Thank Yous - Plainfield,IL

I was in a wedding, and did not receive any thank you gifts for the engagement party gift, anything shower related at all, anything bachelorette party at all, or wedding. Nothing!!! And nothing when the babies came along either. I guess it must be a new thing, but it is still terribly rude!!

Gratitude, graciousness, kindness, and etiquette never go out of fashion, even if less and less people have learned these skills.

There is no new rule. Gifts should always be acknowledged with thank yous.

As far as I know there is no new rule. People are supposed to thank others when they get a gift. A written thank you note is best. But even saying it in person, on the phone or through an email works.

It is rude not to send a thank you. If a person takes their time and money to buy someone a gift, I can't believe they wouldn't have 2 minutes to write a thank you note in return.

Yep, no one writes thank you cards anymore.
Very rarely, or they e-mail it.

Me: I always write thank you cards. Hand written. Mailed.
My kids too. Because I taught them.

It really is rude when a person does not thank you for a gift.
Rude.

I agree that it's rude to not send a thank you. My daughter turned 4 this weekend. I had her go around and say thank you to every guest and give them a hug. Today we also sat and wrote thank you cards. I wrote the message and she signed her name. People spent time and money to give a gift, they deserve to know it's appreciated!

You're right. It is rude.
If you can go and buy, wrap and deliver a gift, the recipient can certainly take 2 minutes to write, address & mail a thank you card.
People who say thank yous are old fashioned are the same ones who see "no need" to RSVP!
There's a connection.
They should just get "RUDE" tattooed on their foreheads!

(And in the case of a party, shower, etc.....even if there IS a verbal thank you, a written O. should follow!)

No thanks for a wedding gift? The etiquette books will say that the bride has a year to write a thank you note. But my goodness, if she waits that long, she really doesn't have her act together, or she doesn't have good social graces.

Birthday gifts are certainly more flexible, but if they aren't actually even thanking you in person, you are giving gifts to the wrong people.

Where my kids are concerned, if they don't write thank you notes to their grandparents and aunts & uncles, they don't get the present. (I hold onto it until they get the note sent.) This is for their Christmas presents and big birthday presents, not the little things that they might receive when we visit. Those are verbally acknowleged. The same goes for my nieces and my nephew - they say thanks and I don't expect a note for those. When my son graduated, he had to write his notes as soon as he received the cards in the mail. He found the wisdom in my 'request' once he started seeing how many cards he got. He was grateful not to be writing all those notes at one time!

Anyway, sounds like your friends don't know the social graces of getting gifts. I'd send those folks a card for all other occasions, now that you know they don't really appreciate you enough to even SAY thank you.

Dawn

I hope what you experienced in 2011 in regards to thank you's is not the new thing because I find it extremely rude when I do not receive a thank you! I feel as though if I took the time to remember someone they should also take a minute to say thank you - whether it be a verbal thank you, a thank you note or even a simple e-mail or quick post on facebook =)

I'm with you...I think it's rude not to send a hand-written thank you note, and sadly, fewer people are doing it these days, which means they are not going to teach their kids to either. I sent Christmas packages to my SIL's kids (ages 10, 6, and 2) who live out of state and I never even heard from her to know that they arrived okay. I send cards with a check to my older teenage stepsons for birthdays and Christmas (they live out of state with their mom) - same thing. At least they could CALL, and let me know they got them, and say thanks!

When I got married in 2004, I send a hand-written thank you to each and every person who got us a gift - and they were sent out within 1 month of the wedding. When a relative of mine got married, we didn't get any kind of thank you card for 3 months - and then it was a card made on Shutterfly with their picture and just "Thank you from X and Y" printed underneath - nothing actually hand-written or signed. Not to be a snob, but I thought that was rather lazy on their part.

On the other hand, I bought a set of blank thank-you cards and had my daughter, age 4, sign her name on each one to mail to folks that got her presents for Christmas. I told her it was to tell them thank you and let them know we appreciated their gift. She took it a step further and drew a little picture on the inside of each one, along with writing her name. She never argued or whined about doing it - she thought it was fun. When I tried to get my stepsons to write a thank-you note to my mother for sending them money for Christmas one year, they acted like I was giving them homework and punishing them in some way - they copped an attitude and flat-out refused (they were 9 and 10 at the time). Turns out their mother never had them do it and never could be bothered to do thank-you cards herself.

It's the same thing with RSVPs - nobody can bother with those either. And with the options now of e-mailing, texting, etc. you would think it would be even easier.

Not new, but just more rude people with huge senses of entitlement. If they were able to, they probably returned the gift for cash!

We sent our Thank you within a month of our wedding.

I was just recently advised that several people never received them, I am mortified that they didn't get them.

So I am in the process of resending them to everyone, except the ones I know got them. I'm including an apology in each card, to let them know we didn't forget about them and explaining some of our cards may have been lost. I would hate to think anyone felt like we didn't appreciate them coming and/or gifts.

I find it tacky not to send a Thank you card.

Saying thank you is proper! It is polite. It is loving. It is cool. It is socially acceptable. It's even fashionable! The trouble is that there are a lot of unfashionable people around.

