Things That Schools Don't Teach but Are Critical to Child's Success

I think that parents rely too much on schools to teach values (money is included in this). If they aren't being taught by example at home, learning at school won't make a difference. I do believe that there should be some of this scattered in other lessons though. Teaching kids how to manage time, etc., but so many parents step and do it (or the work) for the kids, there isn't much chance of them learning, even if they are being taught.

To become a successful, self sufficient person a child has to be taught those things at home. School is for book learning not practical things like how to fix a running toilet that is what parents are for. School is an extension of what needs to be learned not everything that needs to be learned.
J.

I don't necessarily agree that these things aren't being taught--or at least having the foundation laid in 2nd grade with the basic concepts. I have a second grader and although school just got started, I can see that his reading assignments this year are geared more to thinking for himself and drawing conclusions from what he's read.
I DO think all schools should require a Personal Finances class. Lots offer it but I don't think it's a requirement. (Not in 2nd grade though!)

as a former teacher, I can tell you that teachers are OVERLOADED with work and can't ever teach all children everything. The good teachers try real hard, but children aren't always paying attention, and it's almost impossible for one teacher to make sure that all 25 children are on task.

I've taught 2nd, 3rd, and 5th grades. I have taught TIME in all three grades, touched on the topic of FINANCES (saving, spending, earning - We did this during Social Studies time talking about profit and using money to buy both 'needs' and 'wants' and helping teach the kids the difference between the two. Science is a subject that ALL teachers should be teaching, yet it is often set aside till the end of the day when there may be extra time. (Reading and Math often come first which makes sense b/c you need both reading and math in order to fully understand science). After learning Math concepts, THEN your daughter should learn to apply it. In other words, she'll learn how to add and subtract 2-digit numbers THEN they will give her a word problem and talk about when to subtract and when to add.

I could go on and on. Ther should be a list of standards that they are supposed to teach in 2nd grade. In Texas, they're called the TEKS (Texas Essentials of Knowledge and Skills). You can search for your state's standards for each grade and each subject and see what your daughter will learn this school year.

But what the teacher doesn't do, then we (teachers) hope and assume that the parents will be there to support and love and help and teach their children. Yes, we know not all parents are there to help their kids. But we have a full load of 25 kids to teach, plus probably have our own kids at home to care for too.

Good luck!

Update: Dana -- I think it'd be great to teach manners in school. I tried my best. It was not something that Texas required me to teach, yet our school really knew that our kids weren't getting manners at home. We tried teaching them (in 2nd grade even) to shake hands properly. Teachers would eat ther lunches with their students to help them learn to not chew with mouths open, etc. We expected students to look teachers in the eyes and call them by their names (not just "teacher" but "Mrs. Jones") Teaching manners in school would be something that each teacher would have to take upon him/herself to teach her students. I don't think it's something that any state probably requires to teach.

You can't rely on the school to educate our children it is our job as parents to bring them up educated we teach and learn from home not just school.Why would you rely on the school to teach and prepare them to be succesful in life when it is our duty as parents.As for time management my son has been telling time since he was in kindergarten,he knows what time means,we play games,he loves to work with tools using a tape measure graphing what he wants to make in dads garage uses right hand for hammer left hand for nail,he does so many things that was taught here at home before he entered kindergarten and now is in 1st grade.I was shoked what they teach in kindergarten adding,reading,writing words,making short stories,learning about presidents,using muscal insturments,I remember my kindergarten yr it wasn't anything like this...We all want our children to succeed in life..Changes will always be made in schools to further educate our children even without the funds.

School is to teach facts and processes like basic math and writing and historical and scientific facts. Schools really are there to teach reading, writing and arithmetic! Some schools or classrooms do a good job with applied programs or collaborative learning/problem solving, but kids need to learn most of these things at home. I'm trying not to get off on a rant here, but I'm REALLY sick of parents having this idea that school is where their kids should learn EVERYTHING! I'm not yelling at you, but these are my opinions on what schools should be doing. We've dumbed down our educational system to suit people who refuse to teach their kids anything before starting school or while they're in school. If you want a critical thinker -you better teach those skills at home primarily by modeling critical thinking, questioning and teaching your child to question and analyze. As a parent, YOU exhibit how to solve problems creatively and use the skills they learn in school -like math skills -to show them how to apply them to everyday life. School is there to give the address and directions, but it's up to you as a parent to show them how to actually read the map.

