Taking His Phone with Him, or Not?

In all of the scenarios you've described, I guess the would eventually resolve without a cell phone, BUT, when you consider what a huge timesaver it is IF he carries it-- YES, it would make sense for him to do so.

But at the end of the day, I guess you can't "make" him carry it!

It's not about him anymore. If you need to reach him for any reason, he needs to have his phone and be available. Otherwise, why does he have one?

I didn't read the other answers so I am probably just repeating what someone else already said, but...

Why does he have a cell phone if he is not going to carry it with him? Isn't the point of cell phones to be able to bring it with you? Would it be that hard for him to get one of those cell phone cases that clips onto his belt loop and just leave his phone in there "just in case"? It drives me NUTS when I try to call my husband to ask him to pick something up on his way home or whatever and he doesn't answer his phone. I would go insane if he never carried it with him. Lol

Sorry - it's NOT NECESSARY. If you are at a fair - you can go to one of their booths and they will page him. What is the problem here?

I am a proponent of cell phones - however - there's a point when they are just a nuisance...and at a fair - they can be a nuisance....and driving??? umm. dangerous....

My husband has a cell phone. He puts MAYBE 5 minutes a quarter on it. How has he used it? When he and the boys went to Boy Scout camp. He called when they got there and called when they were on their way home. Oh yeah - ONCE during the week - as cell phone coverage was "iffy". IF a true emergency had happened? The camp office could have called me.

I think you are over reacting and need to back off. You are worrying about things that MIGHT happen. he does NOT NEED his cell phone.

I think this is a problem which could be resolved with an old-school solution: planning ahead.

Tell him "if you are going without the phone and unavailable, I will need the car with the carseats". Problem solved.

At the fair (I'm assuming you both have watches?): "Let's meet up back here at 3 o'clock, right near the cotton candy vendor." Be prepared to wait 5 or 10 minutes without hearing from him.... old school style. Giving someone leeway on time.

I may be unique (or a dinosaur) but this has always been my thinking on it: if something terrible happens, I will find out eventually, right? If it's something so earth-shattering that I am needed, I will be found, or paged over an intercom. This is one reason I am actually very wary of the idea of giving my son a phone at too young an age. We miss the opportunities, sometimes, to work things out on our own.

Your request for him to take his phone at all times sounds very fear-based to me. It becomes an obligation to always be available. I know that when we went to the beach recently, it was great to be 'out of service area' while we were gone. My husband didn't get any of the annoying little questions from work (which they could figure out on their own) and we just made plans on when to meet up if we separated. No problems. Try, instead, requesting he carry it only when he's the "on call" parent, but otherwise, let it go.

People survived for years without running water and electricity, too. But they sure make life a heck of a lot more convenient!

Just because we did without them for thousands of years doesn't mean they're not a nifty tool now.

Wouldn't it have been great if Breepa had a cell phone with him when he went hunting Mammoth? That way when he got trampled he could have called his wife Losha and maybe she could have come and found him with some medicinal herbs or at least said good-bye to him with their toddler, Zeepa.

Or, you know, if your husband gets a flat tire or in an accident or is running late or stops somewhere and doesn't have change or there isn't a payphone and you need a courtesy call or you need to call him with an emergency or special request.

If he has a phone yes he should carry it. Otherwise it's a waste of money and should be disconnected.

I agree with him that cell phones aren't necessary and that we survived without them for years. I do not have one and have never needed one, and have no plans to get one. What I don't understand is that if he already has one that he pays for why he wouldn't just carry it.

Well, he is not a single guy now.
He has a wife and family/kids.
So he has to think, not only about himself.
But others.
You all.

No, I don't think you are unreasonable to ask that he carry it on him.

And if he does not want to carry it on him, then he will be out of the loop on things, should anything happen.
Once, for example, I was in a car accident with my son. We were merely dropping my daughter off at school.
If I were not carrying my cell phone, I would have been, really in a bad way.
AND if my Husband were not carrying his cell phone on him, I would NOT have been able to tell him, anything. For hours. Because, it took HOURS for us, to even get home and for the accident scene to be wrapped up by the Police etc. And because I could not even drive our car home, after that. It had to be towed. And I had to find a way home, for me and my son.
And, if in this situation, my Husband were not carrying his cell phone on him, he could NOT tell me "why didn't you call to tell me... about your accident."