Most of them probably don't know any better. Their education has been neglected. They've not been taught at all, or whatever their mamas or grandmas (or dads or grandpas) drilled into them they've forgotten. It's too bad. I don't *think* I'm a terrifically conceited or selfish person, but when I do something for someone and am not thanked, I wonder if what I did was worthwhile. Perhaps the person didn't like what I did or gave. I genuinely wonder if it would be better not to do anything in the future.

When you receive a gift in person, you *say* thank you. But if it's a significant gift - to the giver and/or to you - it's also a good idea to write a note or at least e-mail. You do the same thing if someone has done something for you - for instance, letting you stay at his/her house or letting you borrow a car for a few days when yours is in the shop. (If you write a snail mail note, you use little note cards, so that you don't have to write a whole lot - just a sentence or two naming the gift or the service and telling your appreciation.)

Some people telephone their thanks; I don't happen to be one of them, but it seems to be all right for some occasions. Often, when my children or grandchildren visit, they may e-mail their thanks, and that's fine with me. I don't know about texting, but maybe it's OK for someone who can translate it.

It's not a matter of someone's keeping or not keeping a thank-you someone sends (thank-you notes do not have to be responded to with thank-you notes!); it's a matter of caring enough to *say* thank you in some way to the person.

If you are going to err, err on the side of too much thanks rather than not enough.

When I say "you," of course, I'm not talking about YOU. You know all this! You can't change what other people do, but continue to do the right thing - and teach it to your children - even if you (and they) feel like a nerd.

End of lecture! Sorry. I'm off the soap box.

If I see the giftee receive the gift, I don't expect more than a verbal thanks, although some might not agree with me. If the gift is mailed, I would like a thank you in part to confirm receipt. I make my sks send thank yous for the gifts my family sends them but not the ones my ILs see them open. Thank yous should be sent for occasions like bridal showers and weddings, IMO, as they are more formal events. Baby showers are also thank you opportunities.

It is really rude.
People who delude themselves that it is ok not to thank people are flat wrong.
If you are with someone and thank them in person, I don't think it's such a big deal. But, even so, I do have my daughter write Thank You notes for everything. In the past, we have done things like - she took a whole sheet of paper and wrote "Thank you for my Birthday Presents, Love XXX", she also drew cute pictures on the whole paper. I made color copies of it and sent that. (No way can you get a little kid to write 20 notes.) We've done one kids party and she wrote thank you notes for all of them as well. I am not always super fast, but do not cash checks or put things into use until we get our thank you sent out.

My grandmother taught me that it was the ONLY way to be.

I have been shocked and somewhat offended by some close people who do not thank, even for wedding presents, even when two people in our family were in their wedding - very expensive, lets face it.

So, I think it is ALWAYS best to send thank you notes. I, personally, would not mind if it was an email or a mass picture card - it would be nice just to be thanked.

I hope there's a new rule b/c I'm guilty of this. When I get gifts for friends or their children, I don't expect to get a thank you card primarily b/c I myself don't send one. When I do receive one, I'm pleasantly surprised but it's never been an issue of great importance to me. In fact, I feel badly for just tossing it in the trash but it's not like I can keep a mountain of thank you cards in my small abode. I've thought time and time again that I should send thank you cards for when I receive gifts but after sending one or two, life gets in the way and I usually forget. I've always wondered if I'm being a hooligan by doing this. I'll be reading your responses to see how embarrassed I should be!

I have my daughter send thank you's for birthday gifts from family and friends. Also, to my dad's side of the family for Christmas, Easter and Valentine gifts.

I also hand wrote them for my wedding, wedding shower and baby shower.

That being said, I only do it for etiquette purposes. Honestly, I think its sort of ridiculous to have to send them out for anything other than a wedding or showers and gifts you open when the "giver" isn't there. Yes, its a nice thought but it gets out of control and I think its a waste of paper and money!

When I get thank you cards, they are immediately tossed in the trash. Yes, it was nice to get the thank you but what are you supposed to do with them after?

Yes, I am teaching my daughter to write out thank you cards - but only until she is a teenager.

I say thank you upon receipt, I may send an additional thank you text or phone call but I do not write the note, I do not keep them (except for wedding thank you notes they go with the invitation in my keepsakes) and I do what I can to not waste paper goods.

I always get, send (and appreciate) a thank you card for gifts for a wedding, shower, etc. Pretty much everyone I know does.
But not always for a birthday.
I DID insist that my kids send thank you cards for birthday gifts when they were younger (up until about the age of 12-13.) Beyond that, I only insisted they called the appropriate family member if a gift was given. I was not about to sit down and make sure they personally thanked all of their FRIENDS (let's face it, kids do NOT care about thank you cards to/from each other!)
But I always made sure, and still do, that they thank grandma, auntie, etc. Family is important, and it is important to recognize and acknowlege what we do for/give to each other :)

I don't feel it's rude to not send a "Thank You" card. I send them, but it's because I enjoy pretty cards and stationery and all that so that's just my thing. Anytime I attend a function, the host or honorees always thank everyone for coming and I find that to be sufficient. I think even if they didn't say it, I would know they were glad I attended. :)

It is always crucial to acknowledge the time, effort, energy, and money that someone has spent to buy you a gift. Thank you cards are absolutely necessary, and, as someone else just wrote, never go out of fashion. Our niece actually had the nerve to print up Christmas cards with "Thank you for your lovely gift" printed on them-how tacky!! If not saying thank you is the new thing, that is very depressing.