For those classrooms not so overburdened with discipline problems and too wide of a range of abilities that manage to get into the actual processes -great -but you need to be prepared do most of the applied and creative learning at home or to find and pay for a private school that addresses higher and more critical thinking better than our public schools are able to.

I think students need to have experiences where they fail and are given the opportunity to bounce back from the mistake and adapt/change future decisions in an attempt to get a better outcome. I am all for parents being a strong advocate for their child when their child is lacking a voice or if the problem is serious enough to warrant involvement. Unfortunately, too frequently do mothers get involved at the earliest stage or with the tiniest of issues and the kid never learns how to fix mistakes or make corrections on his own. Why? Because mommy has always come along and cleaned up the mess for them.

Kids need to fail as they learn a LOT from failure. I'm not saying they constantly need to be faced with devastating adversity, but 'soft failure' at early ages can be helpful. And let's face it, every single person will fail at something at one time or another - getting cut from a team, not getting desired playing time, changes in peer group dynamics and shifting friendships, being late to school because they dawdled in the morning, getting a poor grade on a test because they didn't study. The 'pain' of failure can be a great resiliency builder, teaching kids how to bounce back from negative situations.

Life is not perfect. Not everything can be fixed by mommy. Sometimes things WILL suck but guess what? Each individual has the opportunity to go cry to mommy and have her strong arm someone into fixing it or they can accept responsibility and possibly look at the situation in a positive way.

Here are my thoughts, for what they're worth. Although a seven-year-old is still working on basic academics, there are plenty of things she needs to learn before she grows up that she may not learn in school.

And perhaps the most important thing is values. Values always need to be taught and modeled at home - honesty, integrity, kindness, courtesy, selflessness, a good work ethic, and all the rest. This can hopefully include a solid religious faith.

Creative problem solving can be worked on at home. Second-graders are still working on addition and subtraction, I guess, which aren't supposed to be creative (accountants get into trouble when they get creative!), but parents can give their children guided opportunities to work out other situations on their own.

Exposing children to art, to music, to dance, even to some of the really good children's books that aren't in school libraries any more can enrich a child's education.

Not only exposing children to creativity but also giving children a chance to create at home can be a huge opportunity for them.

I never was much of a "worker" as a child, which I regret, because I now think that the more skills a person can learn growing up, the better off that person will be. These skills are not a substitute for academics but an addition to them. Using both brain and body is good.

You're right about the finances, although I learned some of that in school. My granddaughters (one of whom is a second-grader) love Dave Ramsay's children's books about managing money.

I think your post is excellent, and it makes me think: why do we keep on insisting that schools ought to teach everything children need to know? Parents are really their children's primary teachers. Let's quit shirking, roll our sleeves up, and teach.

Sorry, but this post bothered me on so many levels. I'm more than certain that it is not the job of schools to teach financial success. That is your business. A second grader wants stability at home, friends to play with, and education. Math, reading, science, Etc. If you want to teach her finance 101, go for it! If schools focused on those types of things, we would have a bunch of generally uneducated kids! I want my children to be happy, because in the end that is what life is about. If my daughter wants to be CEO of some company, or the ice cream truck driver, if she's happy, then that is all she needs. With all due respect, please let your kids be kids for a while. They have enough to worry about later in life!

I think people expect the schools to do things that really are the parents' responsibility. Schools should focus primarily on the three R's with a classical approach (though now with narrowly focused charter schools, unecessarily competitive secondary sports programs and schools over-loaded with useless extra-curricular courses, it's not hard to find kids not getting the 3Rs consistently as they should), the rest should be the parent's responsibility (morals, values, and developing a child's interests and talents beyond what's offered in school).

It's a wonder so many are disappointed with their children these days and their development both socially and academically. There is no way a school or its teachers can replace the parent...nor should they.

Sadly schools have become like factories..punching out plastic molds of uniformly trained soldiers. Any defective molds or those that don't conform to standards find themselves labled and tossed.

I've witnessed so many stories of frustrated kids and parents who have been let down by the system.

If John isn't able to sit still and is a hands on learner, or really needs to be skipped a grade or two, instead of testing him for appropriate placement, he gets labled, and begins his life-long "assignment" of being a trouble-maker or unable to learn...right into his adulthood years where thanks to his "label" and the mental stigma dumped on him, then finds himself subject to a lifelong career as a blue-collar worker..thanks to an impatient or misunderstanding teacher (s).