When you have a family or Wife, you need to be, reachable.

Your Husband, is being selfish. By refusing to carry his cell phone.

I think there is a bit of "both sides are correct". Prior to cellphones being the staple accessory that they have become, there were payphones available everywhere, & someone stranded on the roadside was more ilkely to have someone stop & help, or at least call for help on that person's behalf.

So, if something happens to your husband, it is more difficult to get help now than it was 10-15 years ago.

But regardless of cell phones, couples should have a method of communication in place, where you are staying in touch with each other & are clear about who is doing what, when & where. A lot of people use cell phones as a crutch, or even an expectation. "I called, why didn't you answer, you have your cellphone with you!"

Personally, my husband always has his phone, & almost never answers it, because the ringer is always set to vibrate! So I call over & over & over if I really need to get ahold of him, before he realizes it is ringing. =-)

I think it is reasonable for you to ask your husband to keep it with him, but it is equally reasonable for him to set groundrules so that he doesn't feel 'tethered' to you, with the exception of a true emergency (not just an inconvenience!)

Good luck, & work together to come up with a plan that works for both of you. T.

My husband has a work phone so for the most part they require him to carry it so this is never an issue. Still I don't see why he has to carry it all the time and it seems clear he doesn't want to.

Seems like you just blanket want him to always carry it without any regard for his feelings on the matter and in response he wants to blanket not carry it regardless of whether there are times it makes sense.

Seems to me this is a prime example of pick your battles. Could you take your phone with you so I can call you if I need to take the kids somewhere? I think our phones would be useful at the fair so we can find each other in an emergency? By picking your battles you are saying you respect that he doesn't like to carry it, it will make him more likely to carry the phone when you actually need him to carry it, not when you want him to.
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Okay your what happened made me laugh. Your example is he was one of the last to know you were pregnant because you just started calling people? Um yeah, I never told anyone I was pregnant until after my husband knew. That just kind of shows you are impatient not that he did anything wrong.

Not that I plan on having more kids but I could just see me telling Troy, yeah, sorry you were commissioning a building but since you didn't answer your phone you were the last to know we are having a baby. Yup, that would go over well. :-/

Well if your husband doesn't feel he needs one then you probably shouldn't be paying the monthly fee to have it. Your husband's attitude torwards it makes no sense to me.

I'm not sure I would worry about him safety wise. But I would wonder why he is so obstinate about things that make life simpler for those around him.

We were out of town last week and my husband accidentally forgot his phone at my parents one day we were out and about. It didn't create any major problems, but a lot of small inconveniences could have been avoided if he had had it with him. Exactly like you mention, going one way with one child while I went another with the other child. We were shopping. But had no idea if he'd left the store or where he had gone, or if he was done and gone back to the car to wait. He was in the same boat, not knowing where I was.

Of course, some of that could have been avoided if we weren't accustomed to being able to go separate ways and calling each other to meet back up. We didn't designate in advance where to meet. A habit we've let go since we both have phones, but used to use when we didn't.

If he is taking the only means of transporting the kids and doesn't have the kids with him, then he should be accessible (communication wise).

Maybe rather than explain the logic of it, since he is arguing logic back to you (we got by fine before...), a better approach might be to explain how it makes you feel, and that you would feel better, more calm, more relaxed, if he had it with him so you could reach him easily if you needed to.
Because, honestly, it sounds like a bit of rebellion on his part. The best way to get him to come around isn't going to be to show him how wrong he is, if he is rebelling. It will be to explain how much you would appreciate him doing it FOR YOU. And understand that it WILL be "for you"... not because he agrees with any logical benefits you are pointing out.
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ETA
I also wonder if he is afraid of becoming "one of those men" who is constantly barraged by their wives with messages and calls. My husband always takes his phone (unless he just plain forgets to grab it, which happens), but I rarely call him. He gets more texts from guys at work than from me, generally. He uses his phone to call ME more often than not.

