Tearing During Childbirth - Syracuse,NY

i really thought i was never going to have sex again after my 2nd birth. i tore almost all the way up and all the way down. the first, i had an episiotomy and i healed in about 6 weeks.

the second time took about 8 weeks, just because i had an infection which made healing horrifying. i was in so much pain. but i also did it to myself because i didn't rest enough.

ultimately i healed. and so will you. be patient and REST! it will be a distant memory before you know it!

I had an epesiotomy with my first (healed fairly quick) I tore bad after my second, took over a year to heal. They had to stitch a lot back on :( My third I delivered 3 years later and didn't have a single tear at all (had a midwife who did some crazy cool{as my husband says} things to keep me from tearing

Merely on the "not tearing" aspect... sometimes it's unavoidable... but there are a LOT of things that can be done to keep it from happening. The 2 biggest are perineal massage with a kind of oil (like putting vaseline on chapped lips) during the delivery, and not being on pain killers for the pushing stage (so that you can kind of ease them out bit by bit and hold off when you start feeling "tight". Kind of like how if you have a giant BM you don't push it all out at once... or your bum tears a bit... but rather ease it out using the sensation as a guide. I know. Gross. Sorry.)

Most OB's don't do perineal massage. The "in between" (aka cake and eat it too) option is to go through a nurse-midwife group. They're usually attached to an OB/GYN office, so that if there is an emergency at any point the OB is already up to speed on you and your chart/case. These are all L&D nurses who've gone on to get their midwifery training in addition to their bachelors or masters or phd-ships. They stay with you throughout the labor, and are waaaaaay more hands on. (You also get a L&D nurse, so you end up feeling really, ummm, pampered is the wrong word, 'cause pain + pampering I just can't quite link). You see them the same way you would see an OB (all the same tests, etc.), although I understand OB appts are shorter (mine were all 30-60 minutes of face time with my midwives -they rotated so that no matter who was on call, we had a relationship).

Anyhow... 10lb baby, giant head, and no tearing and no episiotomy. I had an epidural, but they backed off on it so I could feel everything for the actual birth (not out of choice, per se, but specifically to help with pushing and to avoid ripping).

So those are some options to consider for the next baby. Ripping is *always* possible, but massage & full-feeling help a LOT in prevention.

Oh, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I had the same exact thing happen to me. When the doctor stitched me up she made the stitches too tight, and it was SO painful. I couldn't walk up the stairs without going step by step, going on my tip-toes, sitting hurt, and I couldn't squat for weeks. I was still in pain at my 6 week check-up, and that really surprised the doctor. Since it was my first child and I have a high pain tolerance, I didn't realize that there was anything wrong. I told her I was in a lot of pain at my 2 week check-up and she basically dismissed me and didn't ask any further questions. I saw a different doctor at my 6 week check up, and I'm so glad I did. They ended up having to put me under general anesthesia and re-do it. Not fun, but at least the second time I felt a lot less pain, and basically felt at 2 weeks like I felt at 5 weeks the first time. I still had occasional discomfort with intercourse if he hit just the wrong spot for about a year. I'm sure it would have been way worse had I not had the re-do. I just had to verbalize to my husband if I was having discomfort and kind of move him a bit so I didn't hurt. It gradually got better over that year and isn't a problem anymore. I only have one kid so far, but my doctor told me that they would induce me around 38 weeks next time to prevent it from happening again (because my daughter was 9# 11 oz.). For me, the episiotomy/tearing was worse than the labor and pregnancy combined. I hope you heal up soon, and if you are still having serious discomfort make sure you talk to your OB/GYN doctor about it.

Mine wasn't as severe as yours, but it did take a long time (more than 5 months) to be without pain. Sorry I can't think of the specific amount of time.

I can talk to your second question. Many times scar tissue is built up along the site of your episiotomy and so if any tearing occurs again it is along there. With our second birth we'd switched to a midwife who was very conservative in using episiotomy and also took great care with repair. Her biggest gripe is that doctors don't take the time with their sewing and resort to epis. because they are faster to repair. She basically had to do 3 stitches one on top of each other... to repair the area that had been scared during the first birth.

This time healing was no problem and it was weeks not months before intercourse was pain free. (surprised my husband :) The next birth had just a little tear on the surface of the skin that didn't need repair because it didn't extend to flesh (which episiotomies do)

The last 4 births have not needed stitches (Thank you, Lord!) Any problems with scar tissue seem to be gone and I don't remember problems with painful intercourse as I did after months after the first.

Hang in there. Give hope to your husband. It will heal. Glad you asked the question, just know others have gone through this.

I had an episiotomy with my first child, and it hurt a lot while healing. Took about 3 months after the birth to feel totally normal, we didn't have sex until 6 weeks postpartum.

The second, I had a slight tear (homebirth midwife didn't do episiotomies, thank GOD) and it healed really fast.

The third child, I had to deliver his shoulders together, no tearing.

The fourth, normal birth, no tearing.

The first is always the worst one. The first time you have sex will probably hurt a LOT, but it does get better, take it really slowly and use a lot of lube. One more thing, do lots of kegels when you're feeling better down there. Keep those muscles strong.

