Toddler Behavior

I would recommend using baby sign language. There are classes, books, videos, and it really helps cut down on that "terrible twos" frustration of not being understood. You don't have to be a fluent signer; learning even a few may help (and the more the better, plus it is fun!)

It's just a phase (hopefully) however my son did this to me in front of the peadiatrician (how embarrasing). Either way the dr scolded him very sternly and he started to cry. The point is to just be very stern and strong and let him know it's not okay. He's young and will get it. Hang in there.

This worked for me... I would grab the offending hand and squeeze it as I told my child "we do not hit. hitting hurts and you hurt me." I would also acknowladge their feeling of anger, frustration, etc. The squeeze is uncomfortable enough to get their attnetion without hurting them.

Our daughter started the same sort of thing at around 27 months. It's hard! My partner's sister gave us an extraordinarly helpful book, WHen No Gets You Nowhere. Check it out. You can go straight to the chapter about how exactly to respond--it's a seven step process, which might sound hokey but it makes it all easy to remember when you're in the middle of a situation. Also, if you google "attachment parenting gentle discipline" you'll find some good advice. And remember, the behavior is so normal--it's not okay, it needs to be corrected, but it's nonetheless normal.

He probably is frustrated because he can't communicate. But you still need to communicate that it is not ok to hit or pull hair or hurt people in any way. Put him in timeout right away and say, "hands are not for hitting. Hitting hurts." Put him in timeout for 1 minute (since he's one). Two minutes for two year olds, etc. Timeout has to be a place that is not fun --- no toys, no books, etc. I put my 18 month old in a play pen for one minute. I put my 5 year old in a chair in a corner for 5 minutes. There is a great book series that addresses these types of issues. One is called "Hands Are Not For Hitting." Another is "Feet Are Not For Kicking." There's "Teeth Are Not For Biting." Also, encourage him to use his words. Give him either/or choices. Give him yes/no answer choices.

Well this sounds kind of silly but it worked like a charm for my daughter, we started it when she was 21 months and I wish we heard of it sooner. When she hits, bites etc we say... "we Hug not hit (bite)." She instantly lights up and gives us a big hug. I can't say it will work for everyone because my daughter really likes to give hugs. But it worked for us. Good luck, it can be very frustrating.

One thing that has worked for me with all 3 of my kids is that when they would hit, I took their hand and told them in a very calm voice, "We don't hit, we use nice touches". At the same time that I told them this, I would show them with their hand how to gently touch my face or arm. The key, of course, is to be consistent and calm. After a week or two, you should be able to just say, "nice touches" and see a change in his behavior. I hope this helps!

He is almost 2, he is testing boundaries and even if he is frustrated, not too early to start time out. When he does this, be firm and say "NO HIT" and put him somewhere like a pack and play or up against a wall, if he gets up, then put him back there until he stays put for 2 minutes. My daughter was younger but used to grab my hair and I would take her hand firm but not painfully and say "not nice" and put her down against a wall and walk away. Just the tone in my voice and walking away was enough for her, my son however needed the time out method after a week or so he stopped completely. He used to grab his sisters hair and get a HANDFUL so I really drove that point home right away, it stopped and he hasn't done it again since he was 26 mos. A two year old is early enough to implement right and wrong, especially when it is a dangerous situation.

Yes! I would have your child watch "Signing Time!" - It's a great show that teaches kids how to use sign language through a fun show and unique songs. My son is 20 months old and he loves to watch it. He's constantly picking up new words (and their signs). I think it has helped my son a lot to avoid a lot of tantrum just because he has an extra way to communicate with us.

Give it a try. If you are in Utah it airs Mondays and Fridays on KUEN - or- you can purchase dvd's form their website www.signingtime.org

good luck!
A.