But, he has friends (same age) who almost never use their phones. They also are the group that avoids the newer technology and has no desire for "smartphone technology." He is golfing today with his friend who always has his phone, but always has it turned off and almost NEVER uses it. I know this from his wife. He just doesn't like using it. It isn't specific to her. My own husband gets annoyed sometimes by people leaving voicemails. He has a difficult time navigating through to make the notification disappear.

So, another thought, is it possible your husband is not comfortable with the technology and doesn't want to be forced to use it out of that whole "manliness" thing, where he feels he has to be competent at everything? Or something like that?

Dude doesn't want *incoming* calls...not cool! Hmmmm?

there is a default assumption that everyone has cell phones now, so emergency phones and payphones have practically died out.
yes, your husband should carry one. we DID survive for years without 'em, and also without the internet, air conditioning and vita-mixes. doesn't mean we should eschew them all now.
khairete
S.

You are both right and you are both wrong.

We have survived without cell phones for a long time. There are ways of getting in touch and/or getting messages to people without the phones.

If you have them, you might as well carry it (even if you have it off and just use it for a true emergency) because it makes life easier AND if there is an emergency, first responders can use it to locate emergency contacts quicker.

Either way, stop stressing over it.

**Just read your SWH...really, you went ahead and told almost everyone else before you told him just because it took 5 hours to reach him...really? Shame on you! You couldn't wait 5 hours to tell hubby first? While it was exciting news, it wasn't an emergency and definately could have kept a few hours (or longer if necessary). When I found out I was expecting, my 15 yr old son was with his dad. Hubby and I waited almost a week til he was home to tell him first before we told the grandparents.

If he has a cell phone, why does he not use it?
Why do you not have two cars that fit your car seats?

I see both sides. I do not feel that one should waste money and not use the cell phone. I do see that if he is having fun with his son at a fair, why the need to call? Why not set up a meet at a designated point and time at the fair grounds?

What is his reasoning for not taking the phone? If it's his safety, that's one thing, but if you might need him or his car for the sake of your daughter, then of course he needs to be reachable.

It makes perfect sense that he should carry his phone if you might need the car seats, or he might need to pick up your daughter.

There must be some reason he is refusing -- I'm guessing he feels too controlled by you, so he's passive-aggressively acting out.

I think you solve this by telling him not to take your car with the car seats, for starters.

He sounds like my parents. Both have cellphones and they are always forgetting to take them with, or have them charged or turned on. They mostly use their cellphones for making calls when they are out and about.

I would compromise with him. Ask him if he will take his cellphone in certain situations where he may be needed. For example, when the kids are at camp and you are out of the area. The camp may need to get ahold of an adult in case of an emergency and you won't be available. The rest of the time, let it go.

Haven't read any of the other answers so sorry for the repeat. The cell phone is a handy tool that has been created. I love mine and so does my girlfriend's, but my parents are a whole different story! My mom's boyfriend hates it while she likes it. I know it sounds like he's being unreasonable and everything, but people have different likes and dislikes. Yes it would be convenient at sometimes, but those situations do not happen every second of every day. Everyone has the right to believe in what they do.

And just because he doesn't want to carry it doesn't always mean he i cheating. I just believe he is one that doesn't like the phone. He'll use it when he has to but until then doesn't have a reason for it. Yes he has a wife and children, but have you ever thought he may have an anxiety about it? How often does he actually use that phone even outside the car?

He could also not like the pressuring of it. Just like a child doesn't like to be harped on about this, that, and the other, they'll act out. Maybe he is that way too. Talk to him about it and see why he feels the need to not carry it. Don't pressure him, just try to talk to him. If you press too hard he may clam up so just take it easily. But out of everything, I bet it's the anxiety of it all...Just sayin...

