Teen Years

I know this is very serious, and probably upsetting you, but honestly? When I was a teenager, I did this, too. It's a very natural human curiousity to see what's out there, stuff that you've been protected from and never interested in until now. It doesn't mean that she isn't a sweet girl anymore, she still is, and probably always will be. It doesn't mean that she's bad, either. Still, it's always fair to set rules. Let her know that looking up provocative material on the internet is not appropriate (sounds like you've already made this clear), and set up a restricted account just for her on your computer (and make sure that the other accounts all have passwords). When you set up your account, you can restrict the internet to only allow websites that are suitable for all ages, keeping her from viewing anything with adult content. This system is almost foolproof, since it uses keyword searches to determine content.

Good luck with this!

I'm a 63 yo grandmother. Also a retired police officer who worked often with teens. Here are some ideas. It is natural for her to be curious. Even if she doesn't look it up at home she will have friends who will look it up and she may have access to the computer sights at their homes. You can't stop her from seeing things that you'd rather she not see. However, you can control what she knows about what she sees and as you have been doing all along you can influence the values that she'll embrace. During the teen years the child is developing their own sense of who they are and what they want out of life.

Therefore I recommend first to put the computer in a common room; a room in which someone is apt to see what she's looking up. That will probably be a deterrent to looking up lots of sites.

I would also have a calm and if possible somewhat casual conversation about how you feel about the sites that she saw. Find out why she looked and what she would like to see in the future. Use the sites to teach your values. I don't necessarily mean for you to look them up with her.
But there may be some sites that you could look at together and discuss. Open communication is the key to successfully raising children. And that doesn't mean that you share everything, either. It means you set boundaries while being open to discuss each boundry as it applies to your teen. Some boundaries are non-negotiable while others aren't. Even if you are adamant about sticking to the boundary, discussing it, explaining the reason for it, will help the teen to understand it and be better able to follow it. This also shows them how you make judgements and she will learn by example.

When I was a teenager I complained about the school dress code. My mother wisely said that teens need to rebel and the dress code is a safe way to allow that. I am sorry that schools seem to no longer have rules that would have a harmless effect on the teen when they're violated. We all learn in part by suffering the consequencesof our actions. When the consequences are too high we all lose.

Lots of good advice here! I agree with the idea of keeping the computer is a common area where there's other people, that's what we do.

My oldest kids are grown but I have two younger ones at home. I let them play on the computer but right now they aren't allowed to chat except to people they know in real life. We've talked often about "bad" people that go into chat rooms and pretend to be other people and try to trick you.

I really think good communication is the key. Your kids have to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what they do you will always love them and you are always there for them.

B.
I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE A SERIOUS TALK WITH HER START THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION NOW SO THAT SHE IS COMFORTABLE IN THE NEAR FUTURE. SOON SHE IS GOING TO BE DATING AND MANY OTHER THINGS AND YOU ARE GOING TO NEED TO TALK TO HER THEN ALSO..

Look out for MySpace with kids this age. Try going to MySpace.com and searching for her name or email address to see if she has a profile. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it depends on how she uses it. There are a lot of bad things they can get into on it. The main thing is to keep communication open and not restrict her too much, or else she may rebel and runaway or disappear. I'm not saying this to scare you. Just try your best to speak out of love and let her know you want to keep her safe. Give her time on the computer still, but ask her why she was wanting to know about those things and that you are there to talk about them with her.

One of the best things you can do is get her in church! Youth activities centered around God is something that will instill morals and values in her that will last a lifetime. Central Christian Church is nondenominational and has a fantastic program for youth of all ages. They are located in Henderson and are opening another location in Summerlin. Go to www.centralchristian.com to check them out.

I will pray for your daughter and your family to have the strength to get through these challenging times.

Of course being 13 she is at that curious stage. Try sitting her down and asking if she has any questions. You can also try making her own account on the computer and blocking any adult rated sites.

Are you absolutely sure it is her doing this? Could it be a brother or your husband? I would cut off all computer access for everyone before assuming it's her; unless you have actually seen her looking at this, you really have no proof. Even if it is showing up in her email account, it could be junk mail or someone might have her password.

Because pornography is so avaiable and it is accepted in society it is becoming a huge problem, and not only in men and boys. I am very against pornography in any situation. I think it is degrating and it causes so many other problems. Pornography addictions are hard to overcome and studys have proven it is even harder to overcome than drug addiction... I have seen from experience that this is true. I think the most important thing to do is to educate your family. They need to know how dangerous, addictive, and decietful it is. there are many tools out there to help. You can get monitoring programs to see what your children are viewing, but I have found that children know how to get around them. So, computers should also be in common areas of the house where they know they could be seen. I think the most important thing is that your children understand that you love them no matter what and if they do have a problem they can come to you and you wont judge them. My brother has been going through counseling and he had to pick a safe person to tell everytime he viewed pornography. He chose my mom, she had no idea that he had such a problem and was shocked. But she always tells him that she loves him and is proud of him. (He is in his 30s)
My husband also had a pornography problem that he struggled with for years. He wishes somebody would have been there to help him before it got out of control. Now two of his young siblings are having problems and he is determined to help them through it.
I wish you luck, my children are still young but I dread the day that I have to worry about this stuff with them!

My teenage nephew just started doing this as well. After my brother and I talked about it, (my hubby works in the computer industry) my brother had a long talk with his son about why he did it and what he was wanting to find or find out, but he still got in trouble and grounded.

His computer is not in his room, it is in a common area of the home and he is limited to the time he can stay on the computer when he isn't using it for school related tasks.

There are also programs out there that limit the sites your child can access or track where they go and how long they have been on the computer. I know it sounds snoopy, but with all the cyber stalkers and adults out there today pretending to be teens on the internet and in chat rooms and such with the hopes of victimizing the children I personally feel better knowing my nephew won't come into harms way.

Here are some helpful web sites if you choose to monitor the computer or install software to do so:

www.kidswatch.com
www.hyperdynesoftware.com
www.ayesoftware.com
www.akrontech.com
www.cybersitter.com
www.SafeEyes.com

www.consumersearch.com/www/software/parental-control-soft...