Or, Sally needs one on one time, and smaller class sizes, but this isn't possible in her district. So instead of meeting her needs, she's forced to suffer through and fall behind in class, only to be pushed through as a below-average student as her talents and individual learning style weren't tapped because it didn't fit the school's budget, approach or philosophy. She never gets academically counseled appropriately, then when the time comes isn't motivated, confident in herself, let alone prepared to apply for college or any sort of post-secondary education.

Schools aren't designed to cater to anyone's child. They are more concerned with quotas and numbers. Classrooms are too big, schools are over-packed, and many teachers are not able to focus on the individual needs of the large numbers of kids they're responsible for. Academic counselors realistically can not monitor all the children they're responsible for, let alone guide them early enough, or often enough throughout their schooling to get them the help they need to get into post-secondary. The kids who get into college, who have the upper edge throughout school, and who stand out above the others, are the kids whose parents are "filling" the gaps by getting these kids the resources and experiences the schools are unable to provide. The rest of the kids are subject to the economy class and very limited package of education that the goverment provides with tax dollars. For these kids, it's sink or swim.

If you as a parent do not have the resources of time or money to help your child outside of classroom, do not be surprised to find that your child isn't able to assimilate into the one size fits all mold, gets labeled learning disabled or developmentally challenged. Do not be surprised if you find they are not "well-rounded" academically speaking by the time graduation rolls around.

Only a small number of children can make their way through the Skinner Box, these days called school. Even those naturally inclined to be self-learners, brilliant, or creative are often stifled and forced to conform to the school's standards and expectations for their grade level vs. making the school meet the needs of the child. Furthermore, besides failing to teach the basic Rs (too many needless electives etc. have made their way into the curriculum) too much of the school day focus is spent on activities and skills that will NOT necessarily benefit the child in the real world.

If parents are disappointed with what the schools offer, they should realize it will be up to the them to "round out" their child's education and to develop any seeds of talent or fill the gaps in learning where the schools fail. Most traditional schools are designed to mass produce workers for a corporate or factory model, not prepare self-sufficient, creative thinkers ready and able to work and think outside the box.

For parents like you, you might be happier taking your child's education into your own hands by exploring something like homeschooling. There are many methods under the movement titled "homeschooling." Regardless which approach you choose, the beauty of this model is you can tailor her education in such a way that she not only gets the basics, but you can also nurture her individual talents and any special needs she might have academically speaking.

So if she's a brilliant musician, you can focus on her musical talents in addition to making sure she gets the 3Rs. You think she needs more understanding on personal finance..so you can devote a portion of the school year studying personal finance. You prefer a different approach to math, than what's offered at your local school...then do the research and find and use a method and approach that you prefer. Just because the schools use certain curricula or a particular approach doesn't mean it's the best, let alone does it mean it's approach will jive with the way your daughter learns.

Homeschooling meets the individual needs of the child and parents, rather than forcing a one-size-fits-all approach that forces a child to sink or swim with their peers and some vague standard.

You should read the following books, and maybe you'll adopt a different outlook and approach to your child's education in the future.

http://www.amazon.com/Death-American-School-System-ebook/...

http://www.amazon.com/Harsh-Truth-About-Public-Schools/dp...

Just some food for thought.

.

That is true, I learned none of that in public school. Which is too bad, it would have saved me from having to learn things the hard way when I was older. That's why we're homeschooling our kids so that they are prepared for the real world instead of spending 4 hours socializing in public school, 3 hours on academics, and 0 on things that they'll actually use in life. ;) There is nothing my kids need to know that I don't know already or can't teach them with help from the internet, library, museums, and real life! :)
If you work though and can't homeschool, try your best to be the one who teaches those things that schools miss. We as parents must take the responsibility, a teacher with 30 students can't possibly give the same love and attention that a parent can. Have fun!

Interesting question. My son currently attends a Montessori school (that goes from Pre-k - 6th grade). One of the reasons we chose to keep him (he's currently in Kindergarten) there is because this method teaches added skills that public/charter schools do not. Critical thinking, self-responsibility and social skills. As far as finances, we plan on teaching our son that ourselves. I think that any child can learn the above skills if it is also taught and emphasized at home. Our feeling is that the current public school method of teaching children now is by rote memory (unless you happen to get a great teacher that encourages love of learning and "thinking"). I went to public school and my parents taught me the above skills at home of course that was a long long (ahem long) time ago and the public school system was different.

