Hi,
Just wondering if any other moms out there are experiencing this. My almost 3 year old shys away from groups of kids her age. She is the only child at home, so very accustomed to "playing" with mom and dad. She prefers to hang with me on playdates and with her teachers at preschool. She watches other kids play more than engaging in activities with them. She attends school 2 days a week for a few hours each day. She also seems a little intimidated by groups of energetic tots...as though she's afraid she's going to get knocked down or hurt. Should I be concerned? Or is it too early to really worry? Do some children just prefer to be around adults? Any thoughts or suggestions? She'll be 3 in a week. Thank you for your time!
Thank you all SO much for your wonderful suggestions! I understand children at this age usually parallel/lateral play, but maybe I wasn't clear. My daughter will rarely play along side any kiddos. She usually gravitates to me or her teachers during free play at school and on playdates. She loves to play with mommy and daddy...games like hide and seek, candyland and Busy Bugs. She'll spend hours upon hours playing with us. And, her teacher's tell me that she is always asking them to play with her.
I do feel so much better after reading all your wonderful comments. So many moms out there have tots similar to mine and it's comforting to know this! I'll keep you all informed, and thank you again to all you wonderful moms out there for your time and insight! I really appreciate it.
Hi Vicki,
Thanks for your feedback, yet I can assure you that she doesn't have autism. She is a social butterfly with adults, teachers, teen babysitters...has won tot pageants, sings and tap dances in front of large audiences, makes eye contact, has great speech abilities...she's completely normal developmentally. I was trained as a marital, family therpaist and special ed teacher, so I do know the markers to watch out for with regard to Autism and Pervasive Developement Disorders. If you read my thread, I am concerned about her wanting to play with adults more than her own peers. But, it makes sense what so many moms on my thread have pointed out, adults are much more polite and not as wild as kiddos...easier for her to play with...whereas playing with kids her age will probably be a learned skill for my tot...which my husband and I will have to help her develop! She's also the only child and used to playing with mom and dad. Thank you again for your time!
UPDATE a couple of years later!
My daughter, who is now almost 6 years old has changed to a marked degree! The change started to slowly happen at around 4 1/2-5years old. I worried for nothing. She wants very little to do with me now and is a social butterfly! LOVES to play with other children...all ages!
She sounds completely normal to me. Many kids this age don't play together - in fact, they have a name for it - lateral play I think. Then you have to factor in her personality which might be shy, or on the quiet side - which is totally fine too. Don't worry at all. She'll find her comfort level.
Our son is very much like this too, just a little bit older now. We tried a few things to help him along this past year, but didn't treat it like a big problem. I found a small, consistent, relatively quiet weekly playgroup (through a Waldorf school, where they do a lot of quieter activities, and interactive imaginative play), and I also found that our little guy plays really well with a slightly older child, such as a 4 or 5 year old girl who likes to direct him and help him get involved in something. He really seems to be outgrowing it slowly. Your little one is not the only one!
My husband is an only child and he too preferred adult company when he was a kid and still does to this day. His best friend is almost 20 years older than my husband.
My step sister was 12 years older then I am and when she lived at home, I hung out with her friends most of the time, also my neighborhood didn't have any kids my age to play with either. So I was most accustomed to being around older kids too. My best friend to this day is 11 years older then I am.
It seems in my experience that kids are more comfortable with the age group they are around the most. Try getting her out more, bringing her to small controlled groups of kids her own age. Join a MOPS group or something and find other moms with kids her age and invite them over for a play date, start out small and gradually work up to larger groups of kids her age. Try to avoid older more rambunctious kids at first. Join MeetUp.com and find some parent groups and attend play dates. Let them know you are trying to socialize your daughter. My meetup groups have always been very supportive, even my business networking groups have been there for me when I need some parenting advice. If you have a couple of friends with kids her age, ask them to babysit her while you go shopping or go home and watch a mommy movie, she'll play with other kids without you around, builds her confidence. I had to do that with my oldest when she was an only child. It was nice for me too. Maybe you could invite some of her classmates over for a play date, one at a time. I wouldn't go as far as to say you should be concerned or worried about her preference to older people. It's just what she is used too. I hope this helps.
It's much harder to play with kids. Think about it... adults always play nicely, communicate more effectively, are better at sharing, and have less sudden movements. Playing with kids is really a learned skill, more so for some children than others. You might try getting together with one other child and facilitating kid activities, being close to help with sharing, etc., while she figures it out. It might happen on its own overtime, but if you're concerned, providing time with one child might do the trick. Good luck!
A.
www.BreastandBottlefeeding.com
My daughter was the first child and she was disgusted with the thought of hanging around with other children. She was TOO grown up for her age for a while. She started school and everything changed. She adapted very well and became a very well-adjusted person. She is in her first year at the University now and continues to excel. It takes a while but as long as she can count on mom and dad being there the adjustment is easier. Give her a strong foundation but encourage her to venture away once in a while! Before long friends will be the most important thing to her and you will miss her.
My oldest son was the exact same way. He is now eight and has totally grown out of it. He loves to hang out with kids his age now, but when he was younger, his preference was by far hanging out with the adults. My five year old never had this issue, so maybe it's a first / only child thing. I wouldn't worry though. I'm sure it will pass.
I wouldn't worry either. do you ever do play dates where its just one friend who comes to your house? and get them going on an activity next to each other like water painting?
encourage her to play with the kids but don't push it at this point I wouldn't think. I've seen a lot of kids overwhelmed by many kids running around. (I get overwhelmed by it! lol) my daughter is an only child as well, and I always worry about her socialization--preschool helps her, and her dance class which is once a week and only has 4 kids in it really helps her too. but we do the play dates where a friend comes to our house and we do an activity, recently she runs off to play with the friend when they come over and has even gone to a couple of her friends houses to play as well.
good luck and be so thankful she feels safe with you in any circumstance.
I wouldn't worry about it. Most kids that age do not really play together, they do more of the parallel play. Also as an only child at home ( I have one, plus grew up as a youngest with sibling as teenagers) it is pretty common that they are more comfortable around adults. As my daughter is getting older she pretty much has friends, but before she loved being with just us, but she is very outgoing. I was kind of shy and would prefer the company of adults, until I found one good friend. Even now I am sometimes still more comfortable around older people verses my peer group. Just play role playing games on how to treat friends and encourage her that its ok to go play,but I wouldn't worry.
Children at this age usually are still in the parallel play stage and don't actually start into the interactive play stage until closer to 4 so I wouldn't worry about it. If in the next year or so she does not not want to be around other children then you may want to put her in a playgroup that specializes in socialization. My son had a problem with this and we were afraid he was not going to be ready for kindergarten and enrolled him in a program and it turned out really well.(Something that gets the kids really interacting with one another) He still needed some one on one and play therapy once he was in school but he is fine now,(10 yrs old). She is most likely just fine and in the parallel play stage still, just keep an eye on her and let her play alongside the other kids, its totally normal.
M.,
I believe you should be concerned. Talk with your daughter's pediatrician about it. We've got a cousin who's oldest child is this way and has siblings and cousins very near his age. I know our cousin took him in for testing for autism, he's got some other challenges. But I've heard this is one of those little 'markers', quirks or challenges. But on the upside. I have an 8 year old who was an only child and an only grandchild for 4 years. She played with adults a LOT!!! And the only interaction she got with other children was at daycare and church. She's a very well rounded social butterfly now.
But definitely she might be shy. She might just trust the safety of adults like you said. Talk to your doc.
Good luck!
V.
My daughter is going through the same thing
Kids that age don't generally "play" with other kids. They do stuff along side them. Don't worry, everything's normal.
