The Social Life of 10 Year Old Boys

Yes typical :)

At that age, my kids were finding buds who they could just easily hang out with - where there wasn't that imbalance and it was easier. But they went through this stage in order to find the friends that best fit. They are learning social dynamics and social skills.

I tried to keep my thoughts to myself, unless they came to me to complain or were troubled. I listened then put it back on them how they could have handled it better.

At 10, I would say that it's fine to make the occasional comment, and *notice* dynamics in relationships and discuss them in general terms. But I would be cautious about being too specific and naming names, or bringing the subject up too frequently (every other day or every third day, or every time he's around a certain child, etc). He's at an age where hopefully he's been taught to be kind to everyone, not to bully, to share the spotlight, etc. He's also at an age where social skills are learned in practice, with a hard curve. He'll figure it out, probably at the same rate he figures himself out. He's also got (or about to have) hormones flaring, so keep that in mind as well. Lots of thing change quickly in the next 3 or so years.

Be supportive, and avoid being overly critical (of either his social skills, or those of his *friends*. And if the opportunity presents itself, let the boys hang out with dad more than with you. Boys do interact differently than girls do most of the time. Their whole way of communication just works differently. Dads are an amazing resource here.
Yes, he's only 10. But by the time he's 15, 16, you may be the "caricature" mom who nags and whines and is too into his personal life and helicoptering. Dads tend to gauge those ages and transitions with boys more accurately than us moms.

I have 2 responses to this.
First, in the moment when you see what might not be a healthy dynamic, let him work it out himself.

However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have conversations about what makes a good relationship. I recently attending a "growing up" seminars for boys this age (age 9-13) with my son. It was AMAZING. With the facilitator, we spent time talking about all kinds of topics. Most of the topics were puberty related; however, there was one section where he had each kid name his best friend and then say why that kid was his best friend. Once there was a list of qualities that made a good friend on the board (fun, easy to talk to, lets me be myself, etc), he had them make a list of qualities that were the opposite of that (makes me feel bad about myself, tries to make me do things I don't want to do, etc). Then, he invited parents to talk one-on-one with his/her son about relationships - what's a good relationship and what's not a good relationship. He encouraged us to talk about friendships first, including peer pressure, and after a few minutes, asked us to talk about how those same good qualities of a friend might apply to relationships as they grow, such as when dating.

This has opened up all kinds of conversations between my son and me. And it gave me the words to talk to him about his friendships - what he likes about friendships and what he doesn't (in general, not naming specific kids). Then, go back to my response #1 and let him decide how to handle his friendships.

Yes that is how my son and his friends were at age 10 at times. I would sometimes notice my son wanting to always get his way with a friend. I would remind him he needs to compromise and take turns with his friend. He is in 7th grade now and I see that he and his friends are much better at this kind of thing now.

They don't do group social stuff at this age and they're really just starting to learn one on one interaction skills. I think he's doing fine.

Yes, this is something the boys have to figure out on their own.

He's in 4th or 5th grade?
Things tend to get a bit more chaotic as they approach middle school.
There's always an unsettled period in the teen/tween years.
In our system, middle school starts in 6th grade (where I grew up it started in 7th grade).
They just figure it out themselves - but you guide if bullying (either giving/receiving) starts up.
It never hurts to be kind - sometimes they need to be reminded of this.

It's a stage. My son will be 9 in a couple of weeks, I see he has very good relationships, same boys he's known for several years no real issues, great talks with his friends that involve compassion, and caring almost philosophical which amazes me! ( I overhear from afar) And others that he fights for their attention , or on and off again dynamic. one friend actually) and there's also one kid he's not ever probably going to get along with, the bully and who has issues with most kids. But he's learning. He acted out recently at home and found out the issue was due to school the bully and the friend he tries to get attention from -are now friends. We had to talk about this and I also had a talk with his teacher.. he now says the on and off friend are good again and the bulky kid and him are ok ( not friends, but trying to get along)

My sd at this age up until 7-8th had these same issues. It wasn't until she was 13-14 she widened up and really found great friends. She still has issues but she has friends that genuinely care about her and wouldn't intentionally hurt her and she makes better choices . She figured it out in her own but a few times I may have stepped in same as I do with my son if I feel someone was not treating them as a friend should and tell them that they have choices. I'm not at school with them I'm also not them, they have to figure it out on their own but try to encourage healthier relationships and hsvectaljs when you see are necessary.. hecwill stsrt to make better choices as long as he is feeling good about himself .. so be proud of him and encourage self confidence