I disagree with one of the other responders who says that school is just for book learning. Obviously, parents teach children many of the things they need to know, but that's no excuse not to improve our schools! They can--and certainly should--do a better job of teaching personal finance to high schoolers. I also think schools should work harder to teach kids leadership skills. Also, some kids excel in areas that are not "book-focused" such as music or art. Such kids should be allowed to focus more heavily in these areas. Typically, most schools only have substantial music enrichment programs at the high school level, but that should start in kindergarten.

My son has attended a Montessori school since the age of 2 (he's almost 9 now) and I cannot say enough about the practical life lessons he learns there! Montessori education is all about learning life lessons that you will take with you forever. They learn time managment, practical math, working with partners and on their own. Right from the start he was making his own decision about what he needed to get done for the day and how to make choices to getting things done. At 3 he was cleaning up after himself always conscious of those around him. They are always learning how to work things out with their friends in a peaceful and meaningful way.
I would not choose any other kind of education for my son and I'm always willing to share these thoughts on Montessori education with other moms!! In the future, when he is faced with life-changing decisions, I know he will make the right choice for him, whether it has to do with peer pressure or career choices, he's been prepared by what's learned at school as well as home.

Reading through the comments, I'm really surprised that it struck such a chord with some people.

I was also surprised to see the following lesson not mentioned, and I know it's going to be controversial the minute I say it: MANNERS

This was hotly debated in another company several years ago because people believe it is the responsibility of the parents, and I wholeheartedly agree. However, it's also being hugely neglected.

When I started in the professional world, I was appalled that simply things like table manners (knowing which fork to use, how to hold a knife, not to put your elbows on the table) were lacking in my colleagues, and no one knew any better because no one had taken the time to teach them that.

I think there can be a basis for manners that doesn't infringe upon anyone's parenting. Things like Q: "when you want something, how do you ask?" A: "Please, may I...." instead of "Can I...."

My Latin teacher in high school (yes, I'm admittedly a nerd), would often correct our grammar with things like, "never say you're sorry......sorry is an insult to your self. Say, 'I apologize'", or "Excuse me" when you've misunderstood a question.....instead of "What?".

To this day, in concert with some of the other suggestions given, I think it's appropriate to have basic manners as a part of the curriculum of schools. Yes, my children will attend public schools.

We homeschool, so we do this stuff everyday. Our son is 7 and in the 4th grade. He was bored at school.

I think Dave Ramsey has a program to teach children finances.

And we use some of the downloads from Enchanted Learning for logic puzzles. It's $20/year and they have THOUSANDS of downloads. Worth the money.

A decent school ought to be teaching applied math and science.

The rest is up to you as the parent to teach your child. The GREATEST teacher of any of the things you mentioned is what you do as your child's role model. They will mirror what you do, not what you say. And it will happen over time. One day you will have these grown up kids, and you will notice that they are a LOT like you in their strengths AND weaknesses.

You really are expecting too much from a school. Model what you want your child to become.

I think all of those topics are important.
Some schools allow for parent participation in learning corricullum (I can't spell)...You might look into that.
Also, at my daughter's school (privite Christian School) they have a Dollar Dog program where on fridays they can take money (even just a penny) to the bank table at school and deposit it into their savings account. They then get to picka prize out of the treasure box. It goes into their actually savings account at our local bank. My daughter was the only Preschooler to participate last year! I couldn't believe their weren't more. My husband and I are both finance people and we feel very strongly that kids need to learn about finance even at their young ages.
The other topics you mention I think are just as important. I am glad you brought this up! I think that a lot of these skills are learned through sports, church, community service, etc...we must invest our whole selves into our children's edicucation, because as you pointed out, "schools" don't focus on the whole picture. They are just a tool in it all.

My daughter in 5th Grade did Biztown where they learn about Money and took on the role of a Director or salesman. It was good learning curve.
I think in 2nd grade it is a little too soon to start these concepts. Ask the school what they do in the higher grades to help prepare kids. My daughter is now in 7th grade and learning new concepts all the time. They still need to be children don't wish your child to grow up too soon!

My question is, How did you learn these things? And would you consider yourself successful?

