My middle child is almost 3 (oldest is 16 lol) And i am very determined to teach him to be a responsible (among other things) kid. We are already working on showing him that he can't have everything he wants, he doesn't really ask for much at his age, candy at the store, a toy thats a few dollars. But we've begun using the tactic of "do you have any money?" "We'll have to find ways to earn it, we need to earn things we want" So at home we have him picking up his toys, feeding the fish, I bought him 2 little planters where we are growing daisies and sunflowers so he's learning to water them so they grow.
I'm looking for suggestions. What do you do with such a young child to teach them about earning things, the value, and to be responsible for their things. I've also started saying 'please pick up any toys that you want to keep" etc.
Any ideas, suggestions welcome! Thanks :)
I am also of the camp that says allowance is a way for parents to teach children how to use money, we never use it as punishment. They can earn extra money by going outside of their regular responsibilities. My children get very little allowance (10 CENTS) per year of age per week. But it seems to be enough, and they aren't buying junk every week. Otherwise, you are doing great. Keep it up!
At this age, I just taught by example.
I don't "pay" my child for helping at home. Allowance (started at about age 6) is used for teaching money skills, helping at home is because she's part of the family and we share the responsibility to keep our space and our things nice.
You are already doing some great things, things that are teaching him yes, but he's also having fun. Growing the flowers and feeding the fish are things that he will enjoy.
My two year old loves to help so I have been embracing that! She loves to put dishes away out of the dishwasher so we moved all her cups, plates, etc to a bottom cabinet that she can reach. She follows me around with the dustbuster while I vaccum, and recently she has started "folding" laundry. It's worth me having to do it over again to give her the confidence and joy of being helpful. We just got home this week from the hospital with baby #2 and my oldest is loving being able to get blankets for mommy or kiss the baby to make her happy. It has been great! Just find little things he can help you with. We have already started talking to our daughter about everyone having a job and working together to make things work for our family. "Daddy goes to work to make the money, mommy uses the money to buy food and clothes for us. Mommys job is to take care of you and your sister. When daddy is home from work he works to help mommy take care of you...etc. Your job is to love your mommy, daddy, and sister, and be a good helper/listener"
It sounds like you are off to a good start by asking if your child has money and having him earn it. My youngest is 3 and I do give her allowance. I have stopped buying treats and toys at the store and the kids have to use their allowance if they want candy etc. My kids don't have specific responsibilities they are in charge of each day, but when they get home from school it is "clean up time" and I make a list of what needs to be done, and the 3 year old is in charge of basic tasks.
I think the other 2 things that will help with responsibility are 1- natural consequences (toys left outside will be ruined, toys that are not cleaned up after I ask are taken away, time outs for misbehaviour, etc. 2- leading by example with the money thing. We have started using cash only at the grocery store and for spending cash and the kids "get it" now when it comes to me saying "we don't have enough $ for _" It is so easy for them (and for us, ha ha) to think a credit/debit card means endless money. The kids understand the value of a dollar a lot more when they see it is not endless.
Mine set the table starting at age 3-my girls still use plastic plates, so I let them set their plates (they trade days) and I carry the plates for mommy and daddy to the table and they put them in the right spot. Now that my youngest is four she carries the breakable plates one at at time. They also put some of their clothes away after they are folded, and put clothes in the washer, dryer and then the laundry basket (after we got a front loading washer.) Making the bed-by themselves-it will be wrinkled and all crooked, but they will learn as they grow and they love and are very proud when they do things by themselves.
Teaching about money is waay too abstract for a 3 year old-yes they can understand that things cost money and they can earn money to buy things, but as far as they know a candy bar costs the same as a car. You can give him the $ he's earned when you are ready to shop and go thru and talk about what his $ will buy him-you can afford this, but not that. I also talk about the budget for things like shoes or birthday gifts for friends when I am going to be paying the bill, but they are picking things out, but they really don't understand value yet-even my 6 year old is just beginning to get that.