Congratulations on your new babe :)

I had 3rd-degree tearing after the birth of my son. I think it took about 7-8 months until I could have intercourse without any pain. There are a couple of things you can do to kind of ease the way - first, try massaging the area with baby oil to help stretching. Also, make sure you use a LOT of lubricant during sex. I personally found the lubricants that are designed for women (they warm up or get tingly or whatever) more helpful than regular KY-Jelly. And finally, don't make complete penetration the goal. As my OB told me, you have to kind of numb the sensitive nerves that were damaged during the tear, so part of getting rid of the pain is just practice, but another part is easing into it, so if you can get partial penetration without pain, do that a couple of times and each time go a little further. Mostly, though, it just takes time and practice.

I am currently 35 weeks pregnant with my second, and I will confess, I'm pretty scared of tearing again. Scar tissue doesn't stretch, and my doctor has been encouraging about avoiding as severe tearing (different OB this time) while at the time time cautioning me that some tearing should be expected, since I went through it once before. I haven't done it yet, obviously, but in the end I decided that having another baby was worth the recovery time, even if I have to do it all again. Since you don't feel that way yet, I think you're probably just not ready. I would make sure you're completely recovered down there (and I did reach that point eventually!) before you begin considering Baby #2. Good luck.

The episiotomy is what lead to you tearing. If your doctor had left you alone you might not have torn as bad and maybe not at all. Have you ever taken a piece of fabric and tried to rip it apart? It is difficult to do, but if you cut it just a little bit at the top and then try to tear it apart it becomes very easy. This is the same as your vagina. In the future before you give birth tell your care provider NOT to cut you.

Lisa

I tore with my first son, but instead of a lateral tear, I tore diagonally. This meant a ton of extra stitches. My son literally "shot out" and so that was reason for how I tore. My husband and I were back to making love and having fun 5 weeks later (we did use lube to help those first couple of times). I was pregnant again when my son was only 5 months old and didn't have any problems with delivery with my daughter. I did tear again but only required 2 stitches. We were back to sex and fun loving again at the 5 week mark (as you can see we didn't wait for the 6 weeks we were supposed to. Ooops). And once again I am pregnant (baby # 3) and don't really have any concerns about tearing.

Good luck!

I tore with my first and if I remeber right it was about 6 months before intercourse didnt hurt again. I didnt tear with my second. put dermaplast on it. if it still hurts get ahold of your doc you may have to get recut in order to heal right. at least that is how they did it 20 yrs ago. get ahold of your doc and buy some dermaplast.

I had tearing, and it took almost a year and a surgery before I had painless sex. My dr. prescribed lidocane first, which I applied before sex and my husband had to wear a condom so he didnt go numb too. Then I had surgery to remove scar tissue, and then my dr prescribed testosterone cream, which I rubbed on my thigh once a day, alternating thighs every other day. It seemed silly, but it worked like a charm. Something about the extra testosterone helping with healing. I have really pale skin, too, which apparently can cause it to be harder to heal, which makes sense with other cuts and things that I've gotten over the years.

I tore during my first delivery and during my second with one of my twins. And sorry to say this, but things were quite painful "down there" for a while. Still not totally the same and my youngest children are now 5!!!

I had a 2nd degree episiotomy with my first, and it took me almost 2 months to just be able to walk normally. Sex was painful for many months, part of it was physical and a larger part was mental, because I was so nervous & tense. I had some vitamin E oil that I had used during the pregnancy to help stretch out down there and prevent tearing, so we used it as lube. It helped a ton - and we still use it! Just start slow and make sure you are warmed up & relaxed before you try anything.

I'm pregnant again and very nervous about going through that again, but I have a different doctor and I'm also having a doula this time, they both assure me my chances are low of needing another episiotomy. My doctor the first time was a jerk, he was in a hurry and wanted to do things his way. I believe my episiotomy was completely unnecessary, plus he stitched me up too tight afterwards. I've talked to my new doctor about my concerns and I feel like we're on the same page - it's very reassuring. Talk to your doctor about it, and if you still have the same fears, switching doctors may help you too!

Honestly? I had a third degree tear with my first daughter (the nurse described it as "not the worst I've ever seen," which wasn't encouraging) and sex was painful, or at least not wonderful, until I got pregnant with my son. Then I was so horny I didn't care (sorry if that's TMI) and after my son was born, things totally went back to normal. Had some minor tearing, nothing major, and it fixed whatever was broken. My recovery was so short.

My only advice is to buy some lube and keep practicing, taking it it s-l-o-w-l-y. And maybe for a little while take vaginal intercourse off the table. The worst feeling is going into sex dreading that it's going to be painful. If you can find some "creative" ways to enjoy sex again then you might be more ready to get "back in the saddle."

The episiotomy may have been the cause of the additional tearing and much of your discomfort. When I had my first baby, I had an episiotomy. When I had my second, I had some tearing, which healed much more quickly and comfortably than the episiotomy had.
I would suggest for next time, avoiding the episiotomy and doing all that you can to aid in keeping the perineum intact - avoid medication, no forced pushing, don't lay down to push, do your kegels and prepare with perineal massage
Good luck and I hope that you are feeling better healed.

I had third degree lacerations and it took alittle while for me to feel "normal again. so just be patient. i have not had any more children since then so i can't answer your second part of the question. good luck.