I think the schools do focus a lot of time on teaching to the tests, and teaching to the lowest common denominator, unfortunately. It is our job as parents to enhance the child's education. The school day is short in this part of the country (6 hours as opposed to 7.5 in the midwest). Take out 30 minutes for lunch, 30 minutes for recess and 30-60 minutes for interruptions throughout the day. It is really a short day and inefficient. In my town the school was eligible for a grant that would extend the school day by an hour to be able to introduce more arts and other subjects and the parents and community were very opposed and it didn't happen. They wanted the kids home and wanted to be able to engage in after school activities.

So after school activities is where you engage in many of the subjects that you mentioned. Piano and music lessons will bring right and left brain together, Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, 4H club offer collaboration, critical thinking, problem solving, community service, etc. Most schools offer Destination Imagination as a competitive after school activity which does a lot of what you mentioned - critical thinking, applied math, science, etc. (They travel to compete with other schools - think this starts 2nd grade). As far as finances and balancing checkbooks - accounting classes and home economics classes in high school are where you find those skills. Give it time. . your child is young and with your help and some balance of activities will learn everything she needs to become successful.

Consider homeschooling! We were in school (private) for years - finally went that route and we absolutely love it (though some days it is a PAIN lol!).

Your instincts are correct imho . . .

Schools today do these things; however, in elementary school they are teaching the basics first. They will build on the rest.

The things I think they have moved away from is interpersonal skills and mutual respect and courtesy. Not the school's fault though because we as a society have become that way! So much technology but they don't really learn to communicate. I have a 13yr old niece who struggles to make a simple call to a family member. My 18 yr old son would sooner send a text w/ one or two word answers all day then pick up the phone and have a 5 or 10 minute conversation.

I know that I am late to the discussion, but the fundamentally missed point was that the stages of childhood development are a necessary component of what can or should be taught. That is, you would not teach abstract calculus to a kindergartener not just because they lack the background but because it requires a thought process that they are not capable of at that age. For example, "finances" would be a tough topic for a second grader when most are not familiar with monetary denominations or cost values. However, it is my experience that most high schools (and some middle schools) teach life skills classes that spend a lot of time on personal finances.
The second point is that some of the life lessons mentioned are learned when learning something else. Right now, your daughter is probably learning simple addition and it is often taught in mathematical phrases: "you have six cats, three are black and the rest are yellow - how many are yellow" This is applied math and totally appropriate for this developmental stage and definately NOT best left to a machine. It requires use of right and left brain reasoning. People make machines, so if we keep dummifying the population to rely on them, technology will never get better.
I believe the Industrial Age Curriculum was left to the wayside a long time ago - that was a curriculum based on preparing a child only for the workforce and often involved apprenticeships etc. Now, the public education system prepares a child for higher education and pursuit of the applied programs of study that are specific to a student's interest.
Lastly, I will teach my children integrity, morality, and values. Not only do I not believe that it is the school's responsibility, I would not want someone else's view of acceptable behavior to interfer with our family beliefs or parenting style. If you allow someone else to mold your child into a "Change Agent" you better hope that their idea of change is compatible with your own ideals.
C.

reading comprehension.

"There is no success that can compensate for a failure in the home."

Teach your children, best by example, how to be a good spouce and to be nice to your spouce. Let you children see you and your husband doing nice things for each other. Let them hear you tell each other, "I love you."
Teach them: (The following are in no special order, just how I thought of them.)
Budgeting, money management
Live within your means
Save and invest
how to cook and clean, Teach them what cooking from scratch really is. (Opening a hambuger helper box, cooking the hamburger and adding water, the spice packet, and noodles is NOT cooking from scratch.)
Responsibility and do chores around the home to help the family
The honor of honest labor and to be honest to your fellow man. Don't cheat on your taxes or the clerk at the bank or at the grocery store. (If you gave the clerk a $10 bill and they give you change for a $20 bill, point this out to your child and give the clerk back the extra $10. If the child is not around, be sure to tell them what happened and what you did when you get home.)
Morality. Take them to church, don't send them. If you send them you are teaching them church and the things they teach there are only for kids.
Let them see you pray when they don't know you are letting them see you pray.
How to use a hammer, a screwdriver, change a faucet washer, change a light switch.
How to grow a garden

Good luck to you and yours.

I agree. i wasn't taught any more than how to balance a check book by my mom and yes i think financing, how to tell if you have a good deal on a car/house loan, what's too much interest rates on a card, how to pay off your card quickly without breaking the bank, etc all that should be taught but are not taught in school.

i'm almost 30 and just learning all that. now that my credit sucks and all because i didn't know the impact that the FICO score can affect you. simply because i didn't get taught "how to"