Try saying: You can either walk with me holding my hand like a big boy, or I will carry you like a sack of potatoes. you pick. give him ten seconds and then grab him up wrapping your arms around his middle pinning his arms. then go on your merry way, ignore his screaming (take meditative breaths..so: Iknow, that is so sad) and happily plop him in his car seat, seat of the grocery cart, whatever. this is Love and Logic. Go get the Love and Logic for the Early Years and sign up for a class at Rocky Mountain christian church in the fall. On the diaper situation. Start changin him standing up or even in a pull up if that is easier. Heck, start geting him invoved since he is close poty training age and teach him to pull up his pull up. the trick is to get him to feel in charge with soething. Kids this age are starting to want to grow up and find identity beyod their mothers...so let him do that in a controlled and safe way. I also found I had to increase my physical play (wrestling around) with my now 2.5 year old boy..who just finished training! yeah! but give him other healthy outlets. We don't hit people..here is a pillow, go ahead hit this. he'll probably just start laughing at that after awhile and situation is defused.

I went through this same thing when my daughter was about that age. I would tell her that it hurts mommy and make me sad. She would kind of look at me confused and i would let her see by my face that I didn't like that. Most of the time she understood, and stopped. Then I would make her say she was sorry and give me hugs and kisses and leave it at that. It sounds too easy, but I think it's a better way of handling the situation. The worst thing to do is to get mad at them. That just gives them attention and then they know what to do to get attention. Hope this helps

I actually do the exact same thing as Tysca. I grab the hand and in a stern voice with a a stern face tell them no. Then I ask them to "show me soft". I have taught them to put their hand on my face or their face and softly move their hand down saying "soft". I think it is important to show them what is acceptable. My daughter still hits when she doesn't know what else to do but we are making progress. Be consistant with whatever you decide - good luck.

My son went through a phase like this too at about 16 mos. He was too young for timeouts to really have any impact at that point so what I did when he hit / bit was to firmly tell him NO, hitting hurts and hold his hands tight enough to make an impact and be frustrating but not to hurt him for about a minute. Timeouts will also work at his age. Either tactic will take a couple days to sink in but just be consistent with it and let him know there are consequences when he hits or bites and he'll get the message and stop.

C.,
My daughter, the exact same age, has just started that too. She is very vocal and has been since a young age so I know it's not because she doesn't have the words. I think it's just becasue they're trying out different ways of communication. So, I've been able to curtail this behavior by being consistant with time-outs when she does it. Good luck!

C.,
I agree with Tysca: it is 'immediate karma', you hurt others, you get a hurt back... only, as you are mom, you can hurt him veeeeeery gently and slightly and most compassionately: like squeezing slightly your son's hand, so that he feels it is very uncomfortable but not really hurts. He won't want this feeling, so he will quit doing what causes it - which is hitting you.
Pulling hair => same thing. If he will ever grab your hair again, grab onto his hair ever so slightly and push very gently, so that he feels discomfort, not real pain, and as soon as he will loose his grip, let his hair go immediately.
While you do this unpleasant exercise, use the same set of words every time: "no, it hurts! NO, IT HURTS!" short and always the same, because then one day you will just say these words, without applying this karma-exercise of slightly hurting him back, and he will already remember what these words are connected with.
I believe you will be great friends very soon again!
Thank You C. wih trusting mama-source site, I am amazed how many caring people share their experience here, it is the friendliest mama-site, ever: so, if any problems, at all, come here again, we have a great mama-community here and always try to help with more ideas...
Let your day be good, C., hugz to you and your little Treasure! :)

After reading through the other responses, I decided to try the suggestion to say, sternly, "We don't hit, we hug". Then I gave my 3 year old a hug and it worked. I loved this advice as I have been trying so hard to find something that would work. It is counterintuitive, yet simple, and I like it because I find I feel more angry when I hit. I am very glad to have come across this idea.

I think maybe a simple "No," is in order, spoken in an authoritative way. Kids need boundaries, and his frustration may be that he is not finding any. You decide what those boundaries are and make it clear to him.

I am a mother of 5 children, ages 10 - 20, married to a lovely husband for 21 years, stay at home mom.