Good for you btw! There are so many who don't teach their kids responsibility and buy and do way too much for their kids. I try not to clean my kids rooms unless they are cleaning too-yes it's much easier and quicker for me to do it-but they learn nothing that way, except that someone else will clean up their messes-not a good lesson!
Good luck-God bless!
For me, teaching my son responsibility doesn't go into monetary issues or money. I myself feel that this is too much for a youngster to have to concern themselves with, mainly because A. it is abstract and B. they don't have the math skills to support this. I also feel that I don't really have to bring up the subject when my son asks for something. I don't make it about the money, I make it about using our good discretion.
For example, the other day we went to the toy store for some new tub toys we'd discussed getting. (The old ones were pretty gross.) While there, my son asked for a toy that he wanted. I first empathized with this desire for the toy, and then explained "Well, sweetie, our plan was to come here for tub toys, and you have picked some out. Should we remember that this is something else you really like and we'll have an idea for another time?"
Money is only usually mentioned when he's being rough with an object and we explain that if he's not safe/careful with that object (say, daddy's shoe) we will have to spend money to replace it and then there might not be money for toys or other fun treats.
Responsibility in our house comes in fulfilling daily expectations. I expect him to dress himself for school and bedtime. I expect that he will clear his plate and meals, help put away the toys that are out, take care of his toys and tools outside. Responsibility means staying close and playing in the yard when I have garden work to do so that I can do it instead of chasing him down the street. Responsibility is making it to the potty on time (care for one's self), getting dishes for himself when I request them, wiping up messes and spills with rags and throwing all his laundry downstairs for the washing.
I love the idea of teaching nurturing. We're planting peas and carrots this year, as well as some edamame and zinnias. We are excited to make our world beautiful and to grow food. Responsibility is also finding a worm and putting it in the composter, or taking care to not step on the ants, but to watch them. Pulling weeds or digging out a bucket of dirt from our big garden patch for me to put somewhere else-- he's a great helper.
As far as taking care of things, sometimes I remind him: "Well, if you leave x out, such and such might happen to it, and if you choose not to take care of your toy and it breaks, we won't be buying a new one." This is enough for him to hear. If toys aren't put away (big upset on his end, uncooperative) I just tell him 'Well, I see you aren't ready to take care of these toys, so I'm going to put them away for 7 days. We'll see if you are ready to take care of them then." and take them down to the basement. Sometimes, children have too many toys in their room and maintaining this is overwhelming to them. I try to rotate stuff out when I can see it's too much for him. It's all about balancing his 'stuff' and trying to keep balance in our relationship, so I'm not on his case about picking up AND the task of picking up feels do-able for him.
Responsibility is involved in much of what we do, whether it's staying together at the store or being a helper by helping to unload groceries. I think teaching care and maintenance of everyday items--both by example and practice-- is very informative. We ourselves don't have our son 'earn' toys, per se, but sometimes he'll receive a toy to celebrate overcoming a personal challenge. Like blowing his nose-- to celebrate his learning/mastering how to blow his nose, we took a special trip to the toy store and bought that toy he wanted on the previous trip. I myself would like his focus to be on his personal growth and not always 'what's in it for him'. I think focusing on money in this way would likely subvert that for us. All of this that we do is just presented as being part of/caring for our family. Sorry this is so long, and it's a very interesting subject.
We have a chore chart (clean up after herself, brush hair, put PJs on, make her bed, brush teeth, and so on typical care for herself and her stuff). She gets her allowance if she did everything for that week on the chore chart. Otherwise she only gets $1 which goes to church. Now if she wants to earn extra money she has to do something that is not on the chore chart vacuum/sweep (which right now I just have her do where she usually sits since it is hard to maneuver those items), carry in groceries, help weed, help fold laundry that is not hers, and so on... she gets .25 cents for that whole activity.
My daughter is 4 1/2 years old and we just started giving her an allowance of $2.50 a week, and $1 of that goes into her church envelope the other part she puts in her piggy back to save up for something she wants.
