit like he's in control of this situation. I would sit in a chair next to his bed...read x number of books, sing x number of songs...and then mommy is going to leave the room. Wait in the hall...if he gets up...gently put him back in bed, and leave the room again...repeat as needed. (we have a video monitor so we don't have to sit by the door). The first night will take a few trips...but hopefully less and less.

I can certainly empathize with your son's situation and understand why you don't want a 'harsh' approach. But do think that the most helpful thing to your son is some set boundaries AND a good night's sleep!

Best of luck to you!

I understand the issues with the toddler bed so let me suggest this. Put the twin in there with it and just see. You can lay down on it and put him to sleep and he can lay down with you. If he goes to sleep better you'll know the mattress is not comfortable anymore in the toddler bed.

I really think he's just too big for the mattress in the toddler bed. They only support to a certain weight. He may feel the springs and stuff inside and it's just not comfortable anymore. It could be other stuff too.

Since you've had him since he was just born you know he wasn't sexually abused in bed so that is ruled out. You know he wasn't traumatized in any way during bed time so he's just having something else going on.

I don't know what to say actually except try giving him half a dose of Motrin right before bed to see if it helps him sleep. He could be teething or just having some growing pains that he can't verbalize yet.