Well, let me ask you this, why does he have one if not to use it? does he take it and use it sometimes but not others? seems weird to me that he would be paying for one but not be willing to use it.

so mostly i'm on your side just trying to figure out where he is coming from.

edited: I wasn't just joking around, why does he have one? If it's because you wanted one and he got a free one, then I get that, if he wanted it bought it and uses it with his buddies then he is being a jerk, if he has a work phone and hates using it all day at work maybe he might not want it during fun times.
There is a lot more to this, if he is generally a nice guy then ok, but if he is jerk a lot and very controlling then this is bad bad bad.

I feel just like your husband. I don't take my phone everywhere, and I'm hopeless at keeping it charged. I have it for work, otherwise I wouldn't have one at all.

It would be easier if he could just take it.

I'm sorry, but I'd be really concerned that something is "up" if he doesn't want to be available to you. Call me an alarmist, but it is more than easy to plug up a phone in the car and just leave it on in case of an emergency or if you need to get ahold of him. And it's beyond irresponsible to not have a carseat that fits the car.

The "it won't happen to me" mentality is flirting with disaster. Look at the news. Things "happen" to people every single day. Good people like your family.

Push him until it gives...

Lol, you were forced to tell everyone but him?? That story actually hurts your argument, but it makes me chuckle. He should have a phone because you have little impulse control? Fun-ny.

You can't make him carry it. He is a grown-up and gets to determine how to use his phone. I hope that you never have the kind of emergency that would actually force him to start carrying it, but that might be what it will take. I think that you will just have to live with the inconvenience of not being able to hear his voice whenever you think of it.

I am speaking as a person who has a cell phone within arm's reach almost 24 hours each day, but I've also gone for months with no phone in my possession. The responsibility of navigating others' expectations of his phone usage might be something that he just does not want to bear. It's a very personal choice, and he has a right to make it.

Why does he strand you at home with a car you cannot use with your children AND no way to reach him?

Makes no sense, unless he really does not want you going anywhere and does not want to be of help in an emergency.

Or he could just be he is truly clueless.

Seems very odd to me.
I hope you have a back up for in case of emergency..
A neighbor, best friend, relatives.

If you have it and pay for it, he should carry it.
It is a huge timesaver...

My husband doesn't like to carry his, either, because of possible long-term health consequences. It drives me batty. My point is why have it if you aren't going to carry it?

I can't picture a car that car seats will not fit. My DH and I had double sets of car seats. The smaller one was kept in the car we didnt' use as much, so you really need to find a car seat that will fit in your DH's car. What if something happened to your car and you needed to take the kids somewhere? Some state departments of transportation will loan parents car seats and car seats do go on sale. You don't need anything fancy, just emergency car seats. As for the phone issue...It depends on where he works. If he works in an office and has a phone there, then there is no need for a cell phone. Some places of work frown upon the use of cell phones, even is just used in cases of emergency. In some places just the frequency of a cell phone that is on will interfer with certain equipment. My cell phone is off right now, so I won't know if someone is trying to call me. They can call my office phone. My DH doesn't have a cell phone. I just call his office phone if there's an emergency or email him. My DS has a cell phone....another story for another day. (DS is a teenager.) I guess our DS is just like us..."What's a cell phone other than for looking cool?" If I go to the store, then I will put the cell phone on. It's not just a guy thing. Some of us women don't care much for cell phones either. I understand it's simplistic technology, so that's no problem. I'm just old fashioned.

I am probably the ONLY person over age 10 in America who doesn't have a cell phone, and doesn't want one. Why do I want to answer the phone while I'm shopping? I don't. Why do I want to answer a phone while I'm driving? I don't. Why do I want to answer a phone when I'm enjoying a meal in a restaurant? I don't.

I am going to get a pay-as-you-go phone to keep in my glove box in case of car trouble while driving, but that's it.

So, I am with your hubby. The world worked just fine when people were not available by phone 24/7. If you separate at the fair, you make a plan on when and where to meet. No problem. If the camp needs to call, I'm sure hubby has an office or other number where he can be reached.

This is a luxury problem.