Tearing During Delivery

I had a much easier time with my second baby. I did tear, but it was second degree (vs. third degree with my first). I was up and about right away after my second baby, where with my first I was in absolute agony for several weeks. I think you will find things much easier the second time around!

Best of luck and congratulations!

I agree with another poster that the sex issue might have been with the repair more than the tear. I tore with both (although everything was worse with my first) but the first time around the stitching was done by a resident. Sex was uncomfortable all the way until I tore again with my second. That time I had the repair stitched by my own doctor, and I'm very happy to say that it fixed all the problems. Good luck.

Hi J. (my daughter's name whose birthday is today)! Congratulations on your baby! Just wanted you to know that I tore badly with my first child, even worse with my second child (who was HUGE), and not at all with my third child. I don't know why, I didn't do anything differently that I know of- she just came easier. She was smaller than my second child, but bigger than my first...so I don't know. But I wanted to give you hope that you don't necessarily tear more each time, which is what I was petrified of with my third.

You might just tell them you prefer an episiotomy this time around. I had one with our first and healed really quickly. Took forever with tearing and much more painful.

Perineal massage. Let your hubby help :)

Just talk to your doctor.
I was shocked when I didn't have an episiotomy with my first baby and no stitches with the second either but I told my doctor up front...don't let me lay there and tear. He used lots of oil and I don't know what.....I was sore, sore, sore, but never had any stitches.
If you've already had a rough experience, talk to your doctor about trying to keep it from happening again.
No wonder you are concerned.
Hopefully your doctor can be more proactive this time.
I wish you the best!
Let us know when your baby arrives.

I don't know the circumstances of your first delivery. But I was worried about this too. Can't answer question about second baby since I've had only one. As for preventing tearing: Try reading Ina May Gaskin's book on childbirth. She wrote several books. I think the one I read was "Guide to Childbirth." She's had decades of experience delivering babies in a natural way as a midwife. She has her own theory about tearing and the "sphincter rule." You might find it enlightening. You might also want to read the Bradley books. I think the one you want is "Natural Childbirth: the Bradley Way." Basically, Ina May says you need to be relaxed and comfortable with yourself and whoever are present during labor, so your muscles relax. Keep your lips relaxed too - don't tense them. Anything that makes you uneasy or afraid should be gotten rid of, whether it's people you don't want around or some hidden fear. I don't advocate home births or employing only midwives. Just sharing what I read. Please consult with your doctor first before trying anything.

Also, try taking vitamin E or even applying it on the skin directly in the weeks leading up to delivery. Like wheat germ oil. I took wheat germ oil, did perineum massage, labor squats and also watched my diet to keep the baby from getting too big (and thus possibly cause a tear). I was scared of tearing too. But then I wound up having a c-section so there's no telling what would've happened. Again, talk with your doctor. Good luck with your second baby.

I had a small tear with the first and an episiotomy. The second practically fell out, one push, no tearing.

I didn't tear with my first (10lb baby), but my nurse midwife was actively doing 2 things to help prevent it. Whether I just got lucky, or these are two things that work for most, I don't know.

1) I had an epi, but was completely off of it for the actual crowning/birth. Apparently, when numb... most women just push as hard as they can... but when not numb the pushing of the head is more incremental, which gives the skin and tissue time to stretch instead of ripping.

2) Massage with oil (?), something lubricating in any event. Vaseline perhaps? In Europe, this is done for the month prior to the birth as well... but I just had it done during the birth itself. My nurse midwife explained it likening it to chapped lips. Smile with chapped lips and your lips crack. Add a moisturizing lubricant and you can open your mouth as big as you can with no cracking.

I spoke to my doctor about this, because I had severe 3rd-degree tearing with my first, required 2 layers of stiches, and about 8 months of recovery, and am expecting my second in September. Sex was also uncomfortable, but my doctor was very good and was able to give me lots of advice to help get over the pain (and it worked). Unfortunately, I was told that tearing is more likely the second time around because of the scar tissue from the first tear. However, I also heard that the tearing is often less severe the second time around. I would discuss your concerns with your doctor and ask if an episiotomy would help the situation. Make sure your doctor is aware of the problems with your first birth and thus can be prepared to help prevent that with the second birth. I wish you good luck, and remember that you're not alone!

I did not have episiotomies and had a small tear requiring 2 stitches or less each time. What I read was that depending on how the cut is made (in an episiotomy) that it can increase the liklihood of a larger tear (beyond the cut itself). Imagine a piece of cloth.... just to tear it from the side takes a lot of work... but cut an inch with a pair of scissors and try it again..... it tears a LOT easier then. What I read is based on that same concept. So I chose not to have an episiotomy.

I did not have any issues with healing either time. I had an unmedicated birth, and I couldn't say for sure whether that affected my tearing (or lack of a bad tear) one way or the other. I had a friend who delivered WAY too fast (practically shot the baby out, seriously.. the attending nurse almost wasn't able to catch her!) and had a horrendous tear that she had problems with for over a year. I have heard that epidural labors can have worse tears- like a previous poster mentioned - due to not being able to let your body lead and tell you what to do- it is a conscious decision b/c the staff tells you it's time to push... with "natural" unmedicated.. you do what your body demands at the rate it allows.
I'm pretty sure that my ob did some perineal massage right at the end... but I was rather preoccupied with contractions and didn't really notice.
I had a friend that did Bradley and did the massage oil etc for the months leading up to delivery and did not tear at all.
Try not to worry too much. Every delivery is different.

Cravings are crazy at this stage, but if you can curb those a bit and stick to lots of fruits and veggies, it will help your child not get sooo big that a tear or an episiotomy are unavoidable. Please don't interpret what I'm saying as advice to starve, by no means, just fill up with low fat/calorie foods. Your baby will have all the time after delivery to get nice and plumpy!

Also, there are a number of things you can do about your perineum and they all depend on your willingness to be a little unconventional.

1) Massage your perineum with Evening Primrose Oil. Here is a link on how to massage it. If it's uncomfortable doing it yourself, have your partner do it. I think that you being so close to delivering, twice a day is a must, more is better! http://pregnancy.about.com/cs/episiotomy/a/perimassage.htm

2) Deliver in a birthing center or at home - if your doctor is not open to delivering you in any other position than in the hospital bed - Why? If you use a squatting chair to deliver, you open up 30% more than if you were laying on a bed in a vertical position. Waterbirth is a most wonderful option too. Midwives don't protect the perineum when they assist water deliveries because the counter force of the water does it. Also, the warmth of the water reduces the perception of pain for around 70%! That's why so many moms choose waterbirths!

3) If you are delivering at a hospital, have your doctor protect your perineum while you are pushing.

Hope this helps!

I had two episotomy's, and my husband told me from where he sat, I was going to tear, and they healed without any problem. With my third, I tore, and it was painful for weeks and took a long time before sex was comfortable, just like your experience. I would take the episiotomy, a cut is far more comfortable than a tear, and you don't want to have that experience again!

M.

I tore with my first and had stitches but was fine with the second and had no tear at all , and overall the discomfort afterwards was so much better than the first time round , not everyone tears second time round as the body has been through it before.

Good luck

I just had my first baby 6 weeks ago and had a 4th degree tear...I've healed completely so it may be more of an issue on the repair the doctor does than the tear itself....I was just released this week to resume normal activities so we shall see if intercourse causes any issues!

So sorry about the tearing! I too had an awful tear for my first, (it was a vacuum delivery) and took a very long time to heal.

For my second though, I only needed 2 small stitches and it healed quickly.

Perineal massage helps, and a good ob will do it while waiting for the baby to come.