Help Socializing a Two Year Old

You can't force a 2-year-old to socialize. I think that people are really up tight about the whole "socialization" thing these days, anyway. When she's 3 she'll start to interact more with her peers.

When my daughter was around 2 1/2 she didn't really care for kids her age, but loved older girls, like 8, 9, 10 years old. Once she hit 3, though, she started playing with others her own age - although she still looks up to the "bigger girls."

I think it's pretty typical, don't stress over it.

I wouldn't worry about her playing with other kids at 2 years old. My daughter is in preschool now and up until recently, she was only parallel playing with them but not interacting with other children too much. It's totally normal. Just having her around other kids at this age is fine and as she develops, she will get more and more used to having them around and show some interest. Nothing to worry about.

Hi C.,

Why are you hosting a play-group if your daughter is not interested? If your daughter doesn't want to have anything to do with other kids, then why is that not OK? Some people are more independent than others and certainly we all develop at our own pace in life. My recommendation to you is to allow your daughter to be exactly where and who she is right now. When she's ready to move on, she will. Trust that. There is nothing for you to fix here. Just enjoy her and your time together. I can assure you that she will not want to play with you and her dad forever. Cherish this time and let yourself off the hook here.

Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

Hi C.,

I had the same problem with my daughter, now seven. She played only by herself and not with any other kids in preschool and kindergarten. In fact, during MOMS Club park days, she would be the only one playing not playing with any group of kids. I worried about it because I am social and like to be around people. I asked the preschool director about it, and she asked me whether my daughter seemed bothered by nobody playing with her or if it was just her choice. She never complained about it, so the director said that if it is not bothering her, I should not let it bother me. Well, it continued for the next year, but then if first grade, she changed and started playing with a group of friends. Today, she's in second grade and plays with different groups of kids each day.

I guess that you just need to know if it is your daughter's issue or yours. Obviously, in my case, it was all my issue.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, however. Even if she grows to be the type of child that prefers to do her own thing, that can translate to good things in the future, like her being able to stand her own ground and know her own inner compass when around peer pressure.

I wish you the best.

L.
P.S. Our daughter is an only child as well, and I know exactly what you mean when you wrote that she has only you and your husband to play with. We were her playmates at that age, too. :)

It took my son a while too. At 18 months we enrolled him in Montessori school and saw an incredible difference. Their strategy is to help kids learn in a fun way and one of their primary skills is socialization. My son went from walking into a room and hiding behind my leg to waving hello and actually initiating play with other kids. It has really been an awesome experience for our whole family. My son goes full time because I work but most schools offer a 2 or 3 day program that is only a half day. I think you are right about her being more likely to play if you and your husband aren't there. My son's school has cameras in all of the rooms so I after I drop him off I'll watch him on the monitor and it turns out he's the cool kid!! Who knew....he may have been switched at birth Dad and I are both geeks!! Good luck

Children typically don't play with other kids until the age of 3/4. Right now she's probably parallel playing rather than participating in cooperative play. Being around other kids/ exposure is all she needs at this point. She DOES need you right now. Pushing her to interact without you at this point is unnatural. Even if she were in day care she would probably gravitate towards the adult. There is so much emphasis on socialization now, when in reality, at this age, they are still learning about security, not always ready to venture out. If you think about how long she's been on this earth, it just hasn't been all that long. Hope that helps. It will come!

Jen

You and Daddy are all she needs right now:) I think getting out and going on playdates is more for the adults at this age:) Have fun with your little girl and enjoy this time together:)

try inviting only one child to spend time with your daughter thenonther day invite another dont stop the group good uck ive raised 4 and now i hve7 grandchildern good uck A. no, hills

does she go to preschool? i waited til my son turned 3..now he's 3.8..he has changed drastically for the better..he goes 2 afternoons a week ..and he is a different person..he was so wild before we couldn't even go out to eat..now he eats like a little gentleman.. he hated school at first and now he can't wait to go..he likes to stay longer and they have after school care and dinner so i let him stay one evening a week for dinner..he used to say that the kids didn't like him..this and that about the kids..now he has his buddies..and plays w/ them..he shares well..just changed him..now i wish i had put him in there sooner...
maybe i would wait til the spring when all these colds/flu's have passed and put her in for 2 afternoons or mornings..she may not like it at first but watch how she blossoms! The teacher used to look stressed out when she'd see my son coming..but now she just loves him..all of them do..we have nothing but good experiences w/ them..he goes to Kid's Klub in Pasadena.

