Tenagers

Sit down and have a heart to heart. Don't punish them, Tell them you are sick and you need them to start acting like adults, which teenagers most definitely are capable of doing. Tell them you need their help. Do they play sports? Are the involved in anything? Maybe they can get part time jobs to help them with responsibility? Yelling and screaming at teenagers won't do anything. I remember being one very well! =)

I would speak with the school. The assistant Principals will have the resources to advise with what needs to be done to help your sons get back on track. they have the resources to help in your situation..

Please allow me to remind all parents. The counselors in High schools are mainly academic counselors. A few have degrees in psychology, but their main job is to make sure the kids are on the right academic track.. not always personal problems. Yes, they can speak with a student about personal problems and suggest help, but getting the kids to just graduate is their goal.

In elementary schools the counselors are there to figure out learning differences for the students that struggle. Same in middle schools. Making sure the students have their academic needs are met. They are not always traditional "Counselors".

Ask about alternative school in your district.
Some students are so over following the "school regiment". They are ready to just do the work and get out.

In our school district there is an alternative high school that allows students to go at their own pace. As fast as they want or as slow as they need. The students picks their schedule. For example. a student may still have social studies and chemistry to graduate.. Essentially each of these courses could be completed in less than 2 weeks, if the student attended this school for 7 hours a day for 5 days straight.. only working on one subject and then passing the final exam..

These students may need to support their families, may be burned out, may be ill, may be pregnant, but this is a way for them to pick their graduation path. There is the minimum, and then there is the college track.

Find a therapist to work with al of you. I am going to guess, they were and still are completely freaked out about your health. They are trying to ct strong, but still need the stability of a parent who stays after them.

Always be honest about your health the prognosis. Let them go to the doctors appointments so they will know you are not hiding information from them. They want control and right now all of you are not in a situation you can always control. they are frightened. Never underestimate your children. They can handle the truth better than just imagining what is going on.

I am sending you strength and peace. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Like the idea of a calm talk with them. No yelling or nagging.
Tell them the expectations you have:
good grades, staying in school, helping around the house....and provide the ability for a short term and a long term reward for them doing well. Doesn't have to be expensive.
Everyone signs a contract and it gets posted somewhere obvious.

Many teenagers respond better to working toward a reward rather than avoiding punishment.

See LoveandLogic.com too

Talk to them. Ask them what is going on. Talk to them about how they feel about your illness, and discuss how it is impacting them and better ways to deal. Go to counseling.

Often when teenagers are "out of control" it is a cry for attention and help. My guess is that a a lot of the interactions in your family are revolving around your illness. The fact that you are in remission may actually be giving them permisson to try to get attention from you.

They are probably taking out their stress and fear over your leukemia by acting out. They do not need to be punished - they need to speak to a counselor (and to you) about their feelings so they can address them properly. Good luck, and congratulations on your remission!!!

In addition to Beth's advice, I would think about family counseling or talk to their school counselors if they would be of any help. They may be acting out because of the stress stemming from your illness but they also need to take responsibility for their actions and realize that their behavior is just added stress for you. They need to learn better ways of dealing with their emotions than just acting up in school. Could there anything else going on with them that you are not aware of? Where is their dad in all this?

You don't indicate how old they are but I would get them in counseling as well involved in volunteering and many other activities.

It is time to begin transitioning them from children to young adults. What things are they interested in? What do they want to be when they grow up? How will they get from being teens in high school to living the lives of their dreams.

Let them know how disappointed you are in them at this time but you know they can turn this around. Get family and friends all involved in helping your teens turn around. It really does take a village.

I agree with the other posters that you should seek help. Whether its from school personnel. outside counselors, or friends, its better not to do this alone. The kids need a strong support system and so do you. Also if you get some help you will feel like you are doing everything in your power to steer your children in the right direction.
Good Luck:)

I'm so glad to hear that your health has taken a turn for the better and I hope that continues.
Sorry that you are having a rough time with the teens. A parent's cancer can be very difficult on the kids and make their lives very different - they are used to being the center of attention and you just can't be the energetic caregiver/chauffer/etc all the time - I know, I had cancer too, when my kids were young. Do you have a husband/partner or are you a solo mom? Some rebellion is normal with teens (my oldest is turning 16 soon). Have you spoken with their school counsellors? I would start there, and arrange for them to receive some support in school, if family counselling is financially feasible I'd consider that too. If you think their behavior is due to your illness, contact the American Cancer Society, they may have suggestions for support groups, books, counselling, etc.

Get them in therapy. They are handling things all wrong and acting out instead of talking and processing your illness and its effects on your family.

Find hobbies to keep them busy! Also give them ground rules for your home and what you expect-definetly make them earn back cell phones, allowance, etc. Depending on their age, make then get a job after school and on weekends. You need to get control now because they older they get the harder it will be. Good Luck!