She wanted a pillow pet, she did not get one for Christmas but she saved all her Christmas money to buy one. We went to the store to get it, she had her own purse, with the money in her own wallet, picked out the one she wanted and paid for it herself. She was so proud and she treats that stuffed animal with such care and love (usually).
With my son (4) we do goal charts. We do 4 goals that he has to do everyday and he gets stickers on the chart when completed. I like to call it a goal chart rather than a chore chart because we use it to earn things. We determine what he is earning before we start a chart, then depending on how expensive it is we decide how long the chart needs to be (how many weeks). For us, a $5 toy was 2 weeks, he's also done a chart for 4 weeks. He also has things he does to help around the house that are simply expected because he is part of the family, I don't think every chore he does should be rewarded. Good luck, I'm interested in what other answers you get, I'm always looking for new ways to teach this too!
My six year old and 2 year old help around the house with pets, cleaning up their rooms, and household chores. I don't reward them with money or things, I simply explain to them that these are the things that make a house run, and since we all live in the house, we all help make it run smoothly. Throughout the day their various chores are: Pick out their own clothes and get dressed, make the bed (my six year old, the two year old doesn't do this one yet), get their own bowls and cereal (six yr old helps two yr old), put on their own shoes (and when they take them off put them right by the door), they clear and clean the table while I make dinner, put all clean dishes away in cupboards (low ones), put dirty dishes in dishwasher and run the dishwasher, they pick up toys before bath time, bring me dirty clothes from hampers and help run the wash, put away clean clothes after I fold them, feed the fish and the mice, and hold the mice while I clean the cage. My six yr old helps his sister A LOT, with things like getting toothpaste on her toothbrush, unbuckling her from her car seat (I do the buckling, just to be sure!), reaching things up high she can't get, zipping her jacket, holding her hand in parking lots... I spend a lot of time helping my two year old with chores, like squeezing the right amount of soap into the dishwasher, or lifting her high enough to reach the washing machine (even a stool doesn't get her high enough), checking her toothbrushing, helping her reach her dresser drawers... Now that I look at the list I realize how much work my children really do! This came gradually, and I introduced one new thing at a time, but once they start helping around the house they REALLY enjoy it, and are so cooperative and have such a positive relationship with each other and myself. When we have extra cash I will take them out to dinner, or let them pick a treat at the grocery store. When we don't have extra cash I take them to their favorite park for a day, go to the pet store to pet puppies and bunnies, have a backyard picnic, spend an extra long time playing "mommy tickle monster"... When they have been especially helpful, or pleasant I make sure to tell them how much I enjoyed my day with them. When they are doing their chores I point out how quickly the work is going by with all three of us doing something, and say "Since we are done so fast, we now have time for ____." So keep it up, and remember tasks don't have to be outside of the normal work for the house - you can put him to work, and be getting things done at the same time! :)
My son just turned 3 and we are starting to give him an allowance. We got a magnetic responsibility chart and he really enjoys putting the magnets on throughout the day for different reasons. It's also good for him to be able to see the entire week at a glance, and we can talk about things he needs to work on, like putting away his toys. He can earn up to $3 a week, and he understands why he won't always get the whole $3. Yesterday he told me he's only going to get $1 this week cause he didn't try hard enough! haha
A friend of mine sings a cleaning up song with her kids, and my son loved it so we sing it now when we straighten up his bedroom or the playroom. I make a big deal about how nice the room looks because he put everything away.
Sometimes I'll tell him I need his help, and I'll give him a simple chore like gathering clothes in a hamper or putting a couple of groceries away, but I'll make it out to be a much bigger deal. He feels very proud of himself and loves to tell people that he's a big helper!
When he sees something he wants at the store, I'll look it over and say "this costs ten dollars, that's a lot of money!" and he'll hang his head but almost always forgets about it. He thinks $3 is a huge amount of money, so anything much over that he doesn't even bother to fight over!