Hi
Try: www.momsclub.org
or www.babybootcamp.com
Good luck

Sunday school is a great way to introduce her to other children & the teachers are normally very patient with new children, knowing they will be quite shy in the beginning. A dance or gymnastics class once a week allows her to do something fun & she won't even realize she is being introduced to other children as well. Find a class that has a small child to teacher ratio so that she is kept more active & the teacher can be more attentive. We participate in the gymnastic program at the YMCA and it is 6 students to one instructor.

library story times and play groups
parks and rec classes

Hey C.,
I am nearly finished with reading What to Expect the Toddler Years and from what I have read this is quite normal for children your daughter's age. As toddlers they will play side by side, but not necessarily interact. It's not till she hits three that she will be able to interact with other children in a play. However, they did state that those children that are in day-care learn how to socialize sooner than other children.

our older son, who is now 15 was and still the same way. It concerned us at first. He never socialize with any child when he was also two. We tried parks, leaving him with daycare, and we get word from daycare that he isolates himself from everyone and does his own thing. Yes, we were very concerned. Now at 15 years old. He is stil the same way. Every get together we have ever had, or attended, he with refused to go and just wanted to stay home and wait till we get home, or he goes, but ready to leave right away after a short time we arrived. If he chooses to go with us, he sits alone, does not say anything to anyone, or he wants to stay in our vehicle and wait till time to eat. We have get together at our house, everyone else socialize, he locks himself in his room and never seen till one of us calls him its time to eat. He fixes his plate then disappears. But, one thing, he makes great straight A grades, a well loved and liked by his football team and coaches, and his teachers. He never says much at all according to his teachers, but when he is asked to do somethig, he shows so much respect to his surrounding peers. If he tackles someone of the opposite team during football, he goes right back and reaches out to help his opponent back up on his feet. Still, he does not socialize. He is off on the side or sits alone during gatherings....LOL!...so we don't see now anything bad out of it. But one thing I noticed, he is very close to his Dad and they do a lot of father-son things together, going to the movies with his younger brothers too on the weekends, to the game store if he wants to go shopping for something but he just walks in the store, get what he wants and ready to go home, etc. We also have two more younger boys now at ages 14 and 12 and are totally opposite from the oldest one. Yet, they all make straight A's at school and continuing to persue with their football games. So his youngest brother loves to play with him, sometimes the 12 year old will try and get on his last nerve just to try and bring him out of his zone....LOL...You never know. My advise is just watch her, and don't force anything out of her. It may just be a temporary thing or it might be just something of her that slowly but surely changes or may not be at all. There's nothing wrong with it :)

I think your daughter is still young and you don't need to worry about her socializing. Kids all start at different ages. Just let her do her own thing as long as it's not dangerous or bad behavior. :)

Join your local MOMS Club (http://www.momsclub.org)
Look for local classes like Gymboree, My Gym, or Little Gym
Check out http://www.musictogether.com for outstanding music classes (new session starts in January)
Also, just keep going to the park. Even if you don't have an organized playgroup, you can meet other people who happen to be there at the same time. Eventually, she will start to take more of an interest in her peers.

K.
http://oc.citymommy.com

put her in daycare a couple of days a week

Hi C.,
Totally normal. Kids don't really start playing "with" one another until almost 4 years old. Keep up the exposure to other kids; she sounds right on track! :)

Hi Corrine,
I agree with Jen. Children generally do what is called parallel playing at 2 years old and don't start wanting to interact with other children until they're 3 or 4. I've watched it happen with my own son. He'll be 3 at the end of January and is just now starting to say "Run with me.","Sing with me.", etc. Up until a couple of months ago he was content to just play by himself and let the world go on around him. Now he's beginning to want to be a part of things. Although he does still play by himself when he's not interested in what the other kids are doing or it's above his understanding. A good resource for more information on this is babycenter.com. Just look up parallel playing. Good luck!