Tips for Talking to My Son's Teacher?

Updated on November 12, 2011
M.O. asks from Highland Park, NJ
11 answers

Dear moms,

My 5-year-old son has been reading at a 2nd- or 3rd-grade level since this summer. He attends a public charter school where they follow a quasi-Montessori model and are supposed to teach each child at his or her own level. However, what that seems to mean in practice is that they've got a reading group for the four kindergartners who can read, and in that group they focus their instruction on the two who need the most help. This school follows a schedule where all the classrooms do reading, math, etc., during the same time, so children who need a more advanced curriculum or need extra help can have their instruction in other classrooms. I would really like to have my son reading with the 2nd graders, and possibly doing math with the 1st graders. (N. is not as advanced in math as in reading, but he can add and subtract, while his K class is still working on counting.)

Until this coming week, his classroom has had a long-term sub, while the regular teacher is on maternity leave. The regular teacher is returning on Monday. When I made this request to the long-term sub (who is an absolutely lovely person, and whom I admire in spite of our difference of opinions) she was really resistant to this and maintained that N. is reading at a beginning-1st-grade level. Now, I would have no problem with this if it were true, but it's not. N. has devoured each and every one of the Magic Tree House books. He can read Beverly Cleary, E. B. White, and George Selden (Cricket in Times Square). I'm going to get him the Chronicles of Narnia and the Time Warp Trio books for Hanukkah, and he's counting down the days 'ti'l he gets these books (ergo subtraction skills). The long-term sub teacher really is sweet and lovely, but N. hasn't learned anything new, reading-wise, since starting kindergarten.

What I am planning to say to the incoming teacher is this:

"I love the warm, welcoming, constructive atmosphere at this school. I love the way [sub teacher] has helped N. with his handwriting -- he's shown amazing improvement. However, I would really like to see him learning in reading and math the way he has in writing. Here are some of the books he can read fluently and effortlessly. Here are some of his "challenge-level" books -- he can read them, but I have to help him with some words. And here's what he's done in math with me over the past month or so. I've been working with him at home, but I have so much respect for the knowledge and training that teachers bring to their work, and I don't have that specialized training. I would really like to have N. in a 2nd- or 3rd-grade-level reading group, and possibly in a 1st-grade-level math group. I'm fully committed to working with him to help him keep up and thrive."

I normally would be pretty confident about making this speech, but since it didn't go well the last time, I'm nervous. Any suggestions would be fantastic.

P.S. I know a lot of people on this site recommend that parents start homeschooling, but that isn't a good option for me personally right now. My family depends on my salary, and I know myself -- I love working with N. on reading, and everything else, but I'm nowhere near organized or patient enough to do it full time, and my son does resist my authority, which he never does with teachers. I'm much better off as the Commissioner of the Homework Police.

Thanks!

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J.R.

answers from New York on

I honestly dont have much to contribute, other then you might need to be prepared for the teacher to ask you to wait. What I do have is I LOVE "Commissioner of the HomeWork Police"!! I might have to steal that! Tho I use "I am Queen of the Universe, thats why"!

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More Answers

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

Just a question...not an attack....You said that he can read these books but does he understand what he is reading?? My son can read tons of words, sound them out, but that doesn't mean that he comprehends what the story is about. I know that when they have tested him (he is in 3rd grade now) the teacher would say that he was reading at grade level (he was in 1st grade reading the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series). I went in and talked with the teacher and showed her the books he was reading and she asked me...does he understand the plot? Does he know what the story is about? Can he remember at the end of the book something that happened in the beginning? Unfortunately, and it was an eye opener for me, he couldn't. He could read, he couldn't comprehend.
Just something to think about.
L.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

Sounds great to me. This sounds like a perfectly respectful way to state that you feel the current situation is not meeting your child's needs. No need to be nervous. Just be prepared for the teacher not agreeing or needing time to assess your son, especially if it's a new or returning teacher. They may need to evaluate him on their own. And as a former teacher, I can tell you that kids will perform differently for a different audience. So he may read fantastic at home and show amazing comprehension, but not show the same abilities at school. It sounds like you are open to working with your teacher.

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S.K.

answers from Detroit on

When testing for reading levels, teachers are testing more than the student's ability to decode. They also test the student's ability to retell a story and comprehend the story. Many times, a student can decode at a higher level than they can retell or comprehend. Could that be the case with your son? And if he can retell and comprehend the stories, does he do that for the teacher? My daughter, who is actually very outgoing, doesn't always show her teachers all she can do. I sometimes have to remind her that if she doesn't show the teacher what she can do, the teacher won't know she can do it.

And from my experience with my kids, there can be a difference in reading levels when it comes to fiction and non-fiction books. My daughter went into kindergarten reading. And going into first grade, her teacher said she was reading at a 2nd grade level....except when it came to non-fiction books. Even now in 5th grade, when her reading is tested, she tests ahead of grade level when it's a fiction story, but she usually tests barely at grade level if it's a non-fiction story. I think a lot of it has to do with her interests, but she needs to be able to read and comprehend both types of books.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It sounds great to me. Cooperative, stressing the positives, advocating for your child and as far as I can see, proposing a very doable option to address your concerns.

It does not really sound like a Montessori curriculum though. My son is in a Montessori and it really is child led and multi-age. My son (almost 6) is doing multiplication while other children are doing counting and all the kids seem appropriately challenged.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I think I would keep it simple. You don't know how they determine what level group kids go into for math and reading, so I don't really think it's appropriate for you to suggest a grade level for him. What I would tell the teacher is that you are not confident that your son is in the right reading and math groups, and would she please evaluate him with fresh eyes and determine whether his placement is correct or whether he should be bumped up in either of these areas. I think it's great that there is some flexibility!
Good luck

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J.F.

answers from Nashville on

Has the school tested your son in reading? What is the basis of the teacher saying he is reading at a 1st grade level? If they test him, that should show his reading level and that will give you more support for your request that he move up in reading. The teacher may not see what he can do with reading if they are not giving him more challenging reading. The same thing goes for math. Good luck. I think what you have written sounds good but you may want to request testing be done or looked at more carefully if it has already been done.

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S.B.

answers from Houston on

How is his behavior? You see there is a difference in age and if he is disruptive then that would effect all the kids in the group which wouldn't be fair. I am a crazy reader as is my daughter. She was reading at a young age as well. I would have the conversation and see how it goes. If there are issues then you can address them then. Good luck!

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T.G.

answers from New York on

I agree with all of the people who are talking about reading level versus deciding level. There are so many skills involved in reading including making connections, predicting, character analysis and writing about what you read to name a few. This all happens at the kindergarten level. please don't push him to a second grade classroom. He will miss some of this and to be honest the maturity level for that classroom will not be there.

Have an open conversarionaith the teacher but listen to her reasons as well

B.S.

answers from Lansing on

What do you have to be scared of....rejection? Well there are always other options. Start by having the conversation and if your needs are not met start making plans to get those needs met.

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Just a thought... you are going to be meeting with someone who doesn't yet know your child. Be prepared for her to say so. The long-term sub probably wouldn't be comfortable making decisions that someone else will have to "live with" for the rest of the year. She may ask you to give her some time to set up the classroom the way she wants it. You may be pleasantly surprised by her methods, which may be vastly different than the sub.

Reading fluency isn't the same thing as "reading", also be prepared for her to say that too! Developmentally, your K student has no business in a 3rd grade classroom- even second grade is pushing it. Ask for a trial period of your child going one grade level up (have a set period of time) and then re-evaluate it if needed.

Good luck!

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